[vault86]

put 'em up people, i'm making a windoze bashing archive, so, post em. thanx. (or just 'puter jokes in general)

[juanvaldes]

I've used it.

[vault86]

Originally posted by juanvaldes:
I've used it.

i love it, i love it, i love it!!!!

[G4ME]

[vault86]

in a world without locks or fences, who needs windows or gates?

[G4ME]

[vault86]

Originally posted by G4ME:

i can't see it

[PorscheBunny]

I think he's supposed to be a headhunter, but wouldn't that be HR instead of Marketing?

[G4ME]

with the recent butt adds in NY I think it fits

[Mulattabianca]

last week i found a MS stand in an expo. they gave a (paper) notepad if you told them online on that stand about your experiences or opinions about microsoft.

i couldnt resist.. so microsoft gave me a notepad for telling them the old old old classic (in italian):

"In the box there was written windows 3.1 or better - so i chose a mac."



btw now they write in the cds "windows xxx or later release" ( not "better" or "superior" )

[Mulattabianca]

Apple every day keeps windows away ...
that is too classic as well..

Hey, i want Windows branded toilet XPaper...

[G4ME]

ummmm super soft !!!

[KaptainKaya]

Microsoft Works.

[amsalpemkcus]

[Mulattabianca]

Affidability and Security.

[G4ME]

[fat mac moron]

A Mac user, Linux user, and Microsoft user are in Saudi Arabia when they all get caught sharing a bottle of whiskey, which is forbidden in the kingdom.

Their penalty is death, but before all three are executed, the King grants a reprieve. Instead of death, they each will be whipped 20 times across the back.

The King, being generous, decides to grant each man 1 wish before they are whipped.

The Linux user decides to go first, and thinking quickly, asks to have a pillow strapped to his back to cushion the blows. But after only 10 lashes the pillow falls apart and the Linux user is whipped until he is bleeding & screaming in agony.

The Windows user goes next, but he asks for TWO pillows to be strapped to his back before being whipped. After only 14 lashes the pillows fall apart and the Windows user is screaming in agony.

Finally, the Mac user prepares for his whipping. He turns to the King and asks "I would like to have 2 wishes." The King, noting he is a Mac user, responds "You use the most advanced operating system on the planet, I would be happy to grant you 2 wishes."

The Mac user says "Since I use such a great OS, give me 100 lashes!"

The Kind exclaims "You are a brave soul, what would you like for a second wish?"

The Mac user responds "Strap the Microsoft user to my back."

[malvolio]

Bill Gates dies and finds himself facing Saint Peter at the entrance to Heaven.
"Well, Bill," says Saint Peter, "you did some very good things and some very bad things in your life. We honestly can't decide whether you belong here or in Hell. So we're going to leave the choice up to you. To help you decide, look through this hole in the clouds and you can see Hell."
Bill Gates looks down and sees a bunch of Micro$oft engineers drinking fine wine, smoking righteous weed and being fondled and stroked by incredibly gorgeous women.
"Okay, Pete," says Gates, "I pick Hell."
Instantly he finds himself neck-deep in a vat of molten lead, with a syphilitic donkey pissing on his head.
Looking up, he sees Saint Peter gazing down from Heaven.
"What in Hell is this?!," Bill Gates screams. "What happened to all the good stuff?"
"Oh," says Saint Peter, "that was the demo version."

[Codename]

^^ Insecure Mac users trying to feel better and remain relevant after being pummeled in the behind by Apple.

It must feel good to justify your purchases by negative spurious generalizations and irrational statements about a product that has helped revolutionized the world economically and productively. Instead of abstractly bashing on Windows, why don't you all proclaim the tangible benefits of using Macs? Oh, wait, there are none.

[fat mac moron]

Instead of abstractly bashing on Windows, why don't you all proclaim the tangible benefits of using Macs?[/B]

lol, run along little boy.

I seriously hope you aren't an adult.

Oh, name one virus for Mac OS X.

[Mastrap]

Three words: "Cost of ownership". Now, fvck off.

[Codename]

Originally posted by Mastrap:
Three words: "Cost of ownership".

Proof?

Oh, wait, you don't have one because you pulled that out of your behind after Apple pummeled you.

It's quite the opposite. PC's are twice as fast at one-half to one-forth the cost of any Mac. Street prices of mac software are frequently much more expensive. Mac compatible versions of hardware are also more expensive(i.e. ATI Radeon) and outdated to boot.

If you were not refering to me but fat mac moron when you replied, I'm sorry.

[Codename]

Originally posted by fat mac moron:


Oh, name one virus for Mac OS X.

Why would anyone write a virus for a proprietary operating system used by 20% of the 2.25% of the computer users of the world?

Writing a virus for MacOS X and hoping for an economic impact would be Al Qaeda attacking an Amish settlement and expecting Wall Street to care.

[mchladek]

Originally posted by Codename:


Why would anyone write a virus for a proprietary operating system used by 20% of the 2.25% of the computer users of the world?

Writing a virus for MacOS X and hoping for an economic impact would be Al Qaeda attacking an Amish settlement and expecting Wall Street to care.

I thought the topic of this thread was 'best windoze bashing jokes'. Codename, you suck at jokes. I think you need a punchline or something. And do a little build up. Don't just come out and say, 'Why would anyone write a virus for ... 20% of the 2.25% of the computer users of the world?' That's not very funny.

But don't worry. Work on your humour a little longer (sometimes it helps to practise in front of a mirror). When you think you've come up with a good joke please come back to this thread.

[Codename]

Originally posted by mchladek:


I thought the topic of this thread was 'best windoze bashing jokes'. Codename, you suck at jokes. I think you need a punchline or something. And do a little build up. Don't just come out and say, 'Why would anyone write a virus for ... 20% of the 2.25% of the computer users of the world?' That's not very funny.

But don't worry. Work on your humour a little longer (sometimes it helps to practise in front of a mirror). When you think you've come up with a good joke please come back to this thread.

Gee, I thought everything I posted was a joke to maclots. Guess not.

[Mastrap]

Originally posted by Codename:


Proof?

Oh, wait, you don't have one

Here's one of many

Now, go away cantacerous child.

[Spliffdaddy]

Of course that link you provided is NOT "one of many" studies. It's the ONLY study of its type. Apple even sought to exploit this rare bit of 'news' by publicising it...unfortunately, the group that actually undertook the study refused to cooperate with Apple's claims. Seems they were being a bit disingenuous...can anyone say "megahertz myth".

So, post me some more links to studies comparing Mac cost-of-ownership to PeeCees. Something done in the last year, mmkay?

[pete.z]

If you like PC's that much,go to a PC forum and shut up in here.

Back to the Window$ jokes...

[Mastrap]

Originally posted by Spliffdaddy:
Of course that link you provided is NOT "one of many" studies. It's the ONLY study of its type. Apple even sought to exploit this rare bit of 'news' by publicising it...unfortunately, the group that actually undertook the study refused to cooperate with Apple's claims. Seems they were being a bit disingenuous...can anyone say "megahertz myth".

So, post me some more links to studies comparing Mac cost-of-ownership to PeeCees. Something done in the last year, mmkay?

How's this one?

10/21/02 no less.

[Spliffdaddy]

except for a handful of biased articles with opinionated commentary and a couple of school districts that were given iBooks at a loss to Apple - I didn't see anything particularly relevant...
the rest of the links are dead.

Apparently, they all stored their web content on iDisk - and didn't want to pay the $50 for .Mac

[Subzero Diesel949]

Either STFU and get back to the jokes or lock this thread.

We need a playpen for the butthurt Wintrolls.

[daydreamer]

sorry, but codename, we've had enough mac vs pc threads, we know all youre gonna say... you are one of that kind of people that are F***ing up MacNN forums. GO AWAY.

[amsalpemkcus]

There was a clever helicopter pilot whose job was to ferry VIP's from the Seattle airport to downtown. One day he found himself with a passenger in a pea soup fog somewhere over downtown Seattle. No landmarks were visible and the passenger became panicky.

But luckily, the pilot spotted something that gave him a hunch. He spotted a building that had a huge "window". Through it he could vaguely see this big balding man jumping crazily on what seemed like a podium. The pilot also spotted that another man with the word "c0depiece" written on his T-shirt was watching the helicopter through the same window. So the pilot asked the passenger to scrawl "Help! Where are we?" on a large sheet of paper and show it to c0depiece. The codepiece character replied on yet another sheet "You are in a helicopter."

The pilot immediately lifted the helicopter above the building tops, flew a mile and a half, let it down through the fog, and hit the landing pad dead centre. The amazed and relieved passenger said "How on earth did you do that?" The pilot said: "It was simple. The information codepiece gave us was perfectly accurate and utterly useless. I knew that he had to be working at the Microsoft Customer Support Centre."

[Mulattabianca]

Originally posted by Codename:

Why would anyone write a virus for a proprietary operating system used by 20% of the 2.25% of the computer users of the world?

To be the first to create the OS X virus ^_^

[Codename]

Originally posted by Mulattabianca:


To be the first to create the OS X virus ^_^

Uh, since OS X is UNIX, thousands of old unix viruses are just compile away. So no.

And if virii weren't a concern, why is Apple giving away Virex with .Crap?

[bewebste]

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just declare darkness to be the new standard.

Ba-doom ching!

*ducks thrown tomatoes*

[G4ME]

CodeName

{picture removed at the request of CHiPs legal representative}

enuff said

[Codename]

Quaint, but also just another personal attack by a frustrated and homophobic maclot.

[sek929]

Originally posted by Codename:
Quaint, but also just another personal attack by a frustrated and homophobic maclot.

Congratulations, you are officially a loser. Hope spending your time here making fun of Macs ( and Mac users) is making you feel important, Its sad really, but oh well.

[theolein]

As a windows system administrator/user support person and general computer slut of a small building company who works daily with windows NT, 2000 and XP I would like to say that windows isn't funny *





*(Fine print at the bottom of the page) Windows XP isn't as bad as the rest and my system has yet to crash on me, but supporting NT is a painful and frustrating process and the one thing that is a required part of anything to do with windows is patience.

[thunderous_funker]

Windows 95/98 - "A 32 bit extension and graphical shell, for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system, originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition."

Jokes are jokes. Some people need to get a sense of humor.

[Codename]

Originally posted by sek929:


Congratulations, you are officially a loser. Hope spending your time here making fun of Macs ( and Mac users) is making you feel important, Its sad really, but oh well.

Actually, I'm here for an intellectually stimulating experience I recieve from posting contentious statments.

No, the only ones here that feel important are maclots whose platitudious luxury car analogies and other elitist rubbish perpetuate their dellusions of having relevance.

[Demonhood]

i edited the picture out.
now if codename and spliffdaddy would stop derailing the thread, everyone can go about their business. if you don't like the topic, don't post in it.

and don't reply to this thread defending your posts either. PM me if you want to discuss it.

[denim]

Originally posted by Codename:
Uh, since OS X is UNIX, thousands of old unix viruses are just compile away. So no.

Point to one.

[sek929]

Originally posted by Codename:


Actually, I'm here for an intellectually stimulating experience I recieve from posting contentious statments.

No, the only ones here that feel important are maclots whose platitudious luxury car analogies and other elitist rubbish perpetuate their dellusions of having relevance.

"Look at me, I can use big words!"

Schmuck

At least TN is entertaining once and a while, you are just an annoying troll.

Originally posted by Codename:
"Insecure Mac users trying to feel better and remain relevant after being pummeled in the behind by Apple.

It must feel good to justify your purchases by negative spurious generalizations and irrational statements about a product that has helped revolutionized the world economically and productively. Instead of abstractly bashing on Windows, why don't you all proclaim the tangible benefits of using Macs? Oh, wait, there are none. "

...said the guy who comes to a Mac forum day after day to post half-truths and FUD about the Mac platform.

Originally posted by Codename:


Why would anyone write a virus for a proprietary operating system used by 20% of the 2.25% of the computer users of the world?

You asked him to name a tangible benefit to using a Mac, and he did. You were wrong, he was right. Sorry, dude.

Originally posted by Codename:


Uh, since OS X is UNIX, thousands of old unix viruses are just compile away. So no.

And if virii weren't a concern, why is Apple giving away Virex with .Crap?

Probably to catch all the Microsoft Office viruses.

[thunderous_funker]

Make with the funny jokes already!! Enough of this same-ol-same-ol..

[olePigeon]

Originally posted by Codename:
...thousands of old unix viruses...

Hahaha. *snort*

Thousands of old UNIX virii. That's a good one. Any more jokes?