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Is Marriage worth it?
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Athens
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Dec 28, 2011, 02:29 PM
 
Is marriage really worth it? If you had it over to do again would you still get married or prefer life as a single person. Do the benefits exceed the problems. I am just wondering?
Blandine Bureau 1940 - 2011
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andi*pandi
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Dec 28, 2011, 02:35 PM
 
I would still get married but I'd choose a different maid of honor and a cheaper wedding venue. Everything else has been pretty good!
     
The Final Dakar
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Dec 28, 2011, 02:43 PM
 
You know, I just don't have faith the Lounge is up to making this thread is awesome as it could be.
     
Waragainstsleep
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Dec 28, 2011, 03:43 PM
 
I have to ask: What did your maid of honour do to earn your disapproval?
I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
     
Eriamjh
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Dec 28, 2011, 03:50 PM
 
Originally Posted by Waragainstsleep View Post
I have to ask: What did your maid of honour do to earn your disapproval?
She was probably a controlling bitch.

Marriage changes people, sometimes for the better. However, it's better than dating. Make sure your mate is everything that you need him or her to be. There will be a hundred more things that annoy you. Be prepared to live with them.

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Shaddim
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Dec 28, 2011, 05:07 PM
 
There have been ups and downs, but it's mostly awesome. Once we learned that jealousy is completely useless, things have worked much more smoothly.
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Atheist
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Dec 28, 2011, 05:33 PM
 
What do you mean by marriage? The actual legal contract? Or just a long-term committed relationship? I've been in a 17 year relationship and now an 8 year relationship. I would get married if I had the opportunity since it affords legal advantages that I deem important.

Is it worth it? I wouldn't have it any other way. I find my life much more fulfilling with a partner.

I think the biggest cause of failure in a relationship is the lack of knowing oneself. You have to be secure in who you are and what you are about before you can ever attempt to form a partnership with another person. NEVER look to another to "complete" you. That's just nonsense from silly movies.

With the right partner, your life will be enhanced greatly. But it's only worth it if you make it so.
     
Athens  (op)
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Dec 28, 2011, 05:55 PM
 
The long term commitment of sharing you're time, money, emotions with some one and all the compromises that goes with it.
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jmiddel
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Dec 28, 2011, 07:55 PM
 
Originally Posted by Atheist View Post

I think the biggest cause of failure in a relationship is the lack of knowing oneself. You have to be secure in who you are and what you are about before you can ever attempt to form a partnership with another person. NEVER look to another to "complete" you. That's just nonsense from silly movies.

With the right partner, your life will be enhanced greatly. But it's only worth it if you make it so.
Very wise words! After a lot of hard work one comes to realize that the Other can only make us happy if we can make ourselves happy and if we can just love our partner for who they are, quirks, annoyances and all. I definitely recommend committed partnerships as a source of contentment, health and growth.
     
ghporter
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Dec 28, 2011, 09:36 PM
 
Marriage - to the right person - is so much more than "worth it," that there aren't words to describe the comparison. My wife is <warning: clichés ahead> my soul mate, my best friend, a fantastic partner in education and business, and a wonderful person to be around. <end of clichés> But I certainly lucked out. Not nearly enough people find any of those qualities, and certainly not so many of them, in the person they marry. A lot of people expect to "change" their new marriage partner, rather than expecting to "grow with" the other person. And others are simply too much into themselves to be able to give enough to make the relationship worthwhile to the other person, let alone to learn that giving is something that makes getting pale in comparison.

I certainly didn't know much about myself when I met and married my wife, but I did know that her companionship and happiness were so important to me that I would do anything it took to keep those things. This (eventually) taught me a lot about myself. We've had rough spots that we've gotten through together, but never any sort of problem between us. We just mesh so well that I can't imagine anything like that coming up.

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Jawbone54
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Dec 29, 2011, 12:57 AM
 
Originally Posted by ghporter View Post
Marriage - to the right person - is so much more than "worth it," that there aren't words to describe the comparison. My wife is <warning: clichés ahead> my soul mate, my best friend, a fantastic partner in education and business, and a wonderful person to be around. <end of clichés> But I certainly lucked out. Not nearly enough people find any of those qualities, and certainly not so many of them, in the person they marry. A lot of people expect to "change" their new marriage partner, rather than expecting to "grow with" the other person. And others are simply too much into themselves to be able to give enough to make the relationship worthwhile to the other person, let alone to learn that giving is something that makes getting pale in comparison.

I certainly didn't know much about myself when I met and married my wife, but I did know that her companionship and happiness were so important to me that I would do anything it took to keep those things. This (eventually) taught me a lot about myself. We've had rough spots that we've gotten through together, but never any sort of problem between us. We just mesh so well that I can't imagine anything like that coming up.
     
Shaddim
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Dec 29, 2011, 06:11 AM
 
"I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."

bleed over from another thread...
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Captain Obvious
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Dec 29, 2011, 08:05 AM
 
yawn

Now let's hear from the divorced people

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Sealobo
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Dec 29, 2011, 03:04 PM
 
there is no upside in getting married, unless for tax return benefit.
     
Athens  (op)
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Dec 29, 2011, 03:50 PM
 
I should have said a committed relationship or marriage.
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Shaddim
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Dec 29, 2011, 03:50 PM
 
Marriage tends to cause more emotional closeness than simply dating or living together. To many guys this is a win-win, they get sex and they get an easy out if they want to split. However, most women get antsy in a non-marriage LTR, due to their craving for stability and commitment.

Men = sex and freedom
Women = stability and comfort

It's the natural order of things, roaming vs. nesting. Some, however, don't fit the conventional norms. I'm a nester, and even though I did enjoy picking up "strange" it doesn't mean as much to me as a closer emotional bond. When guys say "there's no upside to getting married" what they really mean is they aren't able to understand intimate emotional bonds. That's not a crack on the male gender, guys for the most part don't have an overabundance of empathy to begin with, so expecting us to naturally understand those types of needs can be unrealistic.
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Athens  (op)
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Dec 29, 2011, 05:16 PM
 
I am more a nester to, I prefer long term and stability. My issues is with every relationship I have ever been in thus far I'm the one paying for everything, doing all the work, being the slave. Cooking, cleaning, running partner around. Never have time for myself, always broke and always playing catch up trying to keep the place clean, shelves stocked and food on the table. I am failing to see the advantages of relationships period. I can fulfill the sex need easily with out a relationship so I'm asking myself why waste money and time on other people.
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Shaddim
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Dec 29, 2011, 05:52 PM
 
Then you need to find a nester and lay off the roamers, IMO. That may be more difficult with gay men, but I'm sure there are some out there.
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Athens  (op)
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Dec 29, 2011, 07:18 PM
 
Ha most of that was with woman. And 4 yeas and 6 year relationships I wouldn't call roamers

I'm bi not gay. I play both fields.
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andi*pandi
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Dec 29, 2011, 07:50 PM
 
I'd call them users then, not roamers. They didn't do the work because you were. Either they thought you liked being nurturing or they didn't want to share the load. Not fair.

Divvying up chores is one of those parts of partnership that exists marriage or no though.
     
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Dec 29, 2011, 09:57 PM
 
Depends on how much the mail-ordered bride cost and how young and pretty she is. If she is young and hot, and I got a good deal on her, then she is worth it.
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PB2K
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Dec 30, 2011, 06:47 AM
 
edited for reasons

But I think a marriage can be great, my parents have been married for 43 years and are still in love. I want that too !
( Last edited by PB2K; Jan 1, 2012 at 02:56 PM. )
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hart
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Dec 30, 2011, 10:19 AM
 
I still support the concept of marriage as a functional solution in long term relationships because of certain practical advantages. It's hard to weave together enough legal work-arounds to cover parental responsibility, tax, income and benefit advantages, inheritance, medical rights (I'm in a comma, who decides for me) and all the other things that just automatically come along with marriage.

Unfortunately, in order for those things to work out you have to have a partner who is reliable in taking responsibility for those things. Without that, marriage can be an enormous burden.

Another issue is that there are people who are fine in a one-on-one but children completely blow their ability to carry on a positive relationship with their spouse. And it's hard to really know beforehand. But I'd say if someone is kind of childish themselves, needs a lot of care and attention like a spoiled 5 year old then that's a hint.

I think the biggest, most important thing to realize (and the hardest unfortunately) is that a person is not going to improve just because you marry them or change because you want them to. You get what you pay for so you better really like the kind of person they are in all their glory up front.
     
Waragainstsleep
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Dec 30, 2011, 01:00 PM
 
Originally Posted by hart View Post
I'm in a comma
Sorry to hear that, I myself am in an exclamation mark.
I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
     
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Dec 31, 2011, 04:42 AM
 
If you are considering marrage, and you are still asking that question, then perhaps now isn't the time to marry.

For myself, in my situation: YES. It's been well worth it. (Even with the many ups and many downs.) Wouldn't trade it for anything.
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Ghoser777
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Jan 1, 2012, 11:35 AM
 
I'll let you know in about 7 and a half months. What I wouldn't give to skip all this planning and preparation stuff.
     
wayneoden59
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Jan 1, 2012, 11:47 AM
 
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
     
wayneoden59
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Jan 1, 2012, 11:49 AM
 
Is it worth it ? what is the worth of your SOUL!
     
driven
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Jan 1, 2012, 11:52 AM
 
Originally Posted by wayneoden59 View Post
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
Well, I think that the state should call all unions "civil unions" and leave the term marriage to the church, but things being what they are, the state does indeed call such a union marriage, which has nothing to do with the ceremony that the church performs. It does offer certain legal advantages with regards to rights and taxation. That by itself might be worth looking at.
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ghporter
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Jan 1, 2012, 12:47 PM
 
Originally Posted by wayneoden59 View Post
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
I beg to differ. Marriage is an act of commitment between two people, and if they choose to include their chosen religious significance in that commitment, all the better for them. Far too many people marry for all the wrong reasons, including companionship with a hook on it, "free" sex that is anything but, and to "change him/her to be the person I know he/she can be!" (ignoring that people change from within, not because someone else forces them to). Simply saying that God invented marriage as a "concession to lust" ignores millennia of theological and social background and history. Marriage existed before Christianity, and did and still does exist outside of Christianity.

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Athens  (op)
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Jan 1, 2012, 05:54 PM
 
Originally Posted by wayneoden59 View Post
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
Marriage or no marriage long term cohabitation has the same pit falls and legal obligations regardless at least here. If two people live together in a sexual relationship, gay or straight, and split, assets can be divided as if it was a marriage because after one year its considered a common law relationship. Like I said before I should have said is long term committed relationships worth it, marriage was a poor choice of words.

Sacrificing freedom and resources is one aspect of it. Emotional pain when it ends or worst death. Its always a 50/50 of who dies first but it is guaranteed one will die. From the surface it seems better to live individual lives unless you plan to make a child. And even then I think I rather be a single dad then subject myself to all the pit falls of a committed relationship.
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andi*pandi
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Jan 1, 2012, 07:08 PM
 
Originally Posted by wayneoden59 View Post
Marrage is an act of religion,If you not a Christian the don't bother.Marrage is God's concession to lust and is suppose to be for life and no Minister Of GOD's word should preform one for non members of his congragation and divorce is the will of Satan
Welcome to the forums! Sounds like anyone who isn't Christian is damned if they do, damned if they don't. Damn.

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Eug
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Jan 3, 2012, 11:24 AM
 
The tax man will get you anyway. We didn't bother with the legal unions, but as far as the government is concerned, we're married anyway.

BTW, I'm so happy we spent $0 on a wedding ceremony. The money is just so much better spent paying down our mortgage.
     
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Jan 3, 2012, 09:41 PM
 
Sorry about your Grandmother, OP. You sure a thread like this is the best way to express your grief?

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Jan 5, 2012, 03:36 PM
 
No matter how beautiful she is,
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who is sick of her shit.
     
The Final Dakar
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Jan 5, 2012, 03:47 PM
 
Why was that written in faux haiku form?
     
skyrim
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Jan 6, 2012, 04:34 AM
 
Just follow your heart. But do not let marriage become the burden in the life.
     
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Jan 6, 2012, 12:03 PM
 
Originally Posted by skyrim View Post
Just follow your heart. But do not let marriage become the burden in the life.
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Jan 31, 2012, 05:55 PM
 
If you love her, then yeah. If not, oh s--t!
     
besson3c
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Jan 31, 2012, 07:33 PM
 
Originally Posted by Athens View Post
The long term commitment of sharing you're time, money, emotions with some one and all the compromises that goes with it.

I'm not sure what you are looking for in an answer...

Is the gamble worth it? Nobody can answer that for you. Marriage is great when it works out, not so much when it doesn't. To me, life is more fun with the gamble, if you want to call it that. Marriage takes certain personal qualities to make work, but in my opinion refining those personal qualities make you a better person whether you choose to marry or not.

What else is there to say, really? I guess "sometimes" if you are looking for the shortest possible answer?
     
besson3c
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Jan 31, 2012, 07:38 PM
 
I hate traditional weddings. Part of it might be all the performance we've been a part of in traditional weddings, but the whole formula just seems so utterly uncreative and trite to me now. Do something original and personal, don't just spend $234234098 on the traditional marriage script.
     
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Feb 1, 2012, 04:35 PM
 
Originally Posted by wayneoden59 View Post
Is it worth it ? what is the worth of your SOUL!
$2 million. I accept PayPal.
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Athens  (op)
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Feb 1, 2012, 05:00 PM
 
I personally rather have a gf/bf who lives in the same building complex but actually living with me in my own unit. I rather we keep our social groups we already have and continue to live mostly independent lives at the same time sharing some of it. Like shared meals, watching movies, going to dinner, going to events, spending vacations together and sex. But at the same time still have our own places, our own friends, pay our own ways and alone time. I guess thats what I am getting at.
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The Final Dakar
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Feb 1, 2012, 05:01 PM
 
Originally Posted by Athens View Post
I personally rather have a gf/bf
Into she-males, eh?
     
Shaddim
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Feb 1, 2012, 05:37 PM
 
Is marriage worth it? hmm... Today I'm wondering. Hormonal pregnant wife who insists that nothing has changed and that she can physically do anything and everything. Grrr.

On the plus side, Emma's a kung fu master, her kicks are absolutely epic.
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Athens  (op)
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Feb 1, 2012, 05:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by The Final Dakar View Post
Into she-males, eh?
No!
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Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
     
The Final Dakar
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Feb 1, 2012, 05:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by Athens View Post
No!
The Lady Doth Protest too Much.
     
Athens  (op)
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Feb 1, 2012, 07:40 PM
 
Huh?
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imitchellg5
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Feb 1, 2012, 08:07 PM
 
Originally Posted by Athens View Post
I personally rather have a gf/bf who lives in the same building complex but actually living with me in my own unit. I rather we keep our social groups we already have and continue to live mostly independent lives at the same time sharing some of it. Like shared meals, watching movies, going to dinner, going to events, spending vacations together and sex. But at the same time still have our own places, our own friends, pay our own ways and alone time. I guess thats what I am getting at.
So you want to do the fun things together but not anything else? Yeah, don't get married.
     
Athens  (op)
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Feb 1, 2012, 08:21 PM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
So you want to do the fun things together but not anything else? Yeah, don't get married.
No I don't want to have to pick her up from work every day. driver her to the store every day. Do all the dishes and pick up after her, and cancel or not make plans because I have to take her to the dentist or to the post office or to the mall. Get nagged on because i want to eat something not healthy or want to watch a movie or play a game uninterrupted for a couple hours. To not have to work every day just to watch my money spent by some one else. That's what I mean. is all that worth it for what you get that is good?
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Missed 2012 by 3 days, RIP Grandma :-(
     
 
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