[trip]

Originally Posted by bstone

I'm just a nice, gentle, sweet guy- and I lose every time.

With that kinda thinking - damn right you're going to lose every time and I don't feel bad for you at all. Change the attitude and then you'll win. Sorry to be a prick, but it's true - and you need to hear it. Chicks dig confidence not poor me I such a nice guy, why can't I get it up !!!

[bstone]

When I am with them I am confident. Many have said they are impressed by it and dig it. I guess I've been dating the weird ones who think confidence is unattractive?

I'm also sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet.

They say they want those things. I am dubious.

[Cipher13]

Sensitive? Gentle? Kind? Caring? Reliable? Sweet?

That's exactly your problem. It's well established that women are irrational creatures, in the eyes of men; they don't want you to be all over them in your gentle, sweet, caring, reliable, sensitive, kind way.

Winning strategy, except in exceptional circumstances: don't care. Don't be interested. Make them want you, and don't give it to them until they want you enough to do something about it themselves. Even then, don't make it so easy. Don't call them every 30 seconds, and don't answer their calls on the first ring.

Of course they say they want those things - how many will say "I like them to be irresponsible, unreliable, ..." etc? How many are even aware of the fact themselves?

Oh, and as for the friendship zone... it can be overcome quite spectacularly. It just might take a while. It's up to you if you want to wait around for that, and if you say you do, well, you've learned nothing from this post.

[Ghoser777]

Don't you understand women yet? If they say they don't want it, they want it. If they say they want it, they want it, but maybe not as much as they lead you to believe. If they say they're fine, then something is wrong. If they say something is wrong, then something is wrong, but probably its not that big of a deal.

[jasonsRX7]

Originally Posted by bstone

I'm also sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet.

They say they want those things. I am dubious.

Maybe it would help if you gave some examples of how you're sensitive, gentle, kind, and so on. Just because those aren't bad qualities doesn't mean they can't be implemented poorly. Giving them tons of attention might be considered caring, but it's definitely not something they'll respond to well. To really help, we need to know if you're being sensitive and gentle without being a pansy.

[bstone]

Basically, when they need me I am there. When a girl calls me because she had a fight with her roommate or best friend, I'll drop everything to whisk her away from it all. When they call me at 3am cause they're drunk and at some random guys apartment (and don't know how they got there). When they need a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce something off of, a nonjudgemental person to hear their thoughts, a few extra bucks for the electrical bill that month, someone to study with at 11pm (for a 9am test), etc etc etc

I make myself available- both as a friend/physically (shoulder to cry on, drop everything and rescue them no matter where/what time) and emotionally (they know they can cry in front of me and have a shoulder to put their head on...in fact that happened today).

I'm every girl's friend. Alas, not much more. The ones who fall for me are nuts and would fall for any guy who gives them the time of day.

Blah.

[Face Ache]

Hey girlfriend!

[jasonsRX7]

Originally Posted by bstone

Basically, when they need me I am there. When a girl calls me because she had a fight with her roommate or best friend, I'll drop everything to whisk her away from it all. When they call me at 3am cause they're drunk and at some random guys apartment (and don't know how they got there). When they need a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce something off of, a nonjudgemental person to hear their thoughts, a few extra bucks for the electrical bill that month, someone to study with at 11pm (for a 9am test), etc etc etc

I make myself available- both as a friend/physically (shoulder to cry on, drop everything and rescue them no matter where/what time) and emotionally (they know they can cry in front of me and have a shoulder to put their head on...in fact that happened today).

All that stuff is fine if you're doing it for someone you're in an established relationship or friendship with. But if you're doing those types of things for someone you want to date, but doesn't want to date you, then you're being used. You're being used because you want more out of the relationship then they do; they're getting what they want but you're not.

And if you're fine with that concept, because you like being nice, then you're presenting yourself as a pushover. You're not obligated to put peoples lives in order.

[historylme]

Amen!

Edit: Did you read the "Ladder theory" and the "Intellectual Whore" theory in the other girl post?

It describes your situation to a T.

[Randman]

Originally Posted by bstone

Basically, when they need me I am there. When a girl calls me because she had a fight with her roommate or best friend, I'll drop everything to whisk her away from it all. When they call me at 3am cause they're drunk and at some random guys apartment (and don't know how they got there). When they need a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce something off of, a nonjudgemental person to hear their thoughts, a few extra bucks for the electrical bill that month, someone to study with at 11pm (for a 9am test), etc etc etc

I make myself available- both as a friend/physically (shoulder to cry on, drop everything and rescue them no matter where/what time) and emotionally (they know they can cry in front of me and have a shoulder to put their head on...in fact that happened today).

I'm every girl's friend. Alas, not much more. The ones who fall for me are nuts and would fall for any guy who gives them the time of day.

Blah.

Hence you make yourself out to be a friend, not a mate. You don't have to be a sob, rat bastard, but don't be too friendly with girls you like.

[TheMosco]

Originally Posted by jasonsRX7

All that stuff is fine if you're doing it for someone you're in an established relationship or friendship with. But if you're doing those types of things for someone you want to date, but doesn't want to date you, then you're being used. You're being used because you want more out of the relationship then they do; they're getting what they want but you're not.

And if you're fine with that concept, because you like being nice, then you're presenting yourself as a pushover. You're not obligated to put peoples lives in order.

You couldn't be more right. I learned this lesson the hard way earlier in the year. You can't be the same nice guy that your are to your friends. My best friend is a girl, and I give her everything I can but I don't want to date her. You don't want to be a dick, but you also don't want to be their best friend. Find a girl you like, and act like you don't care. You don't want to become her shoulder to cry until after you have been going out for a while.

[BoomStick]

It's called being an emotional tampon.

Time to cut the string.

I have had more success by just saying what I mean than playing silly games.

Thee her you just wanna shag and get it over with.

You know, I don' want no relationship, I jus want bang bang bang!

[Y3a]

Well, USE HER INPUT to find out what women want, and then keep asking her questions on how to get ANOTHER woman. Come back depressed from the ordeal, and maybe she'll take pity on you for trying and failing, and she'll give you some............

Women are from VENUS - men are from MARS.

[Zimphire]

Send her some nice sweet romantic poems.

For example.

I laid eyes upon you and my heart was smitten.
Without your warming touch my soul grows frost bitten.
Now please remove your skirt so I may play with your kitten.

[Millennium]

I've come to the conclusion that what women want most of all is for men to know what women want. Note that I didn't say that they want to tell men what they want; that's actually quite rare, in my experience. It's as if they want men to just sort of know, somehow, or as if they think that asking for something is some kind of grand dishonor.

I've no clue as to how this is supposed to actually work. I'm lucky enough to have found a mate who doesn't mind making her desires known. I suspect that for most women, though, men are expected to put a lot of detective work into figuring out what the women in their lives want. Is this considered some kind of sign of affection or something?

[RAILhead]

The other guys did some exposition on what I was meaning. Saying you're all "sweet" and "gentle" and all that makes you sound like the girl. Unless she's into girls, you're only going to land a psycho chick. Otherwise, start sweating, let your facial hair get scruffy, and get some hair on your chest.

Maury

[bstone]

Originally Posted by RAILhead

The other guys did some exposition on what I was meaning. Saying you're all "sweet" and "gentle" and all that makes you sound like the girl. Unless she's into girls, you're only going to land a psycho chick. Otherwise, start sweating, let your facial hair get scruffy, and get some hair on your chest.

Maury

Ahh, this is the problem. Girls who are emotionally unstable and a little nuts (aka psycho chick) fall for me like a ton of bricks, usually within 4 hours of meeting me. It's been very weird and I've had to tell more than one I'm not interested. They simply have no confidence and fall WAY TOO QUICKLY.

This girl had confidence, witty, looks and a beautiful soul. Guess I'll have to keep looking, but I do appreciate the comments.

[Cipher13]

Originally Posted by bstone

Ahh, this is the problem. Girls who are emotionally unstable and a little nuts (aka psycho chick) fall for me like a ton of bricks, usually within 4 hours of meeting me. It's been very weird and I've had to tell more than one I'm not interested. They simply have no confidence and fall WAY TOO QUICKLY.

This girl had confidence, witty, looks and a beautiful soul. Guess I'll have to keep looking, but I do appreciate the comments.

A beautiful soul? Dude, you're never gonna get laid at this rate.

Forget how beautiful her soul is, it's not like you're gonna marry the girl. You claim to be a biologist - appreciate the fact that we're still animals, after all.

She's got much more beautiful things than her soul, I'm sure.

[historylme]

BE A MONKEY MAN!
A man in the outside but sex driven wild in the inside!

Or simply, a normal guy.

[bstone]

Yeah, Cipher, but the pheramone organ in humans is genetically inactive so things like having a "beautiful soul" (which can be translated as just having a beautiful personality) is so much more important than things like money, position, etc to me.

[trip]

Originally Posted by bstone

When I am with them I am confident. Many have said they are impressed by it and dig it. I guess I've been dating the weird ones who think confidence is unattractive?

I'm also sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet.

They say they want those things. I am dubious.

They want those things when they want those things and they don't want them when they don't. Welcome to the world of women. Your job is to make everything you do interpretable as either - dependant upon how they feel on any given day, but Sunday.

[Randman]

Maybe to you but maybe not the chicks you dig.

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by bstone

Yeah, Cipher, but the pheramone organ in humans is genetically inactive so things like having a "beautiful soul" (which can be translated as just having a beautiful personality) is so much more important than things like money, position, etc to me.

I honestly don't know how the "pheromone organ" has any impact on this (or for that matter, what that even means), but I reckon inactive is still better than nonexistent, which is what the "beautiful soul organ" is.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Cipher13

A beautiful soul? Dude, you're never gonna get laid at this rate.

Forget how beautiful her soul is, it's not like you're gonna marry the girl. You claim to be a biologist - appreciate the fact that we're still animals, after all.

She's got much more beautiful things than her soul, I'm sure.

Ay, come on. Not everybody is looking for a quick ****.

The looks is what brings you together, character is what keeps you together. There are guys like you and guys like bstone, and there are girls for every type. Pot. Kettle. That type of deal. And bstone, don't worry, the beautiful ones are not necessarily in the wrong one

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by bstone

When I am with them I am confident. Many have said they are impressed by it and dig it. I guess I've been dating the weird ones who think confidence is unattractive?

I'm also sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet.

They say they want those things. I am dubious.

You're probably ugly and don't know it. At that age if a girl is physically attracted to you it is usually enough to get past the friend zone. If they are repulsed at the thought of being intimate with you but you are sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet they will at least be your friend.

Either way it sucks to be you (and all the other guys who start these threads) because it will never again be as easy to get some ass as it is in college. If you are doing bad now your future will be very bleak in the romance department.

Anway, I was just wondering: These threads pop up about once every other month and the same gaddamn advice has to be repeated over and over again. Does no one ever follow any of it? Do you guys think that your situations are unique and special and a different course of action needs to be taken to resolve it? Or are each of you looking to hear that if you stay the course and be yourself the girl will soon realize what a great guy you are and fall in love with you and not the guy you think is jerky, because that is never going to happen. EVER.

[RAILhead]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

You're probably ugly and don't know it. At that age if a girl is physically attracted to you it is usually enough to get past the friend zone. If they are repulsed at the thought of being intimate with you but you are sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet they will at least be your friend.

Either way it sucks to be you (and all the other guys who start these threads) because it will never again be as easy to get some ass as it is in college. If you are doing bad now your future will be very bleak in the romance department.

Anway, I was just wondering: These threads pop up about once every other month and the same gaddamn advice has to be repeated over and over again. Does no one ever follow any of it? Do you guys think that your situations are unique and special and a different course of action needs to be taken to resolve it? Or are each of you looking to hear that if you stay the course and be yourself the girl will soon realize what a great guy you are and fall in love with you and not the guy you think is jerky, because that is never going to happen. EVER.

TEH WINNAR!!!

[nredman]

there's alot of fish in the sea.

[E's Lil Theorem]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

....
Anway, I was just wondering: These threads pop up about once every other month and the same gaddamn advice has to be repeated over and over again. Does no one ever follow any of it? Do you guys think that your situations are unique and special and a different course of action needs to be taken to resolve it? Or are each of you looking to hear that if you stay the course and be yourself the girl will soon realize what a great guy you are and fall in love with you and not the guy you think is jerky, because that is never going to happen. EVER.

[JoshuaZ]

Some girls are just undate-able. Move to another country, best way to get a girl off your mind.

[E's Lil Theorem]

Originally Posted by JoshuaZ

... Move to another country, best way to get a girl off your mind.

I think dating someone else is much easier

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by E's Lil Theorem

I think dating someone else is much easier

That too. How about moving to another country and dating some nice girls there? That usually works.

That and drinking heavily.

[Peder Rice]

I think most of you guys are simply more basic than you think you are. Many of you seem so driven by your basic desires that you look past the qualities that bstone describes.

My guess is that bstone is looking for a strong, well founded relationship. He's not looking to score. Well, that is to say that he's probably looking to score, but it's not the priority or the objective of the relationship. I would imagine that bstone seeks an intellectual and emotional equivalent but is insofar looking at the wrong directions to achieve that goal.

Of course, I can't speak for bstone, but I'd assume as much.

If indeed my above statements are correct, then you guys need to back off, for bstone would likely the silent warrior who has until now rarely if ever spoken out. He's a good guy that would do most anything for anyone, and he only now wants something in return. He perhaps doesn't know best how to explain what he wants, but at least he's making some strides. I would imagine that in due time and with enough exploration he could easily find a mate on the same level.

If what I'm saying fits your scenario, bstone, then I would simply suggest looking a little harder. Rather than change your entire personality, look around with a wiser eye and try to find the person that won't expect you to be radically different.

[bstone]

Peder Rice, you speak brilliance and very insightfully. You hit it on the nose and I think you for that. Look harder I shall.