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Girlfriend of 4 years suddenly wants a break. (Page 2)
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Laminar
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Apr 21, 2010, 02:44 PM
 
Text her as often as possible. If there's one thing women love, it's being smothered.

     
voodoo
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:27 PM
 
Call her in the middle of the night. About 4 a.m. is a pretty good time. Ask her what she's doing. Hang up and after a discreet while call her back. At 4:30 or so.

Shows you are thinking about her. Women love that.
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SpaceMonkey
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:30 PM
 
Exactly. It's like 10% skill and 90% perspiration. So stop wearing deodorant, too.

"One ticket to Washington, please. I have a date with destiny."
     
sek929  (op)
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
Text her as often as possible. If there's one thing women love, it's being smothered.
She doesn't even have the ability to receive texts.
     
The Final Dakar
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:45 PM
 
Wait, are you dating an amish girl?
     
finboy
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:46 PM
 
Originally Posted by The Final Dakar View Post
Wait, are you dating an amish girl?
long skirts = hotness
     
sek929  (op)
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:47 PM
 
When she needs to get in contact with me she uses the beacons of Minas Tirith.
     
The Final Dakar
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Apr 21, 2010, 03:49 PM
 
But since she's a girl, they're also scented and give off a pleasant lilac fragrance.
     
OreoCookie
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Apr 21, 2010, 04:55 PM
 
@finboy
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mattyb
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Apr 21, 2010, 06:19 PM
 
Originally Posted by finboy View Post
long skirts = hotness
Oh yes.
     
Kevin Bogues
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Apr 21, 2010, 08:30 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
When she needs to get in contact with me she uses the beacons of Minas Tirith.
does she have a sister? ...

hook a brother up
     
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Apr 21, 2010, 09:59 PM
 
Originally Posted by Doofy View Post
Sek, sorry man. She was a cutie.

One of two things is happening here:

1) She's cheated on you.
2) She's getting broody and you're not advancing things fast enough.

Probably the latter.
Phone her in a couple of days and tell her you've had a think about it and you ain't up for a break - i.e. "she's either with you or you're gone".

If it's #1, you're SOL. If it's #2, she'll come back.
And if it is #2, it's prolly time to lay off the weed and games, look for an upwardly mobile employment situation, think about shacking up, etc..
This is it. As plainly as can be.
     
Captain Obvious
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Apr 22, 2010, 02:39 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
She is 23, still has a year left in college. We have discussed kids and marriage, the talking point seeming to be that we are to young to marry and/or have kids, but I'm not opposed to either idea.

Her reason was that she saw our relationship going stale, which I completely understand, and that I tend to be a little lazy, also understand. She is going down to RI for a few days to hang with her girl friends
Well then there's the problem. She realized if she stays this course her life will be dull and unadventurous. She'll have squandered her youth on this relationship and she's starting to realize how many things she's sacrificed to stay with you.

If you stay together she'll end up resenting you because of all that she will have missed out on and in 5 years she'll get into some form of mysticism or yoga and then walk out with half your stuff.

She's also just recently gone off her birth control, like cold turkey
That's a deal breaker for me.

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imitchellg5
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Apr 22, 2010, 03:36 PM
 
Originally Posted by Captain Obvious View Post
Well then there's the problem. She realized if she stays this course her life will be dull and unadventurous. She'll have squandered her youth on this relationship and she's starting to realize how many things she's sacrificed to stay with you.

If you stay together she'll end up resenting you because of all that she will have missed out on and in 5 years she'll get into some form of mysticism or yoga and then walk out with half your stuff.
Now wait a minute. How exactly has she squandered her youth in this relationship? What has she sacrificed? Obviously if they've been together for four years, something has gone right. If nothing's gone right, then that's her fault for not walking out. Leaving now isn't going to gain her those four years back.
     
besson3c
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:01 PM
 
Nothing to do with the original poster, but maybe this will cheer him up a little?

     
SpaceMonkey
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:02 PM
 
How did you get my mail, besson?

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besson3c
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:07 PM
 
Don't play dumb with me, SpaceMonkey! We both know that I'm the Jessica in that letter, and yes, I am pretty warm inside.
     
Spheric Harlot
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:19 PM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
Now wait a minute. How exactly has she squandered her youth in this relationship? What has she sacrificed? Obviously if they've been together for four years, something has gone right. If nothing's gone right, then that's her fault for not walking out. Leaving now isn't going to gain her those four years back.
The devil is in the details with this reading business. "She'll have" is a contraction of "she WILL have" (squandered her youth if she stays).
     
imitchellg5
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:39 PM
 
Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot View Post
The devil is in the details with this reading business. "She'll have" is a contraction of "she WILL have" (squandered her youth if she stays).
Yes I know. And I'm asking how that is "squandering her youth." Changes absolutely nothing.
     
Spheric Harlot
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
Yes I know. And I'm asking how that is "squandering her youth." Changes absolutely nothing.
The point wasn't whether it IS, the point is that if she stuck with her first relationship from age 19 onwards, she might THINK she'd been missing out by the time she's 28 or so, and regret not having gone off to test the waters, so to speak.
     
Spheric Harlot
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Apr 22, 2010, 04:59 PM
 
Couple of thoughts:

Birth control pills work by putting out hormones, and hormones strongly influence attraction and taste in men (and a whole slew of other things).
How strong this effect is obviously varies, but it has been proven that women gravitate to different men while pregnant (or on the pill, which simulates pregnancy), than while not. I'm sure it works the other way round, as well, on a subconscious level.

When a rather long-time girlfriend of mine dropped the pill and switched to an IUD, there was a noticeable drop in attraction between us. The changed hormonal balance affected her deeply. Other aspects of the relationship that hadn't been going as well began to weigh much more heavily; priorities shifted; the relationship broke apart.

I'm sure that wasn't the only issue in our case, and it would be overly mechanistic to assume this to be the cause in yours - after all, there's a reason why she decided to go cold turkey.



Another thought is that men sometimes don't realize that they're being tested and scrutinized for long-term compatibility, while women don't necessarily realize they're doing it. It's just that priorities change, and planning a family doesn't necessarily involve conscious "planning" or evaluation, even though that's what's happening.

I think women are a lot more "natural" at this, and some men need a little beating over the head before they wake up and realize it.


The above may or may not apply in your case, sek.
     
Shaddim
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Apr 22, 2010, 05:30 PM
 
My initial thought is that she's curious about someone else. Now, curiosity isn't a horrible thing, and I'm very far from being the jealous type so I probably wouldn't worry about it too much. Just stick around and if she changes her mind, and you still want to date her, then it's all good.

The thing about not arguing with each other is what would make me worry. This house is host to fireworks on a fairly regular basis. Hell, there's even crockery sailing through the air, on occasion. A little venting is good for the soul, and we just chalk it up to being very passionate people.
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Captain Obvious
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Apr 22, 2010, 05:31 PM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
Now wait a minute. How exactly has she squandered her youth in this relationship? What has she sacrificed? Obviously if they've been together for four years, something has gone right. If nothing's gone right, then that's her fault for not walking out. Leaving now isn't going to gain her those four years back.

Well she's 23 and still has a year left of school. All her friends are probably graduating or are a year out and in big cities having the time of their lives and regaling her with stories of a free and unencumbered life. If she's bored already her future prospects must look pretty bleak. They live together ALREADY and for some reason are talking about marriage. To me that doesn't sound like something most 23 year olds should be doing. My guess is that she has no idea what she may potentially sacrifice (or already missed) because she's been in the same relationship her entire adulthood. So the idea of this same routine being what she has to look forward to the rest of her life must be grating on her. Maybe she cheated or maybe she didn't. The point is that the idea of being settled down or even just tied down so young no longer makes her happy. She probably wants to know what else is out there before she's too old to be living that lifestyle.

I also agree with that fighting issue. This guy rolls over way too easily. I couldn't respect a girl who was so passive. If i was with a chick and I tried to leave after 4 years I would hope she had enough fire in her to at least put up a fight to stay together rather than just tell me she understands and she wants to support my feelings. A door slamming screaming match is good once a year. It is indicative of an underlying passion.
( Last edited by Captain Obvious; Apr 22, 2010 at 05:43 PM. )

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sek929  (op)
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Apr 22, 2010, 05:52 PM
 
I tend to be a people pleaser, and I did roll right over at first, but I thought my impromptu call at 12:30am the other night demanding answers was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Maybe she is testing me, and I am not her first relationship, she's had a few. If she truly is getting bored and lusts fir the single life fun times then I guess I'll just have to incorporate those times into my life too if I want to keep her. I grew tired of the bar scene years ago, maybe she didn't and resents me for it.
     
Doofy
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Apr 23, 2010, 10:30 AM
 
Originally Posted by Captain Obvious View Post
They live together ALREADY
That's gotta be the shortest distance phone call on record then.
Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
That's where there's thunder... and the wind shouts back.
     
macaddict0001
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Apr 24, 2010, 12:01 AM
 
Originally Posted by MrsLarry View Post
Believe it or not, I think people in relationships who "never fight" just aren't right for each other.

Apathy should never apply to your relationship. Obviously, I don't know the details of your scenario, but I know people who say this, and it always just seems weird to me. I feel like passion sometimes results in disagreements, and what's the fun in a passionless relationship?

My husband and I fight on occasion. We fought a lot in the beginning, it taught us things about each other, and most importantly, taught us to fight fair. And not just fight with no resolution. Now (9 years later) if something comes up between us, we can discuss, and resolve pretty quickly.

Again, just my observation.
I was thinking the same thing, only I was going to use the term "fake" as in being fake with someone.
Originally Posted by besson3c View Post
Nothing to do with the original poster, but maybe this will cheer him up a little?

Star Wars love letter.
Did someone actually send you this?
Originally Posted by Doofy View Post
That's gotta be the shortest distance phone call on record then.
Wasn't Alexander Graham Bells first phone call to his assistant in the other room?
     
imitchellg5
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Apr 24, 2010, 12:11 AM
 
Originally Posted by macaddict0001 View Post
Wasn't Alexander Graham Bells first phone call to his assistant in the other room?
No, the first phone call was a distance of 4 miles. The famous incident that you are referring to actually was from San Fran to NYC.
     
Oisín
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Apr 24, 2010, 06:37 AM
 
Regarding fights:

I’ve never understood why people think not fighting is strange and not normal somehow. I think this part of Shaddim’s post is very crucial here: “we just chalk it up to being very passionate people”. Not everyone is ‘very passionate people’, though. Me, for example, I’m generally quite a dispassionate person, except when it comes to certain topics (you’d never guess which … *cough* languages *cough*). I never argued with my parents as a teenager, either—which seems to be another place in life where many people spend most their time fighting. And I didn’t really fight with my ex, either.

Of course, people who are together a lot and spend time around each other all day every day will end up in disagreements. But there’s nothing inherently good or healthy about letting those disagreements turn into fights, it depends entirely on who you are.

Originally Posted by macaddict0001 View Post
Did someone actually send you this?
No, he’s the one who sent it.
     
Phileas
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Apr 24, 2010, 08:04 AM
 
23 is very young to make a life-long commitment.

I am not saying that it can't happen, in my personal set of friends I just haven't seen it work out. The people who did get married early - typical timeline was: met in college/graduated/got jobs/shacked up/got married/divorced in their late twenties/early thirties - mostly felt that they had committed too soon.

Looking back, I am extremely glad that I didn't marry the girl I was in love with when I was 25. I met my wife a couple of years later and got married when I was 35 when I was ready to be a husband and soon to be a dad.
     
moonmonkey
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Apr 24, 2010, 08:46 AM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
No, the first phone call was a distance of 4 miles. The famous incident that you are referring to actually was from San Fran to NYC.
I believe you are incorrect.
     
Lateralus
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Apr 24, 2010, 09:29 AM
 
Usually a safe guess.
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kmkkid
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Apr 24, 2010, 11:41 AM
 
Originally Posted by moonmonkey View Post
I believe you are incorrect.
The first 'phone' call was from my hometown, Brantford to a town called Paris, 4 miles away (~6 Km).

So, he is right.

As for the topic at hand.

I've had basically the same things happen in my relationship. My bf got bored and wanted to break up.

Nothing a good breakup fist fight can't solve.



Er... maybe you shouldn't take that route though. Just change.
     
Laminar
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Apr 24, 2010, 11:49 AM
 
Originally Posted by moonmonkey View Post
I believe you are incorrect.
On March 10, 1876, as he and Mr. Watson set out to test this finding, Bell knocked over what they were using as a transmitting liquid--battery acid. Reacting to the spilled acid, Mr. Bell is alleged to have shouted, "Mr. Watson, come here. I want you!" Exactly what Bell shouted--or whether the spilling of acid ever occurred-- is a matter of some dispute. Its result, however, is not. Watson, working in the next room, heard Bell's voice through the wire. Watson had received the first telephone call, and quickly went to answer it.
Further reading

Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
Usually a safe guess.
Ahaha
     
imitchellg5
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Apr 24, 2010, 11:58 AM
 
Originally Posted by moonmonkey View Post
I believe you are incorrect.
I looked it up on Wikipedia, everything on there is 100% accurate. Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
     
Doofy
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Apr 24, 2010, 12:20 PM
 
Whether or not Bell and Watson called each other from room to room is irrelevant. If Sek and his chick were living together (which, as far as I can tell, they weren't), one can assume that they shared a bed, thus the phone call at 12:30 am was from one side of the bed to the other. Making it the shortest distance phone call on record.
Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
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sek929  (op)
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Apr 24, 2010, 03:34 PM
 
Yeah, we don't live together, we live in adjacent towns. We have been talking alot recently about getting a place together by the end of this year.

Having a (hopefully) romantic dinner in a few hours, hope everything smooths out.
     
Kevin Bogues
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Apr 24, 2010, 04:11 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
Yeah, we don't live together, we live in adjacent towns. We have been talking alot recently about getting a place together by the end of this year.

Having a (hopefully) romantic dinner in a few hours, hope everything smooths out.
Good luck, Let us know how it goes !
     
voodoo
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Apr 24, 2010, 04:19 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
Yeah, we don't live together, we live in adjacent towns. We have been talking alot recently about getting a place together by the end of this year.

Having a (hopefully) romantic dinner in a few hours, hope everything smooths out.
Good luck!
I could take Sean Connery in a fight... I could definitely take him.
     
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Apr 24, 2010, 04:23 PM
 
Nothing is more romantic than ingesting dead animals!

/all I got
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
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Phileas
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Apr 24, 2010, 08:41 PM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
I looked it up on Wikipedia, everything on there is 100% accurate. Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
When tested, wikipedia was about as accurate than the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Your, rather snarky and uninformed, description is far from the truth.
     
imitchellg5
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Apr 24, 2010, 08:58 PM
 
Originally Posted by Phileas View Post
When tested, wikipedia was about as accurate than the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Your, rather snarky and uninformed, description is far from the truth.
Thank you for correcting something that was a sarcastic quote from The Office

And anyway, I was correct in that the first official phone call was a distance of 4 miles... Not that any of this is relevant to the discussion at hand, but I'm glad everyone likes to correct me
     
moonmonkey
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Apr 24, 2010, 09:36 PM
 
Originally Posted by kmkkid View Post
The first 'phone' call was from my hometown, Brantford to a town called Paris, 4 miles away (~6 Km).

So, he is right.
Maybe according to a leaflet you found in the Brantford Tourist information Center.
     
hadocon
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Apr 24, 2010, 10:58 PM
 
They say "All is fair in love and war"

So,


Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
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ebuddy
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Apr 25, 2010, 07:03 AM
 
I'm guessin' the dinner went well. I fully would've expected a return at 7:45pm had they not hit it off.
ebuddy
     
Phileas
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Apr 25, 2010, 08:32 AM
 
Originally Posted by imitchellg5 View Post
Thank you for correcting something that was a sarcastic quote from The Office
Which if course has been memorized by absolutely everybody, word for word.
     
RAILhead
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Apr 25, 2010, 08:48 AM
 
Or he's still under his desk, weeping like a baby in the fetal position.
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
my bandmy web sitemy guitar effectsmy photosfacebookbrightpoint
     
kmkkid
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Apr 25, 2010, 09:49 AM
 
Originally Posted by moonmonkey View Post
Maybe according to a leaflet you found in the Brantford Tourist information Center.
Yeah cause w'ere going to just 'make up' history for the sake of making our shitty town semi-famous.

Wayne being from here has made us more relevant than alexanders phone call tbh.
     
sek929  (op)
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Apr 25, 2010, 02:01 PM
 
The dinner went fine, and apparently everything I've heard about makeup sex is very true.

Thanks everyone! Seems Andi was mostly correct, but I have a feeling some of what Captian Obvious said is going on as well. Either way we are very happy.
     
PB2K
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Apr 25, 2010, 03:06 PM
 
she's 4?
{Animated sigs are not allowed.}
     
vcutag
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Apr 25, 2010, 03:23 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
The dinner went fine, and apparently everything I've heard about makeup sex is very true.

Thanks everyone! Seems Andi was mostly correct, but I have a feeling some of what Captian Obvious said is going on as well. Either way we are very happy.
     
 
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