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What's with my girlfriend? (Page 2)
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Sherwin
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Jan 7, 2004, 01:21 PM
 
Originally posted by Lerkfish:
Women are sometimes difficult to figure out, but not impossible. All they need is r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Men who are unwilling to respect a woman need to learn a little more before they can maintain a relationship. If, however, keeping a relationship going is NOT the goal, then they risk of losing girlfriend after girlfriend until you find one who has even less respect for herself. Then they both can be happy. There ARE women like that, I just don't happen to think that makes for a healthy relationship.
I agree. Women deserve respect. However, while we're diving headlong into our feminist sensibilities it should be noted that this should not come at the expense of women respecting men. Men need respect too.
     
Timo
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Jan 7, 2004, 01:26 PM
 
Originally posted by Sherwin:

Why aren't we demanding that she sends him flowers and apologises?
Courtesy is a two-way street. Of course she could initiate an apology as a way of continuing forward, were that appropriate or desired. It's harder to be the bigger person, but seldom the wrong idea.

Anyway, we're not demanding anything. And she's not on the forum, so we couldn't well demand anything from her, now could we?

Loneliness, IMO, is far far better than being with someone who isn't right for you because you fear being alone. Fear of loneliness is a weakness which prevents you from finding the right person.
Sure. But I see a few pitfalls, mostly centering around the insight that one's perceptions and self-knowledge are not always accurate.

I would think no one wants to risk, in their search for a right person (and the rejection "wrong" persons) mistaking one's own stubborness and flaccid assumptions as Worthy Ideals. It's akin to defending a sand castle.

If she flies off the handle at something which he considers unimportant, she's not right for him.
Without a doubt. And he's not right for her.
     
Lerkfish
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Jan 7, 2004, 01:57 PM
 
Originally posted by Sherwin:
I agree. Women deserve respect. However, while we're diving headlong into our feminist sensibilities it should be noted that this should not come at the expense of women respecting men. Men need respect too.
I never said differently. In fact, if you'll note, much of my advice was worded as "partner" in a relationship...it goes both ways.

However, In what ways was the girl disrespectful in this instance? The worst you could say about her was she was inappropriately jealous. That's not disrespectful.
     
deekay1
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Jan 7, 2004, 01:59 PM
 
Originally posted by Cipher13:
90% of that 2% are sluts, though, hence not caring; 10%, at best, are sincere.

So... 10% of 2%...
hmmm...i think you're being a little bit optimistic here!

hedonist, anarchist, agnostic, mac enthusiast and a strong believer in evolution and the yellow m&m conspiracy
     
Sherwin
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Jan 7, 2004, 02:12 PM
 
Originally posted by Lerkfish:
I never said differently. In fact, if you'll note, much of my advice was worded as "partner" in a relationship...it goes both ways.
Noted.

Originally posted by Lerkfish:
However, In what ways was the girl disrespectful in this instance? The worst you could say about her was she was inappropriately jealous. That's not disrespectful.
It was a general statement.

I think we agree on the goal, if not the method of attaining that goal.
     
OreoCookie
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Jan 7, 2004, 02:32 PM
 
Originally posted by MathewM:
There are a lot of rules that apply here:

First never tell a girl you love her until you say "I do" and even after only once in awhile. Telling a girl you love her is a reward for her good behavior.

...
This is hilarious
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
     
voyageur
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Jan 7, 2004, 02:36 PM
 
Yes, he wants a dog, not a girl.
     
Sherwin
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Jan 7, 2004, 03:20 PM
 
Originally posted by voyageur:
Yes, he wants a dog, not a girl.
Yes. Everyone knows with human females you tell her you love her to get her knickers off and that the correct reward for good behaviour is chocolates.

     
MathewM
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Jan 7, 2004, 04:39 PM
 
What's up with all you guys giving out girly advice. Let women be women and men be men.

You guys broke up. Great. Now go out there and get yourself another one or maybe two or three. Stick with the one who's best in bed and lowest maintenance.
I'm outta' here.
     
andi*pandi
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Jan 7, 2004, 04:48 PM
 
While we're at it, why don't we let small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri be REAL small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri?

     
deekay1
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Jan 7, 2004, 05:00 PM
 
Originally posted by witulski:
My girlfriend (ex, now) says that was disrespectful and inappropriate.
is there a wormhole in the us letting all these people from the dark ages come thru...geeeez, by that token every girl that i've ever gone out with should have broken up with me on our first date! *g*

witulski: unless you seriously laid into those two chicks (freedom kissing and all), there was absolutely NOTHING for her to get upset over.

BUT, you made a big mistake! you should have gone over to her at least twice that evening and given her a kiss, just to let her know everything's cool. women are like that. don't ask why, you'll never understand (or go insane trying to).

games, games, games...what would life be without them?

hedonist, anarchist, agnostic, mac enthusiast and a strong believer in evolution and the yellow m&m conspiracy
     
Stradlater
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Jan 7, 2004, 05:33 PM
 
Originally posted by Cipher13:
Yep. Not to mention irrational.

Not all girls are like this, though... only 98% of them.
Very true, unfortunately.
"You rise," he said, "like Aurora."
     
Spheric Harlot
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Jan 7, 2004, 06:07 PM
 
Originally posted by andi*pandi:
While we're at it, why don't we let small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri be REAL small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri?

"furry".

But the reference is duly noted.
     
witulski  (op)
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Jan 7, 2004, 06:32 PM
 
Wow, this little thread had really taken off. Okay, I'm back. With more insights and information. First, this:

Your partner's feelings should be MORE important than your feelings. If they are not, there is something not right about the relationship or the participants.
If this is indeed the case, that the other person's feelings should be more important, then she broke that rule first by insisting that I should alter my behavior because of the way she was feeling. She loses. I don't mean to be heartless or anything, and if I had been doing anything out of contempt for her, she would have every right to be upset, but I wasn't, and this is all due to her incorrect assumptions. Maybe I was guilty of not staying by her side, but as she agreed with me on the phone yesterday, she's the same way - New Year's Day she went out with her best friend to the bar, started talking to other people, and didn't see her friend again until the next day. If she can treat her friends like that, why can't I do the same thing to her? Because it's a "relationship"? I don't want a Young And The Restless relationship where I have to consider the politics of every move. I want a best friend for life who I can make out with.

So, in this instance, I think you're clueless as to your offense, and she is better off with someone who WILL make her the center of attention.
That's good, because if she really wants a relationship where she's the center of attention then she can have it. I was ready to give her a relationship where she was an equal, a best friend.

Andi*pandi asked how I was kissing these girls... well, on the lips. But with no tongue, that's gross dude! Anyway, there might be some miscommunication here because my G/F didn't actually see me doing it, but her drunk best friend who did seemed to think I was putting my tongue down other peoples' throats. I tried to explain that wasn't the case, but didn't really get anywhere.

Also, someone pointed out that my sentence "SHE seemed to be doing JUST FINE in the finding-PEOPLE-to-TALK-to department!!" was a little hostile sounding. The sentence as constructed sure does appear that way, but there wasn't any hostility. I did check to see if she was standing alone or otherwise having no fun, and she was simply shooting the poop with her friend. No problem, no hostility.

Finally, to the idea that there might have been other problems: ah, yes. I'm glad this was suggested because it really made me think. Even she herself said on the phone yesterday that it wasn't just that kissing incident at the bar, it was an accumulation of things... as a matter of fact, she was quite tired of talking about the bar incident itself. As I got to thinking about this, I realized that I'm just not what she's after. We come from different worlds, and I think she was just not ready for that. I had hoped I could fit into her life, but...

She's a 9to5 social worker, and I'm a sleep-till-noon self-employed designer and musician. My band play means that I'm partying ("networking") with friends often till 4am or so. It had already bummed me out at least once that she can't come out after my band's shows and have a few beers, but she's got to work in the morning, so that's fine. I had hoped this wouldn't be an issue, and for "twue wuv", I still believe it wouldn't be. I think we could have worked around it. But I think one of our major sticking points was that I tend to be pretty experimental in the bedroom, and she stays rather conventional. When I suggested doing some playful bondage with her, she seemed completely mortified and surprised, and freaked out. This was about three weeks into our relationship.

I think that may have really caused her to wonder if she really wanted to be with a "freak" like me. She does tend toward the straight-and-narrow.

In the conversation I had on the phone with her yesterday, she said "I think you need someone more adventurous than me."

I said, "What do you mean, adventurous?"

She said, "I don't know."

I think maybe my unconventional lifestyle, from its unusual schedule to its freely kissing to its non-doting loving to its spicy bedplay, might be just a little too much for the girl. I had hoped that wouldn't be the case, but I think that might be it.
     
MathewM
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Jan 7, 2004, 07:00 PM
 
I'm outta' here.
     
voyageur
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Jan 7, 2004, 07:09 PM
 
Originally posted by Stradlater:
Very true, unfortunately.
98% percent of women are irrational?
Oops, guess I've wasted 20 years in science then.
Jeez, a man right out of the stone age.
     
MathewM
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Jan 7, 2004, 07:19 PM
 
Originally posted by andi*pandi:
While we're at it, why don't we let small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri be REAL small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri?

Would you like to pet me?
I'm outta' here.
     
jersey
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Jan 7, 2004, 07:59 PM
 
Originally posted by witulski:
When I suggested doing some playful bondage with her,...
this is o k.

Originally posted by witulski:
This was about three weeks into our relationship.
this is where you blew it.

3 weeks? really? are you crazy? you just dont drop that on someone, especially after 3 weeks. you have to ease them into that type of stuff man. jeez.
     
witulski  (op)
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Jan 7, 2004, 08:46 PM
 
Ha. Well, my experience with women has been that most of them had tried it already anyway. I certainly didn't expect this 30-year-old girl who self-proclaimedly 'loves sex' to be surprised by the suggestion of a little play.

It happened to come up, and I mentioned it. I was really surprised at her reaction. Then I wished I hadn't said anything or at least waited a bit longer, but of course by then it was too late.
     
Lerkfish
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Jan 7, 2004, 09:12 PM
 
Originally posted by witulski:
Ha. Well, my experience with women has been that most of them had tried it already anyway. I certainly didn't expect this 30-year-old girl who self-proclaimedly 'loves sex' to be surprised by the suggestion of a little play.

It happened to come up, and I mentioned it. I was really surprised at her reaction. Then I wished I hadn't said anything or at least waited a bit longer, but of course by then it was too late.
wow. what a shocker. Not everyone is into bondage. I'll alert the media.

I edited to add: Nothing says mutual respect like making someone your sex slave.
( Last edited by Lerkfish; Jan 7, 2004 at 09:19 PM. )
     
Sherwin
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Jan 7, 2004, 10:37 PM
 
Originally posted by witulski:
30-year-old girl who self-proclaimedly 'loves sex'
RTFM.
On page 276 of volume 58 it clearly states:

Depending on model, the proclamation "I love sex" can mean "I love attention". This is a fault in random models and cannot be rectified. If your model exhibits this behaviour and you are not satisfied, please return it to point of acquisition and select another. Please note that we cannot guarantee that your replacement model will be free of this behaviour and thus this may also require replacement.
     
pooka
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Jan 8, 2004, 12:06 AM
 
Originally posted by davesimondotcom:
But the general rule is don't do anything with your female friends you wouldn't do with your male friends and you'll be safe.
I dunno. I shower with my male friends all the time and my wife still gets pissed at the mere suggestion of bathing with a lady friend.

Farting on someone's head when they bend over to tie their shoe is disrespectful. Tonguing a female acquaintance is just being friendly.

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