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Living on your own
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sdilley14
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Dec 31, 2007, 08:57 AM
 
Ok, this may seem like a stupid topic but please humor me. To make a long story short, I've been wanting to move away for a while. I started another thread on that particular topic a while back. Well, some things have changed and the places I was considering moving to are out of the picture. However, I just got a great career opportunity in a different location. Without boring people with the specifics, I'll just say the job starts out at $65k (though most people at the company make $80k+) and I get to travel a couple times a week. Pretty perfect really. It would however almost certainly require me to relocate. I'm 23 years old with basically no ties (no long term girlfriend, huge debts, anything like that). It's definitely an opportunity I feel I need to pursue, and considering my age and situation I feel like the time is right to do it.

So to cut to the chase, has anyone here ventured out on their own? I read several posts in my other thread about people moving away and it seemed like most everyone had a significant other, etc. to accompany them. I'm not really *afraid* to do this, but there's certainly a little apprehension and some what-ifs going through my head. I've had roommates all my life and have only lived in two or three different towns. How do you get adjusted and comfortable going out on your own to a place you don't know anybody? How do you get used to living on your own with no friends? How do you find the courage to make the jump?
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Oisín
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Dec 31, 2007, 09:01 AM
 
I moved from Scandinavia to Beijing, does that count?

Of course, I had three classmates with me (two of whom I shared a flat with there), and I knew from the beginning that it would be temporary (initially six months; turned out to be 18 months, instead).

On the other hand, after the first nine or so months, I was living there completely on my own, with no friends or acquaintances from home. I didn’t mind it much.

Then again, I’m a loner by nature; even when I lived at home with my parents, I more or less lived by myself, since we had a two-storey house and I had the lower storey all to myself, own bathroom and entrance and all.
     
MacosNerd
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Dec 31, 2007, 09:42 AM
 
Damn the torpedoes and go for it.

You're in a unique place in life, with little attachments. As we get older our roots get sunk in deeper and deeper and making any types of moves gets harder.

If it were me at 23, I wouldn't think twice. When I moved out of my mothers house the one thing I wished I did, was to do that sooner (I was 23). So don't let this opportunity pass by - if you want to do that type of work that is.
     
sdilley14  (op)
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Dec 31, 2007, 10:05 AM
 
It's a great job with an excellent company. It's a small company I've worked with before and did very well. It's a very nice office environment, caring management, excellent resources (technology, etc.) and it allows for traveling a couple times a week which will be nice. Most importantly it's a company that covets customer service above all else and does an excellent job genuinely helping clients better their positions. I just need to find the balls to go off on my own and take some risks without worrying myself to death about the people I'm leaving behind and the stability I'll be forgoing for a while.
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SirCastor
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Dec 31, 2007, 10:19 AM
 
I'd say go for it. There are always what-ifs in life no matter what age you are. You're young, and in a good position to take advantage of a great opportunity.

Make sure that as you do this though, you act like a mature, responsible 23 year old, and not a lazy one. Like Macosnerd said, your roots are shallow and you can move around and experiment a bit.

In short: Live your life now.
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nonhuman
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Dec 31, 2007, 10:28 AM
 
Do it. You can always change your mind later, quit, and move back home if you decide it was a mistake. However if you pass it up now, chances are the opportunity will be gone forever.
     
Cold Warrior
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Dec 31, 2007, 10:50 AM
 
You sound like you've seriously thought it out and are thinking years ahead in terms of career and opportunities. If this is a step up or a step in the right direction, I say GO FOR IT!
     
peeb
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Dec 31, 2007, 10:56 AM
 
Do it. Where would you be moving to?
     
TheIceMan
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Dec 31, 2007, 11:08 AM
 
I left Dallas, Texas and took a job 7,000 miles away on an island in the North Pacific Ocean called Saipan back in January 2004. I was there for 3.5 years, met a girl, married her, and just recently moved back here to Dallas. Taking that "leap of faith" and meeting the incredible people, and experiencing things I would have never gotten a chance to do had I stayed put was the BEST decision of my life. I played beach volleyball with professional players from the US & Japan, volunteered with XTERRA (it's like a short triathlon), flew on planes barely bigger than some cars, watched high school kids husk coconuts with their teeth, got involved in outrigger canoeing, etc.).

It was scary to leave friends and family behind, but I would still be wondering "what if" if I didn't do something about it.

The thing was that I didn't do it for anyone else. I just had to do it for me and I'm glad I did.
     
ort888
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Dec 31, 2007, 11:20 AM
 
Do it. I dropped everything in my life and moved when I was 24. t turned out fine. I found a career and a wife 800 miles away.

Ended up bringing both back to my hometown and it all worked out great.

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KeriVit
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Dec 31, 2007, 11:26 AM
 
I moved from NH to GA on my own. I waited far too long to do it. I went out by myself- sat at the bar- talked to all kinds of people. Made some friends. I introduced my self to my neighbors by walking around, walking the dogs, etc. Some become close. Then there's people from work/school.

What I realized about those from the past was a lot of the relationships were superficial. I am very aware of the type of people I meet now. It's a refreshing change.

Living alone at first is actually quite nice. You have time to make your place "yours" with furniture, art, etc. I also did a lot of exploring. Tried new places across town- took the long way to get there- justt to familiarize myself. I even took a couple of those trolley tours and learned about the area. I was determined not to be seen as a tourist and become a local as soon as possible. Then you can invite an old friend to visit and show them around- trust me- you'll be happy to have them go after a few days.

Now, some people have no idea how I can just go places alone. You may not be into that. But, it's not so hard. No one is staring or feeling bad for you. If they do, the attention you receive is positive. You'll need this confidence in your travels and work as well, so start practicing.

Overall, it's a clean slate and you have the power to do whatever you want with it.
     
MacosNerd
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Dec 31, 2007, 01:52 PM
 
Originally Posted by KeriVit View Post
What I realized about those from the past was a lot of the relationships were superficial. I am very aware of the type of people I meet now. It's a refreshing change.
I agree.
I remember when I moved out, I was already engaged to get married. The moment I finished moving in, I realized I should have done this years before hand. That is single and on my own and he'll not regret it years down the road.

In a twist of fate, my marriage ended some years later and I got my wish. Single and on my own

I think being out on your own is a great and if the OP has a chance to relocate and start over somewhere fresh, it is so much easier and less disruptive to do it while he's (or she) is young.

I'm saddled down with a [new] wife and kids now so I'm happy to have had some time to be a wild and crazy single guy.
     
sdilley14  (op)
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Dec 31, 2007, 08:03 PM
 
Originally Posted by peeb View Post
Do it. Where would you be moving to?
I would be moving from rural Wisconsin (population: ~10,000) to Fargo, ND. Not the most glamorous place by any means, but it's the career and idea of being able to go somewhere new that is enticing me. I do however have those nagging thoughts (how am I going to meet new people? I'm not going to have anybody to go out with? My friends are going to be having fun back home and I won't be able to go to them.) Then again the circle of people I hang out with are also part of the reason I want to get out (deep down I think a lot of my relationships are indeed superficial and a matter of convenience).
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peeb
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Dec 31, 2007, 08:11 PM
 
You'll meet people pretty easily - the important thing is to never turn down an invitation in the first few weeks, and get involved with a bunch of things you like - you'll meet tons of people.
     
OwlBoy
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Dec 31, 2007, 08:12 PM
 
Wait… your leaving Wisconsin? Awww.

I really wanna move out on my own too. So I feel for yeah man. It's prolly a very good idea to do it.

-Owl
     
andi*pandi
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Dec 31, 2007, 09:33 PM
 
I wish the job I'd moved out for at 23 had paid 65K!

go for it. you can still have roommates if you get lonely.
     
imitchellg5
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Dec 31, 2007, 11:09 PM
 
I was going to say go for it, but I can't recommend Fargo.
     
besson3c
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Jan 1, 2008, 04:12 AM
 
You won't know whether or not you can handle the solitude until you head out and do it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. There are always options, and at this point it doesn't sound like you have much to lose!
     
Paco500
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Jan 1, 2008, 06:18 AM
 
65k in Fargo? Go for it. Just bank as much money as you can- your cost of living should be low- don't blow all your money on toys and flash cars.

Great opportunity. Enjoy.
     
ghporter
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Jan 1, 2008, 10:14 AM
 
Originally Posted by Paco500 View Post
65k in Fargo? Go for it. Just bank as much money as you can- your cost of living should be low- don't blow all your money on toys and flash cars.

Great opportunity. Enjoy.
I agree here. That's a lot of money for Fargo's cost of living. Starting at that in a place like Atlanta, Austin, San Fransisco, etc. would be "survival" wages, but it sounds pretty comfortable in Fargo. And that's close enough that you can get support from friends and family without needing them a few blocks away. It sounds like a very good opportunity-not just to get out on your own, but to learn about yourself too. Enjoy!

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sdilley14  (op)
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Jan 1, 2008, 05:07 PM
 
Wow guys, thank you very much for the positive responses. I really really appreciate it! All signs seem to be pointing me towards moving...now I just have to make it happen! It's going to be a little scary but I feel like I HAVE to do it...if for anything else just to see what I'm made of and learn about myself. Thanks again for all the nice responses. This is why I love this community!
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funkboy
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Jan 1, 2008, 08:40 PM
 
Fargo has lots of colleges in the area, so there are quite a few young people to meet.

And yes, you could find something reasonably priced in the area.

go for it!
     
OwlBoy
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Jan 1, 2008, 08:50 PM
 
Plus, when you tell anyone about where you live, you can say "Yes, that Fargo" when they inevitably ask.
     
Photocro
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Jan 1, 2008, 10:32 PM
 
Cut the cords, move and be grateful for the opportunity. As soon as cords are cut, others are tied. It is called life. 23 is the best time. Look for your own self improvement. You'll find it.
     
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Jan 1, 2008, 10:38 PM
 
I say do it, too. I actually now wish I did something like that when I was your age. You can always move back.
     
Rumor
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Jan 2, 2008, 12:20 AM
 
23? Wow. I was out at 17.
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Oisín
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Jan 2, 2008, 01:27 AM
 
Originally Posted by Rumor View Post
23? Wow. I was out at 17.
From your parents’, or from your home town? Looks like sdilley’s only talking about the latter.
     
Shaddim
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Jan 2, 2008, 01:30 AM
 
Invest in some good longjohns, you'll be wearing them 6 months out of the year.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
sdilley14  (op)
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Jan 2, 2008, 02:37 AM
 
Originally Posted by Shaddim View Post
Invest in some good longjohns, you'll be wearing them 6 months out of the year.
Haha, I'm not looking forward to that part whatsoever!
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Rumor
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Jan 2, 2008, 03:21 AM
 
Originally Posted by Oisín View Post
From your parents’, or from your home town? Looks like sdilley’s only talking about the latter.
Both.

sdilley, go for it. It will be fun.
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sdilley14  (op)
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Jan 2, 2008, 08:30 AM
 
Thanks for the encouragement and taking the time to respond to me on this! I really appreciate.

I gotta call management today and talk to them about it, get further specifics on the move, etc. Exciting, exciting stuff!
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molala
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Jan 2, 2008, 08:40 PM
 
Good luck to you!! That age is the best time to do it, it sounds like a fantastic career opportunity too. There is nothing like the chance to reinvent yourself, because you're somewhere where no one has yet defined you. I've changed countries on my own four times since I was 21. It might be difficult to find new friends at first, but that's what work, clubs, night classes (in whatever interests you) are for.
     
residentEvil
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Jan 2, 2008, 08:44 PM
 
i was out the door before 20 and out of my home town...no car...no job. never looked back.
     
AngelaBaby
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Jan 2, 2008, 10:28 PM
 
I just enjoy the fact of being independent. No parents to worry about, just doing your own thing.
     
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Jan 4, 2008, 12:44 AM
 
Originally Posted by residentEvil View Post
i was out the door before 20 and out of my home town...no car...no job. never looked back.
I left my parents house at age 17 when I went to college (21 years ago) and never again spent more than a summer at home, but didn't leave the state until 3 years ago (at age 35). Before then, I never lived more than 1.5 hrs from where I grew up.
     
   
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