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How Bad Is This?
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Stoneham, MA, USA
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How terrible is it to tell a recently-engaged girl that you think she is making a mistake?
I know I have given basically no context at all. And that's for a reason. Based on just that one line description of the situation, how bad is this?
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
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It depends.
HTH.
Sorry. Couldn't resist. They're likely not interested in hearing the "truth", and will (either correctly or not) rationalize away anything you say.
Or not... it depends.
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Hilbert space
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Ugh, that's a tough one. I've seen some people end friendships because of relationship advice, but on the other hand, if you really care for that person … I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut.
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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: UK
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I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Just west of DC.
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Thats what happens when the little head does the thinking for the big head.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: The Rock
Status:
Online
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Originally Posted by subego
They're likely not interested in hearing the "truth", and will (either correctly or not) rationalize away anything you say.
Bingo. Unless you've got the sort of evidence that comes from hiring a private dick to take pictures of him smooching unknown broads outside the local Hilton - and if you do, well, awesome, I`ve only seen that in movies - then she's 100% going to have to figure it out herself, and you bringing it up will only damage your relationship.
Of course when she does figure it out, she`s going to ask in a vaguely accusing manner why you "didn't say something". Just start coming up with a good explanation now.
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Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: 888500128, C3, 2nd soft.
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Depends upon what kind of mistake.
If he's two-timing or something like that, yep.
There are mistakes people need to have made in order to be able to believe you when you tell them.
That may not be your business.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Back in the Good Ole US of A
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My general rule of thumb is "mind your own business". Unless you fear for her safety, just leave it be. It will work itself out.
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
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Depends on how well you know the girl, and the fiance, or more likely, how much she looks to you for advice. If you insult her twoo wuv by implying he's not good enough, a slacker, etc, all you're doing is getting yourself uninvited to the wedding. If you have hard evidence of something worse, then... I would tell her in the most gentle way possible.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Nashua NH, USA
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You can't. You could suggest she take things a little slower. It's the "honeymoon" period that needs to pass. It's tough because we've been breed not to be reasonable about this.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: UKland
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If it's hard and fast evidence the other person is having affairs, is into illegal stuff then a "You do realise..." speech may be in order.
If you just really don't like the guy, he's a hippy and you hate hippies (republicans, surfers, dog owners... insert as required) or feel he's just "not right" for her, then it's not your call.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
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Calling all hippie, republican, surfer dog-lovers... I require to insert something.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Stoneham, MA, USA
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I appreciate how you all assume that he is a bad guy and i'm trying to save her. Now I will instantly change the whole vibe of this thread by saying that, i think she's making a mistake because I think she should be with me.
Commence cliché-ing!
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Shaddim's sock drawer
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"I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a
nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character." - M.L.King Jr
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: UKland
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In that case tell her that. I think that if she thought she should be with you then she'd know it and you'd know she knew. These things are rarely a surprise other than in 3rd rate movies.
Still good to say though if only so you know you did.
Good luck.
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This space for Hire! Reasonable rates. Reach an audience of literally dozens!
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Hilbert space
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If you are really into her, open your mouth, go all in now, but then accept whatever her decision is.
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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: 888500128, C3, 2nd soft.
Status:
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I suggest going to MacRumors for a second opinion.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2001
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Originally Posted by l008com
i think she's making a mistake because I think she should be with me.
Well you've been a member of this forum since 2000, so I assume you're over 14.
Ask yourself: Will this be good news for her? Will she drop everything for you because you are a millionaire rock singer movie star super awesome guy? Do you think she got engaged to the other guy knowing she's settled for second best? Do you imagine she's just waiting for a call from you?
If the answers to these questions is yes, then go right ahead.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Just west of DC.
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Sounds like a lack of reality.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Back in the Good Ole US of A
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wikiHow has your answer: How to Deal With Unrequited Love
Honestly though. That scene you've played out over and over in your head (the one where you admit your true feelings and she responds in kind) only happens in movies. Best to move on.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
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Originally Posted by l008com
Now I will instantly change the whole vibe of this thread by saying that, i think she's making a mistake because I think she should be with me.
Originally Posted by Waragainstsleep
Anonymous letter?
P-P-P-Problem SOLVED!
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Detroit
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Louisiana
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This is going to go so well.
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Games Meister
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eternity
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Originally Posted by l008com
Commence cliché-ing!
No shit. Ultra cliché would be that she doesn't even know you have feeling for her yet.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Your Anus
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My sig is 1 pixel too big.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Stoneham, MA, USA
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Originally Posted by Face Ache
Well you've been a member of this forum since 2000, so I assume you're over 14.
Actually I signed up the day after I was born. I got bored sleeping in a plastic bucket all day.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Shaddim's sock drawer
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Women know how we feel, from the moment we first meet them, "Hi, I'm male and I want to bone you." Honestly, she would have changed things if she felt the same. Not trying to be harsh, but that's how it is.
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"I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a
nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character." - M.L.King Jr
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Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: inside 128, north of 90
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How firmly in the friend zone are you? Do you want to still know this person, even if she crushes your feelings?
Nothing to do but say it, but brace yourself for pain.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: UK
Status:
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Originally Posted by ort888
What is this from and was Mike Myers deliberately paying homage in Wayne's World 2? (It was 2 right?)
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I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: 888500128, C3, 2nd soft.
Status:
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That's from "The Graduate", with Dustin Hoffman. Classic (and the source of Simon & Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson").
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Standing on the shoulders of giants
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Originally Posted by Cap'n Tightpants
Women know how we feel, from the moment we first meet them, "Hi, I'm male and I want to bone you." Honestly, she would have changed things if she felt the same. Not trying to be harsh, but that's how it is.
No. Sorry but the majority of the women that I meet, I don't want to bone. My social circles are not full of super-models and pop-singers though.
- - - - -
l008com, you gotta tell her how you feel.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Shaddim's sock drawer
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Originally Posted by mattyb
No. Sorry but the majority of the women that I meet, I don't want to bone. My social circles are not full of super-models and pop-singers though.
Context. You've been in France too long, apparently.
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"I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a
nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character." - M.L.King Jr
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Standing on the shoulders of giants
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You are correct, France is full of sea-monsters. Meet <> See.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Louisiana
Status:
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As long as you're aware of the risks, and willing to accept the possible (likely) outcome, I guess go for it.
I know andi already asked, "Do you want to still know this person?" I'd take it a step further and ask if the two of you frequent the same circles. If you spill your guts to her, and she rejects you, it could affect the dynamics of your entire social life. If that's the case, the consequences could be much greater than, "I'd lose a friendship."
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: San Diego
Status:
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Originally Posted by mattyb
l008com, you gotta tell her how you feel.
Preferably at the wedding.
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