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How Bad Is This?
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l008com
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Mar 9, 2015, 03:23 AM
 
How terrible is it to tell a recently-engaged girl that you think she is making a mistake?

I know I have given basically no context at all. And that's for a reason. Based on just that one line description of the situation, how bad is this?
     
subego
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Mar 9, 2015, 03:47 AM
 
It depends.

HTH.




Sorry. Couldn't resist. They're likely not interested in hearing the "truth", and will (either correctly or not) rationalize away anything you say.

Or not... it depends.
     
OreoCookie
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Mar 9, 2015, 06:34 AM
 
Ugh, that's a tough one. I've seen some people end friendships because of relationship advice, but on the other hand, if you really care for that person … I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
     
Waragainstsleep
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Mar 9, 2015, 07:14 AM
 
Anonymous letter?
I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
     
BadKosh
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Mar 9, 2015, 08:02 AM
 
Thats what happens when the little head does the thinking for the big head.
     
ShortcutToMoncton
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Mar 9, 2015, 08:11 AM
 
Originally Posted by subego View Post
They're likely not interested in hearing the "truth", and will (either correctly or not) rationalize away anything you say.
Bingo. Unless you've got the sort of evidence that comes from hiring a private dick to take pictures of him smooching unknown broads outside the local Hilton - and if you do, well, awesome, I`ve only seen that in movies - then she's 100% going to have to figure it out herself, and you bringing it up will only damage your relationship.

Of course when she does figure it out, she`s going to ask in a vaguely accusing manner why you "didn't say something". Just start coming up with a good explanation now.
Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
     
Spheric Harlot
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Mar 9, 2015, 08:27 AM
 
Depends upon what kind of mistake.

If he's two-timing or something like that, yep.

There are mistakes people need to have made in order to be able to believe you when you tell them.

That may not be your business.
     
Atheist
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Mar 9, 2015, 08:41 AM
 
My general rule of thumb is "mind your own business". Unless you fear for her safety, just leave it be. It will work itself out.
     
andi*pandi
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Mar 9, 2015, 10:30 AM
 
Depends on how well you know the girl, and the fiance, or more likely, how much she looks to you for advice. If you insult her twoo wuv by implying he's not good enough, a slacker, etc, all you're doing is getting yourself uninvited to the wedding. If you have hard evidence of something worse, then... I would tell her in the most gentle way possible.
     
BLAZE_MkIV
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Mar 9, 2015, 11:32 AM
 
You can't. You could suggest she take things a little slower. It's the "honeymoon" period that needs to pass. It's tough because we've been breed not to be reasonable about this.
     
Doc HM
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Mar 9, 2015, 12:23 PM
 
If it's hard and fast evidence the other person is having affairs, is into illegal stuff then a "You do realise..." speech may be in order.

If you just really don't like the guy, he's a hippy and you hate hippies (republicans, surfers, dog owners... insert as required) or feel he's just "not right" for her, then it's not your call.
This space for Hire! Reasonable rates. Reach an audience of literally dozens!
     
subego
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Mar 9, 2015, 02:57 PM
 
Calling all hippie, republican, surfer dog-lovers... I require to insert something.
     
l008com  (op)
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Mar 10, 2015, 03:20 AM
 
I appreciate how you all assume that he is a bad guy and i'm trying to save her. Now I will instantly change the whole vibe of this thread by saying that, i think she's making a mistake because I think she should be with me.

Commence cliché-ing!
     
Cap'n Tightpants
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Mar 10, 2015, 03:40 AM
 
Oh, well tell her that.
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nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character." - M.L.King Jr
     
Doc HM
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Mar 10, 2015, 04:41 AM
 
In that case tell her that. I think that if she thought she should be with you then she'd know it and you'd know she knew. These things are rarely a surprise other than in 3rd rate movies.
Still good to say though if only so you know you did.

Good luck.
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OreoCookie
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Mar 10, 2015, 07:05 AM
 
If you are really into her, open your mouth, go all in now, but then accept whatever her decision is.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
     
Spheric Harlot
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Mar 10, 2015, 07:52 AM
 
I suggest going to MacRumors for a second opinion.
     
Face Ache
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Mar 10, 2015, 07:59 AM
 
Originally Posted by l008com View Post
i think she's making a mistake because I think she should be with me.
Well you've been a member of this forum since 2000, so I assume you're over 14.

Ask yourself: Will this be good news for her? Will she drop everything for you because you are a millionaire rock singer movie star super awesome guy? Do you think she got engaged to the other guy knowing she's settled for second best? Do you imagine she's just waiting for a call from you?

If the answers to these questions is yes, then go right ahead.


     
BadKosh
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Mar 10, 2015, 08:11 AM
 
Sounds like a lack of reality.
     
Atheist
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Mar 10, 2015, 08:35 AM
 
wikiHow has your answer: How to Deal With Unrequited Love

Honestly though. That scene you've played out over and over in your head (the one where you admit your true feelings and she responds in kind) only happens in movies. Best to move on.
     
subego
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Mar 10, 2015, 08:50 AM
 
Originally Posted by l008com View Post
Now I will instantly change the whole vibe of this thread by saying that, i think she's making a mistake because I think she should be with me.
Originally Posted by Waragainstsleep View Post
Anonymous letter?
P-P-P-Problem SOLVED!
     
residentEvil
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Mar 10, 2015, 08:57 AM
 
     
Jawbone54
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Mar 10, 2015, 10:34 AM
 
This is going to go so well.
     
The Final Dakar
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Mar 10, 2015, 10:46 AM
 
Originally Posted by l008com View Post
Commence cliché-ing!
No shit. Ultra cliché would be that she doesn't even know you have feeling for her yet.
     
ort888
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Mar 10, 2015, 12:55 PM
 

My sig is 1 pixel too big.
     
l008com  (op)
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Mar 10, 2015, 12:57 PM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post
Well you've been a member of this forum since 2000, so I assume you're over 14.
Actually I signed up the day after I was born. I got bored sleeping in a plastic bucket all day.
     
Cap'n Tightpants
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Mar 10, 2015, 01:12 PM
 
Women know how we feel, from the moment we first meet them, "Hi, I'm male and I want to bone you." Honestly, she would have changed things if she felt the same. Not trying to be harsh, but that's how it is.
"I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a
nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character." - M.L.King Jr
     
andi*pandi
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Mar 10, 2015, 01:26 PM
 
How firmly in the friend zone are you? Do you want to still know this person, even if she crushes your feelings?

Nothing to do but say it, but brace yourself for pain.
     
Waragainstsleep
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Mar 10, 2015, 06:40 PM
 
Originally Posted by ort888 View Post
What is this from and was Mike Myers deliberately paying homage in Wayne's World 2? (It was 2 right?)
I have plenty of more important things to do, if only I could bring myself to do them....
     
Spheric Harlot
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Mar 10, 2015, 06:49 PM
 
That's from "The Graduate", with Dustin Hoffman. Classic (and the source of Simon & Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson").
     
mattyb
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Mar 11, 2015, 08:13 AM
 
Originally Posted by Cap'n Tightpants View Post
Women know how we feel, from the moment we first meet them, "Hi, I'm male and I want to bone you." Honestly, she would have changed things if she felt the same. Not trying to be harsh, but that's how it is.
No. Sorry but the majority of the women that I meet, I don't want to bone. My social circles are not full of super-models and pop-singers though.

- - - - -

l008com, you gotta tell her how you feel.
     
Cap'n Tightpants
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Mar 11, 2015, 08:35 AM
 
Originally Posted by mattyb View Post
No. Sorry but the majority of the women that I meet, I don't want to bone. My social circles are not full of super-models and pop-singers though.
Context. You've been in France too long, apparently.
"I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a
nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin,
but by the content of their character." - M.L.King Jr
     
mattyb
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Mar 11, 2015, 09:07 AM
 
You are correct, France is full of sea-monsters. Meet <> See.
     
Jawbone54
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Mar 11, 2015, 12:20 PM
 
As long as you're aware of the risks, and willing to accept the possible (likely) outcome, I guess go for it.

I know andi already asked, "Do you want to still know this person?" I'd take it a step further and ask if the two of you frequent the same circles. If you spill your guts to her, and she rejects you, it could affect the dynamics of your entire social life. If that's the case, the consequences could be much greater than, "I'd lose a friendship."
     
iMOTOR
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Mar 12, 2015, 12:24 AM
 
Originally Posted by mattyb View Post

l008com, you gotta tell her how you feel.
Preferably at the wedding.
     
   
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