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11011001 · Jun 11, 2002, 10:11 PM

So, finally, things have gone all to hell with the only girl I ever really liked. She is amazing. Smart, charming, sexy, energetic, beatiful, delightful, charismatic... you know, just one of those people who you just have to be around, one who loves life, is brimming with compassion. Hmmm.... she was just nice to everyone, and not a moment could go bye in her presence without feeling just about the best you have ever felt in your life, even while she was sleeping (in the car guys... on the way back from bowling one night, with a bunch of friends, in the back... nothing bad happened, she was just sitting beside me, and exhausted)

I really, really thought she might be the one for me. She was perfect in every sense, even her flaws contributed to her perfection. You know, she really was so amazing that her presence was even intimidating at times.

She got to know me quite well, then I asked her to grad. It went down hill from there. She could not go with me, i asked too late. It ended up being akward, she wouldn't come to the library at spare with me anymore. That just sucked.

Then things got better for a time. I finally got her to go out with me and the guys, once on the weekend of grad, and then another the guys got her to come to my birthday thingy... (bowling, chilling at people's houses, Tim Hortons)

And she danced with me at grad. Didn't have to ask, it was helped along by her and a friend. And I got a picture with her. This was the first time I ever really held her, and wow, she was amazing, so small, delicate...

And now I have to give her up, I have to get over her. The times we went out were supposed to be to get to know eachother, but they were just too akward. It is hard to talk to someone when they really aren't trying, when they won't make an effort at breaking any weirdness.

Yesterday I spoke to her friend on ICQ. She told me everything that I already knew, that Abby was just to weird about me. So, she said today that she would tell Abby that she had told me to get over her.

This really is the only thing I can do now. Is to get over her, only way I can break the weirdness, and get back to the friends we once were. My last faint glimmer of hope is that if this can happen she might get to know me, come to like me as a friend again. And perhaps if I give her the space, and the freedom, she will come to me. I mean, guys, you have been asked out, and refused, and then eventually started to like the person, were interested in them... this is what I am clinging on too, this phenenoma, and the hope that perhaps we really could work together. I mean if I can feel this way about her, like I have never felt about anyone, maybe there is something more to it. I am a spiritual chap, I believe there is a certain order to the universe, and that some things are just meant to be. This felt right, it felt like it was meant to be.

I got off on the wrong foot, and I need to start this again from the beginning, as a friend, and this time it is up to her. I will be the best friend I can possibly be (I really care about her that much), and to do this, I have to get over her, as much as it hurts me this is the only way, and it really is the best thing for her right now. I mean if she feels just the smallest decrease in stress in her life, then that makes me happy, because she is better off. Damn, I hate to say this, I am too young to say this, but I think I love her.

So. You understand my predicament. I have to get over her. What do I do? Sleep deprivation won't work, I am already an insomniac now, and I have diploma exams next week. How about this, are there any books you can sugest, I am not thinking self help books, I am thinking literature, or movies, things like "Life is Beatiful" or "A midsummer nights dream..."

Sigh...

what about talking to her? ya I will... note or face to face?

boots · Jun 11, 2002, 10:21 PM

Man, is there something in the water these days? It seems to be open season on relationships...

Sorry to hear about it.

Apple Pro Underwear · Jun 11, 2002, 10:24 PM

cure....

COLLEGE GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buck up, college is ******** city

KaptainKaya · Jun 11, 2002, 10:26 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Apple Pro Underwear:
cure....

COLLEGE GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buck up, college is ******** city<hr /></blockquote>I agree. While its not the healthiest, college is great for one night stands and just well, casual sex.

MikeM32 · Jun 11, 2002, 10:28 PM

Weird is right, I never quite "got" the whole romance thing between you and this woman until this post. Movies I'd suggest? Hmmm that gets weirder, A.I. Artificial Intelligence seems to be a good start if you can look beyond the son mother kind of love and project it onto a man woman kind of love (love is love after-all).

I'm not even quite sure I sympathise with you, I mean from this post I take-it that this woman basically liked you but you rejected her at first. After time you grew to like her more and more and now you are infatuated with her, so I really don't understand "why" you need to start from scratch all over again with this "Abby".

I guess if I was trying to drown the sorrows of a life so complex, yet so engineered by myself I'd just drink alot

Mike

Earth Mk. II · Jun 11, 2002, 11:14 PM

First, if you're gonna talk to her, do it face to face or at the very least call. You can communicate alot more with your voice and 'visual language' than you ever will with a pen and paper. Often times, if I tried and write something it would come out sounding too rehearsed and I never liked it... sponintanity can be a good thing.

Talk to her if you want. Play it by ear, and if it's worth it, by all means, continue your friendship with her, if it's not worth it, that's fine, you'll both meet plenty of new people in a few months. I had a similar thing happen to me after my graduation. It bites. I lived. So will you.

Oh, BTW, whenever I have girl troubles, I prefer comidies... <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0151804" target="_blank">Office Space</a>, <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0087332" target="_blank">Ghostbusters</a>, <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0120915" target="_blank">Star Wars: Episode I</a>, <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0088930" target="_blank">Clue</a>, <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0117802" target="_blank">Swingers</a>, <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0118715" target="_blank">The Big Lebowski</a>.. and so on. Hang out with your friends, go out, and don't dwell.

Teronzhul · Jun 11, 2002, 11:14 PM

Well, binary guy, I certainly understand what you're going through. I have a problem, or so I thought for a long time. When I fall, I fall hard. In fact I've only ever really cared about 4 girls at all, and each easily could have been "the one" and sadly I've been rejected each time. Each time I've felt devestated, crushed, frustrated, sad... I'm not much for casual dating, as I find one girl, and latch on. I'm unable to even care about anyone else. They just seem perfect in every way, and as you said, their imperfections just add to the whole. Each one of these experiences has lasted me between 1 and 3 years. 3 years is torture, but every day is torture alone when they are 2 feet away from you, yet completely unattainable. I've tried everything to lessen the pain. Alcohol works only 1 day at a time. Putting space between us just made it worse. Keeping yourself busy just causes the thoughts to come more frequently when you have time to think, and causes them to visit your dreams more often. I decided long ago that Time was the only cure, but with the last girl, I finally decided I would just get everything out. I mean everything. Every emotion, every detail, every last little bit, and it helped. It helped me a lot. I'm not sure about her, I think I may have scared her a bit with the intensity of the emotions. We are still excellent friends though, and I don't think either of us has completely ruled out the possibility of something more down the line. My advice is talk. not online, not in a note, face to face. Make sure she's ready for it though. don't open the floodgates if she has no liferaft. If you are like me though, getting everything out is the only way to go, but she has to be open too, and you have to be prepared to accept whatever she has to say. The good and the bad.

Take all of this with a grain of salt though. I only have 2 years on you if you have just graduated, and I'm certainly not the wisest guy around. Just figured I'd chime in with what helped me. good luck

Timo · Jun 11, 2002, 11:16 PM

Eh, there's no real cure for heartbreak. It'll just hurt for awhile.

Distractions are useful. Don't dwell on the problem. Get some perspective and don't wallow in this stuff; even your life is too short for it.

Apple Pro Underwear · Jun 11, 2002, 11:20 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Earth Mk. II:

Oh, BTW, whenever I have girl troubles, I prefer comidies... <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Title?0120915" target="_blank">Star Wars: Episode I</a>,
<hr /></blockquote>

WildZero · Jun 11, 2002, 11:35 PM

Go get f**ked, you'll feel much better.

APU is right, college will do wonders for you.

Macintosh · Jun 11, 2002, 11:48 PM

The sweet is neveras sweet without the sour. Go see Vanilla Sky. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

nonhuman · Jun 11, 2002, 11:49 PM

In my experience (which is frighteningly identical to Teronzhul's), all it really takes is time. Alcohol, though it may help in the (very) short run, will only amplify what you're feeling now once you sober up (and the easy solution to that is a Bad idea). Thanks to my very strange eating habits I discovered that not eating actually seems to make the pain go away, but unfortunately you can't really do that cause, well, you'll die. The one thing that I've found to be somewhat effective without any detrimental effects is to find something that you can completely focus yourself on. School work can do it, if you're capable of that kind of concentration (which may be hard at the end of your senior year), but if you can find anything at all which you can totally engross yourself in, that aught to help you out for a while at least. Sadly, the only thing that will really make it better is time.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by MikeM32:
A.I. Artificial Intelligence seems to be a good start if you can look beyond the son mother kind of love and project it onto a man woman kind of love (love is love after-all).<hr /></blockquote><img border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" title="" src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" />

Hawkeye_a · Jun 12, 2002, 12:05 AM

The problem: Unrequainted(not returned) love.
The Cure: The next chase

Time heals nothing (as far as feelings go)

She makes you feel so good ? ask yourself this...."do i like feeling the way i do now ?" . See...it's not your problem, it's her's.

Cheer up.

Ciao.

ReggieX · Jun 12, 2002, 12:07 AM

Beer.

and Time.

Often together, often not.

Macintosh · Jun 12, 2002, 12:16 AM

I would say to ask her point blank, "DO YOU ****ING LOVE ME BITCH!?"

MikeM32 · Jun 12, 2002, 12:30 AM

nonhuman is right for speculating ( <img border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" title="" src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" /> ) my post, although freud said something about us men all initially wanting someone "like" our mother so the A.I. reference wasn't so off base for me. The living up to her expectations part anyway

(there you go you have now enterred my cerebral cortex).

But love is love after-all. We feel what we feel. I'm learning more and more to embrace my emotions right now. Oh yeah it's confusing and annoying for some but I *have to* do so, because I've suppressed them almost all my youth.

It's time for me to come out (and no that doesn't mean I'm "gay" either)

Mike

daimoni · 09:53 AM

.

ReggieX · Jun 12, 2002, 12:54 AM

SOMEONE NEEDS A DOSE OF "REAL GENIUS" HINT HINT

Captain Obvious · Jun 12, 2002, 12:56 AM

Oh man are you gonna look back on this in a couple years and roll your eyes in amazement that you ever felt this way. It doesn't sound like there was a real relationship there: You liked her and she wanted to be friends. Sorry she didn't reciprocate but that's the way it works.. someone always likes one more than the other. Just try to be on the other side of that situation next time.

She wasn't THAT great, you are just putting her up on a pedestal. Later once you are in a real relationship that's actually healthy and where the feelings are more mutual you'll understand where this girl fits in the scope of your life. Don't feel sorry for yourself. If its going to be that hard to mend the friendship and if you are going to be pining away for her the entire time then don't even bother. Just walk away for the whole thing. In three months you'll be in college and the shear number of physically available women will boggle your mind. In the meantime have fun and enjoy the summer: Go have a "summer thing" with some girl you won't have to call again after September.

God I forgot how melodramatic highschool was. <img border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" title="" src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" />

RGB · Jun 12, 2002, 01:33 AM

It's all about the friends. When my current GF and I broke up for the first (and only so far) time last fall, I wanted to be miserable the next day. But my friends kept making me laugh and smile throughout the day, those bastards! I couldn't even sulk. But yeah, it's all about getting out and having a good time with friends.

theolein · Jun 12, 2002, 02:13 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by 11011001:
...

So. You understand my predicament. I have to get over her. What do I do? Sleep deprivation won't work, I am already an insomniac now, and I have diploma exams next week. How about this, are there any books you can sugest, I am not thinking self help books, I am thinking literature, or movies, things like "Life is Beatiful" or "A midsummer nights dream..."

Sigh...

what about talking to her? ya I will... note or face to face?<hr /></blockquote>Excuse me for sounding like an old man and a wise arse, but there are a number of things you can do to get over this girl. I'm a lot older and have been left and rejected so many times in my life that I can't remember most of them. You can talk to other people about it. That helps. It helps more if you talk to friends about it and not wild strangers on the internet. If you don't have friends it might be a very good time to start looking for some. Going for along walks is also very helpful and helps to clear the mind, body and soul etc. It's not just for strange people like me. Sooner or later it willpass and you'll find another girl, but don't worry about that now. Just give it time and it will pass. Don't do stupid things like deprive yourself of sleep or drink too much. It won't help you one little bit.

Mastrap · Jun 12, 2002, 02:26 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by theolein:
Don't do stupid things like deprive yourself of sleep or drink too much. It won't help you one little bit.<hr /></blockquote>Theo, what are you talking about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Of course geetting hammered helps. It allows you to wallow in self pity for a night as you should, cry without embarrassment, say things to you mates like: " She'sch wonderful, hupp, there's no other like her, hupp", singing "I will survive' at the kareoke bar without blushing and hopefully in the morning, over a bacon sandwich and a strong cup of tea your infatuation will be gone along with your hangover.

But the best thing, the very best thing to get over a girl - is another girl.

[ 06-12-2002, 02:37 AM: Message edited by: Mastrap ]

BlackGriffen · Jun 12, 2002, 02:48 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by MikeM32:
nonhuman is right for speculating ( <img border="0" alt="[Skeptical]" title="" src="graemlins/bugeye.gif" /> ) my post, although freud said something about us men all initially wanting someone "like" our mother so the A.I. reference wasn't so off base for me. The living up to her expectations part anyway

...

Mike<hr /></blockquote>Is that why you're always banging the maids

.

BlackGriffen

BlackGriffen · Jun 12, 2002, 03:13 AM

Oh dear. Oh bother. My young friend, the binary code, is still torturing himself over this girl? Let me predict your possible futures:

One: She "comes around" and reciprocates your love. You come to learn that she is as imperfect and flawed as the rest of us, and that not all of these lumps can be idealized away. People in this situation tend to resent the person for not living up to the impossible ideal that has been set up for them.

Two: you move on. You tell her, "It's been fun, sorry for making you feel awkward. Farewell." Then you part ways amicably. You don't try to see her or contact her again, since you'll be just like an alcoholic for some time; one drop can lead to a relapse.

Three: You remain deluded, and either get in to a one-sided, and definitely unhealthy, relationship, or she gets a restraining order for the stalker she picked up in high school.

I know my language is harsh, but it's because I've been that retarded over someone, myself. Believe me, if she doesn't return your love (and it seems pretty clear from this series you've posted that she doesn't), it's best to just let her go. You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you think that the best way to a woman's heart is by being her friend. Trust me, I've tried that one, too.

My advice: get yourself a nice, easy, rebound girl, who isn't expecting a relationship, and bang the $hit out of her (or at least have a few heavy make-out sessions).

The doctor says: "Take two p ussies, and call me in the morning."

BlackGriffen

Edit: fixed [i] tag

[ 06-12-2002, 03:16 AM: Message edited by: BlackGriffen ]

BlackGriffen · Jun 12, 2002, 03:19 AM

Don't take this too hard, but, any anime fans out there? Is our friend the binary code more of a Tatewake Kuno, or Ryouga Hibiki?

Is this girl a "pig tailed goddess?"

Sorry, I just couldn't help it

.

BlackGriffen

t_hah · Jun 12, 2002, 03:38 AM

This is unreal. I mean, UNREAL!!! UT!!!

Just kidding. Girls are hard to figure out sometimes.

I went through some rough times myself couple of months ago. I came out of a two and a half year long relationship. I thought that she was the one. I was down. Then I talked to one of my friends. He is some sociology major. He said that guys tend to think about things like this way too much. And that hurts. On the other hand girls just want to have fun. They cry for an hour, then go out dancing with their friend and meet someone "cute". So when I got heartbroken I thought about that a lot.

Make sure that you stay on top of thing bud. There is usually more than one solution to a problem. She might have felt perfect, but what if there are more girls out there that will feel right. Now, what if I am actually not BS-ing? I am not. So play some UT, then call up some friends of yours and enjoy life. Life is too short to be sad!!!

t

theolein · Jun 12, 2002, 04:07 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Mastrap:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by theolein:
Don't do stupid things like deprive yourself of sleep or drink too much. It won't help you one little bit.<hr /></blockquote>Theo, what are you talking about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Of course geetting hammered helps. It allows you to wallow in self pity for a night as you should, cry without embarrassment, say things to you mates like: " She'sch wonderful, hupp, there's no other like her, hupp", singing "I will survive' at the kareoke bar without blushing and hopefully in the morning, over a bacon sandwich and a strong cup of tea your infatuation will be gone along with your hangover.

But the best thing, the very best thing to get over a girl - is another girl.<hr /></blockquote>You're right. A bacon sandwich cures many a broken heart

Actually, to be honest I had a truly sh-it day yesterday. A customer of mine in Munich was threateninig to put a lawyer on me for harassment because I kept on asking him to pay his f**king bill, and last night I read the "True Love" thread and felt so goddamn lonely and buggered (I haven't had any relationship for almost two years now) and went out for a long walk and cried my eyes out.

I felt a lot better this morning.

Mastrap · Jun 12, 2002, 04:18 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by theolein:
 and felt so goddamn lonely and buggered

---snip---

I felt a lot better this morning.<hr /></blockquote>I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry. But -

in order to feel buggered don't you need a relationship of sorts?

Sorry again, I just couldn't stop myself.

Glad you're feeling better, customers can be a royal pain in the proverbial (here we go again). Man, you sure Switzerland is the right pad for you? You don't sound terribly happy there... Despite everything (cost of living, ****ty health service, terrible traffic etc) I can recommend London as a good place to be. Stiff upper lip and all that, old chap.

rjenkinson · Jun 12, 2002, 04:41 AM

<img src="http://www.wfu.edu/athletic/images/sports.jpg" alt=" - " />

go outside and play some sports. you'll be too tired to care afterwards.

-r.

McBear · Jun 12, 2002, 05:32 AM

As for movies to take your mind of it...

Trust me, "Chasing Amy" aint a good one to pick, you'll be reciting the car monologue in you head before you know it.

Maybe "Dunston Checks In"? Monkeys cure more wounds than time ever could.

fobside · Jun 12, 2002, 06:33 AM

CONCERTS! that will distract you. punk bands tend to write about girls a lot but at the conerts, the lyrics dont matter so much. just go and get your energy out.

TonyRado · Jun 12, 2002, 10:02 AM

I gotta tell you, in one sense I long for the feelings that you are experiencing (which I once had too), but in another sense I find comfort/shelter/refuge in the belief that I never again will. Honestly, I think that the most humane thing for mankind is that every single person should be with their first love forever. For me, it's not that I miss the "person" that I was with, but instead it's the blissful and naive "feelings of love" that I once had. For better or worse, experience has a way of eradicating that. As Cpt. Obvious correctly stated, in a few years you'll laugh about this (and with any luck, at the size of her ass too!).

meh, maybe someday Juan & Cheerios will lend me the octopi. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" />

The Placid Casual · Jun 12, 2002, 10:03 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by theolein:
[/qb]Excuse me for sounding like an old man and a wise arse, but there are a number of things you can do to get over this girl. I'm a lot older and have been left and rejected so many times in my life that I can't remember most of them. You can talk to other people about it. That helps. It helps more if you talk to friends about it and not wild strangers on the internet. If you don't have friends it might be a very good time to start looking for some. Going for along walks is also very helpful and helps to clear the mind, body and soul etc. It's not just for strange people like me. Sooner or later it willpass and you'll find another girl, but don't worry about that now. Just give it time and it will pass. Don't do stupid things like deprive yourself of sleep or drink too much. It won't help you one little bit.[/QB]<hr /></blockquote>This is without doubt the best advice...

When I was University I was engaged to a girl I thought was 'The One'... I was head over heels and would have done absolutely anything for her...

At the end of Uni she went back home (a seperate country which didn't help) and despite the fact we had been together for a number of years, it all turned very sour, very quickly...

One day I returned home from work to find the engagement ring had been posted to me, with not so much as a Sorry or explanation that made any sort of sense... I was gutted. She had been talking to me the night before about plans for the future and things, and never said that there was a problem, I was completely betrayed...

I felt gutted, betrayed and was really down. I decided to throw myself into work...didn't help, into partying...didn't help (just amazing hangovers!!). It took a long while to get over it, (I don't actually think you do, you just learn to live with it better...) and things over time got better.

Give it time, don't get stressed about things, talk it through with people, and I'm sure things with the girl will improve...

Peace,

Marc

voodoo · Jun 12, 2002, 11:52 AM

Get to know her, if you want to get over her.

I have fallen in love four times the last five years. Each time I was sure this was it. Heartbreak X5. If you fall in love with a girl who you don't know as good as a good friend then getting to know her better will cure all your illusions aboout her perfection, and help you get over her. She's just human like the rest of us. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just get to know her as a human, not as your future wife or something. You'll see.

And guys, stop advicing people to get hammered as solution to heartbreak. Masterbation, fine, but drugs of any kind ain't good.

It's OK to cry too, once in a while.

TNproud2b · Jun 12, 2002, 12:05 PM

Originally posted by theolein:

Excuse me for sounding like an old man and a wise arse, but there are a number of things you can do to get over this girl. I'm a lot older and have been left and rejected so many times in my life that I can't remember most of them. You can talk to other people about it. That helps. It helps more if you talk to friends about it and not wild strangers on the internet. If you don't have friends it might be a very good time to start looking for some. Going for along walks is also very helpful and helps to clear the mind, body and soul etc. It's not just for strange people like me. Sooner or later it willpass and you'll find another girl, but don't worry about that now. Just give it time and it will pass. Don't do stupid things like deprive yourself of sleep or drink too much. It won't help you one little bit.

ditto to what theo said

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

*promptly hangs self*

theolein · Jun 12, 2002, 12:14 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Mastrap:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by theolein:
 and felt so goddamn lonely and buggered

---snip---

I felt a lot better this morning.<hr /></blockquote>I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry. But -

in order to feel buggered don't you need a relationship of sorts?

Sorry again, I just couldn't stop myself.

Glad you're feeling better, customers can be a royal pain in the proverbial (here we go again). Man, you sure Switzerland is the right pad for you? You don't sound terribly happy there... Despite everything (cost of living, ****ty health service, terrible traffic etc) I can recommend London as a good place to be. Stiff upper lip and all that, old chap.<hr /></blockquote>I would love to get out of this place. Dearly, very dearly. Somewhere where people are normal. (I'm not speaking about myself now) But I need a decent job that pays real money to get out of here. If I do survive this place and get out of here I'll buy you a beer one day.

theolein · Jun 12, 2002, 12:16 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TNproud2b:


ditto to what theo said

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" />

*promptly hangs self*<hr /></blockquote>You didn't troll me????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> I'm shocked, astounded, confused. You have just destroyed my picture of the world.

TonyRado · Jun 12, 2002, 12:28 PM

Will someone at least tell me WTF "buggered" means/is supposed to mean?

*NOTE: this is not a set-up!

undotwa · Jun 12, 2002, 12:46 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TonyRado:
Will someone at least tell me WTF "buggered" means/is supposed to mean?

*NOTE: this is not a set-up!<hr /></blockquote>Buggered is a colloquial term (I think) that means you are tired, hurt, can't be bothered to do something or used in this context 'Bugger That!' can be used to replace f*ck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

finboy · Jun 12, 2002, 12:57 PM

From that master of the sublime, Cecil Adams:

<a href="http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_068a.html" target="_blank">http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_068a.html</a>

I sympathize with you man.

Vanquish · Jun 12, 2002, 01:09 PM

Solution: get to know her FOR REAL (to get rid of the illusion that she is perfect) and if you don't want to --> go out and meet another girl. Pull the plug on your damn computer and go to Parties !

Parties are the best !, go for a long walk and clear your mind, cry (no you are NOT fag when you do this), talk to someone about it. I know what binary dude feels, it sucks and you can't do a lot about except these things. (I recently had about the same thing).

-Vanquish

ism · Jun 12, 2002, 02:09 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Marc2211:
When I was University I was engaged to a girl I thought was 'The One'... I was head over heels and would have done absolutely anything for her...

At the end of Uni she went back home (a seperate country which didn't help) and despite the fact we had been together for a number of years, it all turned very sour, very quickly...

One day I returned home from work to find the engagement ring had been posted to me, with not so much as a Sorry or explanation that made any sort of sense... I was gutted. She had been talking to me the night before about plans for the future and things, and never said that there was a problem, I was completely betrayed...

I felt gutted, betrayed and was really down. I decided to throw myself into work...didn't help, into partying...didn't help (just amazing hangovers!!). It took a long while to get over it, (I don't actually think you do, you just learn to live with it better...) and things over time got better.

Give it time, don't get stressed about things, talk it through with people, and I'm sure things with the girl will improve...

Peace,

Marc[/QB]<hr /></blockquote><pinch of salt>

Aaah yes, time is the only real healer. That and some form of spiteful revenge. It is always best never to be faithful so that when 'the one' breaks up with you, you have the satisfaction of thinking 'well **** you bitch I was never faithful anyway'. Even better if it was one of her friends.

Give things time and eventually you will develop a complete hatred and contempt for females, therefore ensuring that in any future relationship you really won't give a ****.

Treat them with the contempt them deserve and do something better with your life....

....like skateboarding

Being single and going out with your mates is really the best fun you can have, apart from nollies over hips. Sex is over rated as well. just back sure you've got a broadband internet connection <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

</pinch of salt>

dfiler · Jun 12, 2002, 03:11 PM

Don't know if it'll help but here's my story:

For two years I was dating a girl I was convinced might be 'the one'. We broke up last week. :-(

My first real relationship ended a couple years ago on Valentines Day... Dating for a year, I brought her flowers, blammo! I'm dumped. This first dumping hit me hard. I ended up on meds and seeing a counselor.

I spent a lot of time thinking about my life and personality. What else are you gonna do when nothing is interesting and you don't feel like hanging out or even watching TV. Turns out, it wasn't just the loss of my girlfriend that was getting to me. I was lonely not only for a girlfriend but also for friends in general. I came to the conclusion that while time _will_ heal a broken heart, I wanted to improve my chances of finding 'the one'. I started approaching friendships and relationships in a more deliberate manner. I realized that I wasn't doing the things that would lead to a lifestyle or life that would make me happy in the long run. Just like people don't want to go to work (or school for students) everyday, we don't always feel like working on our emotional well-being.

As is probably true for many on these boards, I'm somewhat introverted in social environments. However, after forcing myself to go out and meet new people even though I didn't really feel like going out... not only did I meet new people but I also made more friends. I was still sad for quite a while but I felt like my life would be waiting for me when I snapped out of it.

Eventually, I also forced/found myself doing things you might find listed in a self-improvement book. I read, I went to the park a lot, went biking, went on walks, started doing yoga, pushups, sit-ups... I figured, what the hell, might as well be doing something good if I'm not having fun.

And you know what? It worked! (sorta) Good enough to get me through one dumping and into a two-year relationship. (started doing yoga again last night)

Sure enough, everyone who said �you'll look back on this (the dumping) as a blessing� was right! I now can't imagine myself with my first true love. Not only that but it spurred me to think about what it would take to make me truly happy in life. Perhaps you can use this heart-break as a turning point too.

Don�t expect to find a �replacement women� immediately either. You know what you want, now work for it! How long does college and a career take before you land your dream job? The same is true for relationships. Just make sure you�ve got a crew of your real friends around to make getting through �school� or �work� in the here and now pleasant. Just as you can learn a trade, you can learn (perhaps subconsciously) how to get the woman you want.

Lastly, although you may feel like crap right now, you will feel better! Almost everyone goes through this at least once in their life. Thank god it didn�t happen to you at 45 with two kids and a dead-end job! ;-)

darrin filer
( my parents are both psychologists � so I ended up with a degree in math � does it show ;-)

11011001 · Jun 12, 2002, 10:36 PM

So today was better. Last night was about the first time that I have actually slept well and long for I don't know how long, seriously, I can't tell you...

Wow. Sleep made a massive difference, and my dreams were weird, all about sorting this out. I kind of forgot how important sleep was for this kind of stufff, gets rid of a lot of baggage if you know what I mean.

But the thought that I am free is a tremndous relief. I haven't really been like this for a long time, since before grade 3 actually (childhood romance/infatuation, where we didn't see or talk to eachother for years at one point. I talked to her on ICQ, and realized I hade wasted my time). So ya, I am free. I don't have to think about any girl right now, every time I think about Abby, I just crush the thought, and think about something else, like summer, and how completely great it is outside.

Um. Drinking, that is ok for getting rid of it for the night, but come morning, man, one really gets depressed, something to do with it being a depressant and all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> I did that friday after going bowling with her, she just seemed so distant, and I don't know... so they got me hammered, and I was rambling on... come saturday I was so unbelievably depressed.

And AI. Ya, that is a good movie, and that's love. It really got me how a machine could love more than a human could, really great statement I think.

And I agree. I hold her way too high up, but there is plenty of reason to do so. I gotta be realistic though. So I will get to know her again.

Ack. I can't fall in love with another girl though, it screws me up too much. It totally changes me, I can't be myself when they are around, because I fear not being what they are looking for. That is why I think I just have to be friends with Abby. I can live with that. She is really cool, and to tell you the truth I was happier when she didn't know I liked her, when she was just my friend. I want that again. Maybe this time we will start off on the right foot, but I won't expect anything. Expectation kills.

Almost feel like saying that I will never commit myself to another girl, but I can't help but think that the right girl will come along, and it is my hope that all this suffering over the girls between is worth it.

Posting on a forum about this? I do it because my friends are my age, and my close friends have never really dated. That's what this is for, for some wise, grown up advise.

I saw her in physics today, and I can't get over how beatiful she is. It was like she wore the best thing she could just to turture me, but honestly I felt less today, I actually felt somewhat normal in her presence.

And ya Mike, it seems that she did like me at one point. I mean she flirted with me so much, I liked her then, but I did not seriously think I had a chance with her. Get this, she actually wanted to put my hair in a bun (it's really long...). It was that day in the hallway when she grabbed my arm that got me, when I thought, wow! she is amazing, this feeling is like completeness, I just don't know how to describe it... I says to myself.

But it was unhealthy, I live in my head so much, I just thought things over, and way far into the future. I was way beyond where she was, that was part of the reason I failed I think.

God, Teronzhul , you sound like almmost a mirror image of myself, the resemblance is uncanny. I feel for you man, because you are me!

"The sweet is neveras sweet without the sour. Go see Vanilla Sky. " Macintosh... I agree. Life is suffering, it gives it meaning. It would suck without it. Geesh, sounding more and more like a budhist.

I agree theolein, walks/riding my bike is an awesome thing, it really clears the mind. I will give this time, and convince myself that I don't need to feel anything for her anymore. But this is made easier by the possibility we will stay friends, I don't loose her entirely.

BlackGriffin, you advice is solid. It is real, and I agree with it. If she remains my friend fine, if she reciprocates one day then all the better. But in the meantime I can loose my high image of her, and get to know her, not my version of her, but from what I know, I still love that version of her. I liked it back before I really got infatuated. And a rebound girl? Hmm... a good looking nice chick gave me her number, maybe I will go out with her... but that is kind of using her. Well whatever, gives me something to get my mind of Abegaill... sigh

And TonyRado, you got me scared. I am starting to sense this within me. This idea that my idea of love is just something of my youth, that it will wear off one day. One cure for that I guess, gotta read more shakespeare, no matter how much it's endless themse of love depresse me at times.

Marc2211 that is heartbraking. I almost feel ashamed for posting this knowing that there are people out there suffering a 1000x's over anything that I might be feeling. Again, I learn that one has to be selfless. Give more than they recieve. Unfortunately, I am so incredibly young and naive that I am not much help at all. If you haven't found it already, look for the beauty in life, it's there, and it can be so utterly overhwelming at times that one can be completely lost in it. Kind of hard to do so when a chick is on your mind, but give it an hour in the woods, or in the country, in the summer, and you can feel complete and utter peace for as long as you have the time for. Honestly, this is better than anything drinking can ever do. You feel at ease for as long as you are saturated by it (beauty), and unlike beer, the feeling lasts a long time, and really does change your outlook on life. This is the way it was with Abby at the beginning (same sort of feeling), but then it got dilluted with expectations and all that crap that seems to be associated with relationships, even if they are one sided.

dfiler your right. A person can't make it without friends, I have friends, but I tend to turn down invitations to parties and all that. And really part of my problem is that i have never choosen a friend, I always wait for them to choose me. I think this is why it was so akward with Abegail, because I had never really tried to get to know a person before, let alone made an effort at any sort of relationship with a girl. Everyone that I know has done the work for me, I just went along with it. I have to learn how to make friends for myself I think, and make some initiative in any of my relationships. True I enjoy my own company more than groups of people, but I think I enjoy just being with my friends more than being alone at home by myself. So, I will nip this problem in the butt, and actually make an effort to be other people's friends... not the other way around.

You all keep talking about time, this is also what one of her better friends told me, to give this time, even when we were sort of going out she told me to give it time. So this is what I will do. Give it time, let her lead the pace, but so as not to be a hypocrit I will still make an effort at this, I can't let her do it all, but she will lead.

This is so long now, I have been coming back and forth to it all night, which is why I have probably missed some of the later posts, so I don't remember if I am repeating myself, but I will take a lot of you people's advise and actually get to know her. I will be her friend, as good a friend as I can be. I can be happy with just this, seriously, she is that great. And I will get rid of these intense feelings about her to achieve this. I may go out with that other girl, I don't know. But most of all I will give it time.

I think I will talk to her tomorrow. Tell her where I stand and where I stood. My intentions to continue to be her friend and to get to know her, to get off on the right foot this time. I will probably tell her how I feel and felt about her, everything pretty much, and I will do it slowly and as elequently as is possible for myself, to make it easy on her. However, I will always keep in mind how the things I will say will affect her, and shape them accordingly. My goal is not to freak her out, but to get all this crap out in the open so that it can all just "blow" away, and allows us to really be friends.

But I don't know, I am still kind of lost about her. It is hard to get over her in so short a period of time, I don't know. I am struggling with it, still need your advise.

And sorry everyone, I tried to address every post in the things that I responded to, and the things that I said to specific people also applied to other posts. I really was suprised when I sat down and found 46 replys! I didn't know you guys cared so much for the binary man... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

So really, you guys are incredibly wise, and I am glad to have taken some of your wisdom to heart. I thank you for this.