[Jansar]

Peter
Well, I'm getting something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happened to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.

Brian
Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

Peter
I drift in and out.

[wataru]

Originally said by Peter in the episode "Mr. Saturday Night" at his boss's wake:
Good afternoon, everyone. As you know, we of the Christian faith believe that Jesus is not really dead, but that he must let the world think that he really is dead until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him.

***Peter slides half of a picture of Incredible Hulk Jesus over the face of the real Jesus in the picture he's holding, while humming an ominous tune

[Weezer]

oh no...


oh no.....







oh no....!






























OH YEA!

[wataru]

Originally posted by Weezer:
OH YEA!

That was classic. That was the moment that I knew the show would be awesome. It was also the moment when I should have realized that Fox would be retarded and cancel it.

Originally in "The Road to Europe:"
Peter: Yo, Lois! I'm packing for KissStock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
Lois: You mean the pair with the rip in the right butt cheek from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trots?
Peter: No, no, the pair with the hole in the left butt cheek from when I held it in for two hours because it was an extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it go in the vestibule after mass and it sounded like Louis Armstrong.
Lois: Oh, bottom drawer.

[Stogieman]

Click on the link in my sig.

[CaseCom]

Peter: "What's that? You want me inside you?"

[AuPhalanx]

"Kill Lois!"

"Burn in Hell!"

"So I told her, 'You want a job? I got a job for you right here.'" (Peter points to his pants zipper.) "This zipper is broke and needs to be fixed."

Have fun... Tony.

[DigitalEl]

Trying to recall the name of the woman who has filed a sexual harassment complaint against him:


Peter: "...is she the one we videotaped takin' a dump?"

[davesimondotcom]

Originally posted by Stogieman:
Click on the link in my sig.

All of our discs at work are named something monkey related. Mine is EvilMonkey.

"You want me to wack a guy? Off a guy? Wack off a guy? 'Cause I'm married." - Peter

"It rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again." -Stewie

"My wife did KISS!" "...and J. Geils" "What?" "nevermind" -Peter & Lois

[SupahCoolX]

http://www.familyguyquotes.com/

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

[CheesePuff]

Lois: You can't hit me, I'm a girl.
Peter: Sometimes I wonder.

--

Peter stands in the center of a girls locker room holding up a tiny piece of cardboard with a circle cut in the middle over one eye going "Move the towel..move the towel..uhh the spotted me".

[Truepop]

police: "aren't you a little old to be drinking illegally?"
peter: "I'll handle this. Lois look over there!" to the police, "Run!"

[Spliff]

[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]

Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

[Hawkeye_a]

"it's ok to lie to women. theyre not real people"

"burn in hell"

"victory is mine"

bobby:"wayd it go dad. fight the machine"
stewie:"how do you know about the machine ?"

[Spliff]

Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!


Lois: I care about the size of your penis as much as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter: Oh my God! (runs off crying)

[Nodnarb]

Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.

[Nodnarb]

Peter: Hey, anybody got a quarter?
Bill Gates: What's a quarter?

[saltines17]

Stewie : (talking over speaker) Welcome Man in White, I've been expecting you.
Man in White: W-who said that? Who's there?
Stewie : Peek-a-Boo, I see you!
[Man in White walks to the closet]
Stewie : You're getting warmer...
[Man in White opens closet door to discover a walkie talkie]
Man in White: Where are you? What do you want?
Stewie : Freedom! What do you want?
Man in White: I wanna get the hell out of here!
Stewie : Oh, I'm sorry, we're fresh out of that, all we have left is untimely death!
[Stewie appears with a laser gun in his hand]
Man in White: What the hell is this?
Stewie : ...It's a BOY.
[Loud laser-shooty sound]
Stewie : Victory is mine!


And, of course:

Peter Griffin : Could you sign this book please?
Tony Robbins : TONY ROBBINS HUNGRY

[theJoKell]

"No sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall KILL you." -Stewie

[mdc]

"flappy! good news, i'm not going to kill you" - stewie
"click click bloody click pancakes" - stewie

both from "love thy trophy"

[ReggieX]

Lois: "The safety word is 'banana'."
Peter: "I love you."

[Patrick]

Originally posted by davesimondotcom:
"It rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again." -Stewie

uh, you do know which movie that quote originally comes from, right?

[Luca Rescigno]

Lois, seeing Peter act strangely: "That's not the man I married!"
Brian, drunk: "So, so technically that makes you available, huh?"
Lois: "Brian!"
Brian: "Ah, lighten up toots, it's a party! *laughs drunknly*"

My favorite part of any of the episodes I've seen was towards the beginning of the Y2K one ("Da Boom") where Peter gets in a huge fight with a guy dressed in a chicken suit for giving him an expired coupon. No dialog, it's just the whole sequence that was hilarious.

[wataru]

Originally posted by Patrick:
uh, you do know which movie that quote originally comes from, right?

I don't. Please tell me; that one's been bugging me.

I like Family Guy because it inspires me to do something about my "cultural deficit"--there are so many classic shows and movies they reference that I haven't seen.

Another one of my favorite bits was the intro to part two of when Brian goes to Hollywood. They have stereotypical suspense/action clips from various movies:

Stewie (interrogating a criminal): You want to see my badge number? There! There's my freakin' badge number! (He smacks the guy with his badge)

Lois (looking into a microscope): In all my years of research I've never seen a virus reproduce this quickly!

Brian (into a cell phone, with dead bodies all around): Everyone I've told about the file is dead!

Lois (as a lawyer): I'm not going to lose this case!
Peter (also as a lawyer): Lois, the case is already over!

[mdc]

Originally posted by wataru:
I don't. Please tell me; that one's been bugging me.

silence of the lambs right?

[deej5871]

Peter: So I'm a child, am I? Well, I'll tell you what, Lois. If you're married to a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

[macaddict0001]

I like the scene when brian gets arrested for driving drunk and then the cop say's one of you guy's okay to drive peter(I think can't quite remember) move's over you here all these beer can's.

[Nodnarb]

Originally posted by mdc:
silence of the lambs right?

Yep it was silence of the lambs.

Peter: "Math my friend is nothing more then the lesbian sister of biology."

[Cipher13]

[Brian is giving Chris a tour of a university, or something]

Brian: Now, if I remember correctly, this is the physics department.
Chris: That explains all the gravity!