[driven]

I may be given an opportunity to transfer to our office just outside of London.

Career wise it's a wash ... no net gain, no net loss. It's a similar job with different scenery. I can apply to come back home in a few years.

I'm having a hard time to figure out where I stand on this:

Motivations:
- Want to see Europe.
- Have some significant personal problems at home that some separation for a few years would do me good. (So long as it's not forever)
- Different pace of life. (It's a smaller town).
- I've made quite a few friends over there so I wouldn't be going in with nobody to hang out with.

Possible problems/concerns:
- (biggest) I'd be away from my kids for quite a while. Sure I can come home on average once every 2 months, and I'll have 4-5 weeks vacation that I can spend with them, but it's not the same as being in the same city.
- I have to apply to come home ... nothing is a sure thing. Not that I see any problems unless I find some way to really piss someone off (unlikely) but of course there is no guarantee. (No guarantees if I don't go either.)
- Will distance help or make worse my personal issues? (Only I can guess that of course)
- Money: Cost of living is higher .... I'll get some salary adjustement but I'll also have to delay my 2nd job which makes it a net loss.
- No idea what health insurance costs there either. (I'll find out next week.)
- By going I may be missing out on larger/greater opportunities here. (or maybe not!)

Anyway: On one hand I see a once in a lifetime opportunity, on the other hand I see potential long term risks ... mostly with my kids and financially.


Any thoughts? What would you do?
(I've never been this much on the fence about anything!)

I'm leaving tomorrow for the UK (just for a week or so). I will check my email after I arrive of course.

[Randman]

I'd say go. You can always return if it's a bust but better to go and see it for yourself than pass and say later on ... What if ...

[Albert Pujols]

Nah don't go, not if you're going to have to be away from your family.

[JoshuaZ]

If you didn`t have kids I`d say you should go for it, but because you do you probably want to stay near them.

[waxcrash]

Family first. Job second. Stay with the kids.

[tooki]

Bring the kids?

tooki

[Dork.]

Since you mention being away from your kids as a potential problem, but not their mother, I can only assume that this has something to do with the "significant personal problems" that you need separation from.

How old are your kids? Are they old enough to fly across the pond to visit you? In that case, it might benefit them to have an excuse to visit you there and be exposed to somethign different. And if you weren't living with them in the first place, then it wouldn't really affect their lives that much. There are so many ways to keep in touch these days, after all. You can get them a snazzy new iMac with an iSight built in and see them every day is you wanted!

If they're younger, though, or if they do live with you for a significant portion of time, it's a lot tougher to choose to leave for a number of years.

[Rolling Bones]

What are you nuts?!!? England

[Mastrap]

Health insurance is not an issue. The NHS (National Health Service) does a decent job covering the basics and supplemental health insurance is far cheaper than in the US. Even on the basic state supplied NHS coverage you can walk into any hospital and get free treatment as long as you don't expect luxury. Dental insurance is a must, or be prepared to pay your own bills, which is what I did.

I lived in London for 17 years before moving to Toronto last year. There are major differences between North America and the UK, many cultural but most of all financial. The cost of living WILL come as a shock. I have no idea how much you can expect to earn, but to have a comfortable life, living in a decent area (think Islington or similar) you'll need to make in excess of £75.000 pa. and ideally about £100.000 and up. You will have no credit, so buying a home is out of the question for a couple of years. A one bedroom apartment will set you back between £1200 and £2500 a month in rent, depending on the area you live in. Council tax and bills might come on top of the rent, with utilities generally more expensive than in the US. You can get cheaper places, but that means living either way out of town (and what's the point of that when you're living in London) or in an area I personally wouldn't want to live in.
Clothing, food and restaurants are more expensive, so is travel, except air travel which tends to be cheaper, especially to Europe.
Nature is hard to come by, with the South East of the UK fast becoming a mega city. Public transport in London is better than its reputation, with the tube and buses generally doing a good job. Trains suck the big one however and should be avoided whenever possible. Driving in London is a nightmare and ultra expensive. Think $120 for a parking ticket - and that's for starters.

The good news: London rocks. It is full of energy, it has more culture than you can throw a stick at. It is truly a world class city. The locals are friendly and it's easy to make friends. London has a large transient population of people under the age of 35, made up of New Zealanders, Australians, Americans and Canadians. Most of these come to London in their 20s and leave when its time to have a family and buy a house. That can make friendships a disjointed affair. On the upside I still have friends all over the world to this day.

Would I personally move back to London? I wouldn't, as much as I loved my time there. I'd miss the proximity to nature I've got in Toronto, I'd miss the higher standard of living I am enjoying here and I'd miss the pleasures of living in a city that is build on a more human scale.

[bad_quote]

Originally Posted by Albert Pujols

Nah don't go, not if you're going to have to be away from your family.

If my dad left me at home I'd be a bit pissed.

[moonmonkey]

Just go, if you don't like it come back.

I love London, and would live there if I was a millionaire.

[himself]

ask your children what they think about it.

[moonmonkey]

Where in London is it?

[smacintush]

Ultimately happiness and self-satisfaction is something you find inside yourself. I think a person would be better off near their family and their home.

[Salty]

You have kids, don't know how you feel about them now. But you have them, you owe them a one dad. It's incredibly important that they know you love them. And by the way, hating their mom is not a great way to go about doing that. Don't run away from your problems, perhaps go see a professional about your problems but do something. Don't make your kids suffer because you don't know how to deal with your problems. London isn't the answer.

[smacintush]

Originally Posted by Salty

You have kids, don't know how you feel about them now. But you have them, you owe them a one dad. It's incredibly important that they know you love them. And by the way, hating their mom is not a great way to go about doing that. Don't run away from your problems, perhaps go see a professional about your problems but do something. Don't make your kids suffer because you don't know how to deal with your problems. London isn't the answer.

Good post.

I think that too many people have that "grass is greener" syndrome. (I'm not saying this is you Driven, but it may be) They either think that things will be better somewhere else or that the change in scenery will maybe give them a better perspective or a new start or whatever. Most of the time it is just a way to distract themselves from having to deal with their problems on a meaningful level.

Of course, I'm biased. My mother moved us so much I went to 12 different schools in 3 states by the time I was in the 11th grade.

[Cubeoid]

London is a nice city.

[Cubeoid]

Originally Posted by moonmonkey

bla bla bla bla...if I was a millionaire.

I thought you always were.

[Cubeoid]

Originally Posted by smacintush

Of course, I'm biased. My mother moved us so much I went to 12 different schools in 3 states by the time I was in the 11th grade.

Holy ****. You poor bastard.

[siflippant]

Originally Posted by Cubeoid

Holy ****. You poor bastard.

I don't know what grade 13 years of age qualifies for in US schooling, but I went to 15 schools by the time I was 13... at one school I was only there for like 3 weeks! LOL!

It helps you become more open minded though...

[smacintush]

Originally Posted by siflippant

I don't know what grade 13 years of age qualifies for in US schooling, but I went to 15 schools by the time I was 13... at one school I was only there for like 3 weeks! LOL!

It helps you become more open minded though...

13 is about 8th grade, that's my daughters age now.

For myself I seem to have developed a difficulty letting myself be…uh…myself…for quite a while after I meet people. Moving a lot sucked ass.

[Cubeoid]

w 3eeks. wow.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by driven

I may be given an opportunity to transfer to our office just outside of London.

- Different pace of life. (It's a smaller town).

Unless it's seriously outside London (like in Scotland), your pace of life will be faster than it is now.

Originally Posted by driven

- No idea what health insurance costs there either. (I'll find out next week.)

NHS is free. Private will set you back maybe £800 a year.

Oh. And according to surveys, at least a quarter of the native population want to leave the UK. That should tell you a lot.

Yeah, London ain't the greatest. But, think of how close you'll be to other cool places.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by screamingFit

Yeah, London ain't the greatest. But, think of how close you'll be to other cool places.

I disagree. London is about as cool as it gets. The issue is money. To have a good time in London you need a lot of it. Either that or you need to be young.

[moonmonkey]

Originally Posted by Cubeoid

I thought you always were.

Currently a billionaire but I need a backup plan.

Originally Posted by Mastrap

I disagree. London is about as cool as it gets. The issue is money. To have a good time in London you need a lot of it. Either that or you need to be young.

Since I've never been, I'm just going off stories I've heard from people I know who have. The same people tell me much better stories about the Netherlands and Germany.

[driven]

To everyone here ....

Great insight. I really appreciate it. To dork: you have a keen sense of observation!

I certainly have a lot to think about. Oddly my wife (sadly, as Dork figured out ... part of the source of my personal problems) wants me to go.

I'll write more later ... maybe when I get back. Depends on the time I have available.

I *really* appreciate the comments.

Sincerely,
driven

[Fred_Cokebottle]

Bon voyage!

[moonmonkey]

Originally Posted by screamingFit

Since I've never been, I'm just going off stories I've heard from people I know who have. The same people tell me much better stories about the Netherlands and Germany.

Drug users?

[Gankdawg]

Originally Posted by Salty

You have kids, don't know how you feel about them now. But you have them, you owe them a one dad. It's incredibly important that they know you love them. And by the way, hating their mom is not a great way to go about doing that. Don't run away from your problems, perhaps go see a professional about your problems but do something. Don't make your kids suffer because you don't know how to deal with your problems. London isn't the answer.

[FulcrumPilot]

I think he will go to London. With a heavy heart of course.

[moonmonkey]

Originally Posted by FulcrumPilot

I think he will go to London. With a heavy heart of course.

After some jellied eels in Leicester Square he will feel a lot better.

[driven]

FWIW:
I opted not to go. I'll be in North America for the foreseeable future.

[hickey]

good choise to stay and be 'round the youngins. and theres always retirement to see the rest of the world.

[Randman]

Just hope you don't get a case of What If ... ?

[driven]

Originally Posted by Randman

Just hope you don't get a case of What If ... ?

That's my whole life!

Seriously though ... while true I must say that I never have any regrets. I can't change my past decisions so we move forward.

I didn't make my favorite decision, but I think I made the correct one.
Thanks everyone for your input.

[Sandkat]

IMO, it's better to regret something you have done, then to reget something you have not.