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Cubeoid · Jan 13, 2003, 05:11 AM

Homer (with plastic whistle in his mouth to act as a voice scrambler): "Mr Burns, do you miss your son?"

Burns: "Yes, I'm missing one son, give him back to me!"

Just watched this episode, priceless!

Larry Burns: "But now it's all falling appart, like a Chinese motorcycle."

Share your favourite Simpsons lines.

jfinete · Jan 13, 2003, 05:34 AM

My cat's breath smells like cat food. -- Ralph Wiggem

tintub · Jan 13, 2003, 06:03 AM

Originally posted by Cubeoid:
Homer (with plastic whistle in his mouth to act as a voice scrambler): "Mr Burns, do you miss your son?"

Burns: "Yes, I'm missing one son, give him back to me!"

Just watched this episode, priceless!

Larry Burns: "But now it's all falling appart, like a Chinese motorcycle."

Share your favourite Simpsons lines.

I just watched that episode too.

(from memory)

'I hear they have the internet on computers now'

D'Espice · Jan 13, 2003, 06:56 AM

D'OH!

mac-at-kearsarge · Jan 13, 2003, 07:35 AM

"I bent my wookie" - R. Wiggum

tintub · Jan 13, 2003, 07:51 AM

''To Start Press Any Key''. Where's the 'any' key?"

"I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman... and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." [bart]

invisibleX · Jan 13, 2003, 08:04 AM

"Oh, what a nice day, I think I'll go out the window" Dr. Nick.

thePurpleGiant · Jan 13, 2003, 08:40 AM

From memory (bit vaigue)

Chief Wiggum "thank god it landed in that smoking crater!!" (referring to something creating a huge crator in the ground on impact)

Pubescent teenegager at Krusty Burger: "We're out of special sauce, would you like me to put some more mayonaise in the sun?"

Cubeoid · Jan 13, 2003, 08:50 AM

Marge (at boxing match; Homer vs Tatum): "Where's the doctor?"

**pans to Dr Nick Riviara:**

Dr Nick: "Kill him! Kill him!"

Kent Brockman: "I believe that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly"

Moe: "Aw, there's nobody for Moe. I'm just gonna die lonely, and ugly and dead."

Homer: "..the hell I won't! You're forgetting I've got my Powersauce bars!

Neil (Powersauce marketing guy): Wake up, Homer! Those bars are just junk! They're made of apple cores and Chinese newspapers.

::Homer looks at his bar::

Homer: "Hey, Deng Xiaoping died".

I have 3 books of these glorious lines. I love this show.

GoGoReggieXPowars · Jan 13, 2003, 09:29 AM

Mr. Burns: "Ketchup, Catsup. Ketchup, Catsup. Ooh, I'm in way over my head here."

And the most quotable of recent note amongst my friends,

Bart: "Dad, you look different."
Fake Homer w/German accent: "Ja, I am a new tie wearing."

Ditto on having all 3 episode guide books.

starman · Jan 13, 2003, 09:33 AM

Maybe not so much a line, but there's an episode where a salesman was pitching these houses that got up and ran to the local police station if a burgula broke into it. The model took 3 steps and fell in the middle of the street and burst into flames. "The
real humans won't, er, wo -- won't burn quite so fast". A few minutes later, Bart sets off an alarm on a house that has this, it takes three steps, falls in the middle of the street and bursts into flames.

Mike

Cubeoid · 09:42 AM

And the most quotable of recent note amongst my friends,

Bart: "Dad, you look different."
Fake Homer w/German accent: "Ja, I am a new tie wearing."

Your friends sound like my kind of friends, I love that line, and the whole scene that goes with it. I almost wet myself.

ps. That Mr Burns episode with the ketsup line where he has to fend for himself is in my top #3.

Mr Burns: "I'm riding on the bus" and "I'm shopping"

::Mr Burns tries to clean up after himself by picking up dishes off the table with some kind of steel science instrument, a plate and glass slips out of it and breaks on the floor. Smithers stops him at that time with words of caution::

Mr Burns: "Smithers! Why didn't you tell me about this market crash?!"

Smithers: "Well sir, it happened 40 years before I was born"

Mr Burns: "Oh that's your excuse for everything!"

Mr Burns -to Homer: "You're a travisty of a choke of an assistant!"

::Homer breaks down in tears::

mac-at-kearsarge · Jan 13, 2003, 09:40 AM

I probably don't have this EXACTLY right but another good oen is:

Lisa after Homer ate some 20 year old baking soda that had been in the fridge: Oh great, Dad's having an ant-acid trip, I guess I should call poison control" she walks over to the phone and hits a button on speed dial and say: "Hi, sue, yeah it's Lisa, this is just a heads up"

gadster · Jan 13, 2003, 09:42 AM

It would have to be "They'll never make a monkey out of me" from the musical version of the Planet of the Apes. Closely followed by "Say it ain't so, Crusty".

kovacs · Jan 13, 2003, 10:00 AM

And how is 'education' supposed to make me feel smarter,everytime I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain!

Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done (munch munch munch.)

Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?

If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Cubeoid · Jan 13, 2003, 10:29 AM

Brilliant quotes kovacs!

LOL @ Clowl college....

The dinner scene with the mashed potato big-top and Homer's clown halucinations are priceless!

Timo · Jan 13, 2003, 10:44 AM

Homer is being tempted while he sees a halo over his head...

"I know I shouldn't but..." Homer grabs the halo and, like a donut, takes a big bite.

"mmmmm....Sacralicious...."

wvx · Jan 13, 2003, 11:01 AM

Bart - "God Schmod! I want my monkey man!"

mac-at-kearsarge · Jan 13, 2003, 11:12 AM

And of course don't forget when "devil" Flanders turns Howers head into a doughnutnut and he keeps eating his head Marge tells him to stop and he replies with "But I'm so sweet and tasty" of course I thinkt he best line from that episode was marge with: "Bart! Stop pestering Satan!"

Hawkeye_a · Jan 13, 2003, 11:35 AM

Comic book guy: But aqua man, you cant fall in love with jungle woman, you come from different worlds !
(nuclear bomb comes in close to him, he looks up....)
Comic book guy:Oh, i've wasted my life.

Cheers.

as2 · Jan 13, 2003, 11:38 AM

One of my favourites is the one where homer says..

'I hate pants... don't you just hate pants....'

Also think this is quite funny..

Nelson Question!
Homer Yes Nelson
Nelson A moron says what.
Homer Not being a moron, I wouldn't know, however :mumbles:
Nelson What?
Homer Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your moron!

Adam

maxelson · Jan 13, 2003, 11:42 AM

Oh, Boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking! zzzzzz...

Mulattabianca · Jan 13, 2003, 12:29 PM

me and some friends used to try to pronounce the "i didn't do it nobody saw me do it they can't prove anything" - thing in 3 seconds ... well ages ago but still... i didn't do it..

ThisGuy · Jan 13, 2003, 12:37 PM

"it tastes like burning." -ralph

D'Espice · Jan 13, 2003, 12:42 PM

The episode where they're in Australia, Simpsons sitting in an australian pub.

Homer: Hey yo, I would like one of the famous big australian beers
Barkeeper, giving Homer a huge can of Fosters: What's wrong, Yankee?
Homer: It's a little big...

Marge: I'd like a coffee please, that's all
Barkeeper: So you want a beer
Marge: No, coffee
Barkeeper: Beer?
Marge: Coooo - ffeeeeee
Barkeeper: Beeeee - eeeeer
Marge: Coooo - ooooo -
Barkeeper: Beeeee - eeeeee

kdogg73 · Jan 13, 2003, 02:59 PM

lmao!

(Flintsone's tune)
"Yabba, dabba, do! Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the, town of Springfield. He's about to hit a chestnut tree..."

"After lunch, can I whip you?"

"Twoallbeefpatties,special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun, ahhhhhaaaaarrrrrrrr........" "Homer, you're drulling on the mic again."

"Moldy? OLD? I'M GOING TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT!"

"MMmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese."

Public service announcement: The consumtion of alcohol may cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum. Homer: "Mmmmm.... Beer"

mikithecrackhead · Jan 13, 2003, 03:31 PM

Horay!!, I am a citizen!!, which way to the welfare office?!?
--APU

random simpson quote

I love the show ROTFLMAO

IUJHJSDHE · 04:14 PM

Nothing will ever top...

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams." That's what I call hamburgers.
Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.
Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase, "steamed hams."
Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.
Chalmers: I see.
(after eating the hamburgers)
Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner: Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
Skinner: Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh... 'scuse me for one second.
Chalmers: Of course.
(Skinner walks in and out of kitchen in a second)
Skinner: (faking a yawn) Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be -- (notices kitchen is on fire) Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
(Skinner and Chalmers walk outside)
Agnes: (screaming from inside the house) Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother. It's just the Northern Lights.
Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.

Except maybe this from "The last temptation of Krust"...

Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive,
Smells like a steak, and seats thirty-five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down.
It�s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown.
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,
sixty-five tones of American pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line In utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
She blinds everyone with her super high-beams.
She�s a squirrel-squashin�, Dear-smackin� Drivin�
Machine.
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!
Whoa, Canyonero! Canyonero!

Both very very good lines

as2 · Jan 13, 2003, 04:07 PM

I like that episode!

suhail · Jan 13, 2003, 04:54 PM

From memory "This smells funny, I hope it wont brain my damage!"

::maroma:: · Jan 13, 2003, 05:14 PM

Homer: "I don't mind being called a liar when I'm lying...or am about to lie...or just finished lying....but NOT....when I'm TELLING..THE TRUTH!"

PB2K · Jan 13, 2003, 05:31 PM

Homer in a moment of despair

"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!"

kdogg73 · Jan 13, 2003, 06:48 PM

Awesome, IUJHJSDHE.

The episode Homer goes to become a clown at Krusty's clown school, Homer's clown pants get's tangled in the mini bike�Krusty, "Burn that bike." Or when Bart works for the mob. Awesome. And the trip to the world's fair 84 was excellent, too. Bobo, Mr Burn's teddy bear from childhood? "Let's role!" Stone Cutter's: "Let's drink beer and play ping-pong!" Homer works at the bowling alley and sticks his head in the ball shiner? Shall I go on?

Cubeoid · Jan 13, 2003, 07:08 PM

IUJHJSDHE... "You steam a good ham"

That's a gem kdogg

Barney helps Homer get a job at the bowling alley;

Barney: "Hey Uncle Al, can Homer have a job here?"

Al: "Sure..."

::Homer does a merry dance with a song::

Al: "... Barney, you're fired!"

Barney: "Okay!"

...

Al: "Homer, did you polish your head in the shine-o-ball-o?"

Homer (nervous): "..uhhh No!"

Al: "Well..that's ok then!"

::Al checks his reflection on Homer's shiny head, and fixes his hair::

...

Homer: "Tommorow, I'm gonna march right up to Al!...."

::Homer marches up to Al the following morning::

Homer: "Hey Steve!... I mean Al... can I get a raise?!"

benb · Jan 13, 2003, 08:02 PM

From memory:

"Your fingers are too fat to dial. If you would like to order a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now." - Phone Operator

"Its Linguo, the grammar robot. He corrects bad grammar." - Lisa
"Let's test it. Me like beer." - Homer
"I like beer." - Linguo
"He likes beer!" (Pours beer down Linguo's mouth) - Homer

Regards,
Ben

thunderous_funker · Jan 13, 2003, 10:02 PM

Homer attempts to baby-proof the house by drawing bunny rabbit faces on the electrical outlets:

Marge: But Maggie isn't afraid of bunny rabbits!
Homer: She will be.

Burns opens a casino and slowly succumbs to madness and paranoia like Howard Hughs. At one point he stares at Smithers and notices his paisley tie. The paisleys turn into animated protazoa and chant "Freemasons run the country!"

Later, mad Burns shows Smithers a model airplane called the Spruce Moose and boasts that some said it could never be built.

Burns: Now get in.
Smithers: But, sir....
Burns: <cocking a pistol and pointing it at Smithers> I said get in!

And lastly, Marge is trying to coax Homer out of bed to attend church.

Homer: Um, I'm not going to go to church today. I have a lot of stuff to do around the......bed.
Marge: Homer! The Lord only asks for one hour a week.
Homer: Then he should have made the week an hour longer!! <mumble>...lousy God....

ah, The Simpsons. Best. Show. Ever.

Brien · Jan 13, 2003, 10:04 PM

From last night... a interview between Ralph Wiggam and a private eye:

PI - "What can you tell me about Lisa Simpson?"
Ralph - "Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school."
PI - "You already told me that! What else do you know?"
Ralph - "I once picked my nose until it bleeded!"
PI - "About Lisa Simpson!"
Ralph - "Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school."

sek929 · Jan 13, 2003, 10:41 PM

Homer: Ohhhh maaaan, what am I going to do with ten - thousand angel ashtrays??
Bart: I could take up smoking.
Homer: You damn well better!

Homer: Lisa, as you would notice not once did I call this thing an angel.
Lisa: What about that?
::Lisa points to a large "ANGEL" sign::
Homer: Thats a typo...

Bart: <reading Homer's BBQ stationary> You are invited to Homer's BBBQ, the extra B is BYOBB.....whats that extra B for?
Homer: Thats a typo...

Marge: The school is snowed in! How will the children get home?!?
Homer: I dunno, internet?

Kent Brockman: Well authorities have upgraded the weather condition from a Winter Wonderland to a class 3 kill storm..
Marge: I don't like the sound of that class 3.

Homer: Look at all those fools on land with their "rules" and "ethics," they'll never know the simple joys a monkey knife fight...

Homer on film: I'll mace you good!! <while chasing bart with a spiked ball mace>
Homer: Hey that was totally taken out of context!

and my all time favorite...

Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer...something, somthing...
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!! <craziness>

starfleetX · Jan 13, 2003, 10:44 PM

"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
Homer to Lisa about her perpetual motion machine.

thunderous_funker · Jan 13, 2003, 11:10 PM

Originally posted by starfleetX:
"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
Homer to Lisa about her perpetual motion machine.

BWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAA! I forgot that one! That has to be one of my all time favs.

Nimisys · Jan 13, 2003, 11:46 PM

"knife goes in guts come out"

"my killing teacher says i'm a natural"

"Since you've come from public schools we';re going to assume you have already mastered small firearms"

"we're excperiencing moderate godzilla related turbulance"

Sarc · Jan 14, 2003, 12:32 AM

Ahhh my favourite show ever ... sit tight

Moments and quotes:

The two times that James Bond is killed because of Homer ... first in a casino playing Black Jack and homer deals a Joker and a Rules card, and when he is tackled by Homer escaping from Globex Industires HQ.

The episode where homer is supposed to fight Rufus Tatum and there's a disturbance in the Springfield Prison, the inmates are beating the hell out of the guard and Tatum -from his cell- cries Shut Up ! and every inmate goes back into their cell

When Homer meets Flanders at an Apple Cider factory and Flanders starts talking all sorts of crap and Homer's brain says
'You stay, I go' and the brain floats away

Cubeoid · Jan 14, 2003, 12:35 AM

Bart: "...and I'll take up smoking and give that up!"

Homer: "Good for you son! Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you can do!"

Lisa (angry): "But he didn't do anything!!"

Homer: "Didn't he Lisa? didn't he?

Cubeoid · Jan 14, 2003, 12:47 AM

Chester J. Lampwick: "I'm not greedy.. as long as I have my solid gold house, my billions of dollars and my rocket car, I don't want anything else!"

Stogieman · Jan 14, 2003, 01:18 AM

Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer something... something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do! Ahhhhh, whoo whoo, Ahhh

----

Willie: Lunch lady Doris, have you got any grease?
Doris: Yes.. yes we do.
Willie: THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN!!!!

----

Homer: Welcome to the internet my friend, how can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I am interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilo bit internet connection to a 1.5 mega bit fiber optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide me an IP router that is compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
Homer: Can I have some money now?

----

Cletus: Hey slow down, I wants to talk ya... Give me 300 pretzels.
Marge: You see a little hard work and persistance paid off. That will be $300 dollar.
Cletus: Hey I don't think so, I got me 300 coupons.
Marge: Hmmm...I should have said limit one per customer.
Cletus: Shoulda, but didn'ta... so hands them over. HEY KIDS, WE'RE EATING DINNER TONIGHT! Come on Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dillon, Durmot, Jordan, Taylor, Britney, Wessley, Rumor, Scott, Cassiday, Zoe, Cloe, Max, Hunter, Kendel, Cateline, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Eon, Lorane, Qbert, Phil...

Cipher13 · Jan 14, 2003, 02:04 AM

"Let's put it on the Internet!"
"No, we have to reach people whose opinions actually matter".

krove · Jan 14, 2003, 02:29 AM

"Meh!" - Lisa Simpson not caring about something

The Mick · Jan 14, 2003, 02:46 AM

Lisa: "Dad, Dad, wake up! Do you know what day it is?"
Homer: "The Vernal Equinox?"
Lisa: "No! It's been two weeks! Let's see how much weight you've lost!
(Homer steps on scale)
Lisa: "You gained 12 pounds?"
Homer: "Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery--a pox on them!"

Homer: "Marge, where's that metal deely, you know, you use to....dig.....food?"
Marge: "You mean a spoon?"

Rev. Lovejoy: "Homer, all of God's children were here to help you today, be they Christian, Hebrew or miscellaneous."
Apu: "Hindu! There are 700 Million of us you know!"
Rev. Lovejoy: "Well that's super."

Homer: "They're dogs! And they're playing POKER!!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

Mr. Burns: "By the way, thank you for not making fun of the size of my genetalia."
Marge: "I thought I did..."

Homer: "God, what's the meaning of life?"
God: "Oh Homer, I can't tell you that! You'll find out when you die..."
Homer: "I can't wait that long!"
God: "You can't wait 6 months?"
Homer: "No! Tell me now."
God: "Well, alright."

Nelson: "HA! HA!"
Lisa: "Nelson, I think Bart is really hurt!"
Nelson: "I said HA! HA!"

Homer: "Mango-Lime Salsa? That's the kind of bold flavor they enjoy in Albuquerque!"

Milhouse: "We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended in tragedy."

Homer: "I don't wanna look like a freak, I'll go with the moo-moo."

Cubeoid · Jan 14, 2003, 04:17 AM

A classic among classics:

Milhouse Van Houten: "I can't wait till we're teenagers.. then we'll be happy!"

Anomalous · Jan 14, 2003, 06:16 PM

Originally posted by thePurpleGiant:
From memory (bit vaigue)

Chief Wiggum "thank god it landed in that smoking crater!!" (referring to something creating a huge crator in the ground on impact)

Pubescent teenegager at Krusty Burger: "We're out of special sauce, would you like me to put some more mayonaise in the sun?"

I believe it was the poisoned pastry in the episode "Guess Who's Coming To Criticize Dinner" that caused this crater.

...
<The Simpsons are driving along the road. A deer is caught on their headlights.>
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!