[Kevin]

Signs you are Gay . . . .

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are undeniably a gay.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, ..

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are gaygadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're
hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer ..

8. If you enjoy romantic! comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to gays when they flame out too quickly.

Sorry, I couldn't find 9 or 10.

If anyone wants to add them feel free.

[marden]

Funny as hell! I lol'd out loud.

I could name more than 9 colors but damn if I could think of more than 4 desserts, ah. Just got #5.

[ebuddy]

I always get a kick out of the little web-links at the top of the page. They try damned hard to be relevant like; "Gay/Lesbian Beachside Drug Treatment Center".

Now how on earth would Gay/Lesbian drug treatment look any different than straight drug treatment?

Funny top-ten list btw.

[Atheist]

Sorta kinda funny.... It had potential... but the endless euphemisms "you like a high hard one in the poop chute" bordered on being offensive. I'll give you an E for effort.

[marden]

Originally Posted by ebuddy 

I always get a kick out of the little web-links at the top of the page. They try damned hard to be relevant like; "Gay/Lesbian Beachside Drug Treatment Center".

I frequently look at those, too.

[Dakar²]

Hey, look, a revenge thread.

[voodoo]

Originally Posted by Kevin 

Signs you are Gay . . . .

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

..it means you haven't spent enough time with the boys? Ahem.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

Cats scratch themselves frequently. Also cats obey a direct command when they are doing something they shouldn't. My cat returns to me with its tail between its legs when I yell at it to come from the hall.

To dogs people talk in baby-voce "heeeerre's a leetle pooochy".

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a gay.

So sucking on big bones of meat is less gay than sucking a lollipop?

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

I wouldn't invite you to my house with manners like that. Use a toilet. Public or not.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too.

I have never heard of a person ordering decaf with skim milk. Male or female. I don't think we sell that in cafeterías. It's just straight up café solo, con leche or cortado. These are manly words. Not gay like italian or french words. (e.g. latte, café au lait etc)

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are gaygadocious.

Well.. CMYK and RGB? That's seven just by knowing computers. Oh dear. Desserts.. I don't like. I just have coffee (cortado) for dessert.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're
hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat.

So.. it hasn't so much to do with sexuality as intelligence? Like a man is stupid, ignorant, self-serving, ill-mannered and an unsafe driver. Got it

8. If you enjoy romantic! comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to gays when they flame out too quickly.

If you like these kind of movies then hey, you need a girlfriend. They're like those kind of movies except in real life. IMO, much more interesting.

Sorry, I couldn't find 9 or 10.

If anyone wants to add them feel free.

9. If you make a list on the internet with indications that you're gay, you're hiding a repressed gayness and want to assure yourself and others of your heterosexuality (non-existant) by being square on the side of those who make fun of gays. A true heterosexual doesn't even think about gays. That's what heterosexual is all about, see. Thinking about how to sleep with some hot chick. Gays don't even enter into the life of a heterosexual.

10. Knowing phrases like: "Flaaaaming homo", "Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay", " you are a Gaylord", "training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a gay", "handing out free passes to your ass", "you are gaygadocious", "hungry for a meat popsicle", "mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui" and "SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion) makes you unquestionably gay. You seem to know way too much about the other team. A heterosexual just doesn't know.

V

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by Dakar² 

Hey, look, a revenge thread.

Not at all.

[Dakar²]

So this totally not related to the Fundamentalist Christian thread? This would have occurred on its own? You actually think these are funny?

[Kevin]

Again, it's not about "getting even"

[Dakar²]

What is it about, then?

[Kevin]

Just seeing how it pans out.

[vmarks]

Hey, look.

threads that respond to other threads through parody are fine and well.

This one was doomed from the get go, because of the inappropriate language, and failing to really carry off the point.

The point, for those who can't see, is : 'but none of those are really true for homosexuals, and no one really meets all ten of those - this is just a way of inflaming the people being targeted' - and that was the nature of the other thread opposed to Christians. So the point of posting this one was to experiment whether or not it would last, whether it is okay to offend Christians but not homosexuals.

Well, the answer is this: It's okay to be controversial, but inappropriate language isn't going to get very far.

Lock.