[zigzag]

The following are purportedly replies_that women have given on British Child Support Agency forms in the "Father details" section:

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my identical twin boys, child "A" was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child "B", but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you w! ith a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto heels in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate, and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was, as all soldiers look the same to me. I can confirm that he wore a Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Julia Childs did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given] mine might have remained unfertilized.

[DBursey]

Reminds me of an old joke (with apologies to zigzag)

For years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?", he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night, talking and talking ... and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

[zigzag]

Hah, good one.

Furthering the making-babies humor, a true story: A musician friend of mine, who attracts women like flies even though he looks like something that fell out of a dog's butt, once exclaimed to me, after learning that he had gotten one pregnant: "But we only did it once!!!!"

[Dogma]

You ain't seen me, right?

[Timo]

[wdlove]

Very funny stories! It's sad to read of the lack of knowlege about sex and conception. Drinking causes a lot of trouble!