[tavilach]

I'm very good at reading social cues, but I'm looking for a book that would shed some light on the art of small talk, social networking, etc., because I figure that if I'm reminded of all the "rules," I'll be more successful in the business world. All I seem to be able to find are books like "Make a billion, bazillion friends! And more!", and I honestly don't feel comfortable reading something aimed for total social retards and rejects. I want to become more than just "okay" at this sort of thing, and while I know that it will simply take a lot of practice, I'm hoping that there is a book out there that might go over the basics in an intelligent way. I'll get where I need to be regardless of a book, but again, I figure that it can't hurt and might be quite interesting and fun. Any ideas?

[forkies]

sorry, don't think you learn about how to be social from a book...

[PurpleGiant]

I'm not sure if you were trying to be funny, wanting to find out about how to socialise from a book - but assuming you were serious, here's some really simple small-talk tips and topics:

• The weather (obvious, but it's there if you've got nothing to work with)

• Compliment someone on something you like about them: their hair, shirt, shoes. Everyone loves a compliment.

• Do interesting things every now and then - so you actually have something interesting to talk about. At a dull point of conversation, you can say "So, I dressed up as Batman the other day.", or "I got carpet burn at a spa party last night" - and there's a good conversation starter.

[Salty]

best way to get people talking, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. Far more than they want to hear about you. How do you think I know all kinds of things about everyone at my school and most people still haven't figured out for sure that I'm gay!

[shunt]

"Transactional Analysis", Eric Berne, M.D.

A little outdated, but it will shed light...might not necesarilly help you, though. Another one of his books that's called, "Games People Play" , is pretty well known.

I have a friend who is a non-speaker, people think he's wierd.... until you get to know him and realize --he actually is wierd.

edit:

First hit on google about it

[Ghoser777]

I have the super power of ending every conversation simply by opening my mouth. I need the inhibitor thing that cyclops has for his eyes, but for my mouth... like a muzzle that looks cool.

[tavilach]

I know the obvious stuff, guys, but I feel that there has got to be a comprehensive book on this topic. Of course you can't learn how to be social from a book, but you can be reminded of different social rules, and introduced to ones that you didn't even know existed!

Please don't treat me like I'm a social imbecile because I'm interested in learning a lot about social rules and conventions. Perhaps my original post was misleading, but I can hold my own.

[Salty]

Originally Posted by Ghoser777

I have the super power of ending every conversation simply by opening my mouth. I need the inhibitor thing that cyclops has for his eyes, but for my mouth... like a muzzle that looks cool.

It's called a girl friend...

Seriously I know this guy, every time he opens his mouth he says something dumb, we rely on his girl friend to tell him to shut up

[Goldfinger]

Just open your god damn mouth, get pissed, **** some girls, those girls have friends and they'll introduce you etc. etc. You can guess the rest. Real simple you know. You'll have a million friends who aren't really friends in no time. And some of those will stick around and become real friends.

Learning "rules" on how to socialize will only make you even more insecure because you'd be thinking about the rules the whole damn time.

Just do it™

[Salty]

True, and also you gotta realize that you're not such a bad person... least... I think. Don't try and impress people, people who try and impress people are the least impressive. Actually the best way to impress someone is to avoid trying to be impressive.

"I've known you for four months and I just found out now you're an amazing poet?"
"Yah..."
"Wow you're so humble!"

Happens to me all the time

[tavilach]

Goldfinger, I'm not trying to make friends. I'm trying to learn how to social network for business purposes. And in those cases, I think that "Just do it" will probably hurt me.

Salty, I know.

[Macfreak7]

Check this out. Probably not exactly what you're looking for, but in the same ballpark for sure.

[RAILhead]

Don't be such a wuss, man.

[tavilach]

RAILhead, I can carry on a conversation better than many people I know, but sometimes I "violate the rules" and end up acting like an idiot. I'm sure that within a year I won't make the same mistakes, but reading a book about the topic would interest me. I fail to see how that is being a wuss.

But I've had enough of this. You guys really don't understand where I'm coming from, so let's just cut this one short.

[milhous]

maybe a text on etiquette could help?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...Fencoding=UTF8

internships, changing jobs, networking events (i.e. happy hour), and just meeting different types people will help immensely. you can easily make this hapen considering where you live.

[Synotic]

How to Read, How to Listen by Mortimer Adler.

It treats listening and speaking as analogous to reading and writing. It spends a good deal of time on listening, as it is practically never taught, unlike reading, writing, and speaking. I understand that it doesn't focus on being social or learning etiquette, but rather on building your speaking and listening skills as you might learn any other skill.

I'm just starting it now; I've already read his best-selling companion book, How to Read a Book. He was one of the best known philosophers of our time, if you're not familiar with him.