[OreoCookie]

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
Don't you read, OreoCookie?

Why in the world would he tell his kids that their grandmother is going to die when he just said that his mother is going to be okay?

???

Pay attention or don't post!



Now be a good boy (or girl) and run along and play.

No need to be patronizing.

[Cody Dawg]

It wasn't meant to be condescending or patronizing.

Just to the point in good humor.

Have a very nice day.

[buffalolee]

How was your Christmas?

[driven]

My mother slipped into a coma at 2:30AM this morning. I have to authorize them to pull her off life support. (That was her wish).

Why???? It would figure that the last thing we discussed was a disagreement.

My daughter is in pain like I've never seen before.

(I'm not doing to well either.)

[SimpleLife]

Originally posted by driven:
My mother slipped into a coma at 2:30AM this morning. I have to authorize them to pull her off life support. (That was her wish).

Why???? It would figure that the last thing we discussed was a disagreement.

My daughter is in pain like I've never seen before.

(I'm not doing to well either.)

Hey. All my sympathies to you driven.


I can't put myself in your shoes, but maybe I can give you a few ideas.

These are tough times and you pulled the best you could do from yourself for the loved ones, and especially your mother.

You will soon need to take good care of yourself. That is what your mom wants from you. That is what your loved ones want from you.

Make sure you have people you can be with, and talk to whenever you need it. Just make sure they are close, near by, and then let go.

Remember: taking care of yourself and asking for help is also ensuring you can keep on being with your loved ones. Ask them for support. You deserve it.

You take good care now.

[Randman]

Sorry to hear that, for you and your family.
Don't know if you have any religious beliefs, but faith can help in times like what you're going through.

If not, try and remember that at least she's not going through pain any more. The passing away of loved one is never easy. Just remember the good times.

And your daughter will be all right. Kids are more resiliant than adults.

God bless.

[driven]

Thanks for the kind words.

I'm sitting here in shock at the moment. I don't know what to say or do. I feel helpless.

As for my faith .... I'm been praying. I'm actually pleased and thankful that I've gotten so much extra time with her than we first expected. That said: I wish my last conversation was a little more upbeat. It happened so fast. She had a headache ... and she went to the hospital ... and then this.

I should have known better having just recovered from a severe brain infection myself.

Anyway: At the risk of exposing far too much personal information, here is my blog:
http://www.zsoldos.org/blog

Look at my entry last night at 2:43 AM. (I didn't know what happened.... she slipped into a coma at 2:30 AM).

I almost feel bad for my thoughts at that moment.

It's going to take me a while to get over this. (If ever ... I still haven't gotten over my grandfather ... ironically I had a similar entry in my blog before he went as well. I should stop this blogging thing ...)

Once again: THANK YOU for the kind thoughts.

[Randman]

Feeling sadness can be interpreted by yourself as guilt. Don't fall into that trap. It's not your fault, it's no one's fault. Just sad and terrible things happen to people.

From all your posts on this subject, it sounds as if your mother was a strong person and facing up to her situation with considerable aplomb.

It's ok to be hurt and angry and sad and scared. Talk to your family and your kid(s). Remember the way she lived her life rather than her condition now.

[misc]

Very sorry to hear, driven. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Sometimes it takes something like this to appreciate what we have. Your family is special and they are in the same boat you are. Cling to them and you will all get past this. Keep your head up high and remember that crying is okay. (Real men cry.)

[Cody Dawg]

We're very sorry for you, all of us.

[Timo]

Sincerest condolences, driven. You have had a hard four months. Your mother will continue to depend on you to be strong and provide for the next generation.

Best wishes, Timo

[effgee]

Originally posted by driven:
... I almost feel bad for my thoughts at that moment. ...

Don't!

You have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty. Even if it is a terribly difficult thing to do at the moment - try to remind yourself that the relationship you and your mother share does not stand or fall with the last words you exchanged or a particular thought you had at a certain point in time.

You love her and she knows it - that is the only fact that counts. And that is how the two of you will remember each other.

All the best to you and your family.

[JohnSmithXTREME]

Driven, I'm really sorry that you're faced with such a horrible decision to make. I can't even begin to imagine what your situation may be like.

Now about your kids. I don't mean to seem cold about this, but you shouldn't worry so much about what your daughter thinks. Kids will get upset over anything if they see that their parents are upset. If I were you, I would try to keep her somewhat sheltered from this situation. The reason I say this is because when I was 7, my grandmother died as well. It happened just a few days after Christmas, actually. My parents let me know that she was very sick, and they took me to visit her while she was in the hospital, but they did not discuss with me the fact that she was dying. The holiday season continued as normal, I sent my grandmother a christmas card and a get well card, and didn't think much more of it. Eventually she died, and they told me, but again, my parents did not make a big deal about it in front of me.

As a kid, your daughter doesn't need to experience all of the grief that goes along with someone dying. Looking back, I know that my dad must have been overwhelmed with grief, but he didn't let me see it. Your kid will be fine as long as you don't let her see how upset you are. If she sees that you are distraught, she will start acting the same way. So just try and put on a happy face in front of her, and she'll be fine.

[driven]

holy cow .. as if things were not bad enough, my sister told me that she told my dad. that was a lie ... as such I ended up blind-siding him. He collapsed as I told him.

I'm so going to hell when this is over.

(I'll read the rest of your kind posts later. I'm reading/posting this from my Treo)

[SimpleLife]

Originally posted by driven:
holy cow .. as if things were not bad enough, my sister told me that she told my dad. that was a lie ... as such I ended up blind-siding him. He collapsed as I told him.

I'm so going to hell when this is over.

(I'll read the rest of your kind posts later. I'm reading/posting this from my Treo)

If I may suggest, go get some rest and leave the Internet behind for a while. Get with real people and rest. You need it now, you will need it later.

You need to talk to people and get real live support.

[theolein]

Terribly sorry to hear about your situation, Driven.

[DeathToWindows]

My condolences.

[ghporter]

My sincerest sympathy, driven. My mom went over a very short time, and I didn't get home in time to say goodbye. It is VERY hard, I know. And it's hard for your kids-my son is my parent's ONLY grandchild, and because of my military service, they had far too little time with him. He still gets torn up about it and that was eight years ago (he will be 18 just a little after the anniversary of her death).

[driven]

Originally posted by SimpleLife:
If I may suggest, go get some rest and leave the Internet behind for a while. Get with real people and rest. You need it now, you will need it later.

You need to talk to people and get real live support.

Actually this forum has been VERY good for me. I feel that I am more free to express my feelings here and this group is very non-judgemental. (Unless we talk politics or about a Microsoft product.) <GRIN>

I just got back from the hospital in Birmingham, Alabama. She had some sort of growth in her brain that rapidly destroyed brain activity. The MRI detected about 10 - 12 of these (currently unidentified) growths. I spoke with Mom yesterday, but looking at the MRI the doctors aren't sure HOW she spoke.

When I got there, she was on a ventilator that was keeping her alive.

We removed her from the machine sometime after 6PM (central time). Her heart rate increased at first, and then began to fall ... very slowly. The hospital chaplin stood there with us the entire time. (The Priest had administered last rights earlier in the day.)

Just before 7PM my Dad pulled out a little tiny Bible that he found in my recently deceased grandparents house. He opened it up to Matthew and asked the pastor to read a selected passage.

The pastor read the passage. When it was over we all said "Amen". About 1 second later, at 6:57PM my mother's heart stopped. (Always the drama queen with the timing ...)

I'm lost. I'm confused. I added an entry to my blog ... short, but good for me to write it. What now? What do I do? I'll go to work tomorrow ... I have meetings and customers flying in. Hopefully that will keep my mind off this.

I really wish it was me and not her. (I don't say that lightly, and I don't say it out of misery ... she was a much better person than I will EVER be. It just doesn't seem right.)

Anyway: Thank you all for listening to my rants about this over the past few months. As strange as it sounds you have all done me a great service and quite possibly helped me to retain whatever little bit of sanity I have left. (And it ain't much!)

[JustAnOl'Broad]

Originally posted by driven:

I'm lost. I'm confused. I added an entry to my blog ... short, but good for me to write it. What now? What do I do? I'll go to work tomorrow ... I have meetings and customers flying in. Hopefully that will keep my mind off this.

Driven,
Very sorry for your loss. Sounds as tho you have been a wonderful
son, and I 'm sure your mom was very proud of you.
I lost my best friend (Dad) almost 25 years ago, and subsequently
took over the care for my handicapped mom. We had never really
been close prior to his passing; and lost my big brother a couple
years after pop.
Spend time with your family now. I'm sure your dad could use the
moral support and your relationship may grow to be similar to
the one you had with your mom.
Work can wait. I'm sure your co-workers and clients will understand.

As for your sister "blind-siding" you: I have a sister as well.....
and Karma is a wonderful thing. People do get back what they
put out.
Big hugs to you man.
Patti~

[Paco500]

I lost my Father to a rapidly advancing cancer when I was 18. It sucked. It still sucks. I'm not sure how well I adjusted and how well I handled it, so I don't know that I can offer quality advice, but my feeling is to feel the sadness and the anger- don't try to bury it. I heard "it's God's plan" and "he's in a better" place so many times it made my head spin, and it never once made me feel any better. It may just be me, but the only thing that helped at all was crying or screaming- wearing myself out with emotion.

That being said, be careful with your daughter. I'm sure part of what she is oging through is fear she could lose you in the same/similar way. Do your best to reassure her your here to stay.

This was really sad to read, and I feel for you.

[Paco500]

Side-note:

As I'm sure you know- let the thing with your sister go. If you don't know why she did it now, it's probably best you never know. While her reasoning may have made some sort of sense to her, it will probably not to you, and talking/figuring it out probably will not help much, and may only cause more bad feelings. I'd bury it, at least for a long time.

[driven]

Thanks again everyone. (And thanks to whoever "anonymous" was that posted to my blog.)

So far, so good. We'll start arrangments soon and I'm hoping to get through that.

A few bumps:
- I had to leave work today because I couldn't think, and I kept breaking down. (NOT good.)

- At lunch, I instinctively picked up the phone to call Mom (which I've done every day for years). As I went to dial it hit me ... and it hurt. bad.

I'll get through this .... I have to.

[driven]

duplicate post

[SimpleLife]

Originally posted by driven:
Anyway: Thank you all for listening to my rants about this over the past few months. As strange as it sounds you have all done me a great service and quite possibly helped me to retain whatever little bit of sanity I have left. (And it ain't much!)

Actually, your writing make a lot of sense, and talking more with people would confirm more of it than you think.

But heck, whatever works for you works for me!

It is strange how people seem to wait for the "right moment" to go. This is not the first time a hear of something like this. My great-grand-father seemed to know when to leave too.

Anyway, you take good care, and all my sympathies again driven.

Make sure you respect yourself; this is your time now. Focus on the most important person of your life: you.

[driven]

Going to the memorial service today.

I took a tranquilizer. (I think I need it). My daughter is taking this MUCH better than I anticipated. She said "If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me.". Warms my heart.

My daughter and my mother called each other "twins". They share a name, kinda look alike, and have the exact same birthday, albeit 50 years apart. (My daughter is 7). She said "When you look at me, you see your mommy too ... that should make you happy." She's smart beyond her years. (Unlike her father!)

Anyway ... this will most likely be my last post in this thread. I think the whole up/down rollercoaster has run it's course. I do appreciate everything you've all done for me here. It won't be forgotten. I'm fairly certain that my mother would appreciate it likewise. (She did become a bit of a computer geek in her final few years.)

God bless.

[fhoubi]

I will not read this complete thread as I find it difficult to deal with it myself. My deepest sympathy driven 'o.