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simonjames · Nov 13, 2006, 04:58 AM

Salty

two pieces of advice

1. don't go looking for love in a bar - you don't want to date the people who are bar regulars. You want to date someone with at least one common interest - this is where you'll find someone

2. stop looking and live your life - once you stop being on the lookout 24/7 love will quickly find you. Don't know about you but I like someone who knows who they are - who isn't pretentious - just natural.

Where and when? over 16 years ago - my partner and I 'really' met doing charity work though (at the time) he was an aerobics instructor and we knew each other from the gym.

good luck

houstonmacbro · Nov 13, 2006, 05:13 AM

Originally Posted by Salty

OK, for those of you who actually found someone, how on earth did you find them? This summer I met someone online (ARG!) who is absolutely perfect in my opinion. Big problem? They live down by Nashville, needless to say immigration isn't exactly something easy, and right now it's not as if I could afford to move or even have a clue how I'd be able to legally work down in the states.

So as I accept that that option is terribly impractical and all that jazz, where did you meet that person you're with? I mean right now I'm stuck trying to find a guy who I would be good with, who also shares my religious/spiritual etc convictions. I actually visited a united Church today and was uhh... well it was very liturgical and everyone was old.

we met while i was on vacation in puerto rico. he's puerto rican and actually lives there.

we've managed to make it work this far through lots of video conferencing (don't go there!), phone calls, and trips back and forth.

Tuoder · Nov 13, 2006, 05:27 AM

Originally Posted by Salty

Yah but moving down there is going to be kinda tough. My money the lil I have wouldn't be worth that much, and from what I understand getting an apt in a big city like that can cost an insane amount of money. Not to mention it's going to be tough finding a Church down there that would want me, and that's the only thing I have a degree for.

I am not sure that the US is the best place in the world for a gay person. There are many, many worse places, but I am willing to bet things are better in Canada overall.

Salty · Nov 13, 2006, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by simonjames

Salty

two pieces of advice

1. don't go looking for love in a bar - you don't want to date the people who are bar regulars. You want to date someone with at least one common interest - this is where you'll find someone

2. stop looking and live your life - once you stop being on the lookout 24/7 love will quickly find you. Don't know about you but I like someone who knows who they are - who isn't pretentious - just natural.

Where and when? over 16 years ago - my partner and I 'really' met doing charity work though (at the time) he was an aerobics instructor and we knew each other from the gym.

good luck

Thanks, yah that's kinda how this one happened. Totally wasn't even looking and then BANG. And the thing is I'd love to try and make it work but it's not terribly practical and he's kinda like decided he really doesn't want to be with anyone right now. Ironically he drives me nuts sometimes because we'll be talking and randomly he'll just stop saying something, though tonight I put myself as away and I'm talking to my friend in our room and he starts saying stuff and it's like... you frustrate me. At the same time though if he were interested he really is everything I could want. A great Christian, really really kind, really witty, just all around it's hard to explain it. Even on the little stuff he's great. Sigh...

Kevin · Nov 13, 2006, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by mrtew

You're gross. Straight people can be such sickos. Gay people rarely think about straight people even though we're surrounded by them... how can you guys think such creepy stuff about us is such gross detail? Ewwww.

Sorry, I have a weird sense of humor.

iCol · Nov 13, 2006, 09:38 AM

Ah, Salty, this is the same question most of us ask ourselves when single and pining...

But man, you really can't go looking for love. Thats not how it works. If you go looking, you might find someone, but that person won't be the right one for you - it will be a rushed-flash-in-the-pan, and in the end, they mean little. Saying that - I have made some good friends from flash relationships!

I personally think, the best way of meeting someone is by building up a close and good circle of friends. The bigger your social circle, the more chance someone you know could know someone who is perfect for you... being introduced to someone through a friend who you trust is infinately better than meeting a complete stranger in a bar, or through an internet personals ad. You should be very wary of those you speak to on the net - I would say that 75% of them are not exactly what they are pretending to be...

But, as I say - don't spend too much effort looking - a watched kettle never boils!

Zeeb · Nov 13, 2006, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by Salty

I mean I can pick out flammers easy, but I don't really see myself with a huge flamer. I'm more of the could be mistaken for straight type, and I'd like someone on a similar level of "gayness"

Most masculine gay guys I've met are also attracted to other masculine guys. If you honestly can say you're masculine then your chances of meeting such a guy are better.

Be yourself and look in the mirror though, if you're feminine don't set your standard on masculine because you'll be frustrated. There are a lot of really nice, feminine guys around.

That being said, I would just like to reiterate that you should move to a major city. But I would skip Edmonton and head straight for Toronto or Montreal. There are so many gay people in those cities your chances of dating are greatly improved and you will likely find a good church as well.

Moving is hard so if you go to the trouble you might as well make it worth it. Don't be too intimidated by the rent--there are ways of making it work. Look on craigslist for roommates and it will be more affordable. You'll manage.

iCol · Nov 13, 2006, 09:43 AM

It's nice to see a guy guy with morals! The problem with gay men in particular is that men (bent or straight) tend to think with their shlongs, and when you get two men who are thinking with their shlongs who want to get it on with each others' shlongs, the whole situation can get a bit shlongy. And before you know it, there are shlongs everywhere.

kmkkid · Nov 13, 2006, 12:28 PM

This thread is now officially a sex party.

Oisín · Nov 13, 2006, 01:33 PM

Originally Posted by iCol

It's nice to see a guy guy with morals! The problem with gay men in particular is that men (bent or straight) tend to think with their shlongs, and when you get two men who are thinking with their shlongs who want to get it on with each others' shlongs, the whole situation can get a bit shlongy. And before you know it, there are shlongs everywhere.

Post of the thread (despite the missing c’s)!

wallinbl · Nov 13, 2006, 01:41 PM

Aren't you in seminary? Don't you believe in God's plan for your life and God's time and all of that? Why are you trying to force the issue rather than trusting God?

turtle777 · Nov 13, 2006, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by wallinbl

Aren't you in seminary? Don't you believe in God's plan for your life and God's time and all of that? Why are you trying to force the issue rather than trusting God?

Dude, we don't even wanna go there...

-t

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 01:47 PM

This is the bigger question for me.

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

Unless Zimphire, what_the_heck and Doofy are all wondering the same question.

Oisín · Nov 13, 2006, 02:12 PM

What, does a thread now have to be addressed to you personally to enter?

Anyone who knows their way around this forum would rub their hands in glee at the sight of a thread with this kind of title and “Author: Salty” attached to it. Gay or straight.

Gossamer · Nov 13, 2006, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by Oisín

What, does a thread now have to be addressed to you personally to enter?

Anyone who knows their way around this forum would rub their hands in glee at the sight of a thread with this kind of title and “Author: Salty” attached to it. Gay or straight.

Well, SWG wants everyone to be gay, he'll turn anything into proof that someone is/wishes they were gay.

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by Oisín

What, does a thread now have to be addressed to you personally to enter?

I'm not looking for personal invites but seriously... what in the world do "the straight religious crew" have to contribute on finding a gay man Mr right?

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

Well, SWG wants everyone to be gay, he'll turn anything into proof that someone is/wishes they were gay.

Oooh, no I don't. In fact I want Superchicken to be straight.

You're just upset because so many people here have suggested you are (as they once did with Salty). Don't take it out on me.

But while on the topic, what contribution on finding Mr right for a gay man did you come in this thread for?

RAILhead · Nov 13, 2006, 02:23 PM

RE: Oisin's post, I clicked into this thread simply to post the above image.

Gossamer · Nov 13, 2006, 02:33 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

Oooh, no I don't. In fact I want Superchicken to be straight.

You're just upset because so many people here have suggested you are (as they once did with Salty). Don't take it out on me.

But while on the topic, what contribution on finding Mr right for a gay man did you come in this thread for?

Haha, I remember those days. IIRC YOU were pretty much the only one saying that.
And since when is it required that people have something to add when entering a thread? You're being ridiculous.

Chuckit · Nov 13, 2006, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

This is the bigger question for me.

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

I saw it was by Salty and predicted good times.

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

IIRC YOU were pretty much the only one saying that.
And since when is it required that people have something to add when entering a thread? You're being ridiculous.

So "pretty much" means there was others. Hmm.

And if you have nothing to add to a thread what do you say when you post? +1?

Gossamer · Nov 13, 2006, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

So "pretty much" means there was others. Hmm.

And if you have nothing to add to a thread what do you say when you post? +1?

The problem with that post of yours is that you're assuming, for the purpose of arguing with me, that posts are made solely for the purpose of adding to a thread. You know very well that purpose has no place in determining whether to post or not to most regular posters here but you're choosing to ignore that for the sake of trying to 'beat me' or whatever you call it when you win an argument over the internet.

(BTW +1)

Zeeb · Nov 13, 2006, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

Haha, I remember those days. IIRC YOU were pretty much the only one saying that.
And since when is it required that people have something to add when entering a thread? You're being ridiculous.

Actually, I haven't been here long but for some reason I always thought you were gay also. oops!

You don't happen to be surrounded by a lot of straight women who just want to be your friend do you?

Salty · Nov 13, 2006, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by iCol

Ah, Salty, this is the same question most of us ask ourselves when single and pining...

But man, you really can't go looking for love. Thats not how it works. If you go looking, you might find someone, but that person won't be the right one for you - it will be a rushed-flash-in-the-pan, and in the end, they mean little. Saying that - I have made some good friends from flash relationships!

I personally think, the best way of meeting someone is by building up a close and good circle of friends. The bigger your social circle, the more chance someone you know could know someone who is perfect for you... being introduced to someone through a friend who you trust is infinately better than meeting a complete stranger in a bar, or through an internet personals ad. You should be very wary of those you speak to on the net - I would say that 75% of them are not exactly what they are pretending to be...

But, as I say - don't spend too much effort looking - a watched kettle never boils!

Well I guess the fortunate thing is I have tons of friends. Actually I confess there's a girl on campus who I told the other day who mentioned having a gay friend when tree planting, I need to ask her if he works anywhere close, cause she mentioned he's a Christian and sorting things out. Either way I want to find out if she has any contact info because having someone to talk to is always good even if it never went further.
Sigh... It's just frustrating. Right now I'm getting over a really amazing guy, (who for the record has no reason to lie about himself considering he doesn't want anything right now.) and it'd just be nice to know for sure that there's more than one guy I could be interested in. For the record I've only ever had a "crush" for one guy, I always avoid swooning over straight guys since that's just setting yourself up for horrible rejection, not to mention I'd be pissed if a straight girl wanted to turn me straight, and I imagine it'd be just as annoying for a straight guy to have me trying to seduce him.

turtle777 · Nov 13, 2006, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

Unless Zimphire, what_the_heck and Doofy are all wondering the same question.

Pure entertainment, maybe ?

Dude, how hard was it to interpret my first post in this thread ?

Originally Posted by what_the_heck

Oh, this is gonna be GOOOODDDD.

Are you really that oblivious ?

-t

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

The problem with that post of yours is that you're assuming, for the purpose of arguing with me, that posts are made solely for the purpose of adding to a thread. You know very well that purpose has no place in determining whether to post or not to most regular posters here but you're choosing to ignore that for the sake of trying to 'beat me' or whatever you call it when you win an argument over the internet.

(BTW +1)

Well I am very glad you said that.

You mention me saying things "for the purpose of arguing" with you. The interesting part is your first post in this thread is not on a the topic on hand but a comment about ME when nothing was said about you first.

"Well, SWG wants everyone to be gay, he'll turn anything into proof that someone is/wishes they were gay."

So tell me, how am I the one with the "purpose of arguing" with you? Ya, thought so.

Oh and while you're at it please tell us what advice you have for Salty. Or perhaps you came here to learn something about meeting mr right.

So I hope you got what you came here for, either to get advice or to "win an argument over the internet".

davesimondotcom · Nov 13, 2006, 03:25 PM

Salty - something I tell the single people I know is this:

Don't analyze every person from the standpoint of "could this be the one" when you are just meeting them.

Date a guy you think you won't have anything in common. If, after a date or two, you see it's going nowhere, move on. Try again.

My wife and I have so many single (mostly female) friends who rule out someone before they even know them.

Don't be Seinfeld. Don't eliminate someone because they are a close-talker, have a name that rhymes with a female body part, or have ugly feet.

Oisín · Nov 13, 2006, 03:27 PM

Salty—

Now that we’ve got you to come out and all that (‘obstacle’ number one, so to speak), could we please get you to go to work on ‘obstacle’ number two, the use of paragraphs when writing?

The committee thanks you.

Doofy · Nov 13, 2006, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

This is the bigger question for me.

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

Unless Zimphire, what_the_heck and Doofy are all wondering the same question.

I'm sorry. First you gays want equality and now you actually want your own little thread which straight folks can't enter? Make your mind up.

And you'll note that the advice I gave Salty (although he won't actually listen to it, obviously) was quite valid for either orientation.

And come on, Salty asking for dating advice is always good entertainment.

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

I'm sorry. First you gays want equality and now you actually want your own little thread which straight folks can't enter? Make your mind up.

Um any time I have commented on a picture of a "hot" girl that somebody posts I get the usual replies of "How do you know".

Ya I have no idea what makes a woman attractive. Just like when you ask a straight guy if another guy is attractive "Uh, I can't tell with dudes".

dcmacdaddy · Nov 13, 2006, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

This is the bigger question for me.

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

Unless Zimphire, what_the_heck and Doofy are all wondering the same question.

Why don't you read my reply to Salty regarding how to meet someone. I suggested both a method for getting to know someone and places to do it and I am straight. Both the suggestions would work perfectly well for pretty much any guy, gay or straight.

Do you think gay guys are the only one who know anything about homosexuality Or are they simply the only ones allowed to talk about it? The way I see it, we are all guys first and our sexual orientations come second. It's not like I can't sympathize with Salty merely because he is gay. There's been a time in my life when I was young and meeting women was hard. I can certainly empathize with him in his predicament.

The only difference between me then and Salty now is the plumbing associated with those we are interested in: I like my plumbing on the inside and Salty likes his on the outside. Everything else is pretty much the same.

turtle777 · Nov 13, 2006, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

Um any time I have commented on a picture of a "hot" girl that somebody posts I get the usual replies of "How do you know".

That didn't keep you from commenting, right ? And neither should it.
Until we get a Gay Lounge, I feel free to comment on any and everything that's posted here.

-t

Doofy · Nov 13, 2006, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

Um any time I have commented on a picture of a "hot" girl that somebody posts I get the usual replies of "How do you know".

Ya I have no idea what makes a woman attractive. Just like when you ask a straight guy if another guy is attractive "Uh, I can't tell with dudes".

Yeah. I can't tell whether a guy is attractive or not but this thread wasn't about that, was it?

Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy

The only difference between me then and Salty now is the plumbing associated with those we are interested in: I like my plumbing on the inside and Salty likes his on the outside. Everything else is pretty much the same.

QFT.

Chuckit · Nov 13, 2006, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by Salty

I'd be pissed if a straight girl wanted to turn me straight, and I imagine it'd be just as annoying for a straight guy to have me trying to seduce him.

Personally, I wouldn't really mind if a gay guy came onto me any more than if a woman I'm not attracted to came onto me (i.e., as long as they're not gross about it, it's more flattering than anything else). Why would you be pissed if a girl were to flirt with you?

Salty · Nov 13, 2006, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy

Why don't you read my reply to Salty regarding how to meet someone. I suggested both a method for getting to know someone and places to do it and I am straight. Both the suggestions would work perfectly well for pretty much any guy, gay or straight.

Do you think gay guys are the only one who know anything about homosexuality Or are they simply the only ones allowed to talk about it? The way I see it, we are all guys first and our sexual orientations come second. It's not like I can't sympathize with Salty merely because he is gay. There's been a time in my life when I was young and meeting women was hard. I can certainly empathize with him in his predicament.

The only difference between me then and Salty now is the plumbing associated with those we are interested in: I like my plumbing on the inside and Salty likes his on the outside. Everything else is pretty much the same.

And your advice is appreciated

. I think SWG is just complaining about the fact that certain people here tend to flock to anything involving homosexuality because they have a strange desire to be frustrating. Personally the most annoying one in my opinion is Doofy. Though this post he hasn't been that bad. I don't know what SWG's deal is with Goss... I mean he's sure he's gay, I remember when I didn't think SWG could be gay because he wasn't as nice as the other gay people I met... little did I know that the bitchy gay man is actually quite common. Though so far most of the ones I've made friends with are nice guys... even if they're kinda easy...
Anyway, I just want to say thanks for all the advice guys. I think I probably will just try to find someone through friends or something.

Jolt21 · Nov 13, 2006, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

This is the bigger question for me.

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

Unless Zimphire, what_the_heck and Doofy are all wondering the same question.

reason i came in here is because i don't see how meeting a gay person could be that different from meeting a straight one. there are gay guys and girls everywhere i go just as there are straight guys and girls, so i thought i could give some advice if need be.

Dark Helmet · Nov 13, 2006, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy

Why don't you read my reply to Salty regarding how to meet someone. I suggested both a method for getting to know someone and places to do it and I am straight. Both the suggestions would work perfectly well for pretty much any guy, gay or straight.

Did I mention you? No.

I was talking about the usual "Homosexuality is a sin" crew who were in here like Oprah on a baked ham.

Salty · Nov 13, 2006, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by Jolt21

reason i came in here is because i don't see how meeting a gay person could be that different from meeting a straight one. there are gay guys and girls everywhere i go just as there are straight guys and girls, so i thought i could give some advice if need be.

It's one thing to meet someone who might not mind having sex with you. It's another to find someone who you actually would even consider getting romantical with. Beyond that for me it's tough being a Christian and wanting to find someone who gets that... unfortunately the Church tends to not be super kind toward gays so that makes it all the more tough.

Jolt21 · Nov 13, 2006, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by Salty

Beyond that for me it's tough being a Christian and wanting to find someone who gets that... unfortunately the Church tends to not be super kind toward gays so that makes it all the more tough.

well that is why i said "if need be"...i realized upon coming in that it was not needed because there was more to the situation, but good luck with everything.

David Thompson · Nov 13, 2006, 04:04 PM

If you're looking for a gay, christian bf, why not go where you're most likely to find them: in a gay church. maybe like MCC or perhaps Episcopal?

Salty · Nov 13, 2006, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by David Thompson

If you're looking for a gay, christian bf, why not go where you're most likely to find them: in a gay church. maybe like MCC or perhaps Episcopal?

I visited a United Church the other week... I had no idea how liturgical they were haha... there were like... 3 people within 5 years of my age, the rest were ALL old people. The problem is bussing it out to another Church that is likely to have more.

David Thompson · Nov 13, 2006, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by Salty

I visited a United Church the other week... I had no idea how liturgical they were haha... there were like... 3 people within 5 years of my age, the rest were ALL old people. The problem is bussing it out to another Church that is likely to have more.

Check out local bar rags for church adverts...

cwosigns · Nov 13, 2006, 04:21 PM

I met my partner on gay.com. Sure, most people on there are looking for sex. But I met a really nice guy, and now we have a great life together. It just has to be the right person (which is difficult to look for). It's amazing how we find each other.

Chuckit · Nov 13, 2006, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by Salty

I visited a United Church the other week... I had no idea how liturgical they were haha... there were like... 3 people within 5 years of my age, the rest were ALL old people. The problem is bussing it out to another Church that is likely to have more.

Busing? Like, by bus? Is the bus system much better in Canadialand, or are you some kind of masochist?

Dark Helmet · 05:02 PM

There is no place where all the nice guys hang out. Not at the church picnic, not at the library, nothing.

You just have to be lucky enough to find someone that is a nice person and it clicks between the 2 of you.

Gossamer · Nov 13, 2006, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

Well I am very glad you said that.

You mention me saying things "for the purpose of arguing" with you. The interesting part is your first post in this thread is not on a the topic on hand but a comment about ME when nothing was said about you first.

"Well, SWG wants everyone to be gay, he'll turn anything into proof that someone is/wishes they were gay."

So tell me, how am I the one with the "purpose of arguing" with you? Ya, thought so.

Oh and while you're at it please tell us what advice you have for Salty. Or perhaps you came here to learn something about meeting mr right.

So I hope you got what you came here for, either to get advice or to "win an argument over the internet".

I came here to be entertained, and I definitely got that.
I have no advice for Salty. I'm not any sort of pro at dating, I really have no tips.
Zeeb: Nope, definitely not surrounded by a bunch of straight women

Kevin · Nov 13, 2006, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet

This is the bigger question for me.

In a thread that is clearly called "For the Gay Guys, How'd You Meet Mr. Right?" Why in the world would anyone not gay even come into this thread in the first place?

Unless Zimphire, what_the_heck and Doofy are all wondering the same question.

Why don't you ask yourself why you go into religious threads. Or American ones.

Or heck, why do you START THEM?

You should really think about your OWN ACTIONS before posting such a foot in mouth post.

I had hoped you would have learned not to do this by now. Appearently you like the taste of your own foot.

Oisín · Nov 13, 2006, 04:59 PM

*watches as thread goes further down the drain*

demograph68 · 01:21 PM

e/n crap

Kerrigan · Nov 13, 2006, 06:40 PM

The only thing I don't like about dating guys is that I always end up with this feeling that they are just trying to take advantage of me, and vice versa. Very odd.