[I WAS the One]

Hi everyone! I finished working with iWeb and let me tell you, it's great! I made a lot of webpages since I installed it, one for my personal profile (I work on a radio show in Florida so it is some kind of a website for fans) another for business (I still working on that one, I don't liked it..) and this one I created just for all of us that love online comics (I mean a real online comic, with nice drawings and all not a wannabe kind of comic) my inspiration was of course my Mac. so I will like you to read it and tell me what do you think about it. It's called: SHUTDOWN OS LAND, and it is a story of OS battle and adventure. Enjoy!

ShutDown OS Land

[IceEnclosure]

looks nice.

your logo though, looks like master shake from athf.

[imitchellg5]

Very cool and fun!

[I WAS the One]

Originally Posted by IceEnclosure 

looks nice.

your logo though, looks like master shake from athf.

thanx!

can I see that logo? any link? I didn't received any other logo like that when I was registering it... but I will like to know about that one and maybe make some changes.

EDIT:
Nevermind, I found it.

it looks similar but it's also very different on concept. so I'll stay with it!

[Salty]

You might wanna run the english by someone... it's a bit sketch.

[imitchellg5]

I thought it was fine.

[Salty]

Did you try reading it?

[imitchellg5]

Yes. But I'm no English teacher, that's fo shizzle ( sorry).

[volcano]

Originally Posted by Salty 

You might wanna run the english by someone.

I second that motion. Slang is fine for a comic strip when you're trying to portray a character in a certain way, but missing letters from a word (scared), using the wrong form of a word (what did you say [not said] my son?), and other errors like that are beyond annoying.

[amsalpemkcus]

This has some potential. Keep it going.

[amsalpemkcus]

Originally Posted by Salty 

You might wanna run the english by someone... it's a bit sketch.

Bad englisch may be useful in some ways.

[I WAS the One]

Originally Posted by Salty 

You might wanna run the english by someone... it's a bit sketch.

Ok ok... my english is not good. I'm still learning even right now, I am writing the script in english from start, that means that it doesn't matter if my primary language is spanish, I'm not translating anything, I'm doing it in english from scratch and I'm just fixing words with Spell Catcher App so I really apreciate any help I can get from you guys, because of that I'm posting my script here:

ShutDown OS Land Chapter One Script

the password is: macnn

please check it out and help me with my spelling errors, I want to keep working with this idea.

thanx in advance.

[I WAS the One]

let me understand this for a moment.
you guys can point out my spelling errors but none of you want to help me fixing it?
this is an original kind of comic with a great plot and I just need a way or someone that help me with my spelling.



I just put my script online for you. I just need a little help to continue with my proyect.

[Troll]

OK, I ran through it and made some edits. I think you need to decide on a tense for the narration. Is he telling the story in the past tense or the present tense? I would have thought present more appropriate but for the moment it's a bit schizophrenic. Good luck.

[I WAS the One]

Originally Posted by Troll 

OK, I ran through it and made some edits. I think you need to decide on a tense for the narration. Is he telling the story in the past tense or the present tense? I would have thought present more appropriate but for the moment it's a bit schizophrenic. Good luck.

Cool! T H A N K S ! (I hope schizophrenic it's a good thing LOL)

Tonight I will be creating a brand new page and tomorrow I will upload it!
Can I put your name on the credits?

[::maroma::]

Nice work! The art is really great. And I agree that the English could use some work, but thats an easy fix. I like the layout and everything. Keep up the good work!

[Troll]

Originally Posted by I WAS the One 

Can I put your name on the credits?

Pfff, if you must, you can just say that a little green man under a bridge helped you out!

[vmarks]

Originally Posted by Troll 

OK, I ran through it and made some edits. I think you need to decide on a tense for the narration. Is he telling the story in the past tense or the present tense? I would have thought present more appropriate but for the moment it's a bit schizophrenic. Good luck.

Scripts are always present tense.
We're being shown something, therefore for us, it is happening now. Even flashbacks are present tense, with some indication that it took place in the past.

I'll be editing for tense now.

[I WAS the One]

Originally Posted by vmarks 

Scripts are always present tense.
We're being shown something, therefore for us, it is happening now. Even flashbacks are present tense, with some indication that it took place in the past.

I'll be editing for tense now.

Thanx Vmarks I think ShutDown OS land will go somewhere then!!!

[I WAS the One]

Firts of all I would like to Thank Vmarks for taking the time to make all the necessary corrections on my first Mac based comic totally in english! As you guys know I live in Central Florida now but I was born and raised in Puerto Rico so, my primary language is spanish. I'm doing my best to share my comic with all of you and I really apreciate your comments about SHUTDOWN OS LAND

Anyone else who want to collaborate with me in this comic please send me a PM and I will be in touch with you as soon as I can.

You can check out the new page here:

NEW PAGE !

and if you want to read from the beggining it's updated so, no grammar errors this time!

PAGE 1 (whole comic updated!

again thanx to everybody I will be updating the comic weekly. so ENJOY!


Hey! I updated the comic last night!

see the new page here:

SDOS page 8

enjoy!

[I WAS the One]

The best UPDATE ever! check it out:

Page 9

check out the APPLE 1! I love it!