[budster101]

if you do get divorced is there a way in which you can place a certain amount of money / assets in a trust for your children? Even your wife couldn't touch them-it? This may insure, if the worst case scenario does occur you can feel comfortable that your children will have something if all goes bad and the other guy is after money, and doesn't care about the children.

Just a thought.

Man, sorry to hear of what you are going through.

[Hash]

I guess, there is such possibility, but I am not lawyer and I am not sure. Either way, I won't be the one to initiate divorce or it will be just what the scum wants. I am going to wait, see. I guess i see it now very clearly - my wife had a period of depression; he used her depression to make her believe he is her real loving and caring person; we had problems in our marital life, which made her to seek some affection outside of our marriage. The scum noticed it and after initial innocent mails learned a lot about wife's current business and life. Then suddenly he turned into a romantic lover; my wife was stupid enough to let it begin; he provoked me into noticing this by his late night calls, presents, gifts which my wife was stupid enough to accept. He continued provoking knowing that someday I will notice and conflict between us will break out; he almost reached his goal. But I will not play his game. Someone has to stop it, and if my wife is wise, she got to stop it. Thats last chance. Either way, I will not give up without fight. My aim to make my wife to understand that I am the loving and caring husband and I must become such husband; I had only two months but I might reached her heart someway. Now if we manage to keep marriage, probably time will come when she will wake up and face reality, kids, our family, all we've done and created together and understand that all is not worth giving up for scumbag's romantic tales. I only want to her to understand it before she manages to create more problems and screws things ultimately.

[mrgaskell]

Originally Posted by RonnieoftheRose

Base, unevolved animal instincts. People like you and cheating partners are only good for The Jerry Springer Show. When one considers what little value that show has then the kind of people who participate in it have less value and appeal than a moldy Big Mac a year past its sell by date. Do humanity a favour. Shoot yourself and please don't breed.

First of all, bite me. Second of all, you obviosuly are NOT married with kids. The instincts are evolved and those instincts have formed the society you live in today. Fact of the matter is, if you are so UNEVOLVED to try to sneak in and break up my family, you get what you deserve. I am normally VERY easy going, haven't been in a fight since middle school, and am a school teacher. I love kids and small animals. But I must and will protect my family from people like this bozo here.

Don't be a "hater" because you do not have the same passion and conviction as I do.

[mrgaskell]

Have you contacted his wife? Maybe shake things up at his house a little as well. Perhaps he is trying to scam her without leaving his wife? You know, "Baby, I need a few grand for..." type stuff. Have you said anything along those lines to your wife. Point out the fact that the have no future together 'cause he's a bum?

Have you tried to re-kindle, uh, "relations" with her? I know in my relationship if we go a while between "intimate moments" we tend to argue more and more. Maybe a little passion and a little reminder that you find her attractive will pull her eyes away from that waste of water. If she desires romance and adventure, give it to her. If you really want to save the marriage and "win her back," which it seems she wants you to do, then by all means do it man!

I really wish you the best of luck. The mere thought of me being in your situation makes my skin crawl, stomach turn, and blood boil. You must really love her. If that is the case, why don't you just flat out let her know? Hell, do the Kobe and buy her a big rock or a vacation with the kids to Florida or something. Something that she can take and remember you when he is trying to pull her away from you.

If he has email, why don't you post it and let us threaten him a bit?

[Hash]

mrgaskell, I 've been through hell i never ever imagined I would to have to go through. I thought it happens only in movies and people I don't know. It turns out it can break out here, in my home, in my family and I must cope with it. And I am not sure the hell is over yet. Until scumbag gives up, it may continue for years to come. I am ready to fight all those years. He also may move closer to us and even near us. I tend to think if he feels he has got his prey, he will do it. I tried to rekindle a situation with wife as much as I could do. There wasn't many options. Wife refused to have dinners with me or go out together. Only time we managed out it was a family barbecue. Since her e-mail affair began she refuses any intimacy as well. Its been almost 5 months. I told her I love her hundred times. I worked hard to earn for my wife and kids decent living and I thought it was all I had to do to be good husband. Turns out its not. OK, good lesson. If you don't want to be in my place, never take wife's love for granted. Thats what I learned hard way.

Now I have to revive dead passion in family, save my kids from the scumbag who hates his own children and I even cannot imagine how he will treat my kids if wife gets custody of children and scumbag moves to her house. I am sure my son will hate the scumbag, he already hates him for all we had last few months - kids feel whats happening. I must also protect my wife from scumbag, I am sure he will treat her badly once he gets access to her money and assets - I am sure he ask for "baby, I need few grand for some great business plan, blah, blah". These losers can't earn money, they're trash and can only spend. I think wife will lose all her assets and end up with drunken and abusive scumbag, who after drinking out all her money will tell her he is returning to his ex. i have seen such situations before.

So thats the task I am facing and I have no weapons except patience. I am trying to save my life too as I will be devastated by loss of everything I built by hard work for ten years. Thats really too much at stake. God, I wish you never experience and live with these thoughts I have to think about everyday and every night. If I survive this, and I intend to do it, that will be something i will not forget for the rest of my life.

I tried to find address of his wife, btw, and I confronted my wife after discovering her affair - I told her - give me e-mail of scumbag's wife, I will call her every night, I will send her love e-mails, invite to night clubs, send her gifts - everything scumbag did to me - I want the scumbag have same experience. My wife refused to do it. But you got my point. I thought about it.

[Millennium]

Originally Posted by mrgaskell

Have you contacted his wife? Maybe shake things up at his house a little as well.

Oooh, what an interesting idea. Underhanded and cruel, but by no means unjustified. She has as much of a right to know about this as you do. This said, you do run a slight risk. She may already know about this, and be either unable or unwilling to do anything about it. This would tip your hand and get you nothing in return. At this point, however, I don't see how you have much left to lose by trying. You may want to consider it.

Actually, talk with your lawyer friend about it first. At this stage, you don't want to do anything that would get you into trouble.

If he has email, why don't you post it and let us threaten him a bit?

I'm afraid I can't allow that. We've had people do this on the forums before, and it's never turned out well. If anyone posts his e-mail, I'll be forced to have this thread locked, and I don't want that any more than anyone else. I can't do it myself, but I can notify those who can.

Believe me, I'd love to give this bastard a piece of my mind too. But posting phone numbers for the purposes of harrassment is a bannable offense here, and no one wants this.

[Hash]

Yep, no need for that. I am sure I can handle situation myself, and I am not afraid to. You can help with your advices and thats pretty good help already. Battle has just started but she is MY wife, not his, and this already a huge plus for me.

[mrgaskell]

Seems like either she has totally lost her mind in wanting to get with this guy, or is using it to force your hand and get some response from you. But who knows the mind of a woman? I don't even know if they do.

When my wife and I first got married she traveled to be a part of her cousins wedding and had a great time and I think, flirted with a guy there. Kind of a "I'm 23 and can't be married already!" type of thing. Eventually she got over it, and realized that she wasn't losing anything, but gaining a lot from being a wife. Perhaps yours will figure that out, too.

BTW, if you know his name, you can probably figure out where he lives. If worse comes to worse, look up his name or last name with the county assessor's office. They have records of all homes bought and sold. Also, call up the high school reunion committee people to see if they have his address. Check the caller ID and call from a different number to see if you can get her to answer the phone. Say you are calling because you hit her car and want to see if there was any damage. Then, when she gets on the phone, tell who you are and why she should know what her husband is up to.

On another note, if she hasn't been intimate in 5 months, I would have to suggest that perhaps she is being intimate with someone else. She is really being quite selfish and is passive-aggressively being very vendictive towards you by letting you see and know her actions.

[Hash]

I know his name, seen his photo and picture of his family, i did my homework. Rest also can be found easily. I don't want to mess with his family life, but I guess its fairly unhappy one.

About the last suggestion. It is possible. But I do not know what happened to this woman. Everything is possible. She used to be good spouse and mother. Its just like someone cast spells on her. Maybe it happens to women, who knows. Even in that case, still I face the damn task.

[goMac]

Be care. You may put out one fire just to have another one pop up.

[Millennium]

Originally Posted by Hash

I know his name, seen his photo and picture of his family, i did my homework. Rest also can be found easily. I don't want to mess with his family life, but I guess its fairly unhappy one.

It's cruel, but then again, is it unnecessary? His wife has a right to know about this, if she doesn't already. Even real pain is better than false comfort. Again, though, talk to your lawyer friend first. I don't think you're breaking any laws, but make sure before you do anything of this nature. Getting yourself into trouble would be a Very Bad Thing at this stage.

[Hash]

I wrote to that guy again - simply - i told him he is coward (for not answering my first mail), irresponsible liar (to his own wife and kids), loser, poser and thief. And I will not again ever contact him cause he is empty place for me.
And I feel good done that.

I also provoking him to write him and wanna now his reaction. See what he can tell ME rather then my wife.

[goMac]

Originally Posted by Hash

And I will not again ever contact him cause he is empty place for me.

I just would have told him you're going to make his life hell until he leaves your wife alone.

[mrgaskell]

Remember a while back and one of the MacNN members got scammed on eBay and everyone chipped in to locate and get the guy arrested? I'm sure we could put something like that together here. Maybe not to threaten him, but to let him know we know what he is doing. Contact his church if he belongs to one. Contact his spouse, in-laws, parents, anyone. Just to make the scam is almost impossible to carry out and make him have to concentrate on his own life instead of trying to f@#$ up Hash's.

[Hash]

Its OK, I appreciate this opinion.

On the other note, after all and frantic talks and everythings we decided to separate for some time, and maybe file for divorce later. I dont think it will change. So no divorce, but separation. Time will show if it can change something. Hope dies last. So I still hope. But all the mess I've been through last couple of months is now close to an end, I guess, not the one I hoped for for, but not hopeless either.

[Captain Obvious]

You may not be the one who wants to file for divorce but you sure as hell better hire a divorce attorney right away to begin to secure your assets and gather the necessary information so you can gain custody of your kids. You may also back up copies of your wife�s email communication on your machines so long as they were joint purchases or can be considered marital property. For sure get phone records.

Doing anything less is irresponsible and stupid.

[Hash]

Yep. I understand, I secured lawyer's services.

[Hash]

Well, we were on brink of divorce and on a brink of separation. But she promised to stay with me. She assured me that she WANTED me to notice and her e-affair was her plot to make me notice how miserable our family life become and the affair itself means nothing to her. She says she did many stupid things and she is sorry for those things. We were very close to divorce. I actually had typed paperwork for filing, meet a lawyer, etc

Well, I do believe her after all. I am not going to file for divorce and she is not going to move out. What she was constantly keepin saying is that the internet affair with a guy she had not met for 10 years means nothing to her. In other words, exactly what you guys said -it was a symptom, not an illness. We will try to rebuild our family. Maybe we'll have intimacy after all. I said that I am going to allow her to meet her school bf if she so desperately wants to and I trust her it will not create any problems. It turned out that school bf received my e-mail, which he described as horrifying, and called her about that. It seems he was going to write an answer, but wife stopped him. It also seems that school bf asked her to consider seriously implications of a divorce for kids. It seems kinda funny to me that *** pretended to worry about our family, but I don't care about him anymore.

We going to start a new life. But guys, the day I called off my filing and she decided to stay with me, was one of happiest in my life. I could not believe how close we were to breakup.

[nredman]

Originally Posted by Hash

Well, we were on brink of divorce and on a brink of separation. But she promised to stay with me. She assured me that she WANTED me to notice and her e-affair was her plot to make me notice how miserable our family life become and the affair itself means nothing to her. She says she did many stupid things and she is sorry for those things. We were very close to divorce. I actually had typed paperwork for filing, meet a lawyer, etc

Well, I do believe her after all. I am not going to file for divorce and she is not going to move out. What she was constantly keepin saying is that the internet affair with a guy she had not met for 10 years means nothing to her. In other words, exactly what you guys said -it was a symptom, not an illness. We will try to rebuild our family. Maybe we'll have intimacy after all. I said that I am going to allow her to meet her school bf if she so desperately wants to and I trust her it will not create any problems. It turned out that school bf received my e-mail, which he described as horrifying, and called her about that. It seems he was going to write an answer, but wife stopped him. It also seems that school bf asked her to consider seriously implications of a divorce for kids. It seems kinda funny to me that *** pretended to worry about our family, but I don't care about him anymore.

We going to start a new life. But guys, the day I called off my filing and she decided to stay with me, was one of happiest in my life. I could not believe how close we were to breakup.

glad to see things are working out, good luck man.

[wolfen]

Good luck on that long, long road.

Counseling is still a very good idea, if not necessary. It's not like she spontaneously developed relationship skills. A marriage counselor can help get a handle on this thing.

[Hash]

One thing I might add - I never pretended I understand women - I understand now them even less. MacNN seem to have a pretty large number of female members - I really would appreciate if at least one of them tried to explain what happened and how should it be interpreted

[Yose]

Originally Posted by Hash

She assured me that she WANTED me to notice and her e-affair was her plot to make me notice how miserable our family life become and the affair itself means nothing to her.

Is this one of those "The ends justify the means" sort of situations? I don't think I could stay in a relationship where my partner did that BECAUSE of the kids; I would not want to teach them to think they could act like she did and get away with it.

[mrgaskell]

Well, I am happy that you and your family will remian intact. Hopefully one day you can rekindle the love and passion that you had when you first started dating and married. And more importantly, I hope you can regain trust in your spouse. You are a much, much better man thatn me if you do. Good luck, Hash. And go kiss your kids!

[Hash]

Yes, I do hope too, otherwise it would be just a waste of time. I am glad that wife acknowledged that her actions hurt me, hurt our family, on the other hand, my past mistakes also hurt our love and affection. We both realised that and thats a most important gain for us, as I think. Having found it, the next step is to heal those mutual wounds. I want to trust my wife for more than 10 years, with whom we shared both good and bad days - if I trust her like I do, I do know whether I will be a better or dumber man.. but I am sure I am not going regret it. People basically respect trust and try to justify it, I think. I said "OK, you going to meet the guy, meet him and I believe you that you will not do anything to harm our family" and she said repeatedly that its not what I was afraid of. Well, I trust her.

[Zimphire]

Originally Posted by Dimethyltrypt

I'm really getting my inspiration from Lester in American Beauty.. but I think you can see the point here..... get her attention... ACT MYSTIC.

It'll catch her attention evetually. Trust me. Then you can have a big discussion.

[Zimphire]

Originally Posted by RonnieoftheRose

It's not the other guys fault. It's hers. It's always the fault of the person getting the most - either money, sex, attention, whatever. It's called being selfish. He had no duty, she did.

WRONG.

It's BOTH their faults.

He was wrong for going after a married woman, She was wrong for letting him.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Zimphire

WRONG.

It's BOTH their faults.

He was wrong for going after a married woman, She was wrong for letting him.

You have a very simplified view of the rest of the world.

[JustAnOl'Broad]

Originally Posted by Hash

One thing I might add - I never pretended I understand women - I understand now them even less. MacNN seem to have a pretty large number of female members - I really would appreciate if at least one of them tried to explain what happened and how should it be interpreted

Hash,
I've read your thread from the beginning, and can feel the emotion
coming from your words. I've tried not to add my two cents; letting the
guys have their "space", as such.
I admire you for your efforts thru all this; especially when it comes
to your kids.My heart goes out to you.

However, if my spouse were going to visit his old high school flame;
I'd hope all parties concerned could be there. (This gals husband
and myself included). I think I'd find that less threatening to my marriage.

As for helping you understand women; I don't have a clue -and I am
one. Ive seen alot of my younger, female co-workers go thru some
ugly divorces and break-ups. As an observer of people, in general;
I think most times they get what they deserve for their selfish
behavior.
You're both probably alot younger than myself, and my guess is
that your wife is just trying to reconnect with her "self" prior to
becoming wife, Mom, career woman, etc.
It takes it's toll on women, just like it does in men; most of us
try to have some self control and avoid inappropriate behavior that
will ruin our lives and families.
* I agree with the "it was both their faults" line of thinking.
They both let it get out of hand. (I'm glad his wife found out; jerk).


Hang in there buddy; but remember, if it's gonna work - she'll have to
try as hard as you do.
Just my thoughts, since you asked.
Patti~

[Zimphire]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

You have a very simplified view of the rest of the world.

You have a very simplified narrow minded view, of what my views are.

Instead of posting cheap personal jabs (Which posters aren't supposed to be doing, let a lone MODS, you know set an example), please tell me how what I said was wrong in any way.

THX.

[E's Lil Theorem]

I admire Hash and his renewed commitment to his marriage. Perhaps it's things like these why I'd never be a good husband. While I'm a patient enough person, there are limits to that patience and it's no where near Hash's.

Then again, with my type of personality, I'd never get into a serious relationship with a person that would do that to me.

Anyway, good luck, Hash.

Originally Posted by Zimphire

.... please tell me how what I said was wrong in any way.

THX.

Just to clarify, he didn't say it was wrong, just simplified. I have an idea as to what he meant, but I'll let him speak for himself. He seems like a big boy.

[turtle777]

Hash, I've been reading throught his whole threat in one sitting, OMG. There was a lot of great advice, and I am amazed by your patientence and commitment. I'm also glad to hear things seem to be getting better.

BUT, here is the big BUT:

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Repeatedly, your wife has told you she will work with you, and repeatedly she has broken her commitment. I don't want to be too pessimistic, but chances are high it will happen again.
Now, that doesn't mean that things won't get better every time. I hope and pray they will.

My advice would be to gather as much evidence as possible and keep it ready in case you have to file for divorce. Also, think about how you can NOW secure the best future for you and the kids in case of a divorce. Get some legal advice how to work towards creating a favorable financial situation for you in case of a divorce.

You should also think about certain milestones that have to be achieved in order to secure the relationship. IMO, your wife needs professional help. A true sign of things getting better would be if she acknowledges this and agrees to seek help. If that doesn't happen, you'll be just waiting for the next episode to happen. Don't be deceived: things are far from being stable and good. Make good use of the time and prepare for the worst case scenario.

All the best for you,

-t

[Zimphire]

Originally Posted by E's Lil Theorem

Just to clarify, he didn't say it was wrong, just simplified. I have an idea as to what he meant, but I'll let him speak for himself. He seems like a big boy.

Well if he thought my view was right, why did he even make such a comment? He wouldn't have.

If he would have, that would be kinda.. weird.

Not simplified at all. Just becauase I am blunt and to the point, doesn't mean my answer wasn't well thought out, taking everything into consideration.

Because it was. Not that it's needed. It's not a complex thing here. One doesn't have to dig too deep to see this.

Non-The-Less it was a pretty silly thing to post just by itself. Esp with no explaination.

[Hash]

Originally Posted by JustAnOl'Broad

Hash,
I've read your thread from the beginning, and can feel the emotion
coming from your words. I've tried not to add my two cents; letting the
guys have their "space", as such.
I admire you for your efforts thru all this; especially when it comes
to your kids.My heart goes out to you.

However, if my spouse were going to visit his old high school flame;
I'd hope all parties concerned could be there. (This gals husband
and myself included). I think I'd find that less threatening to my marriage.

As for helping you understand women; I don't have a clue -and I am
one. Ive seen alot of my younger, female co-workers go thru some
ugly divorces and break-ups. As an observer of people, in general;
I think most times they get what they deserve for their selfish
behavior.
You're both probably alot younger than myself, and my guess is
that your wife is just trying to reconnect with her "self" prior to
becoming wife, Mom, career woman, etc.
It takes it's toll on women, just like it does in men; most of us
try to have some self control and avoid inappropriate behavior that
will ruin our lives and families.
* I agree with the "it was both their faults" line of thinking.
They both let it get out of hand. (I'm glad his wife found out; jerk).


Hang in there buddy; but remember, if it's gonna work - she'll have to
try as hard as you do.
Just my thoughts, since you asked.
Patti~

Dear Patti, thanks for droppin 'by! This idea about my wife reconnecting to high school days is certainly true. Few months ago she began to meet her high school pals, mainly women, and thats how (through them) her former bf found her mobile phone number - the rest you know. I don't know now what my wife wants from me or from family - she is staying with me, working as usual, living as usual, still perhaps talking with the guy occasionally, we don't have family life, don't go out together - basically life goes as it did before I found her e-mails. Is she happy with such life? Is she going to spend the rest of her life that way? What should I do? I do not know. I understand nothing.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Hash

Dear Patti, thanks for droppin 'by! This idea about my wife reconnecting to high school days is certainly true. Few months ago she began to meet her high school pals, mainly women, and thats how (through them) her former bf found her mobile phone number - the rest you know. I don't know now what my wife wants from me or from family - she is staying with me, working as usual, living as usual, still perhaps talking with the guy occasionally, we don't have family life, don't go out together - basically life goes as it did before I found her e-mails. Is she happy with such life? Is she going to spend the rest of her life that way? What should I do? I do not know. I understand nothing.

Find direction for your life, find out what you want. Then you'll have a basis in discussions with her. You can give answers that are better than `I don't know.' Think about what you want from life, what you want from your family, what makes you happy? What do you expect from your wife?

[zigzag]

Originally Posted by Hash

Dear Patti, thanks for droppin 'by! This idea about my wife reconnecting to high school days is certainly true. Few months ago she began to meet her high school pals, mainly women, and thats how (through them) her former bf found her mobile phone number - the rest you know. I don't know now what my wife wants from me or from family - she is staying with me, working as usual, living as usual, still perhaps talking with the guy occasionally, we don't have family life, don't go out together - basically life goes as it did before I found her e-mails. Is she happy with such life? Is she going to spend the rest of her life that way? What should I do? I do not know. I understand nothing.

The only thing you can count on is that people (and people's feelings) change, some from month to month, others over the course of years. Trying to deal with these changes while sustaining a committed long-term relationship is difficult even under the best of circumstances. That's life.

[JustAnOl'Broad]

Originally Posted by Hash

Dear Patti, thanks for droppin 'by! This idea about my wife reconnecting to high school days is certainly true. Few months ago she began to meet her high school pals, mainly women, and thats how (through them) her former bf found her mobile phone number - the rest you know. I don't know now what my wife wants from me or from family - she is staying with me, working as usual, living as usual, still perhaps talking with the guy occasionally, we don't have family life, don't go out together - basically life goes as it did before I found her e-mails. Is she happy with such life? Is she going to spend the rest of her life that way? What should I do? I do not know. I understand nothing.

Hash,
I too agree that you guys need a couples counselor; someone to be a
mediator -hear both sides and let you both put your cards on the table
and work this situation out. You're obviously not happy with the
marriage the way it is now. It's gotta be a balance to work.
As long as she's acting like there's nothing wrong with your unhappiness
it's not gonna work. There's gotta be some effort on her part too.
Try to schedule in some time alone together - doing something that
you both enjoyed; try to figure out if this is something you've
just really blown out of context.
(I may take some heat for that last comment - but it is a possibility.)

Or, Summer's coming - how about a small family backyard barbecue
to spend time together. Perhaps one of her siblings or parents would
chat with her about how selfish she's been - for example the brother
who's divorced. Maybe her family could give you better insight as to
their perception of what's going on.

I do agree with zigzag; people do change. Some change for the better,
and some not.
I also agree with turtle; try your best, but don't toss out anything
that could cover your butt if this turns to divorce.

I just hope it all works out for you; everyone deserves to be happy.
Life is too short to be this miserable.
Take care,
P~

[Zimmerman]

After noticing and reading this whole thread, there are a couple lessons I've taken away.

1) Be perceptive and be vigilant about it.
2) Shop around before you get married.
3) Build GREAT communication with your interest BEFORE you decide to marry, that way you are used to sharing deepest darkest fears, concerns etc with your spouse.

Good luck, Hash old boy.

[Hash]

OK, thanks guys for great lessons.. so now things seem to improve a bit.. she now talks to me in a very normal way, smiles a lot, as we used to do when things were OK, long before the trouble began.. Go out sometimes, have a dinner, simple, nice talk. Had some small gifts for her, like Dior perfume, seems she liked it.

Seems like family feeling is slowly back. Strange calls and mails seem to decrease or disappear, at least as far I know. We try not to talk about problems. She still says she is not sure about our family life. She said I don't think you are NOT my husband, but either not sure whether you are.. Talk about cryptic female messages.. The only thing which is that we still don't have intimacy.. she says "please wait until my heart will want it" or something like this. Except this, everything is strangely peaceful

[BoomStick]

I went through this with my wife.

She didn't want me or anyone else to have me either.

When it came down to time to nuke, she pushed the button just to see my reaction, by then I was so used to her cruelty that it was a relief and told her ok we'll get a divorce but get out from in front of the tv. She found out that no judge in GA would make me pay for the house or alimony.

We went to the Dr. and got her some help for her uncontrollable rage she was suffering from for years.

Things went ok for a few years but the meds quit working so the cycle started all over again.

I told her I would abandon her if she let it go another day. She seriously thought that I would not leave if I had nowhere to keep my cockatoo. I told her Roxy would stay in the truck with me if she had to.

I told her every time she raises her voice at me or belittles me over nothing, I feel like just walking out.

We have a thousand dollar a month house payment to make and she can't make that alone and she knows it.

[Hash]

Well, thats whats holding her, you've got leverage, I guess. Since you do not leave her, I guess you love her, don't you?

[mrgaskell]

Did she ever have the meeting with that guy or did he totally chicken out? I can't remember...

[Hash]

No, she hasn't meet him yet, but she was to going to and was assuring me its nothing personal (sort of and not what I imagine). I said OK, go ahead and I trust you will not do any stupid things to harm our marriage (heh, we still married..) and since then, I have not heard about the meeting again, but I think, she will meet him anyway someday - you can't control a person for 24 hours for that matter and can't forbid her to meet people. She decided she wants to meet him and it seems nothing gonna change her decision. So let her meet him and have her girl talk, but I hope she's grown up enough to wake up to reality and maybe that meeting will open her eyes and its good if it'll bring ANY decision - i am sort of tired of all this uncertainty - so either she leaves to that guy or comes back to family - that certain outcome will be good thing and I welcome it (no matter which way it may go)

[BoomStick]

When my X up and left me 15 years ago, the guy she was messin around withthat was supposed to be sooooo exciting up and threw her out a year later when he caught her messin with his brother.

Since then she's been passed around more than a joint at a rap concert.

She still calls me to see if I'm divorced yet and offers for me to come see her all the time.

What I told the guy when she left was some of the greatest advice ever.

She's YOUR problem now.

[budster101]

Ha-ha!

For every hot chick out there, there is someone that is sick of her sh it.

[hart]

a friend told me his theory of relationships the other day. he said guys never want to be the Bad Guy if a relationship is going badly so they don't leave/kick partner out, they just act increasingly unpleasant until the woman leaves/kicks him out. And that women, on the other hand, do something like leave/kick partner out if it's not going the way they want. That's clearly not the case here as you've made a real effort to make your relationship work.

But is he right, in general? I don't have enough examples to work with to even come up with a general theory based on anecdotal evidence.

[budster101]

Maybe because guys in general are painted as the bad guy in any case? Just a thought. Chicks get away with murder. Well usually.