[frozentundra]

How can I monitor where my children are going on the internet. We use Safari for web browsing and Apple Mail client. Recently I found that one of my children is deleting trash, reseting safari and has opened a web based email account . I am very nervous about the sudden level of secrecy.

Are there any ways for a parent to track where they are going and what they are texting.

What I am hoping to find is a way to track where the children go online and if they are using an online email account to create access to a chat room or myspace page.

Is there any background app that can be run to track internet access, email and ichat

[kick52]

you should have a look at the software on here:
Pure Mac: Parental Control - Software for Macintosh

but i cant recommendany of that, as i havent used any of it.

[macintologist]

mac parental control - Google Search

[crazyjohnson]

Apple has a lot of nice built in tools (see the first link in the above Google search).

Anyway, I would use your best judgement with your children. I don't think it is productive to go overboard with the parental controls: a certain level of trust is necessary. Of course I am not trying to tell you how to raise your children. Every time I have seen this topic come up people talk more about trust, responsibility, etc. rather than restrictive software.

[ghporter]

The age of the child in question is rather important. An 8 year old boy could be doing this because of the "gee whiz" factor. An 8 year old girl could be doing this for the purpose of keeping "girl things" away from parents-rather benign "girl things" I might add.

A 10 or 12 year old of either gender is a totally different animal. Any other changes in behavior?

[Salty]

Hmmm, I wonder if there's any features on common routers that would let you log traffic through the router. You'd be able to log their traffic but not necessarily view what they're looking at.

There's two reasons to delete internet histories.

Porn

Friends

For friends kids don't want you stalking their conversations, seeing who they're talking to, what they're talking about etc.

Porn, they don't want you knowing that they were whacking off to images of whatever. If the kid's a pubescent boy odds are you've got a lil budding porn addict on your hands. Surprised he hadn't just discovered safe mode instead of resetting the browser .

As for web based mail that's hardly something to worry about. I'd have never used e-mailf for anything if I knew my mom was going to ask me about it later.

[Cadaver]

There are some stand-alone routers that have built-in filtering systems for blocking (whatever you deem to be) inappropriate content before it even gets to the computer. These routers also self-update blacklists and other filters from a central service. Not sure if a subscription is required.

One such device (Mac OS X compatible per product's datasheet): D-Link DSD-150 Internet Security Adapter
Looks interesting. Parental controls, detailed logging (which simply deleting the browser cache won't clear)...

[OreoCookie]

Just a piece of advice: if your kid has reached a certain age, his computer capabilities will probably exceed yours and he will be able to bypass most security measures -- unless you want to cripple his internet access.

Even though you were asking for software, I would advise even softer methods: trust your child and teach it what is good for him/her and what isn't.

[Cadaver]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie 

Just a piece of advice: if your kid has reached a certain age, his computer capabilities will probably exceed yours and he will be able to bypass most security measures -- unless you want to cripple his internet access.

Even though you were asking for software, I would advise even softer methods: trust your child and teach it what is good for him/her and what isn't.

Agreed, though hardware logging will be tough to bypass unless the device is physically disconnected (reasonably preventable by locking the cable modem and the security device in a secure enclosure with a combination lock or padlock. And you should be able to identify traffic though an anonymous gateway - if you see that then you should think about cutting off all net access, since s/he's clearly going to extreme lengths to cover his/her internet tracks.

But, as Oreo stated, make sure you have a need to distrust your child before you go too far.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Cadaver 

But, as Oreo stated, make sure you have a need to distrust your child before you go too far.

It's also a matter of feasibility. Kids are often much better versed in the world of computers than parents, so many measures defeated within seconds. Passwords can be reset using the OS X install CDs, etc.

[crazyjohnson]

Gosh, Salty. Give it a rest. That is an outrageous comment.

Anyway, Cadaver hits it spot on.

Originally Posted by Salty 

If the kid's a pubescent boy odds are you've got a lil budding porn addict on your hands.

[Cadaver]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie 

It's also a matter of feasibility. Kids are often much better versed in the world of computers than parents, so many measures defeated within seconds. Passwords can be reset using the OS X install CDs, etc.

Enable the firmware password to prevent booting off another hard drive or the optical drive, padlock on the computer case to prevent access to the CUDA reset switch, give your children managed accounts with no access to the system preferences and non-editable login passwords.

MacOS X 10.5 will ship with enhanced parental controls such as more restrictions on what can be done with Safari, iChat, Mail, etc. (who can be chatted with, who email can be received from, bookmark control and more). And I think I read it will also have time quotas for limited access (i.e., no Safari after 8pm or such).

Take a look around the net - you may be able to find a way to disable the Safari reset feature. And if you restrict access to the Terminal and other apps capable of editing application settings, it will be tough to circumvent.

Specific web site access can be limited by either editing the OS's host file or locking them out via the D-Link DSD-150. Thus you can reasonably well prevent access to GMail, Hotmail, Yahoo mail and others, while restricting all email access to Mail (or your app of choice). Without admin access or ability to boot off the system CD/DVD, removing these restrictions and resetting passwords will be tough. Not 100% impossible, but very tough.

If your kid manages to get around these restrictions, you likely have a more serious problem (and a very smart kid, too, which is actually a good thing).

While Oreo is again correct, I think its still reasonable to put these restrictions in place if you are so inclined. They are not 100% foolproof, but still pretty darn good. And make sure the computer is in a common area of the house - kitchen, family room - instead of in their bedroom or another room that's otherwise never occupied.

And while many kids are more computer savvy than their parents, fortunately my kids would have a very tough time getting around my abilities. Thankfully, I've got a couple years yet (oldest is 8 yrs and she's easily controlled by simply removing the URL bar from Safari on her account so all she's got access to are the bookmarks I provide for her).

[OreoCookie]

I'm aware that it's possible to lock down the computer (e. g. prevent booting off another drive with an Open Firmware password, it's technically possible, but usually not really necessary. an Open Firmware password does not protect your child against internet porn, but makes it more difficult to fiddle with the system.

I would definitely add a few more suggestions: use safe passwords. People really tend to underestimate this. Be it my professor or my parents, they all use weak passwords (name of spouse + year of birth for instance) -- all of these information are readily available to your youngster.

Some of these restrictions make it hard for your kids to use a computer. If you were to disable access to the optical drive for instance, your kid couldn't listen to music anymore. If you only allow certain people to e-mail your child, (s)he doesn't receive mails from new friends or teachers. Plus this encourages only to use web mailers instead. After all, you want your child to get accustomed to new technology.

[Salty]

I'm inclined to agree on the whole talk to your kids thing. Let them know that you noticed they're deleting the history but recognize your kids need to have their own level of anonymity from you. Let them know if you think it's wrong to be looking at naked women (or men) online.
That said if it's a 12+ year old boy and he's deleting internet history files I'd wager next semester's tuition on him looking at naked people on the internet.

[Big Mac]

If this is a younger child being discussed, it would be a good idea to move the computer to a common area and make sure the child knows that net access will be monitored. If it's a middle or high school student then just review common sense points about security (don't give out personal details online or respond to people who make odd requests), and trust that you've got a kid with enough sense not to do too many stupid things. Try to create an atmosphere of trust rather than suspicion.

[Sage]

Originally Posted by Salty 

That said if it's a 12+ year old boy and he's deleting internet history files I'd wager next semester's tuition on him looking at naked people on the internet.

Mm, not always. When I was 12 I would always Clear History, because I was on forums – my mom thinks that forums are full of child predators and what not, so she would’ve killed me if she found me communicating with “strangers” online.

[mduell]

Originally Posted by frozentundra 

Are there any ways for a parent to track where they are going...

How about paying attention to your kids?

The easiest way is to put the computer in a public and/or highly trafficked area (family room, breakfast nook, etc.) instead of in their room or a secluded den.

[Hi I'm Ben]

When I was a kid, if my parent had done something to prevent me from doing it, I would have probably tried to find a way around it. Instead my parents voiced their concern to me and would talk if something bothered them. This seemed to be a little more productive since I respected them and didn't want to disappoint them by doing the wrong thing.

I had a few friends growing up that their parents had been over protective or very restrictive. They tended to turn out to be completely rebellious into their college years and large assholes. This is all anecdotal advice of course but hey.

My best advice would be, if you seriously feel the need to put the lock down on your kid's computer activity make sure you voice your concerns and let them know why you're doing it. Don't be sly and underhanded about it otherwise you'll get that same behavior in response.

[OreoCookie]

I still remember the time when I told my hostmom I had a hotmail address. She freaked and thought I had subscribed to some sort of porn service

My hostbrother and his wife came to the rescue though

[ghporter]

One other thing to consider is being there when your kids are surfing. This is easier if you have your computer in the same place as your kid's; we have always had an office in the house where we keep all the computers, so it's always been easy to see what our son was doing online. I have also always had an administrator account on his computers, so even if he has dumped his cache and history, I can still look at logs and such-and he knows it.

This is one of those "set limits for me so I can test them" growing up issues. A child NEEDS limits but also NEEDS to push those limits. Setting limits shows that you are paying attention and that you are concerned about the child, even when the child feels trodden upon by those limits. It is, however, not a simple thing to handle. Set limits that are too lax and the child has no way to push; too strict and the child pushes without intending to. You have to be careful and set the right limit for each situation, and always, ALWAYS be ready to alter and adapt because of changing conditions, behavior, etc.

[Sherman Homan]

Consider this, if you bolt down your home computer so that your kid can't use it, your kid is heading off to a friend's house where he or she can surf with out a parent....

[mitchell_pgh]

My words of advice:
- Simply ask "Why are you resetting Safari?"
- Set rules: "No outside email addresses"
- Don't install monitoring software until you've disciplined them for abusing your rules.


ALSO, one of the worst ideas I've seen is the idea of parents giving their kids computers for their bedrooms. For starters, I would NEVER give my kid a computer... I would let them use my computer, or my "other" computer (the one I buy for them, but don't GIVE it to them).

Also, an unsupervised computer in a bedroom is like an unsupervised/unlocked door to their room from the outside. Sure, most likely nobody will randomly come walking through the door, but they might. I would recommend keeping the computer in a public area (living room, dining room, den, etc.

Again, just my advice.

[Cadaver]

Originally Posted by mitchell_pgh 

ALSO, one of the worst ideas I've seen is the idea of parents giving their kids computers for their bedrooms.

Also, an unsupervised computer in a bedroom is like an unsupervised/unlocked door to their room from the outside. Sure, most likely nobody will randomly come walking through the door, but they might. I would recommend keeping the computer in a public area (living room, dining room, den, etc.

Right on the mark.

[Tack]

Yeah, this is normal. I think the standard "what are you doing and make sure it's not porn" conversation is in order.

I have always believed parental controls are a dumb idea unless you're a junior high school and liable for damages. Trust first.

That and it's really useless to have a parental-controlled computer. Seriously useless, because the useful websites are blocked. It's going to affect his ability to do that sort of research in high school or whatever.

[moonmonkey]

What's so bad about porn?
How old are they?

[mac128k-1984]

Originally Posted by frozentundra 

How can I monitor where my children are going on the internet. We use Safari for web browsing and Apple Mail client. Recently I found that one of my children is deleting trash, reseting safari and has opened a web based email account . I am very nervous about the sudden level of secrecy.

Have you talked with them? I mean confront them why are they doing these things and mention that it looks like they're hiding something.

Also where is the computer located, hopefully not in their bedroom, if they continue to be "secretive" then take the computer away.

My children are much to young to use a computer right now (1 year old) but that hasn't prevent my wife and I from talking about how best to handle this situation and for us its going to be a combination of software, usage times and talking with them. I can turn off internet access via the router based on days and times and when the time comes for them to start using it, that will be implemented along with parental controls. The first line of defense for us though is to talk.

[HowEver]

If the child finds out they are being secretly monitored, the parent has blown the trust relationship pretty much forever.

Clearly this parent should have spent far more time getting to know their child and less being the overprotective spy.

It's not too late though. How about some bonding activities?

[butterfly0fdoom]

Being too overprotective won't help parent-child relations. Crippling the internet with filters won't work, either (it ends up being counterproductive for school work research, just like the internet at most schools).

Just be straight up honest with your children. Tell them what you don't want them doing.

Having your children's computer near yours is somewhat of a solution until they reach the point where they want that sense of privacy (probably around when they enter high school). If there's a good trust relationship, then there really isn't any reason for you to doubt your children.

[mitchell_pgh]

Originally Posted by HowEver 

If the child finds out they are being secretly monitored, the parent has blown the trust relationship pretty much forever.

Clearly this parent should have spent far more time getting to know their child and less being the overprotective spy.

It's not too late though. How about some bonding activities?

Actually, IMHO, you must strike a balance. You shouldn't unconditionally trust your child. As Reagan said: "Trust, but verify"

While I may not place spy software on the computer, I might accidentally turn off the power to the house and check the computer after turning it back on. I firmly believe there is a fine line between trusting your children and being an idiot that blindly trusts them.

I hear so many parents say "I had no idea" when all the warning signs were right in front of them.

[mitchell_pgh]

Originally Posted by butterfly0fdoom 

Being too overprotective won't help parent-child relations. Crippling the internet with filters won't work, either (it ends up being counterproductive for school work research, just like the internet at most schools).

Just be straight up honest with your children. Tell them what you don't want them doing.

Having your children's computer near yours is somewhat of a solution until they reach the point where they want that sense of privacy (probably around when they enter high school). If there's a good trust relationship, then there really isn't any reason for you to doubt your children.

While I agree that you should be straight up and honest with your children, there are ALWAYS reasons not to trust them... even when there is a "good trust relationship." They are making decisions based on limited intellect, information, past experiences, etc. etc. They are bound to make errors in judgement.

I'm in no way saying that you should be a helicopter parent, but trusting them too much is just as bad as not trusting them at all.

[ghporter]

mitchell_pgh is right; the "trust but verify" strategy plays to the developmental processes children go through-as I pointed out, they NEED limits and to test those limits, and trusting them but letting them know you're checking is a great way to do both.

And as he says, there are a lot of reasons not to fully trust kids. They don't usually go out of their way to find trouble, but they aren't skilled at seeing trouble looming in front of them and so they often LOOK like they're looking for it. Providing feedback on their actions and decisions - both positive and negative feedback on a regular basis! - BUILDS trust, especially when you can show them "see how here you rushed and had problems, but when you took your time there, you saw the problem and avoided it" situations. This reinforces their positive behaviors without sounding like you're criticizing them for making mistakes.