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Lattimer · Oct 27, 2003, 01:25 PM

Let's assume that we are not in a heated religious debate, and for the sake of arguement, Jesus is here with us today. What OS would he use? Would he use OSX because it is the most devine? Or how about Linux? He is (or was) a carpenter. Let's here some people's thoughts! Humor is always welcome!

Lattimer

Immortal K-Mart Employee · Oct 27, 2003, 01:30 PM

BeOS. Because it is dead, just like him.

sanity assassin · Oct 27, 2003, 01:33 PM

Amiga OS, because he would be clinging onto a lost cause.

benign · Oct 27, 2003, 01:35 PM

Do you really think he would have time to
rustle up an imovie or play with Expos�.
JC don't need email he's got telepathy.

It goes with the same answer as 'what car
would JC drive'.

He wouldn't have time for playing with man
made gimmicks, too busy healing and saving
souls, flying and singing hymens, sorry hymns.

Adam Betts · 02:28 PM

.

RooneyX · Oct 27, 2003, 02:03 PM

Ooooooh, that Amiga and BeOS thing was funny.

The Pope uses Windows though. The business practises of both the Vatican and Microsoft are very alike.

sniffer · Oct 27, 2003, 02:14 PM

Here we go:

AB^2=BCxAC · Oct 27, 2003, 02:18 PM

Jesus would code his own OS. With various incarnations to run on everything, from the ABS break chip in the 95 Chrysler Intrepid to a Speak and Spell. The GUI would look bad, but it'd be a speed demon (no pun intended). But then he would be crucified by Slashdotters and put out of business by MS.

Consequently, people would read the story life and snippets of his source code in the future, to themsleves, to eachother. He will rise again.

And while Jesus would look like this in his life:

This is how we will chose to remember him:

Immortal K-Mart Employee · Oct 27, 2003, 02:32 PM

Originally posted by AB^2=BCxAC:

Does that guy really need that shirt for people to know he is a geek?

solitere · Oct 27, 2003, 02:35 PM

Originally posted by Lattimer:
Let's assume that we are not in a heated religious debate, and for the sake of arguement, Jesus is here with us today. What OS would he use? Would he use OSX because it is the most devine? Or how about Linux? He is (or was) a carpenter. Let's here some people's thoughts! Humor is always welcome!

Lattimer

All users in heaven are Macusers all Windowsusers are going to hell so there going to be very crowded in hell but lot of room for us macusers in heaven!

waxcrash · Oct 27, 2003, 02:39 PM

This is an old joke:

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin.

They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in a vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"

God smiled and said, "Jesus saves."

Krusty · Oct 27, 2003, 05:35 PM

Originally posted by Immortal K-Mart Employee:
Does that guy really need that shirt for people to know he is a geek?

Yes ... he might be mistaken for a redneck otherwise

The Godfather · Oct 27, 2003, 05:51 PM

He would use an iPod, because he was illiterate.

The apostles should be using Windows 3.1, for being the traitors they were.

Agasthya · Oct 27, 2003, 07:01 PM

Originally posted by The Godfather:
The apostles should be using Windows 3.1, for being the traitors they were.

Thats just Judas.

voodoo · Oct 27, 2003, 07:25 PM

Originally posted by Lattimer:
Let's assume that we are not in a heated religious debate, and for the sake of arguement, Jesus is here with us today. What OS would he use? Would he use OSX because it is the most devine? Or how about Linux? He is (or was) a carpenter. Let's here some people's thoughts! Humor is always welcome!

Lattimer

I think Solaris would be a candidate.

btw: what does the NAS stand for?

itistoday · Oct 27, 2003, 07:37 PM

Originally posted by benign:
Do you really think he would have time to
rustle up an imovie or play with Expos�.
JC don't need email he's got telepathy.

It goes with the same answer as 'what car
would JC drive'.

He wouldn't have time for playing with man
made gimmicks, too busy healing and saving
souls, flying and singing hymens, sorry hymns.

Props.

MindFad · Oct 27, 2003, 07:53 PM

Originally posted by AB^2=BCxAC:
This is how we will chose to remember him:

Face Ache · Oct 27, 2003, 08:55 PM

Originally posted by benign:
He wouldn't have time for playing with man
made gimmicks, too busy healing and saving
souls, flying and singing hymens, sorry hymns.

Exactly. No time for tech support when you're curing the masses.

Would Jesus have a webcam?

J. Christ · Oct 27, 2003, 09:04 PM

Actually I really like Panther. I would try longhorn -to be unbiased- but Dad says it won't be out til sometime after Hell freezes over.

neigh-neigh-woo · Oct 27, 2003, 09:08 PM

OS

The Godfather · Oct 27, 2003, 10:07 PM

Originally posted by Agasthya:
Thats just Judas.

None of them had the balls to defend their Buddy when the Roman troopers put Him into custody.

Buncha traitors.

Superchicken · Oct 27, 2003, 10:36 PM

Originally posted by The Godfather:
None of them had the balls to defend their Buddy when the Roman troopers put Him into custody.

Buncha traitors.

Paul chopped off someone's ear and Jesus put it back on in response to His capture. Also it should be noted that Jesus was not illiterate he read Hebrew. It should also be noted... the iPod's interface is text based.

The Godfather · Oct 27, 2003, 11:11 PM

Originally posted by Superchic[k]en:
Paul chopped off someone's ear and Jesus put it back on in response to His capture. Also it should be noted that Jesus was not illiterate he read Hebrew. It should also be noted... the iPod's interface is text based.

But Peter denied that he had any dealings with J.C.... 3 times!

I thought that He didn't write anything because didn't know how, like Socrates.

All Apostles should have been carrying laptops, because they were always on the run.

The Godfather · Oct 27, 2003, 11:17 PM

I think Jesus always carried a TiPB. Even in his way to execution, he was the Babe magnet.

Superchicken · Oct 28, 2003, 12:20 AM

Originally posted by The Godfather:
But Peter denied that he had any dealings with J.C.... 3 times!

I thought that He didn't write anything because didn't know how, like Socrates.

All Apostles should have been carrying laptops, because they were always on the run.

Jesus was already discussing scripture on his first trip for Passover in Jerusalem. From the sounds of it you could do with a good reading of the gospels.

Zimphire · Oct 28, 2003, 12:42 AM

Originally posted by Adam Betts:

Disbelievers is always the majority.. and for a good reason

You mean in this forum.

Landos Mustache · Oct 28, 2003, 12:59 AM

Originally posted by Superchic[k]en:
From the sounds of it you could do with a good reading of the gospels.

Really? Tell us how your life is better for reading it dude.

Adam Betts · 02:27 PM

.

bobette · Oct 28, 2003, 01:16 AM

Cuz he's a Longhorn beta tester...

Superchicken · Oct 28, 2003, 01:41 AM

Originally posted by Landos Mustache:
Really? Tell us how your life is better for reading it dude.

In all likely hood I would get different benefit from reading it at this point in my life than Godfather is likely to.

bobette · Oct 28, 2003, 01:50 AM

Originally posted by Superchic[k]en:
In all likely hood I would get different benefit from reading it at this point in my life than Godfather is likely to.

Aah no, not agaaiiinnn....

simonjames · Oct 28, 2003, 01:57 AM

If their followers are any indication Jesus and Satan would definitely use Win2000 - in fact I bet they both work in the Windows development teams.

Adam Betts · 02:27 PM

.

The Godfather · Oct 28, 2003, 02:11 AM

Originally posted by Superchic[k]en:
Jesus was already discussing scripture on his first trip for Passover in Jerusalem. From the sounds of it you could do with a good reading of the gospels.

Nah. I have watched the movie already.

simonjames · Oct 28, 2003, 02:14 AM

Adam - either the pie-chart on the left hand side is a joke/wrong or the representation is just your family.

Ever considered that there are other religions and more populace countries than your own back yard? Western society outside of the American bible belt is quite varied - I think you'll find the percentage of Christians to be very much in the minority.

Lattimer · Oct 28, 2003, 07:32 AM

So....anyways...back ON TOPIC...

BTW - NAS stands for Naval Air Station. Don't worry, I'm in the Air Force, just stationed here.

I like everyone's reasoning so far...but if he did use BeOS or a Unix based PC, would he buy a Dell, or build one himself?

You know he wouldn't have any hardware probs.

Jesus to computer: "You're healed!"

I wish it was that easy for me!

Lattimer

Sarc · Oct 28, 2003, 08:06 AM

It would be something open-sourced or easily obtainable. but somehow, if you use it, you get hunted.

like a Soviet OS during the cold war or something.

Sven G · Oct 28, 2003, 11:12 AM

Sven G · Oct 28, 2003, 12:02 PM

... But, anyway, the Vatican prefers Mac OS X - at least, one good thing from them!

Zimphire · Oct 28, 2003, 01:48 PM

Originally posted by Adam Betts:
Yeah, you're right.. like always.

At least you are coming to terms with it now.

Superchicken · Oct 28, 2003, 08:04 PM

Originally posted by simonjames:
Adam - either the pie-chart on the left hand side is a joke/wrong or the representation is just your family.

Ever considered that there are other religions and more populace countries than your own back yard? Western society outside of the American bible belt is quite varied - I think you'll find the percentage of Christians to be very much in the minority.

Very true while if you lump all Christianish groups into one we're the world's largest religion, if you actually took the number of Christians who try their best to HOLD to the principles of their faith the number would drop dramatically. That said you shouldn't equate Christianity with western civ, ever since I got to bible college I've heard people talking about how africa and asia are taking the stage for Christianity, soon they will dwarf all north american groups or have... I havn't read a ton on the subject.

itistoday · Oct 28, 2003, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by simonjames:
Adam - either the pie-chart on the left hand side is a joke/wrong or the representation is just your family.

Ever considered that there are other religions and more populace countries than your own back yard? Western society outside of the American bible belt is quite varied - I think you'll find the percentage of Christians to be very much in the minority.

I don't think he was refering to "believers of christianity", dude. That pie chart is pretty accurate when it comes to "believers of anything vs nonbelievers".

Superchicken · Oct 28, 2003, 08:35 PM

Originally posted by itistoday:
I don't think he was refering to "believers of christianity", dude. That pie chart is pretty accurate when it comes to "believers of anything vs nonbelievers".

You'll find most believers aren't terribly devote, especially in bible beltish areas. Southern manitoba is ALL Christian, but the city smack in the middle, winnipeg is like quite anti-Christian, it's interesting... the really interesting thing though is since coming to bible college you can tell those who grew up in southern manitoba verses winnipeg, the peggers feel very out of place being in a place where everyone believes and they don't have to defend every little choice they make.

Superchicken · Nov 3, 2003, 07:14 PM

Bigoted Post About Religion 7

gadster · Nov 3, 2003, 09:22 PM

They're everywhere!

ironknee · 11:12 PM

but seriously,

jesus would use XP...why? XP is greek for christ...as in christos...or christ os...am i right?

adding visual aid

beb · Nov 3, 2003, 11:16 PM

I guess the default system password would be shibboleth.