[awaspaas]

Those of you that have TotalFark probably saw this but I thought I'd share it with those of you who don't have the luxury of wasting hours of time on a website daily.

This guy had made a series of threads asking for advice about whether to hire somebody solely based on pity, etc. This is the last post that sums up the whole situation pretty well. I thought it's a great story and shows that there are actually a few nice people still out there.

 Ok, here is the last of the details regarding the girl that I hired. Like I explained in the two prior threads this girl, Vanessa, lost her father quite horribly and unexpectedly a month ago. Since then she was fired for being at her fathers' funeral, and her mother has turned a deaf ear to her needs, both emotionally and fiscally. (Perhaps the mother is just  trying to deal with the tragedy herself and is incapable of being there for her daughter, but thats another story..

So I am the manager of a very busy bar/restaurant. She came in as a suggestion from one of the other girls that work for me for a job interview. She's was 18, with no experience, and if she wasn't in her position, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid and  I would tell her that we weren't interested in girls with no experience, but that wasn't the case, and two days later Vanessa joined the very catty, very biatchy staff.

It took a great deal of extra work on my part to train this girl for the waitressing and barbacking duties, which I had no  problem doing. On her first night, except for a few minor, minor errors she did quite well and I felt pretty good about the situation. To put it in perspective, she didn't even have a dollar to buy herself dinner that night. 

Well it came up in conversation that she no longer had a car, or even use of a family automobile and had to rely on rides into work. My father owns a used car lot and we usually have a few low end trade in cars lying around. One in particular  a 1997 Jetta that was missing a grille and had a few dents. My father basically rebuilt the motor in it a month or so  ago, but since then the Jetta has sat on the lot. The total we had into the car was 115 dollars.

On Vanessa's next night into work she was left without a ride, and her mother called me saying that she wouldn't pick her up after ten o clock. I cannot see how somebody can be so cold to their flesh and blood, but again...another story all together. I talked to my father the next day about the possibility of her maybe buying the Jetta off of us on a payment  plan. I posted a thread that night and a lot of TFers gave me a great deal of advice, and kind words, which I appreciate immensely. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was shocked when I sent a follow up email to a TFer and he actually  offered a pretty sizeable sum of money to help her register the car. Unbelievable the kindness of strangers.

Well..here's what happened. My father sent the Jetta out Tuesday to the local body shop we use. For absolutely no cost, the body shop replaced the grille, knocked out the dents, and resprayed it the original red color. My father had it  steamcleaned and detailed. I was floored to say the least. My mother got wind of this from my father, and promptly  wrote a check to the Department of Motor Vehicles for the amount it would be to register the automobile. We are not rich  people, but what we have, we are blessed with and very kind hearted people, much like the person who offered to send money to me to help defray the costs of this car.

I picked up the car today, and got it registered. I parked it behind the restaurant and waited. At the end of my day which today was only eleven hours, I took Vanessa aside and asked her how she liked the job. She was almost in  tears because she thought I was going to fire her. Not likely. I asked her if she would take a couple bags of beer  bottles to the dumpster, and she obliged, without saying a word. None of the other girls would even think of it. When  we were heading back around to the place where the car was parked I threw her the key. She asked me with a blank ass look what the key was for, and I proceeded with tears in my own eyes, to tell her it was to her car. You might think  I had ten heads the look I got. I showed her where it was and she was shocked. She told me she couldn't afford it, so  I told her it was hers for one dollar and fifty cents, plus a Thank You card to my parents and the auto body shop.

None of the girls that I work for, nor my asswipe pig of a boss, will know about this, it is a good deed done, and that  will remain silent. I thank you all for your kind words in prior threads, and it appears this will turn out very well. To the TFer who offered to send that pretty sizeable amount of cash...your intentions are worth far more to me.

And please, no sexual favor comments, they're just not worth it here guys. I'm just a man who realizes that when you  can do something for somebody, do it. you never know when you'll need the help from your fellow man (or woman) later down the line.

Thank you. thepostaftermeisgay aka Chris K.

[KeyLimePi]

Call me cynical, but I'm not overly impressed by middle-aged men who do favors for despondent young women.

If he'd given a male, or even an old woman, a car then I'd be impressed.

[AKcrab]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi

Call me cynical,

Ok. You're cynical.

But you have crabs in your sig, so I can let it slide.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi

Call me cynical, but I'm not overly impressed by middle-aged men who do favors for despondent young women.

And then post about it on the intarweb...

[Hash]

I think he liked her. Why not? Nice if she'd return the favor somehow

[budster101]

That's sick and pathetic to expect something in return.

[awaspaas]

It does make you wonder if the girl was good-looking or not.

[budster101]

It was innapropriate the way in which he went about doing this. I think he was motivated in other ways, and the fact that this is on the internet makes me think less of him.

Anonymous good-doing is supposed to be anonymous. No strings.

[suvsr4terrorists]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi

Call me cynical, but I'm not overly impressed by middle-aged men who do favors for despondent young women.

If he'd given a male, or even an old woman, a car then I'd be impressed.

Ditto.

[Chuckit]

Once, in college, I saw this hot chick looking so stressed out over a paper she was writing. Being the good samaritan I am, I offered to give her private lessons that night. I even decided to bring some alcohol to help her de-stress. All out of the goodness of my heart. Aren't I just an awesome person?

[suvsr4terrorists]

Yeah dude, one time there was this really hot single girl at work when I was still in HS. I was really nice to her. One time, I made her a mix tape, because she seemed sad. Then another time, I made her a birthday card! Aren't I a good guy!!!!!

[suvsr4terrorists]

Yeah dude, one time there was this really hot single girl at work when I was still in HS. I was really nice to her. One time, I made her a mix tape, because she seemed sad. Then another time, I made her a birthday card! Aren't I a good guy!?

[iMOTOR]

Yer a double good guy.

[Warung]

So I am the manager of a very busy bar/restaurant.

Well aren't you the saviour of mankind...

Totally sickening that there are people in these kinds of predicaments, and "managers" who can take advantage of it.

She was "fired" for attending her dad's funeral? Pfff, if it would have been my boss, I would have killed him, taken his job and CERTAINLY NOT have attended his funeral.

[loki74]

take advantage? sounds to me like this guy helped her out a bunch.

and if you read the second paragraph, it doesnt sound like he had any ulterior motives for what he did. Really, I think I would have (tried to) do the same or similar, just out of pity for the poor girl. I mean... damn. I wonder who the previous boss was.... what an ass.

[Big Mac]

Originally Posted by Warung

Well aren't you the saviour of mankind...

Totally sickening that there are people in these kinds of predicaments, and "managers" who can take advantage of it.

She was "fired" for attending her dad's funeral? Pfff, if it would have been my boss, I would have killed him, taken his job and CERTAINLY NOT have attended his funeral.

I only skimmed the story, but how did he take advantage of her by giving her a car and a job?

[suvsr4terrorists]

If it was an old woman or a dude you wouldn't have had pity for her, or you wouldn't have done anything about it.

[Big Mac]

Originally Posted by suvsr4terrorists

If it was an old woman or a dude you wouldn't have had pity for her, or you wouldn't have done anything about it.

I know you made that point in the beginning of the thread, but I still don't see much relevance or poignance to it. Sure, a guy's much more likely to help an attractive female. He may intend to help her for ulterior motives, even if he does not wish to admit it to himself. But as long as he acts appropriately toward her, does his private desire substantively detract from the good deed done? Individuals often do good things with self-serving, yet innocuous motives or sub-motives - emotional gratification, ego, desire to compensate for misdeeds - but they're still performing acts of generosity nonetheless. We cannot realistically reject as unworthy all acts of kindness not performed altruistically.

If I'm in a position to help someone else, I'll do what I feel is appropriate to help them - that which is within my means and commensurate with their neediness. A couple of weeks ago, a woman approached me while I was walking to my car and asked if I could possibly give her a ride home. This was a thoroughly unattractive woman. She had a very credible hard-luck story, so while her home was a few miles in the direction opposite to my destination, I decided not to dismiss her. In the few minutes we talked, I found her to be a kind, sincere and dedicated person, and I also recognized wisdom in her words. The two of us are very different people from very different circumstances; I never met this person before and would likely never meet her again. But due to fortuitous timing, I was able to assist her in a minor way, and she left an impression on me. Now why did I decide to do this minor act of kindness? Perhaps, on some sub-conscious level, I self-servingly hoped I would be rewarded in some way. That certainly was not a prime concern of mine when I decided to help her, however.

It's all too cynical to presume the narrator of the bar story just wanted to get into her pants. Would he have helped an unattractive woman or a man in the same way? There's a good chance he would not have. Attractive people definitely obtain things from others more easily - that's just a reality of the human condition. But that does not mean our primary goals in helping others are necessarily selfish ones. And again, even if they are helping purely for selfish reasons, can society afford to reject their help?

[Warung]

Originally Posted by loki74

take advantage? sounds to me like this guy helped her out a bunch.

She's was 18, with no experience, and if she wasn't in her position, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid and I would tell her that we weren't interested in girls with no experience...

Well, is that so you faggot (talking to the guy I quoted now)? Good to see that lousy little *********s like you are in a position to play god with people's lives, and luckily enough "Vanessa" is such a poor, "inexperienced" little hotty who just got canned by the biggest a55munch in the entire universe for attending her FATHER's funeral.

This is how thiings should! work:

Her old boss:" Venassa, I'm really sorry to hear what happened to your dad. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Take a week off, and then come back (if you feel ready)."

The "restaurant manager" IN GENERAL: "You're 18? You need a job? Come right in, we've got plenty of work here for you."

[Big Mac]

Originally Posted by Warung

Well, is that so you faggot (talking to the guy I quoted now)? Good to see that lousy little *********s like you are in a position to play god with people's lives, and luckily enough "Vanessa" is such a poor, "inexperienced" little hotty who just got canned by the biggest a55munch in the entire universe for attending her FATHER's funeral.

Wait, one second. The guy just said he does not usually hire the young and inexperienced but that he made an exception because of her situation. I see nothing inherently objectionable about the excerpts you quoted. The bar manager was not responsible for the attitude of the girl's previous boss.

This is how thiings should! work:

Her old boss:" Venassa, I'm really sorry to hear what happened to your dad. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Take a week off, and then come back (if you feel ready)."

Yeah, well, in the real world things often don't work out in an ideal or even semi-positive way. Some people are callous jerks. Some are malevolent. Too often, people get dealt bad cards and have to endure adverse circumstances. It's not a rose garden out there.

The "restaurant manager" IN GENERAL: "You're 18? You need a job? Come right in, we've got plenty of work here for you."

How do you know there was plenty of work in that situation? What if he could not afford to take on another employee? Should businesses be compelled to hire one and all? Are you being serious?

[Warung]

Originally Posted by Big Mac

It's not a rose garden out there.

Oh, yeah? And this is an internet board.

I was merely venting my anger about d0uchebags like him being in a position of power.

Originally Posted by Big Mac

How do you know there was plenty of work in that situation? What if he could not afford to take on another employee?

That didn't seem to be the issue. Rather her "inexperience" WAITING TABLES - for fux sake!

"I'm sorry lady, we can't hire you since our prerequisites for the job are a phd in pouring coke, and AT LEAST 4 years at the royal college of polishing silverwear."

[Hash]

Originally Posted by budster101

That's sick and pathetic to expect something in return.

oh, come on, isn't it gratitude? Man gave her car and job, and she could give in return a home-made apple pie or something nice like that.

[suvsr4terrorists]

Originally Posted by Hash

oh, come on, isn't it gratitude? Man gave her car and job, and she could give in return a home-made apple pie or something nice like that.

Your example was perfect. Hrm. Sweet 18 year old pie. HhAhhaHAh

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi

Call me cynical, but I'm not overly impressed by middle-aged men who do favors for despondent young women.
If he'd given a male, or even an old woman, a car then I'd be impressed.

Wow, it amazes me that almost EVERYONE here judges that guy and blames him for wrong motives. Amazing, really. Where is the benefit of doubt ?

You guys know why that is ? Because all of you cynics are just judging from yourselves, your own fscked motives and your own rotten deeds. Great.

[/rant]

-t

[suvsr4terrorists]

And you're in denial. We'd all be singing different tunes if this was a 40 some year old woman or a guy....but it isn't. It's an 18 year old female. Poor poor 18 yr old. With those pouty lips. And those bambi eyes... poor poor thing.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by suvsr4terrorists

And you're in denial. We'd all be singing different tunes if this was a 40 some year old woman or a guy....but it isn't. It's an 18 year old female. Poor poor 18 yr old. With those pouty lips. And those bambi eyes... poor poor thing.

Yeah, right. Sorry for taking all that talk above serious.

-t

[Zimphire]

That 18 year old could have been 190lbs, 5'1" and had a terrible case of acne and crabs for all we know.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Zimphire

That 18 year old could have been 190lbs, 5'1" and had a terrible case of acne and crabs for all we know.

You mean, one of those that TEH statistic speaks about ?

-t

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by Zimphire

That 18 year old could have been 190lbs, 5'1" and had a terrible case of acne and crabs for all we know.

Yep. Except we know she wasn't, because a guy gave her a job she wasn't qualified for and then soon after that gave her a car. That paints a very clear picture of the poor young thing.

I also don't have a car right now and have to take the awful San Diego bus system to get around (or, if it's too late to catch a bus, profit-killing cabs), but you don't see people tossing Toyotas my way.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Chuckit

That paints a very clear picture of the poor young thing.

Not for me. What am I missing ?

We don't know NOTHING about how that girl looks and what motivated the guy to do it. It's all speculation. And unfortunately, everyone seems to think that guy is just a horny bastard.

-t

[Warung]

Originally Posted by turtle777

Not for me. What am I missing ?

We don't know NOTHING about how that girl looks and what motivated the guy to do it. It's all speculation. And unfortunately, everyone seems to think that guy is just a horny bastard.

-t

The next time you see a 190 lbs. 5' 1'' girl with a terrible case of acne waiting tables at a restaurant, get back to us. (And, no, McDonald's doesn't count).

[awaspaas]

I'm a little disappointed with the cynicism - I'm giving the guy the benefit of the doubt here.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Warung

The next time you see a 190 lbs. 5' 1'' girl with a terrible case of acne waiting tables at a restaurant, get back to us. (And, no, McDonald's doesn't count).

So what's your point ?
That that girl might not have been to terribly looking. Ok. And then ?

-t

[Warung]

Originally Posted by turtle777

So what's your point ?
That that girl might not have been to terribly looking. Ok. And then ?

The point is that he probably didn't have completely altruistic motives for helping her out, and the kind of pie he was hoping to get for his favors wasn't of the "apple", but rather of the "muff" variety.

Anyway, what do I care. He might be a nice guy. I was just more pissed about the "qualifications" comment he made.

[wataru]

You want only people with intentions pure-as-the-driven-snow to do good things? I think we'd see a sharp decline in the already tiny number of good things being done in this world.

[agpetz]

i guess the moral of the story (at least according to most of the people on here) is to not help anyone but yourself, unless you are completely prepared to defend your motives. i cant believe how judgemental some of you guys are. what is it they say about people in glass house?

[BlueSky]

What turtle said.

Y'all need to get out more. You wear your cynicism like it was some major accomplishment in your evolution.

[Warung]

awaspaas, - could you please post a link to the original story (if possible)?

[awaspaas]

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comm...IDLink=1575395

Only works if you have TotalFark though.

[loki74]

the prejudice in this thread is truly beginning to bug me. Why the hell is it that everyone assumes that if any guy does something nice theres some sort of other motive, and that all men are just pervs and all they see in any woman is her body, and the one night they'll get to have their way with it after which they will move on with their lives, leaving that woman hurt and not giving a second thought about it.

Granted, nobody here judged they guy as bad as my example above. But really lemee ask you something. If the same thing were to happen, except the poor teenager was a guy, and the kind-hearted manager was a woman. What would it be then? "Wow, that lady is really really nice!"

Now dont get me wrong, there are a lot of sick guys out there who do fit my description in the first paragraph of this post. But I know I sure as hell aint, I know a lot of other guys who sure as hell aint, and I kind of doubt this guy is either.

But this is why I do not think there is so much cynacism in this thread as there is prejudice.

Other things I did see though... he probably should not have been posting this stuff on the forum. I could see that if he was asking for help (ie the dude who offered a bunch of $ to get the car) cause he just couldnt do it on his own. But just posting for the sake of posting... hmmmm. And I would agree, he probably would not have hired her (or anyone) for a waiting position if she was such ans such pounds w/ crabs & acne... thats just bad marketing. You need to give the customers a good experience. (its cruel, I know) But there are other positions he could have given her, right? I mean, I don't know much about running a bar, but there as got to be some position he could have given her were that the case.

[awaspaas]

Anyway, I think he made it pretty clear he did this without expecting anything in return besides the $1.50 for the car. It's a little sad that everybody automatically assumes he was taking advantage of this girl somehow.

And what about his parents? His dad that got the car fixed up and his mom that paid the registration? Are they expecting some ass from this girl as well?

[Warung]

Originally Posted by awaspaas

And what about his parents? His dad that got the car fixed up and his mom that paid the registration? Are they expecting some ass from this girl as well?

Pfff, wouldn't be surprised if they did!
.
.
.
.
.
/

[Warung]

Originally Posted by awaspaas

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comm...IDLink=1575395

Only works if you have TotalFark though.

Thx.

[Warung]

Originally Posted by loki74

But there are other positions he could have given her, right?

Tyeah, I'm sure he could have given her a couple of "positions"...

[Person Man]

Originally Posted by awaspaas

And what about his parents? His dad that got the car fixed up and his mom that paid the registration? Are they expecting some ass from this girl as well?

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by loki74

the prejudice in this thread is truly beginning to bug me.

Why the hell is it that everyone assumes that if any guy does something nice theres some sort of other motive, and that all men are just pervs and all they see in any woman is her body.

Because this forum has many selfish, horny losers that have no life and just reflect what THEY would think and do in the actions of that guy.

Originally Posted by agpetz

i guess the moral of the story (at least according to most of the people on here) is to not help anyone but yourself, unless you are completely prepared to defend your motives. i cant believe how judgemental some of you guys are. what is it they say about people in glass house?

Yeah, very sad. As sick world has this become that you have to DEFEND good deeds, but being a judgmental moron is accepted and tolerated.

-t

[suvsr4terrorists]

Either there are a very high percentage of gay people around, or you guys are failing to recognize one important fact:

THE GUY WAS... MALE!

Males do NOT want female 'friends'. How many females do you hang out with, and have a 'friendly' relationship with that's COMPLETELY platonic? Either YOU think she's pretty hot, or she thinks your hot. That's just the way it works. Sure, I have some female friends that break this rule, but that's because they were acquired by other means, ie, sig other of male friends, stuff like that. You guys are kidding yourselves if you think this guy did this out of the goodness of his heart. He might not have made any real 'sexual' advances, but honestly I think there's somethign MORE wrong with:

A. hiring an unqualified person and buying her a car and fixing it up for her while you're a middle aged man and she's an 18 yr old woman

than

B. A middle aged man looking at an 18 year old and thinking they want her in a bad way!

One is natural, the other is something that if I heard about I'd keep an eye on this guy so he doesn't try anything illegal.

[Hash]

My point is a little bit different, regardless of what were motives of the guy, the girl should thank him somehow, maybe give a nice present, say thank you, work very hard and so on. There must be some sort of gratitude for all he did for her, after all, he was very kind to help her.

[suvsr4terrorists]

If you're an 18 yr old girl and your boss buys you a car and fixes it up for you, what are you going to think? You're going to 'owe' him big time.

[Hash]

I would think he likes me and how to get more from him thats what women always think i guess