[jarends]

Ok, my roommate this year is basically a worthless human being. This was his first year of college, while I had been in school a while, so rooming with a freshman was bad enough.

Anyway, he became a psycho fratboy, incredibly rude, and offensive. Pledging like reprogrammed him.

He doesn't go to class. He's stupid. Everything he's been taking is at the 000 level and only 12 hours per semester. 15 thousand dollars later, I bet he has like 9 credit hours that count to his name.

He's loud. He does about 5 things at once. (Watching tv, playing music, computer game and IMing all at once). If I'm alone in the room listening to music, when he comes in, he turns his on louder.

Funny thing is there really are no hostilities between us. He's so unaware/so much of a jerk, that he doesn't get it. Initially I talked to him about his inate rudeness, and he did change for a while, but now he has 5 or 6 fratboys with him at any given time, so its just easier for me to leave and/or say nothing because its unlikely I'd win.

With school drawing to a close in the next few weeks, I'll never see this guy again except for maybe in passing, so at my friends' suggestion, the time is ripe for "doing something to him."

So, what should I do to him? It can't be illegal, or get me into trouble in any way, but he's a worthless POS, and I want to get him back for being an inconsiderate bastard.



I have a single room next year, so I'm looking forward to that.

[ 04-17-2002: Message edited by: jarends ]

[nonhuman]

Replace his pillow with a sack full of rabid prarie dogs.

[ringo]

Epoxy everything he owns to whatever surface it usually sits on. Alarm clock, phone receiver, stereo, shoes, computer, etc, etc.

[Ozmodiar]

well he probably uses a pc, so when he's not there just get into his registry and start randomly deleting things.

[jarends]

yup. windows me. what do you suggest?

[Ozmodiar]

well nothing specific. just go Start -- Run -- regedit.exe

Then delete a file here, a directory there: it could very well render his computer useless. And if you can't delete something, you can probably rename it and it will have the same effect.

On a side note, I had a horrible roommate first semester. So horrible that I moved accross campus into a new dorm this semester. I'm pretty sure living with that f<bleep>er took years off my life.

Do your worst.

[jholmes]

Terrible shame y'all don't have fire ants up north. They are great for this sort of thing.

[11011001]

Originally posted by ringo:
<STRONG>Epoxy everything he owns to whatever surface it usually sits on. Alarm clock, phone receiver, stereo, shoes, computer, etc, etc.</STRONG>

I agree with ringo... epoxy everything.

Or perhaps epoxy him to something! Drug him, and stick him to the wall? Ceiling? Toilet? The window?

Or replace all of his music with porn music? Hide playgirl magazines in his bag, books, or some place where they will easily fall out during class

This one is cruel. Take his car keys, stick them in some road kill that you leave by the door, and leave a note saying where his keys are, and go away for a while.

[C33]

get his parents number. call them, tell them you are his boyfriend.

but wait, there's more. tell them you are concerned and hurt because he's so promiscuous and never wears protection and want them to talk to him about it before he catches something that could put you both at risk. and then there's the fact that he''s so unhappy in a man's body; you've been trying to talk him out of a sex change operation but he won't listen to reason.

i'll admit that you'll have to be a good actor, probably fake some crying, but you will feel so good afterwards.

[Captain Obvious]

Yeah but this situation is common, I say its like this for about 50% of dorm people. Shitty you got stuck living with a freshman but thats the risk you took when living in w/o a room mate preference from the previous year.

But what I have seen is that this situation is not so one sided. I am betting there is a history of passive-aggressive behavior. Small little incidents on both sides probably were done purposely to just piss the other guy off. So go ahead and do something but don't complain when it gets worse as he retaliates.

[Phanguye]

piss in his bed

[suprz]

revenge is a meal best served cold. you could always do the ultimate, bang his girlfriend. (that is of course, if this loser has one...)
but i wouldnt do anything too soon, it would to too blatent that you did it. just get him when he least expects it! but i also second the motion to f$%k up his pc! open it up one night and turn the power supply switch to 220 and watch what happens! (happened to a friend of mine, the hd was spinning so slow it wouldnt boot) and damn hard to figure out. you can hear the hds spinning and you know it isnt fast enough, so you figure it is bad and you have to replace it..... it was only by accident did we see the switch had somehow gotten switched

[ 04-17-2002: Message edited by: suprz ]

[goatnet]

My frat's big brother and I were always at each others throats. He would do something to me, I'd get him back... Each time, it got worse and worse. I finally drew the line. I like fishing... I always take my Igloo cooler with me for some ice cold suds... Well, I wanted to go fishing one afternoon, and I grabbed all my gear, including my cooler. I stopped at the beer store, bought a six pack and opened my cooler to discover my big brother took a huge smelly dump in it (it was one of those nice ones that seals really well).

If something like that is a little extreme, wear a pair of underwear for like 2 weeks straight, and make sure there are "dually" skidmarks on that sucker... Cut a slit in his pillow, remove some stuffing and insert that noxious BVD into it.

Not that I've done that...

[mavapa]

Shake his hand and say goodbye. Life is too short to make enemies that you don't have to make. And a few years from now he might end up being your boss.

[Xtopolop]

Wait 'til he does his laundry. Just after he's started the load, add some dye to the machine. You could also throw in a red item of clothing with his whites .

[cdhostage]

Wait til he stumbles home drunk one night, passes out, stuck your d�ck in his mouth and take a picture!

Make hi give you money for it before you send copies to his parents and distribute them around campius.

[Millennium]

Following the directions on this node on Everything2 will get results, particularly if you suspect the least bit of homophobia in your friend, but it is very cruel. I would suggest that a better route subtly frightening him.

Perhaps the best way to do this is to incessantly play with Transformers, and then when asked about it reply in a maniacal voice "They're more than meets the eye..." This does, however, involve some cash outlay if you don't have Transformer toys already.

[Aragorn]

Ok this one is ruthless but it would be funny. Find some boxers/briefs or whatever he's going to wear (while he's in the shower or something) and put icy hot all over the front end of the pants. Woo boy. lol.

Aragorn

[BTP]

Icy hot! I say god-damn!

Why not just go to the registrar's office and withdraw him from a few classes? Mabye the ones he's passing?

I'd tell you all what I did in a similar case, but I have to wait for the statute to run out.

[cheerios]

I empathise... my freshman roomies this year were horrible.. the 2nd one i had to leave, i just couldn't stand her! Anyway, as for revenge, I wouldn't sweat it. If he's being that much of a dick, he'll get taken to task next year when he's living in the house w/ the bros.

[jarends]

All his brothers love him. It's a big old gang of idiots. I probably will just let him be, as there's nothing I can do to him that isn't illegal.

He's a pain in the ass, but I'll be done with him soon.

[skeedog98]

I am a fan of the piss in the bed way of handling these situations. My freshman year my roomate and I lived by that rule and we got along very well and became great friends. People on the hall thought we hated each other cause we would yell at each other across the room, and threaten to piss in each others beds. We always let the other know when they were doing something that was upsetting us. We even lived another year together till he changed schools. The problem may be passed this. Ground rules like this probably have to be set from the beginning.

My girlfriends freshman roommate was awful. Never went to class, slept all day, stayed up all night with the lights on. She made a mess of the room all the time. There was stuff all over the floor. It was completely embarrasing, you couldn't walk without stepping on something and risking your life. There was food lying around and my favorite was the trash around the trashcan. She tried to talk to her but never could get the point across and eventually had to move out. In the end the girl failed out went home and had a baby. That is all you can hope for in these situations sometimes, especially when they carry on for so long.

[cheerios]

Originally posted by skeedog98:
<STRONG>I am a fan of the piss in the bed way of handling these situations. My freshman year my roomate and I lived by that rule and we got along very well and became great friends. People on the hall thought we hated each other cause we would yell at each other across the room, and threaten to piss in each others beds. We always let the other know when they were doing something that was upsetting us. We even lived another year together till he changed schools. The problem may be passed this. Ground rules like this probably have to be set from the beginning.

My girlfriends freshman roommate was awful. Never went to class, slept all day, stayed up all night with the lights on. She made a mess of the room all the time. There was stuff all over the floor. It was completely embarrasing, you couldn't walk without stepping on something and risking your life. There was food lying around and my favorite was the trash around the trashcan. She tried to talk to her but never could get the point across and eventually had to move out. In the end the girl failed out went home and had a baby. That is all you can hope for in these situations sometimes, especially when they carry on for so long.</STRONG>

Mine left her thongs on the floor... There's just something wrong about explaining to the guy over to work on a project with you to ignore the thongs, your roommate's a pig. A frat little-sis pig, to boot! And SPOILED... both of em were!

[Scrod]

Get some of that stuff you spray on plants to keep deer from eating them--the pure hot sauce extract stuff--and put it in his cologne.
Of course there are many, many, many, many, many evil, insidious things you could do to his PC. Though from your description it doesn't sound like he's the type of guy who would care a great deal about the sort of things that happened to his computer.
If you know he's got 10 gigs of MP3s or something, you might want to skip the software abuse and go straight to repeatedly banging the HD on the table. Physically it'll look just fine but he probably won't even get it to boot. (Oh, and make sure to thoroughly destroy any backups he has, too.)
There's really no limit to what you could do.

[Scrod]

Oh, and by the way, you're very close to me--I'm in Evanston!

[Captain Obvious]

Originally posted by Scrod:
<STRONG>Oh, and by the way, you're very close to me--I'm in Evanston!</STRONG>

Jarends.. You go to NU?

Well, if that is the case then that changes everything. Northwestern isn't anyplace one should have to deal with people wanting to party. Yeah, mess with the guy. This is a school where at 8 A.M on Sunday people are in the dorm hallways reading up for the following school-week. And rightfully so. Its a great school and should be choke full of more than average academic people. That drinking-partying lifestyle that prevails at other schools isn't what that place is about. And I am being serious. If you choose a school you should know what you are in for and if you accept that you should be entitled to that social realm.
For instance if you go to ASU then don't expect to get an education equivalent to that of an ivy league school and if you go to Yale then don't look for parties out of the movie Animal House. So if this guy is trying his hardest to go against the grain up in Evanston then give him your worst.

By the way what's with all the animosity from all of you towards people who rushed?

[Scrod]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious:
<STRONG>

Jarends.. You go to NU?
</STRONG>

Jarends appears to attend UIC. I saw that he lived in Skokie, which was why I said I was near him.

[ 04-18-2002: Message edited by: Scrod ]

[Fyre4ce]

While he's in the shower, take all his clothes and put them in garbage bags, and leave the room completely devoid of anything he could cover himself with - sheets, whatever. Then take it and leave.

[�]

Find an old microwave, remove the door. when he is asleep, slowly put the microwave over his groin and turn it on. At least you will help future generations by taking this guy out of the reproductive circle.
is this legal? I don't know !

anyway, giving him an overnight makeover while he is sleeping will also be funny. Just make sure you remove all mirrors so when he wakes up and goes to school, he doesn't notice the paint and lipstick on his face.

haha, and grafdually mix steroids thru his food, so he grows breasts to accomplish it.


[ 04-18-2002: Message edited by: � ]

[G Barnett]

Here's a very subtle one, and I don't quite know how it'll work with only one victim. Let me explain.

'Tis a variant of the "Icy Hot" in the shorts, but with a far different effect -- one which may be far crueler. Anbesol. Put that wonderful topical anesthetic in his shorts. He'll be horrified when his nether regions go completely numb.

My original concept for Anbesol required two victims: an overly horny roomate and his girlfriend. The idea is to put some Anbesol in their *ahem* lubricant. Sudden numbness while making out strikes me as far more disturbing than the burn of Ben-Gay or other such substances. Alas, I never got to try it out.

Let me know how it goes.


G Barnett

[jarends]

Yeah, I do go to UIC and like it because its a fairly quiet school most of the time. My roommate and his buddies probably generate 90% of the noise on campus at any given time. I'm serious about that.

If you want to party constantly at an illinois state school, UIC is not the place for it. Everyone I know is either engineering or premed.

This guy really should have gone to ISU or SIU or UIUC, but UIC is just not a good place for him to be.

I also know some people at NU, and while its a great school, I know I could never spend that much time studying, I'd go insane.

Remember, while this guy drives me insane, it's not like I sit in my room and study. Oh no...

[ 04-18-2002: Message edited by: jarends ]

[digimage]

Originally posted by cdhostage:
<STRONG>Wait til he stumbles home drunk one night, passes out, stuck your d�ck in his mouth and take a picture!

Make hi give you money for it before you send copies to his parents and distribute them around campius.</STRONG>

Even better, wait til he's asleep and rim his mouth with whipped cream. Then go to sleep with the covers down and your underwear off. Let him figure it out when he wakes up.

Or: superglue his asscheeks together the night before you leave.

[�]

insert a virus on his computer that randomly puts foul language in his papers, just after he clicks "print document".
It's also funny to put his tv-set's menu-interface into an oriental language. And that of his monitor.
Can't you get some agricultural stereoids in his food that will make him fart poison gas while he is asleep?
How about glueing a gun into his hands and call the cops? Glue flies on his face, or put blood in his hair so he attracts more than girls (dogs and flies)
Put his name on a shemale contactsite, as flavour of the month. See what kind of sicko's he attracts then.

[MGossett]

Or: superglue his asscheeks together the night before you leave.

...And feed him nothing but beans that night...



-Mike

[Xaositect]

When he's passed out drunk (NOT a mickey in the drink, drunk I tell you! ), put him in a dress and pour vaseline down the back of his shorts.

You, of course, know nothing. He should ask the guys who dropped him off last night. No you didn't ask their names, he should have before going on a drunk with them. And you do not want them to bring the sheep in with them next time (act pissed at the disturbance waking you up in the middle of the night). Try to keep questions to a minimum.

Not technically illegal......

[KaptainKaya]

Sh*t your pants and place the soiled duties under his bed.

[mike one]

just beat the crap out of him, that would make me laugh the most!
pummel him into oblivion!

being a UofC student i haven't had the pleasure of dealing with too many fratboys, thank God. i dealt with enough as an Undergrad.

there are a billion things you could do. i would go to a public computer, where you don't have to sign in with a username, then go subscribe his email to 8 million spam lists, pron lists, buy.com, amazon, etc...

if you don't like his music, poke holes in his speakers.
piss in his shoes.
put glue in his shampoo.
put poo in his shampoo.
i don't know, be creative. and most of all don't get caught.


edit: invite me over when there are 5 or 6 of them over, and let me kick their collective ars$. i'll wear a skimask, and escape under cover of darkness, like the southside ninja that i am.


[ 04-18-2002: Message edited by: mike one ]

[�]

i almost forgot,

***put amino-acid indicator in his after-shave.***
maybe you remember it from chemistry, but a reagens (indicator) like this colors brightpurple when it detects the amino-acids in his skin.

it will last for months !! (if not years)

[UNTeMac]

What frat is he in?

As for what to do to him, buy a cheap webcam and hide it in front of his bed and wait for his girlfriend to come over. What next? Broadcast it on a secure server! Even charge a dollar or so per user account so you can make some money.

[BlackGriffen]

Originally posted by �:
<STRONG>i almost forgot,

***put amino-acid indicator in his after-shave.***
maybe you remember it from chemistry, but a reagens (indicator) like this colors brightpurple when it detects the amino-acids in his skin.

it will last for months !! (if not years)</STRONG>

Better revenge through chemistry! Isn't there a chemical called methyl blue, or something like that, that will make him piss purple or blue if you pour it in his drink?



Let's see... C33's idea sounds like a good one (extremely difficult to trace, big hassle, etc). Downloading viruses on to his computer also sounds like fun. The voltage switch idea is pure genius. When you know he's bringing his buddies over, bring up some gay porn on his computer and leave it prominently on screen. You could also swap some bubblegum pop or some other type of music he hates in to his music mix. Set your alarm clock, loud, for 5 AM or so. Hide his deo, esp. before a big date. Let a fish rot in a bag, and put it in his stuff when he packs, with a really small hole in the bag. Slip gay porn in to his stuff while he packs. Use a hypodermic needle to inject anesthetic or hot ice stuff in to his condoms. Itching powder in the underwear is a classic. Replace his shampoo with cooking oil. I don't know if the hand in the warm water thing will work, but you could always piss in his bed while he's sleeping there (probably wait for him to be passed out drunk); quick enough so as not to get caught, of course. Make a bunch of AOL IM accounts (if that's what he uses) and use the warning feature on him until he can't log in (or whatever their punishment is). When he's gone, if he leaves his computer on, IM all his friends with really rude things, or even better, start making him close "personal" buddies in a gay chat-room or whatnot. You could also find (or plant) pirated software on his computer and denounce him to the anti-piracy inquisition (M$ should work best) (this one could be just a little too low ). Submit his paper to some paper database before he submits it for a class, and email an "anonymous" tip to the prof that you heard him bragging about getting his paper online. If he's under 21 and comes in drunk, you could always report him for some kind of alcohol violation. Shoe polish has some definite possibilities. Slip a butt plug and some gay porn in to his luggage. Lots of things, but be careful because some of these things will definitely get you caught, which may be my trick on you .

BlackGriffen

[Paco500]

If he is flying home, slip a dildo into his carry-on. It worked on the Drew Carry show.

Paco

[�]

What is you guys obsession with gay-porn and gaysites? Aren't shemales a lot worse for a developing frat-ego? Times are changing..

[MrNo]

I would piss in his drink and then tell him after a few days.