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Ever win someone back? (Page 3)
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imitchellg5
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Apr 18, 2012, 09:42 PM
 
That's not true at all. She needs time to figure things out. You don't want her to rush back without thinking about it. Use time apart to your advantage.
     
Face Ache
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Apr 19, 2012, 04:27 AM
 
Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 View Post
She says she "probably" shouldn't be in a relationship right now, with that other guy. But she still is.
Imagine all the freaky deaky sex they must be having.

Move on, Rob.
     
besson3c
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Apr 19, 2012, 05:36 AM
 
Either that or learn how to do a kick ass somersault.
     
11011001
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Apr 19, 2012, 07:01 AM
 
Is someone who is willing to do that to you worth your time? Maybe my own ego is too big, but I would never look back. Furthermore, even if she did come back, it would take me a long time to forgive her as I suspect my bitterness would sour the chance for success.

I'm cynical, so don't listen to me.
     
abby
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Apr 19, 2012, 10:03 AM
 
if you are really meant for each other then maybe in the future, you'll be with her again. for now, try to play the field i guess..
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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Apr 22, 2012, 11:17 PM
 
I am so stressed out. Since we've been talking every night, she's moved from "just want to be friends" to "considering dating me again"... to the point where we met up on Saturday. We went out for breakfast.. held hands... laughed... got along awesome. We went to a park, found a park bench... I told her how sorry I was, we comforted each other, caressed each other, there was kissing but not on the lips... we picked flowers together.. we didn't really work through anything that she's upset about. Then she left. Got ready. Went out with her current BF. Then got pissed at me that some girl wants to hang out with me, and told me that if I hang out with this other girl, she doesn't want to know me. Meanwhile she's with that guy. So whatever, I figure, **** it, she's more important to me than anybody else, I avoid that chick, and today... I call her, she's sooo hungover, she says we'll talk later today... then blows me off the ENTIRE ****ing day (takes like hours to respond to any text, won't answer her phone), says she is too stressed out, doesn't want to talk right now... then I text her that I'm going to bed soon... she responds an hour later that she's busy watching game of thrones. So. WTF.

On one hand... she says she's now considering dating me, she wanted to meet up, we got along great, things were awesome.

OTOH... she's still with that guy, she says she needs to "figure shit out" but gives me no timeframe whatsoever, she blows me off an entire day and makes me feel like the absolute lowest priority... I just feel like a piece of garbage today. I wouldn't do this to her.

I've been reading my NV Communication books and using some of those techniques, but I'm not even sure it's doing any good. There's been progress, but then she completely blows me off. How long should I just sit around and wait? Or should I just cut her off and go NC, and forget about her? I really don't want to do that. I think we have a shot at an awesome long term plan. We're so similar... and when the sine waves are aligned, shit is badass.
     
el chupacabra
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Apr 22, 2012, 11:30 PM
 
She's hung over? Just like that? For one I think you're old enough at this point you need to be dating an adult. And think of the message she just sent you today. Back in the day I remember sacrifices I made for just-one-girl and see the missed opportunities with better girls.
the largest problem for Americans today is they eat too much food and dont have enough work to do to keep their heart healthy
     
paul w
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Apr 23, 2012, 02:27 AM
 
looks like you're being played.
     
Shaddim
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Apr 23, 2012, 02:47 AM
 
FFS, let it go.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
Face Ache
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Apr 23, 2012, 05:21 AM
 
Picking flowers?! WTF man?!

Gonad check... testes, one, two... testes, one, two...
     
ShortcutToMoncton
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Apr 23, 2012, 06:45 AM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post
Imagine all the freaky deaky sex they must be having.
Exactly.

Rob, while you're out picking flowers and talking about her feelings, just casually say "Soooo, about [Other Guy].....when's the last time he put his **** in your ****?"

I would probably put money on the right answer being plus or minus 8 hours; at any given point in time, [Other Guy] has *******, or will **** this chick within an 8-hour window.

You can ask her if you want. It won't do any good - she'll a) definitely get upset, thus giving her an easy out to blame all this drama and the end of the relationship on you; and either b) probably lie and say no to make you feel better but tell you the truth at some indeterminate point down the road; or c) possibly tell the truth immediately and ruin everything.

Or, you could go hang out with this other chick. I'd pick that option.
Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
     
Face Ache
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Apr 23, 2012, 08:12 AM
 
Maybe it's the thought of her with the other guy that keeps Rob coming back.

Cuckold Ca$h.

<sigh> I keep typing sensational replies that I couldn't possibly post on MacNN. I'm evil.

I'll censor one...

**** *** ********* ****** his DNA *** ** *** knickers **** ** *** wedding invitations.
     
Face Ache
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Apr 23, 2012, 08:32 AM
 
Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 View Post
I am so stressed out....We went out for breakfast.. held hands... laughed... ... there was kissing but not on the lips... we picked flowers together.. I've been reading my NV Communication books... sine waves are aligned...
Have you considered the possibility that you may be a 13 year old girl?
     
BLAZE_MkIV
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Apr 23, 2012, 09:05 AM
 
She's jerking your chain. She had her eye on this guy before "you" broke up with her.
     
sek929
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Apr 23, 2012, 02:57 PM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post
Maybe it's the thought of her with the other guy that keeps Rob coming back.

Cuckold Ca$h.

<sigh> I keep typing sensational replies that I couldn't possibly post on MacNN. I'm evil.

I'll censor one...

**** *** ********* ****** his DNA *** ** *** knickers **** ** *** wedding invitations.
That genuinely got a hearty chuckle out of me.

@Rob: sounds to me like she still likes you, but not "like that" So she is doing all the mushy shit but she doesn't have romantic enough feelings for you to take it back to relationship status. She doesn't want to hurt you, or she's too cowardly to tell you the business. Either way I'd say you've already wasted to much time, whatever that other 'boring' guy is bringing to the table, she's having a helping of it.
     
besson3c
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Apr 23, 2012, 03:18 PM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post
Picking flowers?! WTF man?!

Gonad check... testes, one, two... testes, one, two...

Nothing wrong with any of that, but it doesn't really sound like old Rob either
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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Apr 23, 2012, 07:16 PM
 
Originally Posted by ShortcutToMoncton View Post
Exactly.

Rob, while you're out picking flowers and talking about her feelings, just casually say "Soooo, about [Other Guy].....when's the last time he put his **** in your ****?"

I would probably put money on the right answer being plus or minus 8 hours; at any given point in time, [Other Guy] has *******, or will **** this chick within an 8-hour window.

You can ask her if you want. It won't do any good - she'll a) definitely get upset, thus giving her an easy out to blame all this drama and the end of the relationship on you; and either b) probably lie and say no to make you feel better but tell you the truth at some indeterminate point down the road; or c) possibly tell the truth immediately and ruin everything.

Or, you could go hang out with this other chick. I'd pick that option.
I did ask her. She said it was a few weeks ago, before we started talking all the time, apparently. Which is ****ing bullshit, considering she obviously isn't over me.... yeah, I'm pissed off at her... but at the same time I love her, so I don't know what the hell to do.

I can't just UNLOVE someone just because they were hurt/insecure/lonely and hooked up with some guy they felt safe with... I get it, sort of. I just think it's dumb, and morally wrong if you're ****ing someone to get over someone else. That makes me lose a shit ton of respect for her. But the fact is, I'm trying to understand things from her point of view, not just mine.

The fact that she's more interested in me now, than she was a few weeks ago says something... but she won't break it off with this guy even though she admits that it's a rebound, which is just dumb. Whenever I press the issue, she says I'm being pushy for answers, being demanding, and why do I need answers right now, instead of giving her time to think... which... is in some ways complete BULLSHIT, but OTOH I can see how things would be confusing.... I break up with her... we don't talk a while... then we are flirting and working on getting back together, then we have a stupid fight at which point she says **** IT and quits caring.... I get that... but I don't get then IMMEDIATELY dating some jackass, who is supposedly her "friend" even though they didn't talk in the previous 2.5 years of our relationship.

If I just date someone else, then she is confirmed that I'm a piece of shit and not really into her, and everything I've said is bullshit.

If I wait for her indefinitely, then I'm kind of a bitch.

I just don't know what to do, because I do think I'm making progress... and I know she still has a lot of feelings for me, cares about me, misses me, etc etc etc.
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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Apr 23, 2012, 07:18 PM
 
Originally Posted by BLAZE_MkIV View Post
She's jerking your chain. She had her eye on this guy before "you" broke up with her.
No. She was 100% loyal, easily the most loyal person I know. She talked to this guy maybe like 2 times in the past 2.5 years. Maybe. And yeah, I broke up with her. She pissed me off and I just ran away, and told her we were done. I didn't stop and think, I just exited and got away, then avoided. Poor form on my part... really going to handle things better in the future, if that ever happens again.
     
Demonhood
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Apr 23, 2012, 08:16 PM
 
Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 View Post
The fact that she's more interested in me now, than she was a few weeks ago says something...
It says you view it as a competition.

Whenever I press the issue, she says I'm being pushy for answers, being demanding, and why do I need answers right now, instead of giving her time to think
"Stop asking me hard questions. I'm really enjoying screwing, err, screwing WITH both of you!"
Her "time to think" = time to have her cake and eat it too. And I don't mean cake.

If I just date someone else, then she is confirmed that I'm a piece of shit and not really into her, and everything I've said is bullshit.
"I'm gonna have sex with this guy while you're sobbing in the corner. But if you even go out on a date with someone, you're a poopyface!"
That about sum it up?
     
andi*pandi
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Apr 23, 2012, 08:37 PM
 
That guy is thrilled he made it out of the friend zone.
     
Face Ache
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Apr 23, 2012, 10:43 PM
 
So you're losing respect for the woman you'd had enough of a few weeks ago, yet you want her back? Crazy.

You've lost all perspective.

Renowned relationships expert, Dr T says...



"So she doesn't want you dating other women? THEN DATE OTHER WOMEN, FOOL!"
     
besson3c
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Apr 23, 2012, 10:58 PM
 
Mr. T does know his women really well...

Right, andi*pandi?
     
PB2K
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Apr 24, 2012, 11:57 PM
 
I once read about a man with a micro penis syndrome. His wife cheated on him to make him feel bad, this seemed plausible to me, I thought he would file for a divorce. But the weird twist in this story was that he started to have fantasies about himself being in the room while she was cheating on him with this other dude. And that he was made their sex slave. And that he would clean his and her body after the humiliating intercourse. he claimed : "wouldn't that be wonderful!"

What I mean to say is that you might find little pride in accepting that you have lost your pride all the way

I hope this helps.
( Last edited by PB2K; Apr 25, 2012 at 03:59 AM. )
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el chupacabra
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Apr 25, 2012, 07:02 PM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post


"So she doesn't want you dating other women? THEN DATE OTHER WOMEN, FOOL!"
I'm usually not a grammar Nazi but you spelled "FOO" wrong
     
Tiresias
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Apr 25, 2012, 11:39 PM
 
Originally Posted by PB2K View Post
I once read about a man with a micro penis syndrome. His wife cheated on him to make him feel bad, this seemed plausible to me, I thought he would file for a divorce. But the weird twist in this story was that he started to have fantasies about himself being in the room while she was cheating on him with this other dude. And that he was made their sex slave. And that he would clean his and her body after the humiliating intercourse. he claimed : "wouldn't that be wonderful!"
I'm traumatized after reading that.
     
PB2K
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Apr 26, 2012, 06:06 PM
 
It is traumatizing, this guys penis was so small he said he wet his balls

-I'm happy to upgrade this sad post on Macnn any way I can !-
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Laminar
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Apr 26, 2012, 10:18 PM
 
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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Apr 30, 2012, 04:09 AM
 
Forum ate my post. God dammit.
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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May 2, 2012, 06:30 PM
 
I don't know what to think anymore. I know I ****ed up a lot. I didn't prioritize her... I prioritized my hobbies. I didn't make her feel safe when I was in another city (She's about 1 hour from me), I should have taken the time to make sure she was reassured. I should have put her first. I shouldn't have been so afraid to commit... I was afraid of being vulnerable, but ultimately it just caused me another heartache. My fear of commitment caused me to take a girl out to lunch once about 9 months ago, while we were dating. That was wrong. And I didn't truly apologize, and make her feel loved. I shouldn't have pushed her out of my way when she begged me to stay and talk about us. I shouldn't have freaked out when she tried to grab my dog when I was leaving. It was a flashback to my divorce, and I just lost it.

But there were so many, so many good things. I'm not even going to go into them. But I know that things would be drastically different if I had just actually given her a chance, instead of just taking her for granted. I realized how much she meant when she was already out of my life, so when she was at the end of her rope, screwing up just made her give up completely.

On march 8th. Boob pictures. On March 11th, a fight. I hung up and turned my phone off. On march 12th, I apologized. We made up. On March 15th, she went on a date, and from that point forward she's been dating someone. I told her if she’s dating someone else, I’m not willing to be friends. We agreed to go our separate ways, and I said goodbye. The next morning, I woke up to 12 text messages on how I can’t be gone from her life. The day after that, a 3 hour conversation about how hard it is being away from me, and how much she misses me and cares about me. She called me crying. She then ignored me for a few days.

But then... starting on like March 22nd or so.... literally EVERY SINGLE WEEKNIGHT SINCE THEN we talk for upwards of 1.5 hours via webchatting, sometimes it’s 2-3 hours. Occasionally we talk on Saturday, and every Sunday night. Yesterday? 3+ hours.

We met up 1.5 weeks ago, went out to breakfast, talked for a while in a park, then laid in the grass and cuddled, talking about our feelings for each other.

She claims she misses me so much, still loves me, wants things to work out, but she’s confused/overwhelmed and won’t make any major decisions while she’s feeling this way, so she’s still dating him. She backed off hanging out with him, she now sees him 2-3x a week, and says that she hasn’t messed around with him in 3.5 weeks. I don’t what the **** I should do. If I force her to make a decision, she’ll probably just claim everything I said was bullshit, because if I really cared about her feelings I’d stay in her life. If I stop talking to her, she’ll claim I’m ignoring her and I must not matter. Now, she says she’s listening to everything I say, and considering, “considering dating me”. I’ve been holding the candle for her for 45 days while she’s dated him. I started seeing a therapist because I'm so stressed out and because I want to show her I can change for the better , the week she started dating him. I’ve been reading books on non-violent communication and have been using what I am learning. She acknowledges it, she sees the change, and she’s trying really hard too.

Then, 2 weekends ago, she made plans to see me Wed. On Tuesday, she cancelled the plans because she had to do file work. Last sunday... I told her I'd like to see her again, and she asked when would be good for me? I told her now. She said now. I told her monday... tuesday... wed... friday. She said she'd think about Friday and get back to me. Monday, we talked briefly and she said probably not friday because it's too hard for her to handle. So she's basically cancelled plans on me, TWICE now.

Basically, it’s one big stressful confusing cluster**** of a situation, and I keep saying that if she’s so confused, and talking to me THIS MUCH, she should NOT be dating that guy. I’m not even telling her she should be dating me, but dating someone while you’re talking to your ex for 12+ hours a week about how much you miss them.

I am so ****ing depressed. The only way to feel better is to move on... but I don't want to move on, because I really love her, and I know she still loves me. She's just afraid of getting hurt. She said she needs time to get over that hurt, but I keep saying time is only going to let us drift apart, to the point where we become people we used to know. I don't want that. I want to fix things... but she isn't giving me any possible way to do so. Yet we talk, all the time. She makes plans, then cancels. She says the nicest things.

I can't do this much longer. I've never fought so hard for someone, ever. I just want her back, for ONE NIGHT, so that I can show her we can still work, and she can begin to trust me. JUST ONE NIGHT.
( Last edited by knifecarrier2; May 2, 2012 at 11:39 PM. )
     
BLAZE_MkIV
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May 2, 2012, 07:53 PM
 
Go the the dollar store and get one of those toys with the paddle and the rubber ball on a string. Paste your picture to the paddle. Mail it to her. Stop talking to her.
     
Face Ache
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May 2, 2012, 07:54 PM
 
She backed off hanging out with him, she now sees him 2-3x a week, and says that she hasn’t messed around with him in 3.5 weeks.
She's lying.

This was written just for you.

Jimmy Nail - Ain't No Doubt
     
andi*pandi
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May 2, 2012, 09:35 PM
 
What a fricking rollercoaster.

Run away. Take yourself to Six Flags instead of trying to keep up with her.
     
Shaddim
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May 2, 2012, 10:34 PM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post
She's lying.
Yup
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
ShortcutToMoncton
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May 3, 2012, 06:38 AM
 
Is this knifecarrier guy really Rob? The last few posts have left me thinking this is a pretty big joke.
Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
     
Waragainstsleep
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May 3, 2012, 08:14 AM
 
Maybe 'she' is a car. Or a boat.
I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
     
Spheric Harlot
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May 3, 2012, 09:40 AM
 
Originally Posted by ShortcutToMoncton View Post
Is this knifecarrier guy really Rob?
"This is Rob on therapy."
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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May 5, 2012, 08:06 PM
 
**** you, Spheric. There, convinced it's me?

Anyway. On Wed night... I gave up on pushing her. She says she's not ready to see me... well.. then I'm done trying to make things happen. I kept having an end goal, an objective, or an outcome I was trying to make happen... and I realized when I'm doing that, she's just resisting everything. Everything I was doing was because of WHAT I FELT, it was basically selfish motivation, So I told her I was done trying, done reaching out, and done trying to make things happen but I'd like to keep her in my life, I just want her to be happy and if she's happy with that guy, cool... and oddly enough... things have been way better, way different.

Instead of just "reacting" to me trying, instead she's had to think about me. We've had way, way way more open conversations, we've connected more, she's told me things that are really personal... I feel like we're moving in a good direction. I told her I felt ignored every single weekend, esp friday nights...... and last night we chatted while I went out to a friend's party, and then at 12:45 or so I ditched, to go to talk to her some more. She opened up and said that things felt forced with her and her bf, so she told him to leave. I'm not going to read into it, other than she's feeling vulnerable and unsure of what to do. But so am I.

I really don't understand though is where I am right now. She says she wants to count on me, and it feels so good to start trusting me. She says that she's thinking more and more about us. But at the same time, I told her I was done trying and whenever I mention another girl, she kinda flips out, even if it's someone I just met. There are a lot of pretty girls in the world... but right now I'm only interested in one of them... but maybe I should be moving on? It seems like she's so ready to just call me an asshole/full of shit if I made the slightest move toward another female.

On one hand, I'm def single, so if I see an attractive girl I should be able to do as I please. OTOH, one of the reasons she doesn't trust me was because of how I acted around other women, so if I do anything she'll call foul, and say this is why she doesn't trust me. But we aren't dating. She knows that she's a priority to me... but if she's with someone else, wtf am I supposed to do?

I guess I'll just play it cool for now, like ....

     
Waragainstsleep
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May 5, 2012, 10:58 PM
 
It would probably help a lot if you posted the boob pictures.
I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
     
Macfreak7
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May 7, 2012, 06:41 AM
 
You need to watch this, multiple times if necessary.

     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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May 14, 2012, 03:43 AM
 
Trying not to get too excited. Things have been going really well lately.
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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May 24, 2012, 01:25 AM
 
Things are rad. Still working on things, but she's def worth it.
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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May 31, 2012, 02:30 PM
 
Well... small update. She dumped that guy a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if she realized they were retarded together (not many common interests) or that she wasn't being fair to me/herself (since she talks to me basically everynight), but he's gone. Things with us have still been difficult, but it's something. We've met up a few times; we went to a movie once, we laid next to each other her couch and watched TV, we met up one day and just got in bed and slept in, which was ****ING AMAZING, and wound up making out for a few seconds... but then stopped. Which is a good thing. I told her a few months ago, I don't want to just jump right back into everything, as I think we'll just pick up our own bad habits again... and that we should take things slow. Makes sense.... We've basically just been going on mini-dates; I think she's just testing the waters to make sure I don't hurt her again.

So yeah, things are going good..... but I'm getting a little impatient.... she says we aren't dating, she just wants to be friends for a while to make sure things are "safe"... but again, no time frame, no way of knowing when that will happen. And from what I can tell; I don't know if she's pursuing any action towards this future. She keeps claiming she just needs time... but I don't know, does time solve everything? Seems to me if she has so much anger/trust issues that therapy might be the only solution. What do you guys think?

I've been working my ass off over her... since at least late Feb/Early March. That's three months! One quarter of a year! And now, it's summer! The best time of the year to be iwth someone, to go to events, to enjoy life! I've never fought like this for anybody, and I don't think anybody's done that for her before. I've improved myself, physically, mentally, and how I communicate. I have been taking my ADD medicine on a regular basis, and I've gone to therapy almost weekly over my past issues. Obviously it has some effect since we're still talking daily/seeing each other more often... but I'm struggling to find the balance between wanting to see her/be with her, and what she calls "me pushing her". Every time I push for something, she pushes back and rejects me. When I back off JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT, she is really receptive... but when I back off too far, then I'm "playing games" and "not caring". It's really stressful, trying to not offend her since she has such a short fuse with me/so much anger/resentment built up towards how I treated her and acted in the last few months of dating, and keeping her interested.

I know she's worth it though. I just wish she could realize how beautiful/amazing she is, and that I finally realized what a complete twat I was acting like. Flowers have no effect, neither do chocolates, gifts, etc. I think the only solution might be a kitten.
     
andi*pandi
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May 31, 2012, 02:36 PM
 
sounds like a tightrope act, but it also sounds like you're almost across.
     
Spheric Harlot
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May 31, 2012, 02:56 PM
 
Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 View Post
I think she's just testing the waters to make sure I don't hurt her again.

[...]

Seems to me if she has so much anger/trust issues that therapy might be the only solution. What do you guys think?
Take a good look at those quotes.

I think you should learn to deal with your own emotional baggage (which is why you're in therapy, so that's good), and let her worry about hers.

You are still in therapy, right?
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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May 31, 2012, 03:05 PM
 
Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot View Post
Take a good look at those quotes.

I think you should learn to deal with your own emotional baggage (which is why you're in therapy, so that's good), and let her worry about hers.

You are still in therapy, right?
Indeed. I just meant that I'm not sure we have a future at all unless she figures out how to deal with her anger... it doesn't really seem like it's diminishing. If anything it seems like it's rising to the surface... which is a good thing I guess; better than being suppressed and waking up with my dick cut off.
     
ShortcutToMoncton
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Jun 1, 2012, 02:22 PM
 
Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 View Post
better than being suppressed and waking up with my dick sucked off.
Can it happen like that instead? I choose that option
Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
     
knifecarrier2  (op)
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Jun 14, 2012, 02:15 AM
 


Now to not be an idiot....
     
 
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