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Teronzhul · Apr 13, 2003, 08:01 PM

Today I went to the funeral of the father of a very good friend of mine. It was the first funeral that I have attended in fifteen years. The only previous one was my grandfather's. He died when I was in elementary school, making me about 5 at the time. Today I am 20.

Obviously today was a depressing day. The man left behind a wife and 3 daughters ranging between i believe 18 and 24.

Now, typically, I do whatever I can to avoid relgious threads like the plague. My standpoint is that no one will prove anything to anyone else. God can be neither proven nor disproven regardless of my viewpoints. However, in this case I will say that I flip flop between atheism and agnosticism (sp?).

Now for my little rant.

The funeral today was nothing more than a chance for the priest to stand up and preach. I expected to go to hear about a man who had a direct impact upon my life, who I saw on a regular basis. I expected a chance to grieve, and to remember.

Instead, once the priest stood up in front of the podium, all I heard for 45 minutes was that Jesus Christ died for me and was resurrected etc. For 45 minutes I heard no more than 5 words about my friends father.

Is this how catholic funerals are typically? What purpose did this serve? Why even have a funeral at all? We could have just had a typical church service and then at the the end the priest could have stood up and said, "oh by the way, somebody died."

I found this whole situation to be absolutely absurd. If I thought it might actually change the actions or opinion of the priest in question, I would have a talk with him. I'm certain, however, that would do no good.

So anyway.. yeah. I'm depressed. And now I'm angry.

phantomdragonz · Apr 13, 2003, 08:06 PM

I have only been to one funeral.... and it was cool.... people ent up and talked and cryed and laughed.... it was all about the person and how many lives she touched... she was not very religious though... and personally cathlocism (sp?) is so absurdly messed up it makes me sick.... but thats just me... funerals should be happy and about remembering.... im sorry the one you went to was so depressing, just be there for your friend and his/her? family... that is what is important...

P.D.

AB^2=BCxAC · Apr 13, 2003, 08:07 PM

My grandmother had a catholic funeral last year and it was not like that. My dad gave a long eulogy about her life, and the priest led us through a prayer, a reading, and lots of songs. It was good, and very reflective on the short time we all spend alive. No sermons about faith or jesus, not once...

I'm sorry that it wasn't like that for your friend's dad.

tr · Apr 13, 2003, 09:22 PM

Is this how catholic funerals are typically? What purpose did this serve? Why even have a funeral at all? We could have just had a typical church service and then at the the end the priest could have stood up and said, "oh by the way, somebody died."

put simply: no. that priest was way out of line. the purpose of any get together for someone who has passed away is to remember the person, not to preach. the priest should have thought more about the people present, rather than the doctrine/dogma of his organization.

the last funeral i went to was my best friend's grandmother, who was sort of the matriarch of the his whole family, and my friend was very close to her. at the funeral, each of the deceased children (8 in all), all went up to talk about their mother.

i, too, try to stay away from religious threads. i'm a catholic, but far from the model catholic. i know the catholic church as a controlling body is messed up; i'm not trying to defend them. i've always believed that religion is first and foremost a personal thing; you don't need a ruling body to tell you what you believe in. as my friend (from the above story) always used to tell me: "i don't care what church you go to, what religion you are, or who you worship. if you believe in not hurting other people, and understand that all people are different with different views, you're fine with me."

tr

Captain Obvious · Apr 13, 2003, 09:45 PM

Well, it is the family's choice to have the service they want. And usually they get to request who presides over the service. That being the most likely case....... it's not your place to criticize the service. It wasn't done for you it was done for the benefit of the family.
I am sorry you didn't enjoy it and feel lectured to but when you die or your parents die you get to say how you want the service to be. If this is the kind of service the family desired and they are more religious in some ways than you then you just sit there and be respectful about their beliefs. Some churches are more conservative than others and it's safe to assume they chose that parish because they liked it.
I think it is far more absurd for you to question or criticize someone when you went into their environment by choice and have a problem with how they do things. If they came to your house then you might have a right in this case you have none.

ThinkInsane · Apr 14, 2003, 01:57 AM

As was posted above, the funeral wasn't about what you would want to see, but about what the family wanted. It's to provide comfort based on their faith, not yours (or lack there of, what ever the case may be).

I do understand what you are saying though. I come from a very large Catholic family, and have many Catholic friends, so I have attended quite a few Catholic funerals. The funeral usually contains mass, but I don't believe I have ever been to one where the deceased was not eulogized. My uncle passed away last year, and about ten people spoke at the funeral mass. He was a police officer, and many of his coworkers spoke, as well as friends and people he had interacted with in 30 years of law enforcement. Several of my cousins did readings.

I think it sounds more like the priest was a jerk, maybe a "it's my way or nothing" type, or maybe the family wanted a strictly religious ceremony.

shanraghan · Apr 14, 2003, 01:58 AM

If I may interject, Captain Obvious, I understand what you're saying and you do have a point, but it seems to me that Teronzhul is still justified in feeling as he does. Perhaps not justified enough to really change anything, but after all he did say this person had an impact upon his life, and he has every right to be angry if he feels the funeral was not a fitting tribute to that person. But, perhaps you are also correct: the funeral was arranged by and for the family first and foremost, and if this is the style of funeral they wanted, then there really is no reason to be angry as he could have done nothing to change it, and it is not necessarily his place to do so. Yet, it is hard to make a judgement on so little information.

I am sorry, Tehronzul, that the funeral did not turn out so well. I understand how you must feel, seeing something that should have been a profound expression of the memory of a man's life turned into a pulpit for a preacher. I cannot tell if the priest really was exceeding his bounds or if this was the kind of ceremony the family found most comforting, though I tend to agree with you that a funeral is for mourning, not fire, crucifixion and brimstone. If it's any help, try not to worry too much about it. A funeral is, after all, for the living, and as long as you can come to terms with this man's death and commemorate his life in your heart, all shall be well.

mrmister · Apr 14, 2003, 02:21 AM

"Is this how catholic funerals are typically?"

No, not typically. But the family gets a lot of latitude, and this is what they chose to do.

Captain Obvious · Apr 14, 2003, 02:33 AM

I totally agree that he has a right to his feelings but that right stops with that and not in passing judgment on a ceremony he was not directly connected to as a family member. It may have bothered him and he may have known the person but the way he phrased it the deceased was once removed as it was a parent of a friend.
I can appreciate the good will he showed by attending but it sounds like his primary purpose was to comfort a friend and not to mourn his own loss. I have no problem with his views about the service and part of me would even agree but when he makes a comment like this (see below) he crosses the line between being a good friend and interloping on territory he has no right to go into if he respected the man who died and his personal beliefs.

Originally posted by Teronzhul:

I found this whole situation to be absolutely absurd. If I thought it might actually change the actions or opinion of the priest in question, I would have a talk with him. I'm certain, however, that would do no good.

I have been to many catholic churches and the varying degrees of traditionalism and way the liturgy is presented definitely changes. And the congregation usually reflects the same degree of belief the church uses otherwise they'd probably change to a different parish. As the family chose to hold the service there one can only assume the style of message that church tends to deliver is probably one they were comfortable with. So again it falls to those he directly left behind to judge what is appropriate and meaningful to them not Teronzhul. He should at least be respectful of that even if he does not agree.

Cipher13 · Apr 14, 2003, 04:22 AM

My family is Roman Catholic. My grandfather died last year. The service was quite beautiful... and was centered around his life, including playing his favourite song, and whatnot.

Exactly how it should have been.

BrunoBruin · Apr 14, 2003, 12:48 PM

I went to a Catholic funeral several years ago. The father of one of my friends from high school had committed suicide, and the sermon was largely about how sad it was that this poor man would never get into heaven because he took his own life. It was appalling. By the end I was so mad I wanted to bash the priest's teeth in.

That being said, I recently went to a funeral for the husband of one of my co-workers and it was really handled well. Very personal and no brimstone at all.