[Stephen.S.]

Subject: Marine Corps C-130 pilot having fun in Iraq

"There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I'm sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting. But that's neither here nor there.

The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2004, folks, and I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology. Namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130 Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system (MWS). The MWS conveniently makes a nice soothing tone in your headset just before the missile explodes into your airplane. Who says you can't polish a turd?

At any rate, the NVGs are illuminating Baghdad International Airport like the Las Vegas Strip during a Mike Tyson fight. These NVGs are the cat's ass! But I've digressed. The preferred method of approach tonight is the random shallow. This tactical maneuver allows the pilot to ingress the landing zone in an unpredictable manner, thus exploiting the supposedly secured perimeter of the airfield in an attempt to avoid enemy surface-to-air-missiles and small arms fire. Personally, I wouldn't bet my pink ass on that theory but the approach is fun as hell and that's the real reason we fly it.

We get a visual on the runway at three miles out, drop down to one thousand feet above the ground, still maintaining two hundred eighty knots.

Now the fun starts. It's pilot appreciation time as I descend the mighty Herk to six hundred feet and smoothly, yet very deliberately, yank into a sixty degree left bank, turning the aircraft ninety degrees offset from runway heading. As soon as we roll out of the turn, I reverse turn to the right a full two hundred seventy degrees in order to roll out aligned with the runway.

Some aeronautical genius coined this maneuver the "Ninety/Two-Seventy." Chopping the power during the turn, I pull back on the yoke just to the point my nether regions start to sag, bleeding off energy in order to configure the pig for landing.

"Flaps Fifty!, Landing Gear Down!, Before Landing Checklist!" I look over at the copilot and he's shaking like a cat shitting on a sheet of ice. Looking further back at the navigator, and even through the NVGs, I can clearly see the wet spot spreading around his crotch.

Finally, I glance at my steely-eyed flight engineer. His eyebrows rise in unison as a grin forms on his face. I can tell he's thinking the same thing I am: "Where do we find such fine young men?"

'Flaps One Hundred!' I bark at the shaking cat. Now it's all aimpoint and airspeed. Aviation 101, with the exception there's no lights, I'm on NVGs, it's Baghdad, and now tracers are starting to crisscross the black sky.

Naturally, and not at all surprisingly, I grease the Goodyears on brick-one of runway 33 left, bring the throttles to ground idle and then force the props to full reverse pitch. Tonight, the sound of freedom is my four Hamilton Standard propellers chewing_through the thick, putrid, Baghdad air. The huge, one hundred thirty thousand pound, lumbering whisper pig comes to a lurching stop in less than two thousand feet. Let's see a Viper do that!

We exit the runway to a welcoming committee of government issued Army grunts. It's time to download their beans and bullets and letters from their sweethearts, look for war booty, and of course, urinate on Saddam's home.

Walking down the crew entry steps with my lowest-bidder, Beretta 92F, 9 millimeter strapped smartly to my side, I look around and thank God, not Allah, I'm an American and I'm on the winning team. Then I thank God I'm not in the Army.

Knowing once again I've cheated death, I ask myself, 'What in the hell am I doing in this mess?' Is it Duty, Honor, and Country? You bet your ass. Or could it possibly be for the glory, the swag, and not to mention, chicks dig the Air Medal. There's probably some truth there too. But now is not the time to derive the complexities of the superior, cerebral properties of the human portion of the aviator-man-machine model. It is however, time to get out of this
shithole.

"Hey copilot, clean yourself up! And how's 'bout the 'Before Starting Engines Checklist".

"God, I love this job!""

[Spheric Harlot]

I never knew killing people could be such a fun sport.

[wvx]

Originally posted by Spheric Harlot:
I never knew killing people could be such a fun sport.

Cutting down terrorists would bring a smile to my face.

[demograph68]

Being in a plane so far away from the enemy and the actual bloodshed must be comfortable to know. Desensitizing indeed. Thank God he wasn't in the Army, that's for sure.

[demograph68]

Originally posted by wvx:
Cutting down terrorists would bring a smile to my face.

Iraqis are terrorists? Nevermind the innocent casualties though.

[wvx]

Originally posted by demograph68:
Iraqis are terrorists? Nevermind the innocent casualties though.

The ones that blow up car bombs or IEDs... do you disagree?

[SimeyTheLimey]

Originally posted by Spheric Harlot:
I never knew killing people could be such a fun sport.

The C-130 is a transport plane. It's unarmed.

The description is about being scared of antiaircraft fire. Planes are vulnerable to missiles when landing and taking off.

[An Alias]

Originally posted by SimeyTheLimey:
The C-130 is a transport plane. It's unarmed.

The description is about being scared of antiaircraft fire. Planes are vulnerable to missiles when landing and taking off.

That's a good thing in my books, least it lets the Iraqis get a shot in.

[An Alias]

Originally posted by wvx:
The ones that blow up car bombs or IEDs... do you disagree?

They have every right to defend their country in any way they see fit; just like how the invaders can use any arms on people as they see fit.


One side uses misiles to kill, the other uses car bombs, go figure.

[Stephen.S.]

Originally posted by Spheric Harlot:
I never knew killing people could be such a fun sport.

A sport? Shooting deer is a sport. Shooting people is quite different. They shoot back!

[SimeyTheLimey]

Originally posted by An Alias:
That's a good thing in my books, least it lets the Iraqis get a shot in.

I bet you are mystified why we ignored the opinions of people like you this week.

[Logic]

Originally posted by SimeyTheLimey:
The C-130 is a transport plane. It's unarmed.

The description is about being scared of antiaircraft fire. Planes are vulnerable to missiles when landing and taking off.

Some of the C-130 are transport planes. Others have been modified to become gunships. Armament includes a 40mm Bofors gun and a 105mm howitzer.

They are officially called AC-130 but are often referred to as just C-130's.

[Spheric Harlot]

Originally posted by Stephen.S.:
A sport? Shooting deer is a sport. Shooting people is quite different. They shoot back!

Sarcasm-impaired, I see.


Simey, I wasn't aware that the gunship version had a different designation. Thanks to Logi for clearing that up.

[i_rooster]

garbage

[DeathToWindows]

mildly amusing... i'd be sicker than a dog

[SimeyTheLimey]

Originally posted by Spheric Harlot:
Sarcasm-impaired, I see.


Simey, I wasn't aware that the gunship version had a different designation. Thanks to Logi for clearing that up.

Indeed. The AC-130 is the gunship varient, which is much rarer than the ordinary C-130 transport. The AC-130 is only operated by Air Force Special Operations, not the Marines. This one was clearly just an ordinary unarmed transport plane. That's why the pilot talked about delivering "beans and bullets," which is slang for military supply cargo. The gunships do not carry cargo.

I have never heard an AC-130 being called a C-130, at least, not by anyone in the military. The other name for the AC-130 is the Spectre. It's also somtimes nicknamed Puff the Magic Dragon, but that is actually a misomer. Puff was an earlier gunship called the AC-47 (based on the DC-3).

[The Oracle]

Topic, begone with you to the Polwar lounge!

[Buckaroo]

Originally posted by Logic:
Some of the C-130 are transport planes. Others have been modified to become gunships. Armament includes a 40mm Bofors gun and a 105mm howitzer.

They are officially called AC-130 but are often referred to as just C-130's.

I have also heard them referred to Puff the Magic Dragin. I don't recall if it was the nickname of one plane or all C-130 Gun Ships.

[wdlove]

The C 130 can also be configured to carry casualties for further treatment.

[Stephen.S.]

Originally posted by Spheric Harlot:
Sarcasm-impaired, I see.

Having spent my life in the Marine Corps, I took no joy in doing some of the things I was asked to do. God forbid you're ever put in the situation where you have to shoot someone. If so, I think you'd better understand my response.

That said... your sarcasm is acknowledged.

[Spheric Harlot]

Originally posted by Stephen.S.:
Having spent my life in the Marine Corps, I took no joy in doing some of the things I was asked to do. God forbid you're ever put in the situation where you have to shoot someone. If so, I think you'd better understand my response.

Indeed: God forbid.

I don't think I could. Some people aren't cut out for it - me included. It's the reason I conscientiously objected. Then again, a whole lot of people aren't cut out for wiping quadraplegic's arses, which for me was a welcome alternative to learning how to kill people.

No offense.

-s*

[ShortcutToMoncton]

I hate horribly used similies.

[alphasubzero949]

This thread sucks.