[andi*pandi]

All midwesterners are either mama's boys who can't tie their shoes themselves, or woman hating wife abusers. The women are stupid enough to think "it's nice to be needed," as they tie their 30-yr-old son's shoes and make him a sandwich.

All flatlanders (you know who you are) are out to ruin the rural areas by taking them over, making "country" style cutesy, building outlet malls and closed communities, and raising the rents/prices so that regular folks can't afford to live there.

enough vitriol?

[clRagnarok]

at least my state was never invaded by the British

[xi_hyperon]

Originally posted by andi*pandi:
<STRONG>All midwesterners are either mama's boys who can't tie their shoes themselves, or woman hating wife abusers. The women are stupid enough to think "it's nice to be needed," as they tie their 30-yr-old son's shoes and make him a sandwich.

All flatlanders (you know who you are) are out to ruin the rural areas by taking them over, making "country" style cutesy, building outlet malls and closed communities, and raising the rents/prices so that regular folks can't afford to live there.

enough vitriol?</STRONG>

It seems the rabies clinics in Newton are ongoing through June; don't worry, you've still got plenty of time.

&lt;xi ducks quickly&gt;

Wait! Don't hit me! It was just a joke! I'm sorry!

[andi*pandi]

&lt;growl&gt; pht! phhht! reowr!

[C33]

Originally posted by Leia Shoots Like a Girl:
<STRONG>

They are also Jew hating Natzi's. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!</STRONG>

well of course we are. it's our god given right to hate the jew and it even says so somwhere in my special german bible. oh don'g get me wrong, i got nothin gainst the jews; after all, they're almost human. they just have to be reminded of their place from time to time, that's all.

[Subzero Diesel949]

All L.A. drivers are crazy...

[chris v]

Originally posted by itomato:
<STRONG>
Mac users are a bunch of weak computer users with no desire to understand anything more complex than 'click-click'.</STRONG>

I was at a copy shop that rented computer time a while back and two oriental women were trying to figure out the intricacies of their by-the-hour Macintosh. One looked over the other's shoulder the whole time, and in her best back-seat-driver voice kept exhorting her to "Doubre crick! Doubre crick!"

How come the stinkin' godless commie Chinese can't tell an L from an R?

CV

[clRagnarok]

ok, that was hilarious

[hytek]

Orginally posted by Moderator:

Oh ya...how many slaves do you own?

I didn't own any slaves and none of my family owned any slaves, f*ck wad.

Originally posted by Maxelson:

And southerners are overtly bigoted neanderthals. We here up north are covertly bigoted. But cultured.

If that's what you believe. It seems every time there is a race riot it's up north, like in Cincinnati or New York.

Originally posted by mavapa:

hytek, I am afraid I must out you. You cannot really be from the south if you say cornbread is sweet. Cornbread is not sweet. Yankee corn something or other is sweet. It's fine, I like that sweet stuff, too, but it isn't cornbread. Sorry to blow your cover.
Some British pronounce the words "gnaw" and "nor" the same (more like most in the US say nor). Some Bostonians do the same.

And you don't know your a$$ from a hole in the ground. You take Martha White cormeal, eggs, and milk like you make regular cornbread, but you add sugar to the batter. So don't be sorry you blew my cover because you didn't, I'm not hiding under any. Although, I now know you can't cook.

[MikeM32]

Do you realize how many New Jersey guido's and guidettes are still in mourning that Pontiac and Chevrolet are discontinuing the Camaro and Firebird? Don't even get me started on those friggin Bloomfield chicks Too many friggin Gina's

Seriously though where I live you can't go 2 blocks without running into both a Diner and a Pizza place.

Anyway here's a real poser........what's better New York style Pizza or Chicago style?

Hmmm I gotta vote for New York style myself. I'm not a big deep dish/crust fanatic.

Mike

[ringo]

Neil Simon moved to LA about fifteen years ago, then moved back to NYC after a year. Asked the difference, he replied, "When it's 32 degrees in New York, it's 78 in Los Angeles. When it's 102 degrees in New York, it's 78 in Los Angeles. There are about two million interesting people in New York -- and 78 in Los Angeles."

[maxelson]

Originally posted by clRagnarok:
<STRONG>if the unitarians were in charge, we'd all be holding hands and singing. thank god for those crazy muslims</STRONG>

How can you tell if the Unitarians are pissed off at you?
They burn a questionmark on your lawn.

[maxelson]

Originally posted by hytek:
<STRONG>


And you don't know your a$$ from a hole in the ground. You take Martha White cormeal, eggs, and milk like you make regular cornbread, but you add sugar to the batter. So don't be sorry you blew my cover because you didn't, I'm not hiding under any. Although, I now know you can't cook.</STRONG>

OK, LOWtek- joke thread. Humor. Funny. Not serious. All in good fun. Look up "irony" please. Let's not get all rancorous. Fun. Allllll about fun.
Now go brush yer tooth, hominy boy.

[maxelson]

And now, please let's discuss Actors . Hrm. Hactors, more like.
The following is a transcription of a conversation that took place at a rehearsal last evening. Lest the online community be smaller than I thought, the said rehearsal is for a theoretical show of theoretical title in a theoretical location with a theoretical community theater group with whom I am currently theoretically performing. Theoretically speaking, of course :

�Hey. Can I discuss a few... I have some character... I want to discuss Hamlet with you.�
�Ok.�
�I have some ideas that I need to... I need to run these past you so..�
�OK.�
�So. Hamlet.�
�Yes.�
�So. Here�s what I...�
�Why are you...�
�Motivation...�
�...oh.�
�So here�s what I see: Hamlet is troubled...�
�Yes�
�...he�s troubled and the idea is to find out what...�
�Well...�
�...what is the probl...the issue with him.�
�Well, yes, but there�s...�
�OK. So. I wrote up this whole history of Hamlet...�
�Of Hamlet...�
�Yes and I began with the birth of him and I�d like to play it for...�
�Wait.�
�...for you to see if...�
�No. Wait. Wait. Hamlet.�
�Yeah.�
�A �history��.
�Yeah.�
�...why.�
�Why?�
�Why.�
�Well. So I can play the character in a full three dimensional...�
�The character...�
�Uh-huh...�
�The character is...�
�No. Wait. The character is confused.�
�Yes.�
�HE cannot decide.�
�Yes.�
�If he should take his revenge on...�
�Yes.�
�On the king.�
�But...�
�But? There�s a �But��?
�Yes. The reason he takes... or does not take his revenge is... well, it is complicated. See, for this we need to go back to Hamlet�s childhood.�
�I�m sorry. His child... his... ummm... huh?�
�Right. See, back when... see, I want to put a kind of contemporary spin on this... a zeitgeist if you will on... see, we need to bring his motivation into the present. Make the character- me- more identifyable with today's aud...�
�I�m sorry. Waitaminit. A zeitgeist?� What is that?�
�Well, it is from the German it means...�
�...I know what it means. I know what zeitgeist means. What I am asking is...�
�So Hamlet�s childhood was... stormy. His mother was distant his father was cruel...�
�Cruel?�
�Yes, cruel.�
�Old Hamlet was cruel?�
�No. Hamlet�s father was cr...�
�Hamlet�s Father.�
�Yes.�
�Hamlet�s father was Hamlet, the OLD Dane. Hamlet... his name was Hamlet... also... as well as young Hamlet... so there's Old Hamlet and Young Hamlet.�
�Really. Are you sure that... Where do you...nevermind. It is incidental. So. Hamlet�s father... Old Hamlet... was cruel. Sometimes he even beat... OK. He often beat young Hamlet and he...�
�Beat Hamlet.�
�Yes.�
�Beat him.�
�Yes.�
�You�re kidding.�
�...no. And this goes to the very heart of his indecision. You see, Hamlet hated...�
�Oh, my God, don�t say it.�
�...hated his father and therefore sees his father�s death as kind of a cosmic justice- a karmic thing, if you will... and it goes directly to the maltreatment of Ophelia as this kind of cycle of violence and abuse that is often perpetrated... also the same thing with his mother for whom he shows utter contempt in the bedroom scene�
�What about the lines?�
�What?�
�...the lines.�
�Which lines?�
�Well, you know. The lines where Hamlet kind of... well, talks of the nobility of his father and his love for him �countenence from this to this� and �noble brow� and �trappings and suits of woe�, �I shall not look upon his like again� and all that? You know. The lines. Shakespeare�s lines."
�Well. I mean, do they really point out Hamlet�s love for...�
�I�d say they do. Yeah.�
�Oh.... well... we can just cut those, right?�

I am just not kidding. Really. Brooding actors. Hate 'em. Let's follow with the "speak the speech" soliloquy. They guy does "not think Hamlet would say these words".
Oh. So. What. Shakespeare was... incorrect about the assessments he made of the character he...uh... CREATED?!?
"What's my motivation"
I hate that phrase.
"Your motivation is to go over there and say the line as written as I told you to say it or you're fired."
Once. Just ONCE I'd LOVE to hear that.

Ever seen "Waiting for Guffman"? Ohhhh, yeah.

[mavapa]

Hytek, for your homework tonight, please discuss the concept of humor in an essay of 200 words. If you cannot recognize humor, please read, or have someone read to you, the posting of Maxelson:

"OK, LOWtek- joke thread. Humor. Funny. Not serious. All in good fun. Look up "irony" please. Let's not get all rancorous. Fun. Allllll about fun."

If you do not have 200 words, please ask the little boy next to you to lend you some.

[hytek]

Originally posted by Maxelson:

OK, LOWtek- joke thread. Humor. Funny. Not serious. All in good fun. Look up "irony" please. Let's not get all rancorous. Fun. Allllll about fun.
Now go brush yer tooth, hominy boy.

Whatever.

I posted earlier saying I'm from the South and that I think most people up North don't know how to cook anything but meat and potatoes, not very damaging I would think, and in return I get called a slave owner by Moderator, a uncultured overtly bigoted neanderthal by you, and then somebody else called mavapa wants to try and discredit me and prove I'm not really from the South. Now you want me to believe this thread is just all about "good fun" and "irony" there theater boy, well I don't think so. "Good fun" and "irony" are just good excuses to hide behind and say what you want about somebody in a discussion such as this thread.

[hytek]

Mavapa, the whole "you don't know your a$$ from a hole in the ground" over the cornbread thing was a little much, and for that I apologize.

But I don't apologize for responding to being called a slave owner or a bigot over me saying that some northeners can't cook.

[Moderator]

If that's what you believe. It seems every time there is a race riot it's up north, like in Cincinnati or New York.

It's awfully difficult to riot when you're in chains.

(P.S.) If you don't appreciate the humor...get out of the stereptype thread...I believe there's a politically correct joke thread around here somewhere)

[ 03-20-2002: Message edited by: Moderator ]

[xi_hyperon]

Originally posted by hytek:
<STRONG>Originally posted by Maxelson:


Whatever.

I posted earlier saying I'm from the South and that I think most people up North don't know how to cook anything but meat and potatoes, not very damaging I would think, and in return I get called a slave owner by Moderator, a uncultured overtly bigoted neanderthal by you, and then somebody else called mavapa wants to try and discredit me and prove I'm not really from the South. Now you want me to believe this thread is just all about "good fun" and "irony" there theater boy, well I don't think so. "Good fun" and "irony" are just good excuses to hide behind and say what you want about somebody in a discussion such as this thread.</STRONG>

hytek, if you notice, this thread is sort of a free-for-all, poking fun at each other as well as ourselves. Everyone knows you don't have slaves. It was a joke, don't be so serious. peace.

[hytek]

It's awfully difficult to riot when you're in chains.

(P.S.) If you don't appreciate the humor...get out of the stereptype thread...I believe there's a politically correct joke thread around here somewhere)

Neah, I think I'll stick around and enjoy some of this good humor.

[mavapa]

OK, Hytek, let's start fresh.

This question is for those on the forum who are of the northern persuasion.

"I doan think you from aroun' heah, are you, boah?"

For us in the South, the previous sentence is actually, "I don't think you are from around here, are you sir?" It's hard to get them dang yankees to pronounce words the right way, so I'm trying to translate to their funny dialect.

[Moderator]

attaboy hymen..

now tell me how we elect drunks for senators, or how our preists are chesters, or how we put white athletes on pedastals, or how I can't spell, c'mon..our mayor can't speak English. our accents make us sound like uneducated trash...we don't know hospitality worth sh*t...

[mavapa]

Yew tawk fuunny

[Moderator]

All Mac users are whiney liberal yuppies.....evidently with the exception of that hick over in the NRA thread...who will only refer to black men as "you" or "boy"...or "you boy"

[ReggieX]

Originally posted by maxelson:
<STRONG>
"What's my motivation"
I hate that phrase.
"Your motivation is to go over there and say the line as written as I told you to say it or you're fired."

Ever seen "Waiting for Guffman"? Ohhhh, yeah.</STRONG>

Guffman was awesome, truly. But have you seen "Living In Oblivion?"

That's why we (Visual Arts) made fun of the Theatre majors all through university. They got laid more though. Puffy-shirted sluts, all of them!


&lt;SIMPSONS&gt;
"Your manager said for you to shut up!"
"Vera said that?"

[Lerkfish]

(btw, I appreciate the humor intent of this thread...wanted to get that out of the way)

by way of my contribution I have an actual anecdote:

When I was looking at and test-driving cars I went to a lexus dealer (not that I can afford one, but I was curious and wanted to test drive one). The white salesman is hovering over me as I try to fit in it. Surprise, the luxury car doesn't have enough head room (I'm 6'4" and most of that is torso), no big deal, so I start to get out of the car, and I say "gee, you'd think a luxury car would have more head room".
His response "its made by those squinty-eyed rice-eaters, that's why"
uncomfortable silence, my wife and I look at each other.

Not a good way to sell a car. (of course, the joke was on him since I didn't intend to buy one anyways, but woah...its weird to actually see that up close and personal)

[maxelson]

Originally posted by hytek:
<STRONG>

Neah, I think I'll stick around and enjoy some of this good humor.</STRONG>

Hang or not. If you're in, you're welcome. If you're just going to add rancor, well, hit another thread where the rancor is rampant. If you do not find any humor here, I'm sorry.

[maxelson]

Originally posted by Lerkfish:
<STRONG>
...His response "its made by those squinty-eyed rice-eaters, that's why"
uncomfortable silence, my wife and I look at each other.

Not a good way to sell a car. (of course, the joke was on him since I didn't intend to buy one anyways, but woah...its weird to actually see that up close and personal)</STRONG>

OK, now THAT'S Ugly. Didja slap him? Was he Texan?

[andi*pandi]

oooh, here's another one:

all French Canadians have bunkers in their back yards, fully stocked in preparation for the day the revolution comes and they finally throw out the goddamned British.

The bunkers are funded by American French Canadians, who sympathize with their distant cousins.

[xi_hyperon]

Originally posted by maxelson:
<STRONG>

OK, now THAT'S Ugly. Didja slap him? Was he Texan?</STRONG>

Could be a native Arkansan too... they're all a bunch of xenophobes.

[ 03-20-2002: Message edited by: xi_hyperon ]

[maxelson]

Originally posted by xi_hyperon:
<STRONG>


Could be a native Arkansan too... they're all a bunch of xenophobes.

[ 03-20-2002: Message edited by: xi_hyperon ]</STRONG>

Oh, yeah. That's true, too. Well, we might's well simplify this right now: Lerk- didja slap him? Was he a southerner? 'Cause, you know, ALL Southerners are xenophobes... and homophobes... me, I'm a billybobophobe. I hear dueling banjos and I just set tuh runnin'. Then they look and say, "whut intuh thet baw?" And the reply, "he dun r-u-n-n-o-f-t." de-de twangtwang-twangtwang-twangtwangtwaaaaang

[Moderator]

Originally posted by maxelson:
<STRONG>

"whut intuh thet baw?" And the reply, "he dun r-u-n-n-o-f-t." de-de twangtwang-twangtwang-twangtwangtwaaaaang</STRONG>

Your writing is very Twainesque..where did you study?

[Moderator]

Originally posted by maxelson:
<STRONG>
"whut intuh thet baw?" And the reply, "he dun r-u-n-n-o-f-t." de-de twangtwang-twangtwang-twangtwangtwaaaaang</STRONG>

hytek..can you translate that for us?

[xi_hyperon]

Originally posted by maxelson:
<STRONG>

me, I'm a billybobophobe. I hear dueling banjos and I just set tuh runnin'. </STRONG>

Not me, I back away slowly, 'specially if they're smilin' at me.

[edited for maligning the tags]

[ 03-20-2002: Message edited by: xi_hyperon ]

[Lerkfish]

Originally posted by maxelson:
<STRONG>

OK, now THAT'S Ugly. Didja slap him? Was he Texan?</STRONG>

naw, I did the Memphis Pimp-slap...you know, the kind where your hand starts in Arizona and sweeps up the interstate hiway system until you're goin 75 in a 25mph zone and by the time the palm connects with the jaw, its a moving violation and roughly tranports the receipient to Stinking Moose Saskatchewan with his head twisted 4 feet in the mud and his ankles dangling.

Er...at least that what I WANTED to do.

[mavapa]

Oh, oh, a xenophobe! I just love to hear people play them xenophobes, with them little drumsticks and all. They cute, but I don't think they real musical instruments.

[maxelson]

Originally posted by Moderator:
<STRONG>

Your writing is very Twainesque..where did you study?</STRONG>

weeeel, I dun tended Ole Miss fuh thet eduhcashun uv the hii-uh type.
Then I went to a "Northern" University to learn how to speak and write and generally act human. It meant having to give up my last tooth in favor of a full set, not to mention a new routine of bathing regularly and accepting all kinds and cultures and, of course, then there's the all important switch to Dawinism... but these are sacrifices we are willing to make.

[maxelson]

Originally posted by Moderator:
<STRONG>

hytek..can you translate that for us?</STRONG>

[maxelson]

Originally posted by mavapa:
<STRONG>Oh, oh, a xenophobe! I just love to hear people play them xenophobes, with them little drumsticks and all. They cute, but I don't think they real musical instruments.</STRONG>

ROFL!
mavapa, you just kick ass. I mean it. You're good folk.
See, now, hytec, mavapa has what we in our country call "a well honed sense of humor". THAT's getting into it!

Now, what is the geographical diference between "yew" and "yuh". Is "y'all" or "yawl", I guess, across the board down there or what? Of course, to us fish stink muck raking covertly bigoted and oh-so-superior Swamp Yankees (generic term for OSNEers, for certainly, only a VERY small quantity of folks in southeastern New England can legitimately claim to be so), "yawl" means something TOTALLY different.

[mavapa]

Hey Maxelson, you shed all those quaint, backwards southernisms, but you still pronouce Darwin like a southerner("Dawinsim")?

Actually, dropping the "r" is common in only parts of the South. In other parts, it is actually overemphasized ("r-uh").

[maxelson]

Originally posted by Lerkfish:
<STRONG>

naw, I did the Memphis Pimp-slap...you know, the kind where your hand starts in Arizona and sweeps up the interstate hiway system until you're goin 75 in a 25mph zone and by the time the palm connects with the jaw, its a moving violation and roughly tranports the receipient to Stinking Moose Saskatchewan with his head twisted 4 feet in the mud and his ankles dangling.

Er...at least that what I WANTED to do.

</STRONG>

Hee-hee. You said "saskatchewan"... hee-hee...

[andi*pandi]

he dun r-u-n-n-o-f-t.

Nice "O Brother Where Art Thou" reference!

My other favorite:

...ain't got time for one at a timin'! We's MASS communicatin'!

[maxelson]

"We're in a tight spot, boys!!"

the other favorite- not so much the line as the IMPECCABLE delivery:
"What's gotten into you, Delmar?"

Charming little Appalachian film showing those charming little Appalachians and their charmingly rustic ways. Not realistic, though. Too many teeth.

[Timo]

Originally posted by maxelson:
All Finns are from Finland. So there.

I turn my back for just one minute...

[andi*pandi]

yes, and they bathed too often for realism, too.

[Timo]

Originally posted by maxelson:
[QB]Oh. And as long are getting all acerbic and all- Rhode Island. What the frig is it good for?]

Now he's bustin' on little Rhody, sheesh...

[maxelson]

Originally posted by Timo:
<STRONG>

Now he's bustin' on little Rhody, sheesh...</STRONG>

HEY! Look who's back! I knew I smelled green bean hot dish!

[Moderator]

Rhode Island. What the frig is it good for?

mob / mob wannabees / corruption / raunchy strip bars...no more..no less

[maxelson]

See? Exactly that is my point. Was I lying? Huh? Not for nuthin', but it IS true... criminals. Buddyland. Feh.

[BlackGriffen]

Originally posted by MikeM32:
<STRONG>Do you realize how many New Jersey guido's and guidettes are still in mourning that Pontiac and Chevrolet are discontinuing the Camaro and Firebird? ...

Mike</STRONG>

"How can you tell if your baby is a guido? He won't suck on the pacifier unless you put hair on it." -- John Leguzamo's comedy routine.



BlackGriffen