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The official Ronald McDonald thread
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besson3c
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Jan 10, 2008, 03:43 PM
 
I don't get Ronald McDonald. I'm not particularly a big fan of him, but don't you think that they could have picked out a more interesting clown to sell stuff? RM doesn't ride a tiny bike, drive a tiny car, have a spinning flower, and he doesn't clown around at all. What compounds this stupidity is that you can't even buy a burger directly from him!

So, what is he for? If I didn't know any better, I would think he is designed to *trick* people into buying McDonalds hamburgers thinking that they'll have access to a clown that actually does things that clowns are supposed to do. Instead, they get this useless and annoying clown. If McDonalds were smart they'd realize that clowns are lousy sales people. A good, properly trained clown is too busy clowning around to actually sell things. There is a reason why the expression "clowning around" exists!

RM makes me so angry that I usually can't even restrain myself from yelling at RM copies (and I often have a hard time knowing which is the original, authentic RM). It usually makes children uncomfortable to see me yelling at the clown, but sometimes I just can't restrain myself. Maybe one of you can help me?

Plus, RM gives all good clowns a bad name. He's a useless clown, doesn't sell anything, doesn't do anything. Completely. Utterly. Pointless.

     
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Jan 10, 2008, 03:52 PM
 
     
boots
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Jan 10, 2008, 03:58 PM
 
Ronald needs to be viewed in the context of the entire entourage. The Hamburgler, Grimace, the pirate captain dude who sometimes hocks fish sandwiches, the fry guys....

When viewed properly (on your head through 3-D (red/blue) glasses whilst tripping on peyote), it all makes sense.

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Jan 10, 2008, 04:09 PM
 
Love those McPeyote Breakfast Cacti.
     
olePigeon
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Jan 10, 2008, 04:14 PM
 
He's there to keep the Hamburgler in check after Mayor McCheese was murdered and their chief inspector, Big Mac, went missing.

It's the mafia, I tell ya. Those Fry Guys are devious.
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osiris
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Jan 10, 2008, 04:17 PM
 
I have to go with boots on this one. It all makes perfect sense.

Now besson3c, don't do anything irrational.
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Chongo
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Jan 10, 2008, 04:35 PM
 
The food police (Center for Science in Public Interest) had RM arrested.
     
besson3c  (op)
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Jan 10, 2008, 04:35 PM
 
Well, I think the Hamburgler guys and all of those other losers that need to get real jobs were added to the entourage once McDonalds realized that they could get away with hawking a useless clown. I guess some of their marketing geniuses thought that this clown would work, but McDonalds should be prepared for the day when this bubble will burst, and I'm quite content to help be a part of the reasons behind it bursting via public education!

The clown is at the root of all of this. Hamburgler and all of those stupid characters would not exist if it weren't for the f-ing clown. I bet that clown did not even go to proper clown school.
     
boots
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Jan 10, 2008, 06:16 PM
 
Why are you railing against a fictional character? What did he ever do to you? Sure, sure, there was the Ptomaine Affair. And the color of their pickles is not found in the natural world. Sure, there are dozens of deaths every year due to anurisms attributable to trying to suck a milk shake through the straw they give you. But you were lucky. You only ended up with partial paralysis on the left side of your face. But is it fair to pin all of this on some Bozo spin off from the drug induced nightmare some call the '60s?

I say "Nay!" Rather than quibble over what drug inspired which character in The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald, one should look to the keen economic insight of the paper-cup salesman who advanced the "rat eat rat, dog eat dog, I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me" capitalism philosophy in the highly competitive 1950s world of fast food hamburgers.

Yes, your quibble is with the dead. I wish you luck in your quest for justice. If you need help crossing the river Stix to confront this doer of trans-fatty deeds, I refer you to the services of Scott Baio, whom we all know is the current incarnation of our Lord and Keeper of the Underworld.

But before you go, I urge you to reconsider. Yes, mistakes were made. Yes, environmental atrocities have paved the way to mass appeal. But this gastronomical abomination factory did manage to get something right. Not just right, I contend, but perfect. For there is no other way to describe the Epicurean delight, playfully named the McRib.



My friends, this singular contribution to the American culture, this succulent meat-like treat dripping in ersatz sauciness, this beautifully fulfilling paragon of the fast food culture is reason enough to forgive several life-times of evil intent.
( Last edited by boots; Jan 10, 2008 at 06:38 PM. )

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Eug
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Jan 10, 2008, 06:44 PM
 
Ronald McDonald



Ronald McDonald House Charities® (RMHC®) of Canada is a registered charity that is dedicated to helping children with serious illnesses or disabilities, and their families, lead happier and healthier lives. RMHC achieves this by supporting each Canadian Ronald McDonald House®, the Ronald McDonald Family Room™ Program and by awarding grants to many other children’s charities across the country.

Since its inception in 1982, RMHC Canada has awarded more than $47 million in grants to the 12 Ronald McDonald Houses, the Ronald McDonald Family Rooms and to many children’s charities across Canada. This support has benefited thousands of children and families in more than 600 communities.



Krusty The Clown



Krusty quickly became a multi-millionaire, mostly by licensing his name and image to a variety of sub-standard products and services (many of which are owned by Bart). In the Simpsons' world, there are everything from Krusty alarm clocks, to his own brand of legal documents, to Krusty dolls, to Krusty eye wash and Krusty's Clown College, which Homer attended. The more dangerous ones include: the Krusty home pregnancy test, which "may cause birth defects"; Krusty's brand of bubble gum, which contains spider eggs (which they knew about) and hantavirus (which they didn't know about); Krusty Kologne, which may cause "severe chemical burns"; and Krusty's brand of cereal, which in one episode boasted a jagged metal Krusty-O in each box, at first, and then flesh-eating bacteria in each box. One of many lawsuits regarding these products was launched by Bart, who ate a jagged metal Krusty-O and had to have his appendix removed. It was suggested at the end of the episode that he would sue Krusty again after he ingested the flesh-eating bacteria that was put into the cereal. Other lawsuits have resulted from defective products, such as a number of parents suing Krusty for one of his defective balloons exploding and taking out the eyes of "every kid in the room", Krusty's sexual harassment of any number of women, accusations that his theme park is a "death trap", and for illegally selling Tonya Harding's honeymoon video.
     
besson3c  (op)
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Jan 10, 2008, 07:39 PM
 
Also, is Ronald McDonald supposed to be teaching our kids to be gay?
     
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Jan 10, 2008, 07:46 PM
 
Huh!? Gay? By being a clown? 'Splain that to me, please...

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besson3c  (op)
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Jan 10, 2008, 07:48 PM
 
Originally Posted by ghporter View Post
Huh!? Gay? By being a clown? 'Splain that to me, please...

I have no functioning gaydar, but even I can tell you that based on this picture, RM is gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, I myself might be gay for all you know, but I think that kids should be given the choice as to whether or not they are gay. We don't need kids suing the clown when they grow older for making them gay.

     
grayware
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Jan 10, 2008, 07:59 PM
 
One mustn't forget vintage McD. Yep, that's Willard Scott. I remember my very first trip to a McDonald's... must have been about '66 and I vividly recall asking my cousin, "Where's the flying hamburger?"

Is Willard Scott gay? He is/was bi when it comes to hairpieces. Maybe that's a merkin he dons?
     
nredman
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Jan 10, 2008, 08:26 PM
 
it is also pointless to care about ronald mcdonald

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Jan 10, 2008, 08:52 PM
 
On the drive down to New York City, we often stop in a McDonalds in Liberty, NY, in the Catskills. It has a pretty big play area with a mural on the wall. The artist must have been high when he painted it, though, because it's filled with those little shaggy hairball-like Fry Guy things, and their eyes are actually popping out of their little furry heads, attached to springs. I think the Captian Hook character also has a nose that looks like a penis. But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

I took some time looking for pictures of the mural on the Internet just now, but came up blank. Are there any Sullivan County MacNN'ers who could go down and take some pictures of the mural for us? For that matter, Liberty is only 100 miles away from New York City....
     
Ghoser777
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Jan 10, 2008, 09:18 PM
 
I love McRib's! I order at least 3 a week when they are actually on sale. I don't know what they put in them, and I don't really want to know... but it's great!
     
- - e r i k - -
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Jan 10, 2008, 09:24 PM
 
Ronald's not gay!

<snip>Inappropriate image deleted<snip>
( Last edited by ghporter; Jan 10, 2008 at 10:43 PM. Reason: WAY inappropriate image deleted.)

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Jan 10, 2008, 09:48 PM
 


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are you lightfooted?
     
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Jan 10, 2008, 09:54 PM
 
     
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Jan 10, 2008, 10:01 PM
 
Originally Posted by Buckaroo View Post
That was even weirder than I expected. Yeeesh!

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chris v
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Jan 10, 2008, 10:17 PM
 
The real truth:

Crying on the Inside: A Clown's Journey from the Cotton Fields of Kansas to Global Imperial Icon.

In 1934, Ronald McDonald was born a poor, rural carnival clown in a tent behind the midway, somewhere on the outskirts of Dubuque, Iowa. His parents, Lithuanian immigrants Ida Mae McDonald, and her husband Theobold Dexter McDonald were itinerant clowns on the early mid-west rodeo and carnival circuit, during the corn-shucking off-season, touring frequently with Dr. Troubador's Majickal Tincture Remedy and Amazing Festival of World-Renowned Exotic Delights.

Ronald followed in his parents' footsteps from an early age, joining their Miniature Pony act at the tender age of four-and-a-half. But even in those tender years, young Ronald, the son of immigrant clowns, wanted more. Though his early education consisted entirely of Bible instruction at the knee of his stern and uncompromising mother, and the occasional "instructional ass-whupping" at the hands of his often drunken father, the yearning teen Ronald soon found succor under the tutelage of master hypnotist and sleight-of-hand artist, The Invincible Gugliermo, who also toured for a time with the DTMTR & AFWRED. As fate would have it, he was soon to befriend the young Ray Croc, himself the son of a Latvian immigrant freak-show barker, who also labored under the mystical tent as assistant to the Invincible Gugliermo. Encouraging one-another in their interest for the Arcane Arts, the two teens set upon a plan for world domination.

Unfortunately, their plans would be interrupted by World War II, during which, Ronald was drafted and served without distinction as a galley-mate on the Naval supply and troop-carrier, USS Incunabula. This would prove fortuitous, though, as it was in the Navy where Ronald had his first opportunity for incorporating his knowledge of the Arcane Arts into the production of foodstuffs. Under the watchful eye of Sam "Greasy Jack" Krawczyk, the maturing Ronald would achieve mastery of shredded, frozen beef by-product preparation. From within the bowels of the USS Incunabula, Ronald would soon be working his gastronomic majick over shipload upon shipload of greenhorn troops, who, if they survived the depredations of Okinawa or Guadalcanal, would find themselves returning home to American soil with an inexplicable craving.

During the war years, young Mr. Croc was no idler, either. In fact, some say that it was his devotion to the Black Arts, blindly and without distraction during this period that allowed him to eventually gain the upper hand over Ronald upon their reunion in early 1946. What seemed to be a partnership at first, born of their mutual greed and desire to do evil, soon saw Croc gaining the upper-hand over Ronald, when he perfected his hypnotic monument, the Golden Arches. All across the land, returning war veterans found themselves drawn moth-like to the broiler flame below them, but it was Croc who would reap the rewards, while Ronald found himself relegated to the task of playing clown for the sake of hypnotizing the children of their adult customers. Despite his global influence, Ronald's deep-rooted desire for power was in the end denied him by the one man he had ever called a friend, and his life ended tragically under the wheels of a frozen delivery truck in 1972, in the dirty suburbs of South Chicago. Ronald, the happy-faced clown, was forever destined to be crying on the inside.
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LegendaryPinkOx
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Jan 10, 2008, 10:37 PM
 
Originally Posted by chris v View Post
The real truth:
huh?
are you lightfooted?
     
ghporter
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Jan 10, 2008, 10:48 PM
 
Originally Posted by besson3c View Post
I have no functioning gaydar, but even I can tell you that based on this picture, RM is gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, I myself might be gay for all you know, but I think that kids should be given the choice as to whether or not they are gay. We don't need kids suing the clown when they grow older for making them gay.

Inferring sexual preference in a clown is bizarre. A clown has certain required actions and activities, which include being bouncy and flamboyant. Ronald is that kind of clown, as is Bozo. There are other clowns that are not flamboyant, but that's part of their character-Emett Kelly, for example.

I recall a very off-color joke a long time ago about Ronald McDonald and Wendy that was not at all gay...

I guess some people have enough time on their hands to consider this sort of thing in a somewhat serious manner. I sure don't.

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chris v
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Jan 10, 2008, 11:23 PM
 
Originally Posted by LegendaryPinkOx View Post
huh?
You can't handle the TRUTH!


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boots
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Jan 10, 2008, 11:29 PM
 
He does look pretty happy-go-lucky in that photo.

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chris v
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Jan 10, 2008, 11:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by boots View Post
He does look pretty happy-go-lucky in that photo.
You can look all happy-go-lucky on the outside. It's what's on the inside that counts, with clowns. And I say he's crying. Crying. Cry-ay-aying...

/Roy Orbison


Seriously, he looks pretty asexual, to me. Who'd sleep with that thing?

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift.
     
Shaddim
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Jan 11, 2008, 12:18 AM
 
Originally Posted by Ghoser777 View Post
I love McRib's! I order at least 3 a week when they are actually on sale. I don't know what they put in them, and I don't really want to know... but it's great!
You love McRib's what?
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chris v
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Jan 11, 2008, 12:29 AM
 
Originally Posted by Shaddim View Post
You love McRib's what?
Thank you. APOSTROPHE ABUSE!

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift.
     
boots
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Jan 11, 2008, 12:31 AM
 
Pretty much everything about 'em. I interpreted that to mean the McRib's exclamation point. Or, more colloquially, "that's a spicy meatball."




(I love this picture. But in a strictly platonic sense.)

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Andrew Stephens
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Jan 11, 2008, 03:43 PM
 
This thread is very Douglas Coupland
     
Oisín
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Jan 11, 2008, 04:07 PM
 
Originally Posted by chris v View Post
You can look all happy-go-lucky on the outside. It's what's on the inside that counts, with clowns. And I say he's crying. Crying. Cry-ay-aying...

/Roy Orbison


Seriously, he looks pretty asexual, to me. Who'd sleep with that thing?
Who, Roy Orbinson?



...



Yeah, I see your point.
     
chris v
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Jan 11, 2008, 05:41 PM
 
Originally Posted by Oisín View Post
Who, Roy Orbinson?
It reminded me of a song. It's hard to break into song on a text-based message board, though I try.

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift.
     
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Jan 11, 2008, 06:46 PM
 
Oisín, to correct the gaping hole in your education, here's some good information about Roy Orbison. Just a pioneer, that's all. The use of his name was to credit the lyrics above it-from Crying, for which Orbison is rightly well known.

Which has nothing at all to do with Ronald McDonald, but maybe Roy can rescue the thread from its currently very silly path...

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chris v
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Jan 11, 2008, 09:40 PM
 
Originally Posted by ghporter View Post
Which has nothing at all to do with Ronald McDonald, but maybe Roy can rescue the thread from its currently very silly path...
Rescue?? Just when the thread was showing a glimpse of promise. What's become of this place?

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift.
     
besson3c  (op)
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Jan 11, 2008, 09:44 PM
 
Well, I've thought about sleeping with a clown before, but not THAT stupid clown.
     
ghporter
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Jan 11, 2008, 09:50 PM
 
Originally Posted by chris v View Post
Rescue?? Just when the thread was showing a glimpse of promise. What's become of this place?
If we don't contain the chaos to at least some extent, we'll use it all up, and then where will we be? Stuck with dry, factual discussions? Yuck! So I'm just trying to keep things from settling, that's all.

What would happen if Ronald met Jack in a dark alley? Would they find that stupid pointy hat of Jack's in a dumpster and he's never heard from again? Or could Jack take Ronald, big, goofy shoes and all?

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chris v
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Jan 11, 2008, 09:56 PM
 
Originally Posted by besson3c View Post
Well, I've thought about sleeping with a clown before, but not THAT stupid clown.
A few women have woken up in the morning next to this clown, much to their horrification. From what I gathered by their reactions, sleeping with clowns is not advisable in general.

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift.
     
chris v
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Jan 11, 2008, 10:01 PM
 
Originally Posted by ghporter View Post

What would happen if Ronald met Jack in a dark alley?
Maybe something magical would happen, and I'd finally get the chance to realize one of my lifelong fantasies -- the McWhopper Jack on Sourdough.

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -- Jonathan Swift.
     
ReggieX
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Jan 11, 2008, 10:28 PM
 
The Lord said 'Peter, I can see your house from here.'
     
boots
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Jan 12, 2008, 02:55 AM
 
Originally Posted by chris v View Post
the McWhopper Jack on Sourdough.
Gah! Cognative dissonance!


Originally Posted by Mr. Modman
If we don't contain the chaos to at least some extent, we'll use it all up, and then where will we be?
Chaos, like love, is endless in supply. The more you use it, the more there is.

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Jan 12, 2008, 03:00 AM
 
my contribution to the thread:
     
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Jan 12, 2008, 05:07 AM
 
Originally Posted by chris v View Post
You can't handle the TRUTH!

I really wanted to post this, but with Nicholson in his Joker getup. I'm too tired to put forth the effort right now.
     
Oisín
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Jan 12, 2008, 06:10 PM
 
Originally Posted by chris v View Post
It reminded me of a song. It's hard to break into song on a text-based message board, though I try.
Originally Posted by ghporter View Post
Oisín, to correct the gaping hole in your education, here's some good information about Roy Orbison. Just a pioneer, that's all. The use of his name was to credit the lyrics above it-from Crying, for which Orbison is rightly well known.
*sigh*

My jokes are never understood.


The “Who, Roy Orbinson?” comment was not meant to indicate that I don't know who Roy Orbinson is, but rather that, since Roy Orbinson was the last person mentioned in Chris' post before the small-text addendum, the ‘he’ in the addendum was ambiguous; and despite the fact that it was obviously meant to say that Ronald McDonald looked asexual and who would ever want to sleep with him, I preferred to take it to mean that Roy Orbinson looked asexual and who would ever want to sleep with him.

There. All boring and explaininated.

*trudges off, despondently*
     
boots
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Jan 12, 2008, 06:33 PM
 
You and your linguistic sense of humor.

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Shaddim
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Jan 12, 2008, 06:42 PM
 
I think Roy was rather flamboyant, but he did seem to have a thing for women... pretty ones, to be exact. Mercy.
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Oisín
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Jan 12, 2008, 06:45 PM
 
Originally Posted by boots View Post
You and your linguistic sense of humor.
I know. I never get the laughs I deserve. But for some reason, I get far too many of the laughs I don’t deserve. Pity me, all!
     
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Jan 14, 2008, 01:52 AM
 
Originally Posted by Oisín View Post
I know. I never get the laughs I deserve. But for some reason, I get far too many of the laughs I don’t deserve. Pity me, all!
You ol' linguini clown
[Yes, SIC!, for those who didn't get it, geesh...]
-t
     
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Jan 14, 2008, 09:31 AM
 
Sorry, Oisín. I was distracted at that point and reading other people's posts for content had frazzled my brain, so I misinterpreted your post. I figured that out later, but it was too late...

Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
     
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Jan 14, 2008, 01:36 PM
 
There are posts with content?

If Heaven has a dress code, I'm walkin to Hell in my Tony Lamas.
     
 
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