[crazyjohnson]

Seduction, my friend.

[qnxde]

Originally Posted by forkies

i didn't until i was in nearly 20-21. besides, sexuality (for me at least) is rather fluid & is hardly something static.

keep your fluids to yourself ploise.

[Athens]

Originally Posted by krillbee

if i cant even pull a one night stand, how the heck could i fall in love successfully?



Um, I dont get out much? most likely cuz I dont really have that many friends. Ive discovered when i approach women when im by myself, i dont do to well.

and im extremely unsmooth and come across as desperate when talking to women. ive been working on this for 3 years with no sucess.


most would not describe me as overweight or unattractive. most would describe me as average. sorry i will not post a pic though, i prefer to stay anonymous (just incase someone on this forum knows me)

lowering my standards cannot work. ive tried, and eventually they get to a point where u cant go any lower. How can i have sex with a woman that cant even turn me on?

First step get out more, make friends. Its easier to get dates from people you know then total strangers. 2 give the net a try, my loving BF of over 2 years now is from the net

[Kr0nos]

Originally Posted by krillbee

Having sex with a prostitude would not help me to feel better about myself at all.

No? Tell you what, having sex with some chick you picked up at bar/club shouldn't be a way of making you feel better about yourself either.

I totally agree with the posters here who say that the general attitude towards life, and the way you feel about yourself are key to getting what you want (not just sex). You worry waaay too much (and I know, I used to be just like that). Getting laid isn't an "achievement", it's something that should just be part of your life (a bonus, as somebody pointed out already).

I'm currently having this big discussions with some of my friends at the moment, whether it is better to be passive and have somebody come up and hit on you (this way you avoid the complications and let down of being dissed, plus it makes you "seem" less desperate), or if you should be "active" and search out/go for what you want (which is what I have tried over the last few years).

See, for all the great advice people have given you here, you have to find your own way of getting what you want. For me, standing around never worked (I tried that for about 15 years), - I still have to calibrate some things (like staying coherent long enough after 1 o'clock to hold a conversation *gggg*, and actually appear interested in (*insert whatever she is talking about at the moment) etc.) But this seems to work better for me personally.

[derail]
About the whole "prostitute thing". Has anybody ever tried this? I really want to give it a shot this years (primarily because I'm too lazy at times to do the whole club/bar thing, and I really don't want a long term relationship at the moment). The thing is, - I really can't see myself hooking up with just another "ghetto whore" (excuse the term), I'm looking for something a bit more "up scale" (how much would that be? $300 per night?). I'm sure there are other services available, but I just don't even know where to begin looking. The intardweb, maybe?
[/derail]

[analogika]

Originally Posted by Kr0nos

No? Tell you what, having sex with some chick you picked up at bar/club shouldn't be a way of making you feel better about yourself either.

Quoted for emphasis.

[subego]

Originally Posted by krillbee

I'll take either: advice to get laid, or advice of how to cope with it if its not happening.

That's my point. You chose to ask for a method of coping rather than advice on how to get laid.

Ask yourself why?

As everyone else is getting laid except you, who would provide this method of coping? Did you honestly think there's some simple method of coping you could find on an internet forum?

You're too smart for this. You knew, at least unconsciously, that you'd get a bunch of advice on getting laid, yet you still asked for the coping mechanism.

Why?

Try and let your mind flow through the cracks you've made here.

You claim not to be self-loathing, but your initial question presents yourself not only as a totally frustrated sexual failure now, but forevermore. As you've stated, you know you can't be happy until you have sex. You must know in your heart there is no coping mechanism. You're a slave to your biology as much as anyone else. A coping mechanism would merely bandage a life of misery.

How can you abjectly fail your own most simple and basic desire and not righteously deserve to feel self-loathing?

For Christ's sake, you hate your situation! Why would you want a way to stay in it? Why would you want people to find a way to help you stay in it?

Despite all this, that's precisely what you asked for.

Why?

You want validation for yourself and absolution for your failures. This is perfectly reasonable, people need these things like water. However, as a defense mechanism to a protracted absence of feeling good about yourself, your mind has tricked you into settling for the next best thing: justification for feeling bad.

It's your selfish and narcissistic side that is playing these tricks. It would much rather justify your self-loathing, even going so far as to make it invisible to you, rather than actually confront it. This is why it's so hard for you to see. Your self-worth is completely tied up in the pursuit of self-loathing, something with which it is entirely incompatible. To survive, your psyche is trying to retain its self-worth by shoving this incompatibility as deep under the rug as it will go.

Your current method of coping (which on some level you seem to comprehend is crap), can be summed up as you having built an internally consistent set of excuses to justify feeling like shit. It's so god-damnned insidious I'm sure you didn't even realize you started doing it. You don't even consider your justifications for feeling bad as self-loathing any more. At this point you merely consider them to be "truth".

This is where everything derails, as no one here with your best interests at heart is going to validate your justifications.

As you've already justified your self-loathing, rather than be pleased by the general consensus that your situation isn't permanent, you resent the assault on your justifications. That you are unwilling to accept challenge to your justifications only further belies your narcissism. As has been said, you respond contrarily to all advice about a subject which you admit you know nothing.

Likewise, this is why you express no gratitude until prompted. What do you have to be thankful for? We only challenge your justifications.

As to your egregiously self-absorbed claim that the courtesy of a response somehow sufficed as gratitude... I won't insult you by trying to explain the inherent selfishness and narcissism.

I must stress I pass no negative judgement of your selfishness or narcissism, except in that it has precipitated a titanic leak in your thought process. It's making you blind to the fact that you're damaging yourself with this justification of feeling bad.

I'm telling you no one should be more important in your life than yourself. I'm in fact telling you to be selfish and narcissistic.

Let me say it one more time, just so it's crystal clear. The problem isn't you being selfish and narcissistic, it's that your selfishness and narcissism is causing you to discount challenges to your self-loathing. Even from yourself.

Originally Posted by krillbee

And Why is it wrong to ascribe value to my frustrations? And how does that make me selfish? I think if anyone isnt getting any, and they want some, then that is a sad affair, especially if they are worried that it wont happen in their lifetime.

Your selfishness is expressed by the degree of value you place on your frustrations.

A sad affair is getting punched in the throat with a sprinkler key, or loosing your arm in an automatic threshing machine. Your problems don't compete.

To put it more close to home, how about if, on top of your dilemma, you were ugly and overweight?

Originally Posted by krillbee

It does not make a man selfish if he wants sex with a woman and only that.

This is about as selfish a statement as you can get without poking someone in the eye.

With your dick.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by jjlannoo

Yeah LOL I don't know why I read it that way. I'm an idiot won't be the last time. I read it quick and thought you were being chauvinistic. I felt the need to stick up for the hard workin ladies LOL

If I were you I wouldn't totally exclude alcohol. Some people need it to relax so they are not so uptight about having the sex you desire.

Kerrigan thinks your a troll. I hope your not. In any case I have had an interesting time in the thread.

by no means am i a troll. everything I am telling you guys right now is legit.

for all the negative responses I'm receiving though, im wondering if there is any point in continuing to respond to this thread!

[wdlove]

Originally Posted by krillbee

by no means am i a troll. everything I am telling you guys right now is legit.

for all the negative responses I'm receiving though, im wondering if there is any point in continuing to respond to this thread!

I for one believe that you are being very honest krillbee. Think that you are very brave to discuss this so honestly. Just take a step back and allow yourself time.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

Tell us better what it is that you want and we might be able to help you. But if you want our advice you better promise us one thing. You'll try out at least one method we suggest and report back to us. If you just want to come here and tell us how we are all wrong you're better off by just ending one more day spanking the monkey (or whatever term you prefer).

As some of you may have figured out, I'm not exactly entirely sure of what I want, but I'll tell you what I know:

1. I want some sort of reassurance from the opposite gender that I am desirable, and that I can approach women with confidence, knowing that I can attract one of them.

2. I want a girl by my side whenever possible, whether she is just a friend with benefits or an actual girl friend. That way I dont feel like I'm missing out as much when I see other couples passing me by in public and such. But if it were up to me, I'd have a girlfriend during all periods of my life, that way I'd know I wouldnt be missing out on anything.

3. Eventually I do want to get married to a woman whose personality I love as much as her looks. But in order to get there, I think I'm going to have to decrease my desperation so that I am desirable.

I figure one way to decrease my desperation and just get all this pent up frustration out of my system would be to engage in some type of exual activity with a girl that I do not know very well. It would be the easiest and quickest solution to decreasing my desperation I think.
This is not a long term solution. I do not forsee myself wanting things like 'one night stands' down the road. I'd prefer a girlfriend I think. But I see engaging in sexual activity with people I dont know, as a good way to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

I know that it can take months/years to find a good girlfriend, so why should I hold off on my first kiss til then? what if I want to experience it now? wouldnt it make sense to just go out and find a woman and make out with her. Just so I can get that off my mind?

4. I want to experience physical intimacy in the mean time. But here's the trick: I'm from a religion that doesnt believe in having sex before marriage. I struggle with this idea. What counts as sex? I want to know whether or not I'm sexually compatible with someone before I marry, so I figure maybe I could just limit myself to oral sex and that would allow me to experience sex without completely defiling my religion. Please note: I do not go to a college where sex and alcohol are readily available. And infact students can get kicked out of my school if they are discovered by the administration to be participating in sex and alcohol, (I attend a religious school).

5. Whatever I do, I dont want to have to pay a prostitude for sex. Nor do I want to drop my standards so low that I am trying to bed a woman that I find ugly. I also dont want to have sex with girls that are so drunk that they are about to pass out.
I want the woman who is having sex with me, to either a) desire me for the sake of a f**k. or b) desire me because she likes me. I dont want money, or anything like that to be a factor.

[wdlove]

You should above all follow your faith, krillbee. It is important in my life. I know for sure that God Love's us, he first loved us that we may love others.

An education is very important, it's your future.

[lavar78]

Originally Posted by krillbee

5. Whatever I do, I dont want to have to pay a prostitude for sex.

Here's an idea: pay a prostitute for conversation. Talk with her, dance with her, etc.—maybe you'll become more comfortable around women.

OK, I'm joking... well, sort of joking.

As a side note, how do you know you can't do it with "fat," "ugly" chicks. If you're a 21-year-old virgin, you must have (a) a perpetual erection, (b) strong wrists, or (c) really messy sheets.

[krillbee]

subego,

why would i want to hate myself? You have stated that I am self loathing, but how can you back that up without stating my motive? I dont see why in the world i would hate myself, thats about the dumbest thing someone can do to themselves.

--------

Secondly, I think this thread needs to make a change in direction, that I need to be coming back here and reporting success stories, or results from ideas that youve suggested, rather than more woes.

Someone said earlier that I should make it my goal to try out at least 1 piece of advice from this thread, so that is what I am going to do.

In the post above, I listed what my goals and wants were. For starters, I am going to try to see if I can makeout with some girl that i do not know that well. If this doesnt make me feel better about myself or increase my self confidence, then I will try another solution.

In the mean time, if you want to provide ideas about how I can achieve making out with a woman. I will take one of these ideas and follow it. School is my only priority that is above women right now.

If you have any objections to the idea of making out with a random girl, you can state them, but im not sure if it will impact me, because i tend to learn more by experience than by getting 'no no dont do that youll regret it afterwards' from someone on an internet forum. (I take advice immediately from internet forum folks when it comes to something like troubleshooting a computer though, how odd)

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by krillbee

I figure one way to decrease my desperation and just get all this pent up frustration out of my system would be to engage in some type of exual activity with a girl that I do not know very well. It would be the easiest and quickest solution to decreasing my desperation I think.

Kind of a chicken-or-the-egg solution. I don't think you're find it either easy or quick to engage in some type of sexual activity with a girl that you do not know very well until you decrease your desperation or find someone equally desperate.

Originally Posted by krillbee

But here's the trick: I'm from a religion that doesnt believe in having sex before marriage. I struggle with this idea. What counts as sex? I want to know whether or not I'm sexually compatible with someone before I marry, so I figure maybe I could just limit myself to oral sex and that would allow me to experience sex without completely defiling my religion. Please note: I do not go to a college where sex and alcohol are readily available. And infact students can get kicked out of my school if they are discovered by the administration to be participating in sex and alcohol, (I attend a religious school).

What counts as sex? That's a question that only you can answer based upon your interpretation of the edicts of your religion. However, you might also want to ask your school. I suspect they will consider oral sex as sex.

[lavar78]

Originally Posted by krillbee

subego,

why would i want to hate myself? You have stated that I am self loathing, but how can you back that up without stating my motive? I dont see why in the world i would hate myself, thats about the dumbest thing someone can do to themselves.

snip

In the post above, I listed what my goals and wants were. For starters, I am going to try to see if I can makeout with some girl that i do not know that well. If this doesnt make me feel better about myself or increase my self confidence, then I will try another solution.

You're still missing the point. Someone already said it, but I'll repeat: you can't determine your self worth through the eyes of other people! You're emitting loser vibes! People are picking up on that.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by lavar78

You're still missing the point. Someone already said it, but I'll repeat: you can't determine your self worth through the eyes of other people! You're emitting loser vibes! People are picking up on that.

Exactly. Krilbee, you're over thinking this again. As a result you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Be yourself and people will start liking you. Unless you're an idiot. Then you're out of luck.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by lavar78

As a side note, how do you know you can't do it with "fat," "ugly" chicks. If you're a 21-year-old virgin, you must have (a) a perpetual erection, (b) strong wrists, or (c) really messy sheets.

well, its rather simple. photos of ugly women naked, cannot give me an erection.

And I'm not going to lie, i would feel a sense of shame if i had sex with a fat woman, that i gave a part of me away, without good enough reason to. I myself am not, so why should I have to sleep with a fat woman?

Originally Posted by wdlove

You should above all follow your faith, krillbee. It is important in my life. I know for sure that God Love's us, he first loved us that we may love others.

An education is very important, it's your future.

Faith is important. And I will follow my faith, but at the same time I may not interpret it the same way that others do. (im saying this, incase you were trying to encourage me not to have any type of sex)

Originally Posted by Wiskedjak

However, you might also want to ask your school. I suspect they will consider oral sex as sex.

Ignorance (regarding school sexual contract details) is bliss.

Originally Posted by lavar78

You're still missing the point. Someone already said it, but I'll repeat: you can't determine your self worth through the eyes of other people! You're emitting loser vibes! People are picking up on that.

maybe not your true worth, but you can determine what other people think you are worth. And that matters a lot, because people need to think that you are worth something, in order for you to have friends and relationships. If women treat you like you are worth something, or treat you as attractive, etc, that helps bring you confidence that you will be wanted by women in the future.

[lavar78]

Originally Posted by krillbee

well, its rather simple. photos of ugly women naked, cannot give me an erection.

You should always have an erection. Maybe you need to see a doctor.

maybe not your true worth, but you can determine what other people think you are worth. And that matters a lot, because people need to think that you are worth something, in order for you to have friends and relationships. If women treat you like you are worth something, or treat you as attractive, etc, that helps bring you confidence that you will be wanted by women in the future.

Again, you have it backwards. You need to think you're worth something so people can treat you that way. If you act like and/or think you're a loser, that's how the vast majority of people will see you.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by krillbee

well, its rather simple. photos of ugly women naked, cannot give me an erection.

And I'm not going to lie, i would feel a sense of shame if i had sex with a fat woman, that i gave a part of me away, without good enough reason to. I myself am not, so why should I have to sleep with a fat woman?

You speak as if you have the slightest clue.

You may be in for a surprise when you find that sex involves every last sense, with sight really only being a minor aspect.

In fact, I sincerely hope that you will be in for a number of surprises.



One thing: You worry too much. Not everyone is having sex all the time, and not all that are are any better off or happier for it.

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by krillbee

well, its rather simple. photos of ugly women naked, cannot give me an erection.

And I'm not going to lie, i would feel a sense of shame if i had sex with a fat woman, that i gave a part of me away, without good enough reason to. I myself am not, so why should I have to sleep with a fat woman?

Perhaps because all the attractive women are thinking "why should I have to sleep with a desperate guy?"

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by krillbee

And I'm not going to lie, i would feel a sense of shame if i had sex with a fat woman, that i gave a part of me away, without good enough reason to. I myself am not, so why should I have to sleep with a fat woman?

Because you have no other viable options. Attractive girls and even those of average looks have thus far rejected you like a ham salesman at a PETA convention. You should be shamed by the fact that you haven't gotten any play in the most conducive environment for sexual activity know to man, college parties. If that's not enough to make you chubby chase you should feel even worse by the fact that you must be so unattractive that even the fat ones don't find you good looking enough to pursue you first.

Go internet date, its your last hope before you're forced to go into monastery by the depression

[jjlannoo]

Originally Posted by krillbee

well, its rather simple. photos of ugly women naked, cannot give me an erection.

And I'm not going to lie, i would feel a sense of shame if i had sex with a fat woman, that i gave a part of me away, without good enough reason to. I myself am not, so why should I have to sleep with a fat woman?

krillbee what do you consider fat?

[ambush]

my cousin, who's overweight and... well lets just say he's not brad pitt, has girls at his feet. u know why? he's got charisma and he's ****ing funny. he's not even rich. just try not to act/look like a loser.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by jjlannoo

krillbee what do you consider fat?

This is a very hard question to answer, because 'fat' is hard to quantitate. Pounds of weight varies incredibally upon body type (height and frame) body fat percentages are something that most people dont know a thing about. And waist/hip measurements depend on boy proportions.

That being said. I would hope that in general, if the woman is about 5'7 or under (I'm assuming she's a couple inches shorter than me, for this example) that she weigh under 150 lbs. I'd also ideally not want her to have more than 25% body fat.

[jjlannoo]

Originally Posted by krillbee

This is a very hard question to answer, because 'fat' is hard to quantitate. Pounds of weight varies incredibally upon body type (height and frame) body fat percentages are something that most people dont know a thing about. And waist/hip measurements depend on boy proportions.

That being said. I would hope that in general, if the woman is about 5'7 or under (I'm assuming she's a couple inches shorter than me, for this example) that she weigh under 150 lbs. I'd also ideally not want her to have more than 25% body fat.

I was just trying to get an idea how picky you are being. That actually sounds reasonable. My ex fiancee was slim but I have fooled around with heavier woman. They are very squishy LOL very soft and not in a bad way.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

Because you have no other viable options. Attractive girls and even those of average looks have thus far rejected you like a ham salesman at a PETA convention. You should be shamed by the fact that you haven't gotten any play in the most conducive environment for sexual activity know to man, college parties. If that's not enough to make you chubby chase you should feel even worse by the fact that you must be so unattractive that even the fat ones don't find you good looking enough to pursue you first.

Go internet date, its your last hope before you're forced to go into monastery by the depression

You cant assume how they rejected me, you have no idea. my college is a religious college, which explains why there isnt much partying or play going on. again you have no idea what you are talking about.
And you are wrong yet again, fat women have approached me, and i limit my interaction with them as "friend/acquaintence only".

please know what you are talking about before you speak. sorry if my post comes off as harsh, but i tend to respect people more when they make negative assumptions about me, esecially those that are ungrounded in any evidence.

[mania]

here is your problem

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4653139.stm

[jjlannoo]

Originally Posted by mania

here is your problem

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4653139.stm

Its those pheromones!!

Put yourself up on hotornot.com and tell us the results

[forkies]

from this post it sounds like you're well on your way to being in a codependent relationship in the future. take care

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by forkies

from this post it sounds like you're well on your way to being in a codependent relationship in the future. take care

The last thing I want to be is codependent on a woman, now that you word it that way, maybe i do need to make some changes in my self.

Originally Posted by jjlannoo

I was just trying to get an idea how picky you are being. That actually sounds reasonable. My ex fiancee was slim but I have fooled around with heavier woman. They are very squishy LOL very soft and not in a bad way.

how heavy we talkin?

[jjlannoo]

Originally Posted by krillbee

The last thing I want to be is codependent on a woman, now that you word it that way, maybe i do need to make some changes in my self.




how heavy we talkin?

medium sized not grossly obese or anything.

I just feel bad you haven't kissed anyone. I didn't realize that, I'm always doing several things at once on the computer and totally missed it till I just went back and reread your posts. Dude you have to go to a party get drunk and make out with someone...GO NOW. It doesn't have to grand or meaningful it can just be fun yeah yeah I know its not that easy. Hey I have to settle for kissing my cats on the nose right now.

My younger brother is your age (your 21 right?) and go's out with girlfriends (just friends) often. If you were local I would have him take ya out with him when he go's out. That would at least help the socializing with women problem.

My brother actually doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment either and is looking just like you and me. He gets frustrated as he is in the situation were He's a trusted friend to all these good looking girls but they don't want to date him.

I think one problem right now is that his standards are too high physical wise.
His last girlfriend was uber hot...slutty but hot and now he doesn't really want to step back down a notch. So he is limiting himself. She hit on me and my other younger brother like right after he introduced her to us. My brother had to tell her "UH your boyfriend is in the other room" Ofcourse my slutty ex-fiancee wanted to swap with them. I said no even though I wanted to say yes. too creepy.

Yeah I need to go to school to learn how to type on these BBS's better. I swear I am more articulate in person (well not with women )

[Xeo]

Originally Posted by forkies

from this post it sounds like you're well on your way to being in a codependent relationship in the future. take care

I find it interesting that this one line seemed to have more impact than the rest of the thread put together. At least, from his response to it.

BTW, you're just kidding yourself if you think parties aren't happening at your school because it's religious. I guarantee you there are run-of-the-mill college house parties happening every weekend.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by krillbee

The last thing I want to be is codependent on a woman, now that you word it that way, maybe i do need to make some changes in my self.

Bingo.

Start with self-perception.

[forkies]

Originally Posted by krillbee

The last thing I want to be is codependent on a woman, now that you word it that way, maybe i do need to make some changes in my self.

and the way to do that, i believe, is to heed what others have been saying here. primarily, love yourself. it might sound strange now, but just learn who you are, accept that person, & you will soon find that you really are a person worthy of being loved back.

perhaps this is why von Wrangell suggested you strip away everything else in your life, in order that you may see you for who you are, minus all the baggage in life.

i've had this happen twice in my life. first was when i came out as non-heterosexual & got only love & support from my partner. it took a long time for me to accept my sexuality, so it was a rough ride for both of us. second, when i left the country i had lived in for 21 years, leaving everyone & everything behind. you sure do learn a lot about yourself when you are forced to question it all.

Originally Posted by Xeo

I find it interesting that this one line seemed to have more impact than the rest of the thread put together. At least, from his response to it.

maybe there is a history in his family which makes him 1) susceptible to it and 2) aware of its dangers.

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by Wiskedjak

You aren't going to find love if you're looking for a one night stand

Sometimes a person isn't looking for "love". I went through a 3 year stretch where love was something I actively avoided. Back then, a sure way for a woman to run me off was to say "I love you", just didn't want any part of it.

It wasn't until I felt ready that I even started entertaining the notion. Strangely, it happened a week before I found Kim.


Here's the key to finding a woman: GO TO WHERE THE WOMEN ARE

However, unless you're just wanting action, I'd avoid bars and clubs. Great places to frequent are; coffee shops, book stores, fine arts exhibitions, health spas, the park, and religious/spiritual events. For me, those were the "big 6". The other keys are to smile, make eye contact, and practice at least a minimal amount of grooming.

Do those things and you're golden.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by forkies

and the way to do that, i believe, is to heed what others have been saying here. primarily, love yourself. it might sound strange now, but just learn who you are, accept that person, & you will soon find that you really are a person worthy of being loved back.

perhaps this is why von Wrangell suggested you strip away everything else in your life, in order that you may see you for who you are, minus all the baggage in life.

i've had this happen twice in my life. first was when i came out as non-heterosexual & got only love & support from my partner. it took a long time for me to accept my sexuality, so it was a rough ride for both of us. second, when i left the country i had lived in for 21 years, leaving everyone & everything behind. you sure do learn a lot about yourself when you are forced to question it all.

[Fred_Cokebottle]

g'luck!

[forkies]

hot damn, 68% reporting Dates/Intercourse! that's all it takes to convince me

[jcadam]

I once thought as you do: Through High School, I listened to all of my buddies talk about how they 'got with' this or that girl, while I was forced to sit in the front row (well ok, I chose that seat, in most classes I sat in the back) of fresh-out-of-college Ms. Starkey's English class, while she sat on her desk wearing her short miniskirt, reading Shakespeare.

What was I talking about? Oh yea, I dated the girl who took my virginity for nearly 6 months before 'it' happened. I was 18 (she was older), and a College freshman.

Did that help? Dunno, I've never had a one-night-stand, so I couldn't give you any advice as far as that's concerned. I'm sure there's plenty of nice girls at that religious college of yours, why not find one you like and ask her to go get a cup 'o coffee with you? No sex expected-or-implied. But you'll probably screw it up by saying something like: "Hey, I had a nice time, wanna fµck?" Hint: many of the girls worth doing won't give it up within 24 hours of meeting you.

Oh, yea, you're paying to go to a religious school that will kick you out for having sex? That would be ok, if you weren't desperate to get laid...

[wdlove]

Sex is much better in a loving married relationship, called love.

[Leia's Left Bun]

Originally Posted by wdlove

Sex is much better in a loving married relationship, called love.

Have you tried it both ways so you know which is better?

[Rolling Bones]

Originally Posted by wdlove

Sex is much better in a loving married relationship, called love.

That's why divorce is so high.

Ever try a Mazola orgy? in the dark?

[Binarymix]

Not to be a dick but, can't you figure anything out on your own? 99% of the topics you've started are asking questions to get answers on how to run your own life. Do you really want your life to be run off of the advice of complete strangers? Really, Seriously, Get a Life, and a Counsellor.

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

Sometimes a person isn't looking for "love".

True, but he said "if i cant even pull a one night stand, how the heck could i fall in love successfully?"

[Wiskedjak]

Originally Posted by Xeo

BTW, you're just kidding yourself if you think parties aren't happening at your school because it's religious. I guarantee you there are run-of-the-mill college house parties happening every weekend.

They're possibly more than "run-of-the-mill". I dated a pastor's daughter once who was no saint.

[gethigh]

Originally Posted by jcadam

I once thought as you do: Through High School, I listened to all of my buddies talk about how they 'got with' this or that girl, while I was forced to sit in the front row (well ok, I chose that seat, in most classes I sat in the back) of fresh-out-of-college Ms. Starkey's English class, while she sat on her desk wearing her short miniskirt, reading Shakespeare.

Sorta like this?

[himself]

Originally Posted by krillbee

I've tried that whole 'giving up looking' idea, and 'being happy with myself' and it just doesnt work. You need people in your life, to truly be happy, no one is happy alone. friends and a woman are a good thing to have in any life.

You've got it backwards. If you are being a happy and content person, people will gravitate towards you. Happiness can be found anywhere you please, if you are looking from the proper perspective. If you are being pessimistic and negative, why would anyone want to be around you? How could they enjoy being around you? If you are emitting bad vibes, quality people will stay away... and you won't have access to those people that you think you so desperately "need" in your life to be happy. Happiness comes first, then the people will follow.

Originally Posted by krillbee

The giving up looking idea I've tried, and I just cant stick to it. I'm always expecting, hoping, and thinking about it. And even during the periods of time where i wasnt looking, it didnt help me.

Try to assuage your expectations by acknowledging that your expectations may not be met. This isn't the same as admitting failure; it is meant to better prepare you to react to unexpected situations. Otherwise, when your expectations aren't met, you have no recourse of action because your hopes were hanging on that one expectation. Ideally, you'll clear your head of any and all expectations and just go with the flow.

Originally Posted by krillbee

I think the only positive and working solution here is to find a way to get a woman, while I'm eager and desperate, because I'm always eager and desperate!

Your obvious desperation will kill any chances you have with the type of woman you are yearning for. Exercising some patience and self control are your best options. You say you like to "cut to the chase," but this sounds like an excuse to justify your desperation. Once you realize that your desperation is sabotaging your efforts, hopefully you'll learn that you have to be a bit more subversive. That means using your desperation as motivation to make the right moves. If you simply act as if you're interested in a woman (whether you really are or not), sit patiently, and let her talk about herself (occasionally acknowledging her responses, and presenting follow up questions, but not interrogating her), you will find that the woman will start to appreciate you. Don't talk too much about yourself, unless she asks. And if she does ask, keep it concise, and redirect the focus toward her. Give it a day or two, and she will likely be calling you back, or practically waiting by the phone for you to call her. Don't expect to get anything on the first meeting. She'll smell the desperation and mark you as a scrub for life. You've waited 21 years after all, what will another week hurt?

Originally Posted by krillbee

i think that once i taste some success, that is when i will become happy, and then much more success will come, since i am happy.

See my first paragraph. You can only Get by Being, not the other way around. In order to be successful, you have to first live your life that way. Only then will you be able to enjoy the fruits of living your life in that manner. You seem to be counting on blind luck, expecting an opportunity to fall from the sky that will magically change who you are being. Let's say that opportunity did come, and you did get lucky. You still would not have learned anything from that if there was no effort on your part. Put in some real effort, be prepared to be rejected, and get back up and try again.

Originally Posted by krillbee

okay, believe it or not, im not so desperate to get down and have intercourse i just want do something sexual with a woman, even if its just kissing. is that so bad?
I thought women wanted sex too, so wouldnt it be a fair trade, sex for sex? if both of us just desire sex, then it should work, dont you think?

Woman have sex primarily to feel good (just like men). The type of man that will make a woman feel good has had experience. A man with experience is confident [that he can please woman]. carry yourself with confidence, and you're halfway there.

Originally Posted by krillbee

Single attractive women are in these types of groups??

And what if you try to hit on her, and she turns you down. and then you have to deal with seeing her again everytime you show up to softball, book club, etc?

Im going to be honest, my only reason for joining any kind of club/organization would be to find a woman, lol!

That is a good reason to join a club/group, but don't advertise that as your reason (and, you can find attractive single women anywhere. Some of the most beautiful women don't advertise themselves very obviously). Don't start immediately hitting on the women you see there. Make some conversation with them. Show interest in them first and foremost, not their vagina. For example, if you were to join some type of arts/crafts club, you can compliment a woman on how talented see is and how good her work is, and maybe start a conversation from there. Better yet, if you join a group that you have some real interest and skill in, you will notice the women will be approaching you. When I was in college, I would focus on my work and perfecting my craft. I was good at what I did, and the ambitious women noticed this. It would usually start with a girl asking me for assistance or advice on a particular project, and I'd let it run it's course from there. Never resisting, never pushing, never coming off as desperate or needy (well, maybe once or twice, but I learned quickly).

Originally Posted by krillbee

since when does focusing on sexual aspects mean not having respect for them?? They are still humams. I treat all humans with respect.

You may say that, but when you ask a woman for sex within the first 30 minutes of meeting her, that woman can't help but think that you have no respect for her. Look at it this way... when an opportunity for you to have sex arises, you'll never have to ask for it. All you do is clear the path for the opportunity to come to you. The minute you open your mouth to ask for it, you've lost it (or you end up stuck with a needy, dependent parasite that you'll wish you never met). It takes some preparation on your part. Get to work, start preparing.

I have a feeling that all of the advice here will do you no good, because your perspective is all wrong. You've already defeated yourself, and only a change in perspective will remedy that. Your intense focus on the end is causing you to neglect the means. If your aim is to be the Mack Daddy pimp that is always smooth with any lady he chooses, then you will need to change not only your approach, but your view of yourself. That means being intensely critical of yourself (and learning to accept the criticism of others), and not taking yourself too seriously. If you are unable/unwilling to do that, you have two options left: a) settle for ugly and/or fat girls, and condition yourself to be attracted to them, or b) prepare for a life of abstinence.

I'd print out and meditate on subego and von-wrangell's posts, if I were you. There is a lot of precious knowledge in there that you should take to heart.

[wdlove]

Originally Posted by Rolling Bones

That's why divorce is so high.

Ever try a Mazola orgy? in the dark?

Very Sad.

No to the three questions.

[festeringwounds]

Originally Posted by krillbee

My abilities with the women are horrible. .

And with that attitude you never will have sex with women. Change of attitude= change of life. You can't have a major life change (going from never getting laid to getting laid) without a change in the way of your thinking. Everything is internal my friend. There is no spoon.

[Rolling Bones]

Sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.

[Almost Nook]

Originally Posted by Rolling Bones

Sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.

You're right. It can be so insipid but also so extremely wonderful.

Anyway.

krillbee -- I think what you should do is leave the whole girl/woman thing for a while and concentrate on making YOU feel good about YOURSELF. When you've got that figured out the whole women world will open up.

And no, no matter how the other imbecils put it, women is not THE source to happiness, confidence, feeling good about yourself etc. Sure it can be, but I don't think that's where you should be looking right now.

What -- besides women -- would make you feel better about yourself?

(goddamnit no, I didn't read the whole thread, so sorry for any repetition)

But anyway dude, you're fine and you're gonna be fine, don't worry (easier said than done for sure.)