[Kerrigan]

I typed up a story about my best/worst strip club experience, which took place on Bourbon Street, natch. But I decided to delete it because it was too ridiculous, and MacNN is a family place.

The flat-out worst experience I've had involved a strip club in Costa Rica, and me promptly leaving. Again, I don't want to reveal the story.

Is anyone brave enough to tell about their best and/or worst strip club experiences?

[Spheric Harlot]

Talk about a still-born thread.

Jack-hammered twice in the original post alone.

[brassplayersrock²]

My first time in a strip place was with a couple of female friends of mine (they’re into girls, so it was a win/win for all three of us)

Anyways, as I sat there gawking at the girl stripping, and giving a few $10 out; one of my friends started getting slapped on the arse by a guy in the club. Needless to say, I defended her and the bouncer took the guy out of the club.

I got a free private dance by the stripper that I was watching

[sek929]

My first experience with strippers was at a private party thrown by some fraternity friends of mine.

Most of the evening is fairly hazy but me and my bud split a 30 rack of bud ice (in cans) and proceeded to finish most of it ourselves. There were three girls of descending attractiveness and at one point I was laying on the floor as one of them used her ass cheeks to remove dollar bills that had been tossed all over me.

That's about all I can remember, besides projectile vomiting in the bushes.

[Lateralus]

I've only been to one strip club and it was five years ago, as a 21st birthday gift from a friend and his wife.

They must have picked the shittiest place in town because every one of the strippers was vastly outclassed by even the median girls in the audience, which only made the lap dance I was forced into all the less enjoyable.

I had also been fed drinks for a few hours before we went, so I was already at my limit (at that age) by the time we talked in the door. Threw a couple more bottles of beer down the hatch while there and wound up chucking right outside the place and taking a nice relax on the sidewalk.

Good times.

[mattyb]

A few weeks before leaving a company in London, I was invited for a drink to a bar near Heathrow airport. Apparently its the closest strip club to Heathrow. So after the stripper went round with her champagne bucket getting money, and after I had sank too many beers and had dropped a £5 note into said bucket instead of the usual £1 coin, she started her strip. She got all the kit off and then started girating. Touching herself now and again. Me and the colleagues were sort of stage left looking at her from an angle. At the very end of the strip she passed her hand between her legs, walked over to where we were standing and with the same hand left a smear of ..... on my glasses. 'Cheers love' she said with one of the strongest cocky accents that I've ever heard.

[Spheric Harlot]

"cocky", eh?

[Doofy]

Worst strip club story: I've never been to one.
Best strip club story: I don't need to.

[Oisín]

Never been to an actual strip club, though I have been to regular clubs at times where there happened to be a strip show on.

Nothing particularly memorable from any of those shows, though, apart from the one where the stripper had a guy from the audience sit on a chair on stage while she did a lap dance on him—until the chair, for reasons unknown, suddenly fell apart, and both lap dancer and lap dancee were lying in a huddle on the ground.

Oh, and the look on one guy’s face somewhere down on the second or third row as the (male) stripper finished off his act and the guy in the crowd suddenly felt something warm and sticky on his forehead. Hilarity.

The only lap dance I’ve ever received was by a classmate in high school. For some reason, he decided at one of the post-graduation parties that this would be a good time to do a little strip show, so he did. Once in the buff, he decided that I would be a perfect subject/victim for a lap dance, so he lap-danced me, ending up with a very fancy, acrobatic, and energetic exit over my right shoulder—an exit that unfortunately failed a bit, as his foot caught me in the chest and then chin, while his knee caught the back of my chair, knocking me backwards onto the floor, halfways landing on top of him. I suspect he was rather drunk, ’cause instead of wincing in pain (he had, after all, just had a chair and a guy fall on his arm and leg), he staggered up and started running through all the other people, going downstairs to dance on the dance floor.

(He’s a very successful lawyer now, I believe. Good thing they don’t require good motor coordination for that.)

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Oisín 

Oh, and the look on one guy’s face somewhere down on the second or third row as the (male) stripper finished off his act and the guy in the crowd suddenly felt something warm and sticky on his forehead. Hilarity.

Note to self: Avoid gay clubs in Copenhagen in general.

(Not that they were on my list before.)

-t

[Oisín]

Note to self: Avoid gay clubs in Copenhagen in general.

I don’t think he (audience guy, I mean) was expecting it to go quite that far, either. The look on his face was priceless, though.

[Shaddim]

Our bachelor/bachelorette was a combined deal and we rented a local club. We had a few strippers, female and male, and it got pretty crazy (like, people using large amounts of condoms crazy). Sarra got so intoxicated that she stripped too* and made out with one of the female dancers. We had a deal between us, anything goes but we couldn't touch other people's naked bits (touching each others', of course, was expected) and other people couldn't touch ours. Was a damned fun night.


*Not all the way, just down to a thong.

[subego]

I was working on a miserable movie, and we had a few days in a strip club, which was miserable.

We'd shoot in the day when it was closed, and once it opened, we'd sit at the bar and get hammered.

[mattyb]

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot 

"cocky", eh?

Cockney was what I meant to write. Think I'm getting Alzheimer's sometimes with my spelling mistakes.

[Andy8]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Worst strip club story: I've never been to one.
Best strip club story: I don't need to.

Exactly.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock² 

The fact that the male stripper "creamed" or the fact that the "cream" went to where he was sitting?

Probably both, but especially I would guess the latter.

It was quite impressive; there must have been about ten feet between them.

[Rumor]

While they say there is no sex in the champagne room that doesn't apply to bj's. Might have had something to do with the fact it was my birthday.

[Doofy]

Gah. No wonder you boys have a hard time bagging chicks and as a result have to go to strip clubs if this is the kind of thing you talk about and google.

[deedar]

It's pretty rare, but I'm with Doofy on this one.

[ort888]

I've also never been to a strip club. To me it seems like going to an all you can eat buffet where you can't actually eat... just look at the food.

I've known quite a few strippers... those women can make some serious coin. It's an interesting life style... people say it degrades women... but I think the men are on the losing end of the arrangement.

[Shaddim]

I'm with Doofy on this too.

[Big-C]

Having been in the military & traveled over seas to both europe & southeast asia, I've been to many many strip clubs. Personally, I think it's pretty fun, but that doesn't seem to be the prevailing theme here...

But the best one was when I took my brother to Vegas and made him dress in a cowboy suit; I couldn't have expected so many girls would want to pose with him in his "outfit." He was dangerously drunk.

After walking him up and down the strip, we ended up in a strip club, where he kept reaching up and touching the different stripper's butts. Eventually, he says to me "I don't want to touch any more butts." Since we were drunk, it was pretty funny.

Action shot:

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

I'm with Doofy on this too.

It's amusing how some guys insist on insisting or implying that they never masturbate because they are so cool and have had constant access to sex throughout their entire lives.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by besson3c 

It's amusing how some guys insist on insisting or implying that they never masturbate because they are so cool and have had constant access to sex throughout their entire lives.

Some people learn the guitar. Some people learn the trumpet.
One of those instruments gets you way more tang than the other.

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Some people learn the guitar. Some people learn the trumpet.
One of those instruments gets you way more tang than the other.

Classical guitarists are hot!

[Spheric Harlot]

Originally Posted by besson3c 

Classical guitarists are hot!

Hell yeah.

YouTube - Paco De Lucia Shreds

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot 

Hell yeah.

YouTube - Paco De Lucia Shreds

It's funny how for each of these sort of videos with fake comical overdubbing there is a bunch of commenters who are like "uhhh, this doesn't sound good"

[Rumor]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

I'm with Doofy on this too.

My couch pulls out, but I don't.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock² 

10 Bizzare SEX world records [Archive] - Bodybuilding.com Forums

Even I am a bit … wary that you had to go and Google that.

The actual list itself, though, turned out to be quite amusing.

[brassplayersrock²]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Some people learn the guitar. Some people learn the trumpet.
One of those instruments gets you way more tang than the other.

I’d have to say the trumpet because it works both the fingers and tongue.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by brassplayersrock² 

I’d have to say the trumpet because it works both the fingers and tongue.

But you're blowing, with your lips pressed firmly against a long, bent stick.
annnnnnnnnd we're back to the strip club topic again.

[Oisín]

It seems some content not suitable for some of this strip joint’s younger clientele escaped from the champagne room and mingled with other posts.

Fear not, o young ones: the content in question has been put back into the champagne room where it can play with itself all night. We thank you for your understanding.

(Translation: There was a line, and there was stuff that was just on the wrong side. It no longer is. The stuff, that is. The line is still.)

[finboy]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Worst strip club story: I've never been to one.
Best strip club story: I don't need to.

I've been in a few times to pull someone out (so they wouldn't be thrown out). Same guy, several times. He'd become enamored of one of the dancers before he found out she was a dancer (he met her at her day job) and we carried him home a few times to keep his record clean.

Otherwise, never thought they were appropriate or worthy of my support. I can say, though, that the strippers I've known were much more together and pragmatic than the folks I've known who like to patronize such venues. On average.

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by finboy 

I can say, though, that the strippers I've known were much more together and pragmatic than the folks I've known who like to patronize such venues. On average.

That's not always true, but it's often the case. We had a dancer stay with us for ~2 weeks not too long ago. Sincere, funny, and very aware of what she wanted to do and how she was going to do it. She was a hot little thing, too.

[ghporter]

Best story: a place in the French Quarter of New Orleans called "The Unisex Club" that featured dancers of both genders. The girls were ok-ish, but the guys knew how to dance. One guy caught the eye of a tourist from Iowa and the "best" part of the story was watching her reactions to his dancing. People watching in the Quarter is always great, like reading a travelogue , but this was more on the order of an adult novel.

Worst story: just about every place I've seen in San Antonio. The customers tend to be a sorry lot, and the girls, though often rather attractive, are not even good at shimmying, let alone dancing. Last time I looked at a club here, the sad crowd drove me out long before the smoke got to me.

[Thorzdad]

My only horror story can be summed up thusly...
The terms "strip club" and "Terre Haute" should never be uttered together in the same sentence. Ever. Nuf' said.

Well, I actually do have another story...In my previous job, my manager was a Bob Jones University grad. Unfortunately, once he got out of college, he discovered the real world and developed a taste for things that his wife would leave him over if she knew. Among other things, he loved going to strip clubs and getting lap dances. He would occasionally insist that we take our lunch hour with him at one of the clubs in Indianapolis. And, y'know, there's just nothing more sad and pathetic than the weekday lunch buffet at a strip club. I'm personally, not a fan of clubs, so I would sit there, eating my rubber chicken and nod appreciatively at the young ladies working the lunch crowd (but no so appreciatively as to suggest they come over) all while my boss spent the hour in the back room getting his lap dance on.

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

But you're blowing, with your lips pressed firmly against a long, bent stick.
annnnnnnnnd we're back to the strip club topic again.

But if besson tried playing the guitar, he'd be sucking, so I don't know that he could win this one.