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� · May 26, 2002, 05:26 PM

How do you people feel about friends that have almost nothing in common with you? Is it possible to have a girlfriend with a totally different hangout, partylife, friends and interests? I mean, she is really lovely, but I am so different (I am cheerful, she is shy). I think she will make a point about this issue and leave me alone, afraid I will have no ammo to counter that idea. better be prepared you know? rapid advice is appreciated.

juanvaldes · May 26, 2002, 05:36 PM

I don't see how it would work. You must have something in common or you would have never even started talking doing stuff together etc...

Not exactly sure what your asking sounds like you like some chick but you have nothing in common and you want it to work. right?

Well, if you have nothing in common I just don't see it working. Don't worry their are plenty of fish in the sea (hey I found one

)

cheer up, go hang out with your friends and enjoy life, the rest will fall into place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

� · May 26, 2002, 05:47 PM

Reason I like her because she is someone from the past, and I dont really know a lot of ppl from that period. Who wouldn't want to meet the girl he secretly dreamt of for 8 yrs? We had a date yesterday, it turned out that she had a hangover and I was showing off with my charms. DUH. It sucks!

I got really drunk yesterdaynight, I drank all the bottles I wanted to drink with her that day. I ended up under the shower (very intoxicated).

tommy joe gerbumgerwitz · May 26, 2002, 05:51 PM

my wife and i have very few common interests, but we've been very happily married for 5 years. so, it can work.

AKcrab · May 26, 2002, 05:52 PM

"Totally different" != "incompatible".
However, unless both of you are willing to experience and share in the "new things" that each brings to the table, it won't work.

� · May 26, 2002, 05:55 PM

Luckely for me she didn't bring up the subject "drugs". Because I like to experiment. She was so much against smoking

She was in the army. I think that is the reason she was so silent. How are armygirls? Are they always that stubborn?

[ 05-26-2002, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: � ]

Footy · May 26, 2002, 06:04 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by tommy joe gerbumgerwitz:
my wife and i have very few common interests, but we've been very happily married for 5 years. so, it can work.<hr /></blockquote>Though my wife and I have different intrest we both are similar in the way we look at the world.

It can work!

Side note: My wife and I knew each other for 3 weeks before we got married. I know, I know.... However, it's been a great 11 and a half years! 2 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat, 1 bird, and 1 morgage payment later and were still happy.

I know it could have been a nightmare but I have great inlaws too.

WildZero · May 26, 2002, 06:10 PM

Yeah, go for it, love knows no boundries, think of how bored the two of you would get if you were exactly alike.

� · May 26, 2002, 06:12 PM

Can optimistic attitude and pessimistic attitude live together?

I am a real fool. falling in love with some girl who I have nothing in common with

brrrr. stupid idiot me.. haha

tommy joe gerbumgerwitz · May 26, 2002, 06:15 PM

i think so, as long as there is balance and room for compromise.

Footy · May 26, 2002, 06:27 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by WildZero:
Yeah, go for it, love knows no boundries, think of how bored the two of you would get if you were exactly alike.<hr /></blockquote>Amen! If you exactly alike you've probable got less of a chance of it lasting. I know in our house we only have room for one obsessive compulsive know it all.

ford prefect · May 26, 2002, 07:50 PM

You can be different and have different issues. But I think there are some things that need to be similar, or at least either person has to be indifferent about certain things.

Religion, for instance: I feel that for people who believe that theirs is the only true religion, it is best for everyone if they marry someone within that religion.

People who don't want kids, should marry people who also don't want kids. Or at least people who are indifferent.

My wife and I both work with computers, and use macs. But that's pretty much the extent of our common interest there. She sees the computer as a tool, with which to create. While I see that also, the computer is a hobby for me as well. My wife doesn't necesarily understand why a person would want to use a computer for anything other than making movies, or design, but that's where we differ. I don't really understand why anyone would want to scrapbook and cut up pictures by hand when there's this really cool thing we have called photoshop, but to each his/her own.

The point to this epic, is that some things it doesn't matter if you have a common viewpoint, but some thing it does. Consider that before you reinforce to yourself the idea that you're in love with this girl.

cheerios · May 26, 2002, 08:52 PM

different is okay! me & Juan are VERY different. But there's a FEW common threads, that we've built on to find stuff we both enjoy, to do together. (Starcraft, anime, 'puters), and we each go and do our OWN things... My guitar when I get the chance, for example. :shrug: good luck!

Beyond Redemption · May 26, 2002, 08:57 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by tommy joe gerbumgerwitz:
my wife and i have very few common interests, but we've been very happily married for 5 years. so, it can work.<hr /></blockquote>Oooh, a whole five years...

wataru · May 26, 2002, 09:37 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Beyond Redemption:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by tommy joe gerbumgerwitz:
my wife and i have very few common interests, but we've been very happily married for 5 years. so, it can work.<hr /></blockquote>Oooh, a whole five years...<hr /></blockquote>Who invited Captain Bringdown?

11011001 · May 26, 2002, 09:41 PM

Well if it feels like love, then it probably is. My idea of love is a feeling of completeness and utter bliss in their presence, I feel this around Abegail. Trick is I can't get her out, her parents are so fricken traditional (asian), she can't go out till after university. So, I am stuck trying to being her friend, but I can't get her to come out even then. So what do I do? keep trying I guess.

Well, anyways we don't really have that much in comon. She doesn't like macs, cus she doesn't have one, she likes anime, I am learning it for her sake, she loves to learn and work, I love to learn, but I like doing the minial amount of work for things that don't interest me. She works hard, and I am completely and utterly lazy. We both had pretty much all the same classes last semester, and even this one... just got stuck in two different classes this one, unlike last where we had the same schedule. Anyways, we are somewhat the same sort of person, but we don't share too much in common other than what i listed.

So ya, this is why I find her so intersting, because she is so different from myself. Thus there is so much to learn about her, and even if I knew everything about her it would still be fun because she would be forever looking at things in a different way that I would. Sides that she is incredibly fun, and being around her is intoxicating, some people are just like that.

If you feel that some day you could just sit there and feel comfortable without having to say anything to her, then it will probably work. If being around her is just fun, well than that works too. If you can talk without awkard pauses all the time then that is great. I don't think people have to have the same interests, but they generally have to enjoy the other persons company, and the should get along, and just be happy around eachother.

So I guess ya can tell her that sharing common intersests is not the be all and end all of a relationship. What really matters is that you guys get along, have fun together, and like (or can like) eachother. I mean if you can be comfortable around her (eventually, dates aren't all that comforatable) then you don't need to have everything in common. The world would be hella boring if everyone was the same. Oh wait, that would be comunism... and you can see that doesn't work

So err... good luck man. My advice is perhaps not the best, I am young (18 next week) and my concept of love and relationships is idealistic to the extreme, but only because this is the way I experience it. Life is good, well great actually, no no, it is beatiful, and as such I am optomisitic about most things. If two people are meant to be, then you don't need all this other stuff...

Um, ok, enough of my overly dramatic and romantic representation of the world. Go have some fun, I will try too... I just need her parents to give me a break.

MikeM32 · May 26, 2002, 09:49 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Beyond Redemption:
Oooh, a whole five years...<hr /></blockquote>Did I miss the part where this became an "I've been married longer than thou" competition?

Bet nobody here is divorced, if we must compare lifes experiences (the good, the bad and the ugly). It's a bigger mistake to try to be like someone else for loves sake. In my case I'd say that's sort of what happenned between my ex and I, but we did have some true common ground. The other thing that contributed to our divorce is change. People continue to change throughout life. The notion that we are basically "complete" as a human by the time we're 18 yrs old is a total fallacy. I was a totally different person through my late teens and early 20's than I am today, and I continue to change through learning and adaptation.

FWIW just don't try to change yourself to suit her. Be yourself. That's the lesson I learned. It doesn't mean it cannot work.

Anyway, yes I believe opposites can work, but as mentionned there must be some common ground. Sometimes that common ground isn't very prophetic or "big" in nature, but rather something like both enjoying going to the movies or reading or whatever. True, these are things you also can just do with friends, but isn't a lover supposed to also be a friend? I believe so. Sometimes we see those opposing qualities in others as things we'd like in ourselves.

Mike

[ 05-26-2002, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: MikeM32 ]

11011001 · May 26, 2002, 10:14 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by MikeM32:
The other thing that contributed to our divorce is change. People continue to change throughout life. The notion that we are basically "complete" as a human by the time we're 18 yrs old is a total fallacy. I was a totally different person through my late teens and early 20's than I am today, and I continue to change through learning and adaptation.

FWIW just don't try to change yourself to suit her. Be yourself. That's the lesson I learned. It doesn't mean it cannot work.

Mike<hr /></blockquote>Ya. I am not one to give advie or anything on something like this, for you are far wiser than I am.

You mention adapting, I guess one should always be adapting to the other person.

This I know just from reading and from my religion teatcher, disclosure is important. As you said, one never reaches a point where they are complete... one never knows another person, because that person is always changing. So, I guess always keep learning stuff about the other person, always exchange the important aspects of ones life. I mean not just what one did at work today, but things like preferences for food, or deep down feelings. Was it Bill Cosby who once told the story of how for like 20 years his wife made him pork and beans on friday for lunch, and then finally he told her that he did not like them. She said she thought that it was his favorite, and that is why she made them all these years, he said he like them once, but he hated them now. He kept this to himself because he feared that he might hurt her. Disclosure would have changed that.

My God, I think my religion teacher is the wisest person I have ever know. He does not preach religion btw, he does not force catholicism on us, somehow he just manages to talk from a mainly objective view point, he will speak about his beliefs, but not to force them onto us. He seems to know everything, and he teaches us really, really valuable life lessons and that stuff. I am not catholic btw, I am theist.

Millennium · May 26, 2002, 11:04 PM

It can work. But it will take work. Relationships with nothing in common can't hold out forever, so you need to make common ground before things fizzle.

The best advice I can offer is this: if you cannot win her over with your interests, then try it with your interest instead. Ask her about the things she likes. Go ahead and meet her friends, if that's OK with her. Go on dates to her favorite places. And so on, and so forth. Eventually, if things are going to work out at all, she will do the same. And somewhere along the line, one of you is likely to find something new as an interest, creating a start for the neccessary common ground between you.

It was the same with my girlfriend and I. Completely different in terms of interests, personalities, friends, hangouts, political ideologies, religions, and just about anything else you can imagine. We worked it out by learning about each other and finding the common ground between us while remaining both aware and accepting of our differences. Six years later, we are still together, and I've never regretted it for a second.

� · May 27, 2002, 07:15 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Well if it feels like love, then it probably is. My idea of love is a feeling of completeness and utter bliss in their presence, I feel this around Abegail. Trick is I can't get her out, her parents are so fricken traditional (asian), she can't go out till after university. So, I am stuck trying to being her friend, but I can't get her to come out even then. So what do I do? keep trying I guess.
Well, anyways we don't really have that much in comon. She doesn't like macs, cus she doesn't have one, she likes anime, I am learning it for her sake, she loves to learn and work, I love to learn, but I like doing the minial amount of work for things that don't interest me. She works hard, and I am completely and utterly lazy. We both had pretty much all the same classes last semester, and even this one... just got stuck in two different classes this one, unlike last where we had the same schedule. Anyways, we are somewhat the same sort of person, but we don't share too much in common other than what i listed.
So ya, this is why I find her so intersting, because she is so different from myself. Thus there is so much to learn about her, and even if I knew everything about her it would still be fun because she would be forever looking at things in a different way that I would. Sides that she is incredibly fun, and being around her is intoxicating, some people are just like that.
If you feel that some day you could just sit there and feel comfortable without having to say anything to her, then it will probably work. If being around her is just fun, well than that works too. If you can talk without awkard pauses all the time then that is great. I don't think people have to have the same interests, but they generally have to enjoy the other persons company, and the should get along, and just be happy around eachother.
So I guess ya can tell her that sharing common intersests is not the be all and end all of a relationship. What really matters is that you guys get along, have fun together, and like (or can like) eachother. I mean if you can be comfortable around her (eventually, dates aren't all that comforatable) then you don't need to have everything in common. The world would be hella boring if everyone was the same. Oh wait, that would be comunism... and you can see that doesn't work
So err... good luck man. My advice is perhaps not the best, I am young (18 next week) and my concept of love and relationships is idealistic to the extreme, but only because this is the way I experience it. Life is good, well great actually, no no, it is beatiful, and as such I am optomisitic about most things. If two people are meant to be, then you don't need all this other stuff...
Um, ok, enough of my overly dramatic and romantic representation of the world. Go have some fun, I will try too... I just need her parents to give me a break. <hr /></blockquote>You are more mature than you think you are. Thanks dude, and that goes for the rest as well. Really good stuff I can work with. thanks

..on a mission to melt that ice-queen.