[Scotttheking]

It's time to stand up to them.

The birds have gone too far. They started with the little things, like running into windows, and pooping on cars.
Then they moved up to pooping on people.
And so on, and so forth.
Now they have gone too far.
Flying into an airplane engine cannot be tolerated.

I implore you all, rise up against the birds. Let us collect them and throw them into cages. Let us leave not a single free bird. For it is only when all the birds are locked up and removed that we can know that we live in a truly safe world.

So get out there and lock up a bird. Do it now, before more airplanes are hit. If not, let the bird king have mercy on your poop stained head.

[BRussell]

Let there be no distinction between the birds and those who harbor them.

[Arty50]

In order to facilitate this, we should have commandos teach cats how to take out the birds.

[3gg3]

WAIT A MINUTE!! Didn't you guys use trained falcons at airports to control the birds. It's all your own fault!! Your'e just getting your due... from the birds.

Not to mention all the fowl abuse surrounding frozen turkeys in engine test bays.

[grand illusion]

you had better watch out for those yard birds....
unless you have blind faith...

EC was here...


.

[John B. Smith]

I overheard my parrot speaking arabic on the telephone when I walked into the room.. It quickley hung up, and flew away squawking "polly wanna jee-had? polly wanna jee-had?"

[ 11-12-2001: Message edited by: John B. Smith ]

[pscates]

Just saw on CNN, President Bush:

"We were attacked by a beaked coward...and we will defend ourselves. Steps have been taken to freeze the birdseed assets and we will contemplate further force. As I speak, hundreds of brave men and women, armed with Daisy air rifles are protecting freedom. We pray for their safety and we say this to the birds: you struck a peace-loving people, but your wings will be clipped. God bless America."

The President left without taking questions from reporters.

Jay R. Bleu, leader of the militant Wren Attack Regime (WAR) released a statement denying responsibility for the attack and pointed to a small, violent faction of robins and herons that have splintered from their group and who could be at the heart of this latest incident.

Man, it just keeps getting worse. As an patriotic American, I hope they bomb the hell out of whatever nest that sumbitch came from. If we don't stand strong right now, this is just the beginning.

[Arty50]

I blame the bald eagles, falcons, and spotted owls. We aided them, thus preventing their extinction, and this is how they repay us?

[applenut1]

must be very easy to make a joke out of the death of 260 plus people 2,000 miles away from you.

[ 11-12-2001: Message edited by: applenut1 ]

[John B. Smith]

I just saw a bird outside my window wearing a turban!

[Scotttheking]

Originally posted by applenut1:
<STRONG>must be very easy to make a joke out of the death of 260 plus people 2,000 miles away from you.

[ 11-12-2001: Message edited by: applenut1 ]</STRONG>

If you haven't figured it out yet, it's a satire of all those people who were yelling that terrorists struck again

[Immortal K-Mart Employee]

Originally posted by Scotttheking:
<STRONG>

If you haven't figured it out yet, it's a satire of all those people who were yelling that terrorists struck again </STRONG>

Yes we get it, but is this something we should be making fun of?

[pscates]

For the record, I was not making fun of the people or this horrible crash. I apologize if it sounded that way.
I was bagging on the news and politicians and the like.
Again, I'm sorry if it came across as if I were making light of a horrible situation in NYC, because I'm not.

[grand illusion]

if you can't make fun of the painfull things in life, what is the point to life? I cracked all kinds of jokes during the last moments and later funerals of both my brother and father, it actually helped the rest of the family a lot...if YOU can't laugh on our world, I'd advise you to jump up into the ether and find another planet to live on...

[ 11-12-2001: Message edited by: grand illusion ]

[John B. Smith]

I cracked all kinds of jokes during the last moments and later funerals of both my brother and father

that's really strange

[grand illusion]

you had to be there...

[ 11-18-2001: Message edited by: grand illusion ]

[eep!]

Originally posted by Scotttheking:
<STRONG>It's time to stand up to them.

The birds have gone too far. They started with the little things, like running into windows, and pooping on cars.
Then they moved up to pooping on people.
</STRONG>

I'd hazzard a guess that they were pooping on people long before they were flying into windows and pooping on cars

[Immortal K-Mart Employee]

Originally posted by grand illusion:
<STRONG>I cracked all kinds of jokes during the last moments and later funerals of both my brother and father</STRONG>

What does your shrink have to say about that?

[Niubi]

Originally posted by grand illusion:
<STRONG>if you can't make fun of the painfull things in life, what is the point to life? I cracked all kinds of jokes during the last moments and later funerals of both my brother and father, it actually helped the rest of the family a lot...if YOU can't laugh on our world, I'd advise you to jump up into the ether and find another planet to live on...

[ 11-12-2001: Message edited by: grand illusion ]</STRONG>

Your exactly right, don't listen to all these faggots who just wanna start trouble... During a recent death in my family I did the same thing, for some of us, death is not as emotional or meaningful, we just accept it more easily. That does not make us wrong. Live and let live, personally I tried to help the living through the grief at this funeral, and it does help a lot. SO Immortal K-Mart and John B Smith...on this side not...your role know it, your mouth shut it.

[Immortal K-Mart Employee]

Originally posted by Niubi:
<STRONG>

Your exactly right, don't listen to all these faggots who just wanna start trouble...</STRONG>

Ha ha. As if you are not trying to start trouble with that bit. Don't try so hard next time

[crazycylon]

One fun way of controlling some species is to wrap a piece of bread around a fire cracker. Light the fire cracker and toss the combination to them for their consumption.

[shanraghan]

This just in:

Another bird tried to crash a plane taking off from a Virginia airport, however it was distracted when a mysterious old woman offered it birdseed. It has not been confirmed whether the bird is associated with the avian terrorist group WAR, nor why the mysterious old woman would happen to be standing in the direct path of a 757 during taxi.

[Niubi]

Originally posted by Immortal K-Mart Employee:
<STRONG>

Ha ha. As if you are not trying to start trouble with that bit. Don't try so hard next time </STRONG>

you stop being such a horrible boy then

[Immortal K-Mart Employee]

Originally posted by Niubi:
<STRONG>

you stop being such a horrible boy then</STRONG>

You don't see me calling people "Faggots". I am not horrible for asking if we should be making fun of plane crashes

[Avenir]

Valium?

[Immortal K-Mart Employee]

Originally posted by Avenir:
<STRONG>Valium?</STRONG>

Got any?

[chris_h]

Originally posted by Immortal K-Mart Employee:
<STRONG>

You don't see me calling people "Faggots". I am not horrible for asking if we should be making fun of plane crashes </STRONG>

Yeah, okay, you big fag.

Surely you're not ign'nt enough to think we're making fun of people dieing. Christ on a sausage roaster, pull the football out of your anus and read. The subject of this particular satire was our hurry to proclaim that it was "TERRISM&lt; OH NOS!".
While it could very well be, lets not jump to conclusions on this one, eh?

I found this thread minty and refreshing... if you were offended, you can jump up my butt.

-chris
...as chris continues his steady dissent to madness...

[M�lum]

Originally posted by BRussell:
<STRONG>Let there be no distinction between the birds and those who harbor them.</STRONG>

Including Tits?

[Severed Hand of Skywalker]

Originally posted by chris_h:
<STRONG>

Yeah, okay, you big fag.</STRONG>

Ha ha. I guess it is true about Texans being assh0les.

[mikithecrackhead]

hey, hey, hey now... not all birds are bad... What about the tuftedtitmouse, the boobythe red breasted robin, and for the ladies there is the wood **** ,thewood peckerthe gamecocks

[mikithecrackhead]

ha ha ha it censored a BIRD!

[Niubi]

Originally posted by Immortal K-Mart Employee:
<STRONG>

You don't see me calling people "Faggots". I am not horrible for asking if we should be making fun of plane crashes </STRONG>

stop Illing... I Call you horrible cos you appeared to be horrible in this reply of yours:

quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by grand illusion:
I cracked all kinds of jokes during the last moments and later funerals of both my brother and father
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Posted by imoralK-Mart Empoyee:

What does your shrink have to say about that?


So Therefore I call you a horrible boy, which I think is reasonable... Don't try and turn my comment around on me and put whors in my mouth re:

Originally posted by Immortal K-Mart Employee:
<STRONG>

You don't see me calling people "Faggots". I am not horrible for asking if we should be making fun of plane crashes </STRONG>

oh and there is too much of this:




from you stop it!

[Immortal K-Mart Employee]

[shanraghan]

Originally posted by Niubi:
<STRONG>

Your exactly right, don't listen to all these faggots who just wanna start trouble... During a recent death in my family I did the same thing, for some of us, death is not as emotional or meaningful, we just accept it more easily. That does not make us wrong. Live and let live, personally I tried to help the living through the grief at this funeral, and it does help a lot. SO Immortal K-Mart and John B Smith...on this side not...your role know it, your mouth shut it.</STRONG>

Just a little memory aid, Niubi.

And, for the record, our ever-so-lovely anti-PC crusader, there is nothing wrong with seeing death as a serious matter. And I must say I find it most lovely how you blatantly lie and insult others to justify being an asshole. Don't take me wrong, Niubi, I'm not trying to defame you. I'm just suggesting that you sit back, relax, and take a little of your own advice:

Originally posted by Niubi:
<STRONG>
Anyway my friend,,, smell my
feet and pray reply !</STRONG>

Have a nice day.

[Arty50]

Geez, people. Chill out. This thread is funny. And if you don't get the humor, well then I'm sorry God didn't see fit as to give you a funny bone (much less a brain) when he was passing them out. In all likelyhood a bird flew into the engine of the jet that just went down. This happens all the time, but usually the larger planes don't crash. Just six months ago one of my co-workers ended up in the hospital with a 6-8 inch gash in his leg. Why? Because when his plane was landing in D.C. a bird flew into the engine, causing the engine to fail catastrophically, which in turn sent a piece of shrapnel flying through the fuselage, imbedding itself into his leg. It was a miracle that plane didn't explode. Birds take out planes all the time. And so now that a bird takes out a plane we have to watch 24/7 coverage of wild speculation on this incident thanks to ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and Fox.

As for the funeral comments, I just have this to say. If you can't look back on the good times you had with the deceased and laugh about them, then either you've got your head in the wrong place or you weren't really that close to them in the first place. When you've had someone die in your immediate family that you were close to then you'll know this. Sadness, happiness, and a whole host of other emotions all get rolled up into one. Life isn't black and white. You laugh, you cry, you smile, you frown, you regret, you cherish, and you do a whole bunch of other things. It's natural.

Now as for those damn birds...we need to establish a new bureaucracy. The Office for Tree Branch and Powerline Security.

[ 11-14-2001: Message edited by: Arty50 ]

[CaseCom]

Nice rush to judgment, you bird-hating bastards. This just in: the birds are innocent. That's right: the NTSB says initial examination of the engines shows no evidence of bird "ingestion."

Also... no evidence of "uncontained engine failure," where the engine sends shrapnel slicing into other parts of the plane. So now they're looking at the possibility that the mechanical failure started in another part of the plane.

You all deserve to be pooped on.

[ 11-14-2001: Message edited by: CaseCom ]

[rjenkinson]

remember, you heard it here first...

-r.

[CRASH HARDDRIVE]

We must not rush to judgment of this Owlsama bird Laden. They say he promises his feathered-fighters 17 virgin chicks in the afterlife, if they do his evil bidding and pilot themselves into the engines of commercial jet aircraft.

Yet before we launch into an unjust war with the birds, arming ourselves with b-b guns and slingshots, just remember, not everything with feathers on its head is the enemy. We need more evidence before we can place the blame squarely on bird Laden and his egg-Qa'ida network. It's likely to be a costly wild goose chase before we'll ever find him in his mountain nest. And we must resist the urge to put a b-b upside his head... he must be netted alive and put him on trial in a gilded cage-of-law.

A reminder; before we judge these birds too harshly, ask yourselves, what have we as a species done to make them dislike us so much? We slam into them in our cars, while they are innocently out foraging the roads for food. We chop down their homes, without even looking to see if anyone is home first. We build lots of tall-things way up into their airspace, and chuckle callously when they fly along and conk into them. For far too long, many of us have turned a blind eye, while our very own feline allies have roamed out into the world and slaughtered our feathered neighbors without mercy.

Is it any wonder the winged-world hates us?

Ask yourselves...why have young pigeons been secretly taking flying lessons from eagles? What are these birds really up to when they practice dropping poop on us with pinpoint accuracy? Are we setting ourselves up for feathered bio-terror as well?

We must open up debate with these birds... migrate our thinking southward, and lay out the seeds of deplumacy, so that we can move forward into a brightly-colored future that's less fowl.

All I'm saying is, give beaks a chance.

[Arty50]

I've heard that Owlsama is surrounded by Parrots at all times. "Parrots?" you ask. Yes, Parrots. You see, parrots have this amazing ability to block BBs with their beaks. I've seen it. Now .22's, that's a different matter.

[grok420]

Originally posted by CRASH HARDDRIVE:
<STRONG>A reminder; before we judge these birds too harshly, ask yourselves, what have we as a species done to make them dislike us so much? We slam into them in our cars, while they are innocently out foraging the roads for food. We chop down their homes, without even looking to see if anyone is home first. We build lots of tall-things way up into their airspace, and chuckle callously when they fly along and conk into them. For far too long, many of us have turned a blind eye, while our very own feline allies have roamed out into the world and slaughtered our feathered neighbors without mercy.

Is it any wonder the winged-world hates us? </STRONG>

Crash--that's the most clever/funniest thing i've read in days. Strength to your liver and peace to your spleen!!

Shame on you weak-kneed types to what to put the kaibosh on the best damn thread this board has seen all month! All this whining about how the quality of discussion has deteriorated....HOGWASH AND POPPYCOCK!

Imagination and humor are alive and well at MacNN! If you don't like it, cram it with walnuts and go back to your Britany Spears fan forum!!

[maxelson]

Best thread of the week!
And I do not think anyone here was making a joke about the deaths of those people.
Lighten up.
And nuke those feathered bastards.
Now, is it ALL birds or just ocean birds? Should I be specific in my hatred? Focus my revenge or just kill em all and let Allahbatross sort 'em out?

[ 11-14-2001: Message edited by: maxelson ]

[grok420]

How long will be ignore our own culpability in this crisis?

When will the national dialouge address the concerns of winged-freedom-fighters the world over?

Have the cries of millions of innocent chickens been drowned out by the insidious laugh of The Colonel? How long will the madness and debauchery of such barbaric rituals as "Thanksgiving turkey" go unchallenged?

To ignore the suffering of our fellow bi-peds is to invite the wrath of evolution itself!

Clearly no one can condone the murderous acts of fanatics, they must be netted, clipped, and tagged. It's only just. But this type of indiscriminate feather-bashing must stop!

Already innocent American birds are being targeted by bigots who can't tell a finch from a crop-duster.

Our actions speak louder than words, friends. Every dollar spent on Buffalo Wings will be answered on our heads with righteous fury!

This is not a war we can win. Birds are everywhere. They live amoung us and above us. Can we ignore the danger or inciting world wide war? Imagine the lice of millions of pigeons used to spread biological agents of mass destructions. Poop-strewn streets and homes. The futility of car washes against such an emeny is laughable.

Clearly we must strive for peace. We must champion the rights of ALL bi-peds--feathered and featherless. Let us dismantle our KFC network of murder before we ask our winged brothers to consider peace.

[maxelson]

:
*falls off chair laughing*