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iM@k · Mar 14, 2012, 02:51 AM

Finally coming out.

I've met a great guy and we've been seeing each other for a few weeks. It happened far easier and feels way more natural then every single attempt with girls I've tried.

That is all, please carry on.

gradient · Mar 14, 2012, 03:28 AM

Congrats on finally feeling comfortable enough to be yourself. It's not an easy thing to wrestle with. I salute you, sir!

Shaddim · Mar 14, 2012, 03:49 AM

Umm, okay, good for you.

hyteckit · Mar 14, 2012, 04:51 AM

I'm coming out, and I want the world to know.

Diana Ross - I'm Coming Out - YouTube

I always thought your handle was milk, as in Harvey Milk.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1013753/

imitchellg5 · Mar 14, 2012, 10:35 AM

I like my walk-in closet during the summer, it's generally 6 or 8˚ cooler than the rest of the house for some reason.

andi*pandi · Mar 14, 2012, 11:13 AM

congrats on your relationship iM@k!

SSharon · Mar 14, 2012, 11:36 AM

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come out to us. Have you told your family and friends? How did they react?

OreoCookie · Mar 14, 2012, 11:58 AM

Congrats on having met someone you like. I'm sure a burden has been lifted off your shoulders.

Eug · Mar 14, 2012, 12:23 PM

Didn't even know you were in the closet. So, whatever...

Originally Posted by imitchellg5

I like my walk-in closet during the summer, it's generally 6 or 8˚ cooler than the rest of the house for some reason.

So you like going into the closet then?

What about in the winter?

Salty · Mar 14, 2012, 01:27 PM

Man if I'd have waited for a relationship before coming out I'd still be a huge closet case.

Athens · Mar 14, 2012, 01:45 PM

Originally Posted by iM@k

Finally coming out.

I've met a great guy and we've been seeing each other for a few weeks. It happened far easier and feels way more natural then every single attempt with girls I've tried.

That is all, please carry on.

Just don't become a flamer working extra hard to make people know you are gay. Just be yourself and don't care what others think. Hold hands in public, be affectionate in public. Be yourself. It makes life so much easier.

Athens · Mar 14, 2012, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by Salty

Man if I'd have waited for a relationship before coming out I'd still be a huge closet case.

A relationship is what got me out of the closet sorta. I just didn't deny it if asked, and was myself anywhere. Speak about it openly with nothing to hide. Its amazing though how many people I know that don't suspect lol

And on the note of dating closet cases, that is something I will never do again.

SSharon · Mar 14, 2012, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by Athens

And on the note of dating closet cases, that is something I will never do again.

That's an interesting point. Is it common for someone not to date someone that is still in the closet? I can see why you wouldn't like it because it probably pulls you back into hiding, but I'm wondering whether this is more of a rule or an exception.

iM@k · Mar 14, 2012, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by SSharon

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come out to us. Have you told your family and friends? How did they react?

My family on my Dads side are conservative Catholics. They think it was my choice, not he judge's, at the age of 6 to live with my Mom's family. As such, they've always given me the cold shoulder and already told me they disown me. So there's no way I'm telling them I'm gay even if they do come to their senses someday.

My closest friends said they knew a long time ago. Not by the way I interacted with guys as never made any passes at them, but from the way I acted around girls ( They say they could see there was no "spark" when I talk to girls and my attempts to do so were forced and unnatural).

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

Congrats on having met someone you like. I'm sure a burden has been lifted off your shoulders.

Thank you.

In the traditional meaning of the phrase, I'm a man's man . Ie I'm not flamboyant, I have no interest in feminine culture, activities or dress. I like watching football and UFC for the sport (doesn't cause anything to happen downstairs). I also desire to be married to a female and have the stereotypical nuclear family.

But when you've been to 3 of your friend bachelor parties at "clubs" and were literally bored at each one, you begin to suspect the nuclear family might not be in your cards. *

Originally Posted by Eug

Didn't even know you were in the closet. So, whatever...

So you like going into the closet then?

What about in the winter?

ANSWER

Originally Posted by gradient

Congrats on finally feeling comfortable enough to be yourself. It's not an easy thing to wrestle with. I salute you, sir!

No it's not! As I said above, I wanted to have a "normal" family, but I finally accepted it wasn't for me. I appreciate the words of support. Thank You.

* later verified by getting up the courage to check out a gay club and suddenly being hit with the sensation of a Mack truck starting in my pants.

Athens · Mar 14, 2012, 02:16 PM

I was in a long relationship with a closet case. Didn't have the effect of putting me back into hiding. But what it did do is affect the relationship. Couldn't share with friends who my lover was. Couldn't take him to social gatherings as a couple. Couldn't meet his family, his friends. Was stressful and bad. Being "THE" secret sucked.

Athens · Mar 14, 2012, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by iM@k

No it's not! As I said above, I wanted to have a "normal" family, but I finally accepted it wasn't for me. I appreciate the words of support. Thank You.

Don't let that stop you. You can still have a "normal" family with the right guy. The question is what is "normal" You have hollywood's depiction of normal and reality. Most families do not come anywhere close to the depicted nuclear family. The norm is really single parent moms, single parent dads, moms with non biological fathers, dads with non biological moms, kids being raised by other siblings, aunts, uncles, grand parents, gay couples, tri couples and so on. A gay couple raising a family in a stereo typical house in a stereo typical community doing all the stereo typical things of a normal family is a "normal" family.

The hard part is finding that right guy to do it with. Not many gay guys want children or a family life. And so many can't even keep up with a monogamous relationship. That's the real challenge.

Atheist · Mar 14, 2012, 02:22 PM

Great news! Now get out there and start recruiting! You'll have that toaster oven in no time!

imitchellg5 · Mar 14, 2012, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by Eug

So you like going into the closet then?

I'm actually trying to figure out a way to get my desk into the closet. It's an odd layout. It has normal traditional sliding doors, and one end of the closet is about the normal depth, but the other half goes back about 15'. That way I can have the cool of the closet and then my desk is hidden afterwards.

What about in the winter?

It's still super cold in the winter, which isn't super helpful.

Athens · Mar 14, 2012, 02:29 PM

You think Seattle has super cold winters....

OreoCookie · Mar 14, 2012, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by iM@k

I also desire to be married to a female and have the stereotypical nuclear family.

You can still have that. A friend of mine (a lesbian) and her girlfriend are trying to get pregnant by artificial insemination (well, my friend is). If you meet the right person, perhaps you can still have a family.

iM@k · Mar 14, 2012, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by OreoCookie

You can still have that. A friend of mine (a lesbian) and her girlfriend are trying to get pregnant by artificial insemination (well, my friend is). If you meet the right person, perhaps you can still have a family.

I know, I look to Cam and Mitchell on Modern Family for inspiration.

imitchellg5 · Mar 14, 2012, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by Athens

You think Seattle has super cold winters....

I meant the closet in comparison to the rest of the house. Though it's colder here this winter than usual.

Eug · Mar 14, 2012, 04:22 PM

Originally Posted by imitchellg5

I'm actually trying to figure out a way to get my desk into the closet. It's an odd layout. It has normal traditional sliding doors, and one end of the closet is about the normal depth, but the other half goes back about 15'. That way I can have the cool of the closet and then my desk is hidden afterwards.

It's still super cold in the winter, which isn't super helpful.

Interesting.

Funny you should mention this because my mom just bought a condo and we too had been toying with the idea of repurposing the closet. The condo is a nice place and she got it for an excellent price (estate sale), but the one strike against it was the odd shower configuration.

It turns out her walk-in closet would be big enough to house a small but complete bathroom, and the laundry plumbing shares a wall with it so it's technically feasible. We probably won't pursue a second bathroom there due to hassle factor (strict condo building) and cost, but it's big enough to perhaps make a sewing room or something, as she doesn't need a big walk-in closet.

1) Do you have electrical in there? If not you may be looking at spending a few bux installing another circuit. However, I think code prohibits electrical plugs in closets in some jurisdictions. Alternatively you could just run some extension cords in there. I'm not sure if you're allowed to add an electrical plug as an extension to the overhead light's circuit, assuming you have an overhead light in there.

2) How wide is the half that extends 15 feet back?

3) You can use a space heater in there in the winter. It'd probably warm up quite quickly. It's a lot easier to heat a small space like that in the winter than somehow air condition an isolated space like that in the summer. However, this brings back the issue of circuits. If you have only a single circuit nearby, then you probably won't want to run your heater at max and run a Mac there at the same time. Fortunately, for a small space, a 600-900 Watt oil-filled heater would be quite sufficient to heat the area. That would just mean a standard 1500 Watt oil-filled space heater on low or medium. That leaves you several hundred watts left over to run your Mac and a lamp.

4) Do you have pix or a layout?

imitchellg5 · Mar 14, 2012, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by iM@k

I know, I look to Cam and Mitchell on Modern Family for inspiration.

Just don't come out of the closet to go into the pantry

iM@k · Mar 14, 2012, 05:04 PM

Ok, so I get what you're saying about dating a closeted guy, but iMitchellsG5's desk is sounding like it might be a very attractive mate.

If the desk and I hook up, and the desk ends up in he closet, do you think that will have a negative impact on our relationship? I mean as long as the closet door stays open, that should be a fair balance of honesty and discretion, right?

Of course I have to remember that IMitchell will be using the desk too, so a lot will depend on how he feels, it could also lead to a Ménage à trois arrangement which I could be down for.

What do you all think?

Eug · Mar 14, 2012, 05:35 PM

It'd be crowded to be at the desk at the same time, but multiple user accounts with the accounts used at different times of the day solves that problem.

And like I said before, having an electrical circuit in the room is key to a good desk experience.

BTW, have you ever noticed the homersexual nature of OS X?

Spheric Harlot · Mar 14, 2012, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by Eug

BTW, have you ever noticed the homersexual nature of OS X?

Huh?

I see two guys standing in line to buy the new iPad.

Eug · Mar 14, 2012, 06:20 PM

These two guys long preceded the iPad, and are a part of OS X, not iOS which is not a very inclusive OS IMO.

iOS promotes narcissistic individualism. There is no room for multiple user accounts in iOS.

Spheric Harlot · Mar 14, 2012, 06:45 PM

Wow, you must be great fun at parties, too.

Hey, maybe we should go to a party together—you know, just to deaden the place up.

iM@k · Mar 14, 2012, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by Eug

It'd be crowded to be at the desk at the same time, but multiple user accounts with the accounts used at different times of the day solves that problem.

And like I said before, having an electrical circuit in the room is key to a good desk experience.

BTW, have you ever noticed the homersexual nature of OS X?

Look at what you wrote, I believe the proper image is:

euphras · Mar 14, 2012, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by Eug

It'd be crowded to be at the desk at the same time, but multiple user accounts with the accounts used at different times of the day solves that problem.

And like I said before, having an electrical circuit in the room is key to a good desk experience.

BTW, have you ever noticed the homersexual nature of OS X?

Have you experienced Madness?!

d4nth3m4n · Mar 14, 2012, 11:53 PM

You were straight?!?!??!??!

Salty · Mar 15, 2012, 12:40 AM

I had a huge crush on a closet case once ... when he met me he said he was bi curious ... apparently I fixed that, but later he said I was too smart to date ... seriously, worst compliment ever. Apparently he didn't feel smart enough to talk to me and I always made him feel dumb by simply talking to him. (I had another ex get mad at me for explaining what the word ecumenical meant in front of some friends, I was like, dude nobody knows what that means!)

I've actually come to the conclusion that I'm unloveable. But congrats for you

lpkmckenna · Mar 15, 2012, 12:56 AM

Congrats to you iM@k. I hope things work out for you.

Originally Posted by iM@k

My family on my Dads side are conservative Catholics. They think it was my choice, not he judge's, at the age of 6 to live with my Mom's family. As such, they've always given me the cold shoulder and already told me they disown me. So there's no way I'm telling them I'm gay even if they do come to their senses someday.

You should rub it in their faces.

Eug · Mar 15, 2012, 01:39 AM

Originally Posted by euphras

Have you experienced Madness?!

Yes

Tiresias · Mar 15, 2012, 09:08 AM

I'm quite curious about the psychological process involved here.

Did your attraction to men slowly increase and your attraction to women slowly decrease until finally you had achieved a state of full-fledged homosexuality? And if so, wasn't there a midpoint when you were equally attracted to both sexes? And has your attraction to the opposite sex disappeared completely? This scenario seems unlikely.

Or, more probably, did you always harbor a repressed attraction to men, and try to convince yourself that you were attracted to women, though deep down you suspected that you weren't, until finally the strain of living a lie finally become too much? And if this is so, how could you possibly not have known that you were gay from the early onset of puberty?

I have no basis for comparison than my own case. From the time I was a young boy, girls have had for me a special appeal and allure; that is, I used to experience a "funny feeling" being around pretty girls even before I knew what sex was.

Isn't it reasonable to expect a gay man to have had the same feeling towards the same sex during boyhood and early adolescence? Or was there no clear early orientation either way? Or was there a repressed orientation to the same sex, obstructed by a socialized but superficial orientation towards the opposite sex, that has only recently been resolved?

Please to explain.

Salty · Mar 18, 2012, 02:32 AM

I know I had several really good male friends when I was young who meant the world to me. I once remember telling my parents that I wasn't going to get married, instead me and Ryan were going to raise Dolphins in our basement. So ... yeah, before I knew that you couldn't store dolphins in a basement, there was something there. The unfortunate thing for gay kids is that rarely do parents ever give a voice to the things they're experiencing, so it takes much longer to figure things out.

OreoCookie · Mar 18, 2012, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by Salty

I know I had several really good male friends when I was young who meant the world to me. I once remember telling my parents that I wasn't going to get married, instead me and Ryan were going to raise Dolphins in our basement.

Raising dolphins in the basement?

Salty · Mar 18, 2012, 02:33 PM

I thought it would be a good way to utilize space. I was in like grade 5.

Tiresias · Mar 19, 2012, 09:59 AM

Raising dolphins in your basement?

That's pretty gay.

andi*pandi · Mar 19, 2012, 10:24 AM

Or cool.

The Final Dakar · Mar 20, 2012, 12:11 PM

*trying not to think of the logical consequences of Salty having access to a bottlenose*

Athens · Mar 20, 2012, 02:50 PM

Rofl!

Spheric Harlot · Mar 21, 2012, 05:22 AM

That would turn me gay.

iM@k · Mar 24, 2012, 03:01 PM

Can we go down to your basement so I can see and pet your dolphin?

Salty · Mar 24, 2012, 05:45 PM

Haha, no idea how cute you are, but odds are if you're a cute Mac user you can pet my dolphin any time

OldManMac · Mar 24, 2012, 10:42 PM

Congratulations on your relationship! Being the parent of a lesbian, who waited until she was almost 30 to come out to me, and whom I love unconditionally, I'm glad for you!

Salty · Mar 25, 2012, 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by OldManMac

Congratulations on your relationship! Being the parent of a lesbian, who waited until she was almost 30 to come out to me, and whom I love unconditionally, I'm glad for you!

Wish my parents had been that supportive. Though it took them a while they're pretty good these days

simonjames · Mar 25, 2012, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by iM@k

I've met a great guy and we've been seeing each other for a few weeks. It happened far easier and feels way more natural then every single attempt with girls I've tried.

Wow - I always knew what sexual orientation I was. Even as a young boy I knew but I also knew I had to hide it as at that time it was a crime and thought of as a mental illness. I was lucky to be full of self-confidence plus tall for my age so I didn't care what bigots said.

And congrats on succeeding in the dating game - it is never easy to find that one special person you can truly get on with - no matter what orientation you are! Just lookout for dolphins in the basement!

besson3c · Mar 25, 2012, 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by Salty

I've actually come to the conclusion that I'm unloveable. But congrats for you

You aren't unloveable, you just have to figure out not to be worried about farting in the gym with your iPod and just let er rip with confidence and intention.