[Metzen]

Little background:

Code:
Roomate:  Chelsey
Age:      18

Characteristics:
  Annoying
    Why:  Chelsey is a "mom"
    type of character.  She
    always needs to know where
    your going, who your going
    with, etc. and takes great
    offence if you don't tell
    her where or whom your
    going with.  Also has a
    ugly tenacity for the
    phrase "well... make sure
    you don't come home dead,
    your no good to me as a
    dead roomate".

  Hypocritical
    Stars spouting off **** like
    "don't walk through the 
    apartment with your shoes on"
    When you reply, "I don't" she
    replies, "oh... well, I do, so
    just to be sure you weren't I
    thought I'd tell you." OR such
    garbage like "your so messy"
    then said roommate proceeds to
    make a mess. OR "we need to
    conserve power, turn off all
    lights and the stereo when your
    done with them"...  A) I don't
    listen to the stereo, I use the
    computer, B) CHELSEY is the one
    who constantly forgets to "turn"
    off the lights.

--Keep in mind this "roommate" is NOT
joking at all when she's says such
things.  She is being dead serious
and it is annoying as all hell.

Ok, that's Chelsey. And now for the backdrop. I met Chelsey in November of last year. I needed a place to stay, she needed a roommate to live with. Come April, we moved out together. Things were OK, till she kept getting more and more annoying. Liveable, but hella annoying. SO... Come last week of July she informed me she wants me gone so she can move in with a guy whom she can get some "fun" from. (In other words, she wants a roommate she can ****) She can't have "fun" with me, because, gosh darn it, I just won't throw away my current relationship for that.

So... Here is where I am. I'm gone by the 31st of August, and am planning on doing some pranks to get back her for being such a bitch. Here's what I got so far:

-Chelsey has a sliding window in her room. To ensure a cold winter, I'm going to put a dent in the "slide" portion of the window so hideous that it'll seem closed but won't be. (It'll be open just a crack).

-clog the bath tub drain

-clog Chelsey's toilet (she has her own and we don't have a plunger ) so the next time she flushes it doesn't stop filling

-unscrew all the lightbulbs

And that's all I can think of right now.

My plan is use this pool of resources and experience here at MacNN to MAKE CHELSEY PAY.

Help me out here guys!

[fobside]

i play pranks on my roommates and friends but i like them. so most of these im recommending are definitely not for friends, unless you have REALLY good friends.

pour tons of gelatin, not the same as the JELL-O youre used to eating, into the toilet. once it sets, theres no way out of it. yes, hot water melts gelatin but the gelatin should have set way back into the pipes. whoever cleans it up will have to scoop out a whole lot. if you try to flush before you have a clear passage, itll overflow.

one of my favorite things to do...fill something with packing peanuts...perhaps a shower or a car.

go to a chinese market and buy something with eyes still in it, maybe a sheep's head or something. leave it in the bathtub. chinese markets also sell animal genitalia too.

go to a pet store. buy some feeder crickets. let em lose.

if you want to come back after youve moved out, you can do this one:
freeze a thin sheet of urine on a pan. yes, i know thats kind of gross but move your frozen foods outta the way for a bit. take sheet of urine...slide it under door. let melting process begin.

[Zimphire]

Call him 4am in the morning profession to be God, and that you have decided to kick him off the planet.

[G4ME]

Shove Pennys in all the Doorsm so she can't open them.

[phayd]

Use at your own risk!

What you are looking for is revenge, not a prank.

The usenet newsgroup alt.revenge has lots of info.

For instance:

One person, mad at her landlord, removed all of the screws from everything in the apartment, put them in a big pile, with a sign that said "Screw You".

For less harmful pranks, alt.shenanigans (sp?) is what you want to look at.

For both of these, go to google and click on groups.

[Amorya]

Alt.shenanigans, grand birthplace of WDTSF!

NOt been there for ages!

Amorya

[RAzaRazor]

Sign her up for all the junk mail you can. Contests are a good source for this.
Also sign her up for a whole bunch of Magazines - with the "Bill me Later" box check.
AOL - 'Nuff Said.

Tell her current boyfriend that you just found out from her last boyfriend that she gave him herpes and the clap.

Make sure to turn the Fridge all the way cold and the freezer all the way warm.

Unbolt the toilet, remove the wax ring, rebolt the toilet.

And the worst: Install a low-flow showerhead in her shower!! Bwahaha!

[derien]

evil evil people

[sek929]

Slice a small hole in the fabric on her boxspring, then chuck in a few fish

Get some really hot peppers, then order for pizza, grind them into a fine powder, put powder on random slices, offer her a slice. (don't forget which ones are hot, unless you like hot pizza).

Disconnect the cold water in her shower...and wait for the screams, hehe.

[MikeM33]

I don't know, but it sounds like you're holding alot against this Chelsea for wanting you out so she can have a man live with her. Were you in love with her or something?

MikeM32

[Mac Zealot]

Here we go:

take off the showerhead, insert painful allergen in filter, put back on showerhead.

take off all the lightswitches and short the wires so that the light switches won't turn the lights off

loosen all the pipes under the sink that are almost behind the drywall so they are hard to spot

take the handles off the valves on all the sinks and toilets and leave them where they are almost off but not quite.

leave a blue box somewhere and call the cops about it

take all the phone jacks and put the wires back on backwards

flip the light switches over so that on is off and off is on.

take her powder dish, empty out the powder, replace it with itching powder

take a perfume bottle that looks like the perfume is piss, empty the bottle, insert piss.

take a jello cup (of course only the cup works) and get the jello part out, shove it down the shower pipe a bit so it's plugged up.. shower plugups are the worst and least expected

crazy glue the sink handle so it's stuck to cold

Take the sink, and reverse the hot and cold water lines to it (this one is the best)

at the water heater, pull the release valve so it leaks all over the place

take the heater thermostat and reverse the wires

stick bananas under the doormat so that it slips when she steps on it

in her bedroom, pull up the carpet and piss all over the floor

take her bed and reverse it so that the matteress is on the bottom and the box spring is on the top

loosen up the bedframe on her bed so that it squeaks (or unhook the cross bars so that it falls apart)

take off the metal stems in the door hinges and replace them with fat pencils

replace the screws in the door hinges with really short ones (or cut the other ones really short) so that they just barely hold and the door falls off hwen she opens it.

make the refrigerator leak

pull off the control panel in the refrigerator, set it to off, and put the control panel back on, but with the dial looking like it's on

if she has water filters: piss in the water filters and put them back in

if she has a water softener: replace the salt with iodine or ajax

if she uses washing detergent: replace the detergent with salt

if she uses fabric softener or liquid detergent, etc: replace it with pine sol

liquid soap: replace with really stinky, nasty material that is the same color

grab something like publisher's clearing house in her name, fill out all the magazine offers, put "Bill me later" and such and watch her get a ton of subscriptions

sign her up for ltd commodities magazine, buy as many of certain things as you can (they use the bill me later thing)

buy things using CODs in her name

take a mail forwarding slip to the post office so that all her mail gets sent to your house or all her mail gets sent to the dump, or such

buy some fleas and stick them all over her favorite cloth furniture, put lice on her pillows, etc

put hair in her food in the refrigerator

as suggested with the jello in the toilet.. instead of filling the toilet with water, fill it with pee

all of these should make for a lot of fun

[Arty50]

Place an ad for a really cheap jet ski ($50) in the newspaper classifieds section. This is the most annoying thing I've ever seen done in my entire life. The amount of calls she'll get is unbelievable.

[micha schraven]

hide an alarmclock or (nearly )empty mobile phone somewhere behind a wall, where she can't reach it, but can hear it. make it faintly beep once very so many minutes. believe me, it will be true torture when she starts listening to it.
especially when she starts blaming her stupid roommate (you) for leaving that electronic device beeping while you are gone for a few days

[xi_hyperon]

Call as many Amway salespeople as you can locate, give them her address, and BEG them to drop by as soon as possible. She is very interested in making some extra income.

[OSX Abuser]

Dirty Prank #1:
Does she own a Camera???
If she does take a picture of her toothebrush stuck up your A$$.
Nasty supprise whe she has the film developed.
#2:
replace her shampoo with hair remover.
#3:
Swipe her di1do/ Replace with HUGE one.

As much of a bitch she must be, just move out and move on.
As fun as it must be to plot such things, I would advise against it. Well, except for the harmless pranks.

[MGossett]

Originally posted by OSX Abuser:
Dirty Prank #1:
Does she own a Camera???
If she does take a picture of her toothebrush stuck up your A$$.
Nasty supprise whe she has the film developed.

Who would stick a toothbrush up their a-hole?

-Mike

[Gankdawg]

Don't forget gloves so you don't leave fingerprints in her room. Also, think hard about what pranks could actually get you in trouble via the Crime Scene Lab before you do them.....

[crazycylon]

Take the labels off every can of food. Also buy some canned dog food and take the label off , then mix the can among the other canned goods.

Spray handles of doors etc with a solution of ninhydrin. Hands will turn very purple.

[TonyRado]

Be cool to her. Have a few moving out drinks together. Get your hummer.* Get the eff out.


* chances are that you're not gonna be w/ your gf when you graduate, but you'll ALWAYS have this story to tell.

[fobside]

is she allergic to something? put it in the shower head. rash for weeks and no reason why...or put it in the body wash. thats always good.

[Metzen]

Originally posted by MikeM33:
I don't know, but it sounds like you're holding alot against this Chelsea for wanting you out so she can have a man live with her. Were you in love with her or something?

MikeM32

No, there is alot I'm leaving out, but I didn't want to bore you with the details. Needless to say, we moved in because of coincidence that we both needed something. Afterwards, we said we'd stay together till one of us had to move out for some said reason (school in another city, moving closer to work, etc.). She backed off that for the sole reason that she wants to get laid. Pretty ****'in petty and selfish in my opinion.

When you move in with someone and agree to such a arrangement, you put alot of trust that they'll hold true since your counting on them. *I* may have moved in by sheer timing and coincidence, but we both agreed that I was not moving in as a placeholder for someone else. Well, that didn't turn out to be.

As well, I was in a mid-range paying job ($15/hour) so I could afford to make our lives easier by springing for groceries more often, etc. whereas she was in a very comfortable, easy, but low-paying job ($8.50/hour), and getting $200/month from her parents ($100 from each because they were divorced and because she moved out on her own for a while and didn't tell them that she had a roommate, else she would loose out on that $200, excuse the sentence fragment, I'm not fixing it ).

So, needless to say, I had to scramble to find another place to stay (a month to find a cheap good residence is NOT alot of time, especially when your applying for school, getting a student loan, finding suitable places of employment that'll let you work @ 4hours/week, etc.).

But, alas, it turns out for poor Chelsey that her man-toy won't be moving in till mid-october at the earliest. So, now Chelsey has gone out and gotten 2 jobs, one full time night, the other parttime day, to pay for August till her man-toy moves in with her. She's put an ad out in our local paper for a roommate, asked all of her friends as well as some of mine AND, my little brother.

And, again, why is she kicking me out? SO SHE CAN GET LAID. I'm bitter about stupid people and this is as dumb as you can get.

[Metzen]

Originally posted by Gankdawg:
Don't forget gloves so you don't leave fingerprints in her room. Also, think hard about what pranks could actually get you in trouble via the Crime Scene Lab before you do them.....

Hence why I want to do pranks, perferably as harmless as possible.

Here are the one's I like best:

-The "mild allergin" in the shower head.

-Replacing her shampoo with hair remover.

-Placing an ad for a really cheap jet ski ($50) in the newspaper classifieds section.

-Switching fabric softener or liquid detergent with pine sol

-Pull off the control panel in the refrigerator, set it to off, and put the control panel back on, but with the dial looking like it's on

-signing her up for "Bill me later" type ad's.

[MikeM33]

From the description in your first post, it sounds as-if you two never got along at all. It's still a bit puzzling to me why she's kicking you out and not simply leaving herself. Who's name is on the lease/rental agreement?

Just my 2� but I really think TonyRado and OSX Abuser are right in saying to just leave it alone. I've never been the vengeful type (well not really ) but Kharma can be a real beeotch too. If she has any idea how much you dislike her, she'll come to you about the prank(s) first.

MikeM32

[Metzen]

Originally posted by MikeM33:
From the description in your first post, it sounds as-if you two never got along at all. It's still a bit puzzling to me why she's kicking you out and not simply leaving herself. Who's name is on the lease/rental agreement?

Both of ours. Thing is she the original signee, and I'm simply under the "Other Person's living with you" category. She's booting me out because the lease is up, and she get's first dibs to resign it.

Originally posted by MikeM33:
Just my 2� but I really think TonyRado and OSX Abuser are right in saying to just leave it alone. I've never been the vengeful type (well not really ) but Kharma can be a real beeotch too. If she has any idea how much you dislike her, she'll come to you about the prank(s) first.

MikeM32

I could care less if she comes to me about the pranks. I have great faith there her stupidity will leave her perpluxed as to why such said things are happening. As a test, to this, I've unscrewed her overhead light bulb in her room and she came to me asking if I had any spares "cuz her burnt out".

Anyways, I don't need advice. Thanks, but it's unwarranted.

[godzookie2k]

Well hey man, just because you are getting laid doesn't mean that the rest of the world is too. Animal instincts and all that are a strong calling. Me, I'd leave it alone. Finding a place to live isn't THAT hard. Call landlords, search papers, search schools off campus housing papers (if they have), etc. You are bound to find something affordable pretty quick.

That being said, If you have the handiman skills I'd pop a hole in the drywall of a wall that is connected to her bedroom. (shared wall) throw some fresh tuna in there patch and joint compound the hole, and repaint the room. she won't be able to track down that stench for weeks/months/ever.

[eggman]

The desire for revenge is understandable, but I've experienced enough blowback in my life to be wary of it.

Replacing shampoo with hair remover, for example, is courting disaster.... most hair removers are strong chemical agents that could blind someone if it gets in their eyes... pretty likely in a shower. I'm guessing that you probably didn't have something as permanently crippling as that in mind? Something like that would be a lot of fun to have on your conscience after the fact.

Allergies aren't anything to play with either. Ever hear of anaphylactic shock?

As pissed as you are at Chelsey now, you don't want to do anything that you'd feel guilty about forever. Or which could lead to criminal or civil prosecution.

Also, a lot of the suggestions sound like they might be a minor nuisance to her, but a major expense for the property owner. She might never notice a leak behind the drywall... but the landlord might have to shell out thousands to remedy it. And he's not exactly your target... just someone who'd catch flak.

At the end of the day, a sufficient punishment for someone like her, who's obnoxious and the petty... is that they are condemned to live their lives being obnoxious and petty, and being treated as such by others.

Going down that path yourself mightn't be such a great idea after all.

[Pikeman]

Metzen! Long time. Get your ass back to Ambrosia, if you haven't been posting there all along under a different nick, that is.

As for suggestions....

If there is a doorway or entranceway in your place that your roommate woud walk through normally... do this:

Wait till it's evening or night. Make sure she's in another room doing something. Find the doorway or entranceway that she would walk through to get to wherever you are. Take Plastic Wrap and tape a few 6 foot long rows across the doorway. Smear glue, or any other clear substance of choice across the plastic wrap. Then drop something loud and pretend you're hurt, yelling for her assistance and to come quick. When she comes running, it will be dark enough that she won't see the plastic wrap, and she's run right into it.

Good times for all.

[Face Ache]

Okay, okay. Try this one.

Be nice to her right up to the minute you move out.

THEN just at the last minute before you finally leave say "Sorry things didn't work out but good luck in the future."

Oh. That wasn't funny. Just good advice.

Carry on.

[jarends]

hide some raw shrimp somewhere.

[sambeau]

Why not kill her, chop her up and flush her bit by bit.. that would take her by suprise and be, like, really funny.

[rambo47]

Dude, get her a Dell!

[rambo47]

O.K., serious post here. I just couldn't resist the Dell thing. Sorry.

Remember this ancient Chinese proverb:

"Revenge is a dish best served cold."

Don't do anything now. Wait a bit. Plan, look for an opening, and bide your time. The more time that passes, the less she'll be expecting anything. And the longer you wait the better thought-out your prank will be. Opportunities always present themselves in situations like this, the trick is to be ready and vigilant. You'll get your shot.

[eep!]

Take a look at the fusebox, if it's the kind with the flip switches, flipp them to 'off' if it's the kind with removeable fuses, take them with you.

or

wait till this other guy has moved in, then when he's comfortable and you know they're both home, walk in like it's your place and she's your girl/partner and ask who he is, then get all worked up about how she's always sleeping around when your out of town, get right in his face, take her a present, a box filled with bits of glass, metal or broken plates and throw it at a wall. scream and shout. unless he's a big guy who could easily kick your arse.

[Mac Zealot]

Find a mail order computer thing, and order her one.

[Lerkfish]

Essentially, this is a win/win situation. You obviously don't like this person or else you wouldn't be wanting to do all these nasty things to her...so moving elsewhere would be a good thing for you. If your relationship is at this extremely low point, there's no advantage to continuing to live together. And, since we're only seeing one side of the issue here, and you're STILL not coming off that well, I can only imagine there might be OTHER reasons she wants you to leave, unrelated to her new boyfriend.

It almost sounds more like you are in a jealous rage than anything else. You seem to be obsessing on the intent for sex part as the biggest motivation for the revenge....but it's more clearly stated: Sex with someone other than you...right?
Also: characterizing people that want to live together as being only about sex is either naive on your part or theirs.

As far as this thread, you are not wanting to do a "prank" which is a good natured ribbing of someone you like, you are wanting nasty revenge...and for what? she wants you to move out so she can live with her boyfriend without a third wheel hanging about. That doesn't seem all that outrageous a request. Especially as you say the lease is coming due anyways, she's honored her end of the lease, and if what you say is true, she has the right to choose where she wants to live and with whom, and she also has first dibs on the apartment.

Man (or woman, I'm unsure of your gender), simply move out and move on. If you do any of these more destructive suggestions, you not only confirm that you are deserving of being asked to leave, but you open yourself up to needless litigation.

Someone said "the best revenge is living well". Do that. Move on to a better apartment and a better life.

You didn't want advice, but there ya go. Worth more than some of these suggestions, at any rate.

[Silky Voice of The Gorn]

I did this prank in college with some friends, tho it may not neccesarily be applicable in your case (cuz it depends on not having access to a room).

Take a pile of confetti and spread it out flat on a piece of cardboard, and slide it under the door most of the way. Then turn on a hairdryer under the door...confetti will be blown all over the room, and near impossible to clean up (the little plastic glittery flake ones are the worst)

I've heard of people using baby powder or such, but that is *really* cruel



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