[Amorya]

OK, one of my mates just said over MSN:

*is getting more and more worried about the comments you throw up sometimes...*

Most of the comments he's talking about are quotes (mostly out of context) from MacNN. Just before he said that, I'd told him

"Oh, but that is part of the joy!
Eat a load of roasted asparagus (Mas is right- roasted... mmmmmm), wait an hour or so, run out into the yard and pee all over the place. Keeps the skunks away. Seriously. Not kidding."

I think it's by Max Nelson - it's from the cooking thread anyway.

So what I want is a whole bunch of odd comments and bizarre pieces of advice. Anyone got any?

Amorya

[xi_hyperon]

Don't know if it's bizarre or not, but I've always liked, "The sky is always wood to a bug under a board."

[malvolio]

"Careful, my dear, we don't want to disturb the donut!"
(From the back of a Bonzo Dog Band LP. It's even funnier with the accompanying photo.)

[jckalen]

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
-- Ernst Jan Plugge

found that a while ago at amusingquotes.com - I use it often.

[Kitschy]

"Ground meat in a bag never tasted so good...to a dog."

[zigzag]

"When you come to the fork in the road, take it." Yogi Berra

"I never said half the things I said." Yogi Berra

[tintub]

"It is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle, than it is for a camel to."

[Severed Hand of Skywalker]

Originally posted by tintub:
"It is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle, than it is for a camel to."

Ha ha, I saw "Camel Toe" when I read that

[saltines17]

"I personally prefer the nude figure of a woman lying asleep to a wild-eyed demoniac foaming at the mouth and twisting his arms." - Diderot

If that's not bizarre, I don't know what is...

[calumr]

"Next week on the show, bats. Are they really blind, or are they just takin' the piss?"

The Fast Show.
Series 2 #7

[Paco500]

"Walter Williams, DC's first elected mayor, was listed in stable condition, however doctors were still trying to determine why he briefly lost consciousness while napping."


Heard last night on NPR in DC. I guess I better go see my doctor, becuase this happens to me almost everytime I nap. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

[chris v]

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

-Hunter S. Thompsoon

CV

[Dogma]

"It's gone all quiet" - Roobarb

"We ran out of cows milk yonks ago, we're on the dogs milk now. It's full goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Plus the added bonus of dogs milk is that it lasts longer than any other kind of milk...

...no bugger'll drink it, and it tastes exactly the same when it's fresh as it does when it's gone off"

- Holly, Red Dwarf

"It's depressing that human beings, such an advanced and intellectual race, can come up with no better last words than 'What bus?'"

- Dogma

[Buck_Naked]

Originally posted by Amorya:
Wanted: Weird And Downright Odd Quotes Or Phrases

You want some weird Quotes and Phrases??
Go HERE!!! (SubGenius.Com)

Quotes:
'Do What Keepeth Thou from Wilting, Shall be The Loophole iin the Law'

"I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm
preaching to."
"Bob" in 'Newsweek'

"I want my monkey brains well done!"
-- "Bob" to cook at Dobbstown, Malaysia

GREAT QUOTES
"Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap." - Steve Antczak

"From now on, as of this moment, you can do whatever you want." - Rev. Willie at Slack Attack Devival, Dallas

"The toad may stand in the rain day and night, but its skin will never be smooth." - Malay proverb

"But after I lick that toad day and night, it'll sure as hell look smooth to me." - Dobbstown initiation oath
Rev. Wilds

"Give me Slack, or give me Apache helicopters, Sidewinder Missiles and nuclear warheads." - Rev. Ivan Stang getting all worked up on Hour of Slack radio broadcast

"How'd it be if J.R. "Bob" Dobbs gave you a molten lead enema as 'part of the satire'?" - Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite to hostile debunker caller

"It's the bizarre idiots that act smart." - Rev. Capt. H. M. Smith

"I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast." - Charles Fort ("Bob's" third cousin)

"The dicks you can't see are always longer." - Dobbs, 1957, in his cups in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.

"Real sex is Fats Domino. Bad sex is... Pat Boone." - Rev. Bleepo Abernathy

"The difference between Heaven and Hell is which end of the pitchfork you're on." - Rev. Sheldon DeWehr

"So I says to him, I says: "Look. Either we all come from monkeys or we're supposed to be like this, and I don't like it either way." And he says, "Ich verstehe nicht." So I killed him. - Rev. Dr. Chris Gross

"You do not **** with a doktor unless he offers you the vaseline personally!" - G. Gordon Gordon

"I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"I am a man who pisses largely and frequently. This, they say, is a sign of great mental activity." - Henry Miller

"He's an ******* - but even *******s have dreams." - Sam Lowry in BRAZIL
"Mine certainly does." - "Bob"

"Learn to be a Connoisseur of the Obvious." - Clevecclesians 6:14

"What do you throw a Pink who's drowning in quicksand?"
"His wife and child." - Boxholder

"WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD?" - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.*" - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs in a new 1991(!) memo

* "But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day."

"I'm not into SubGenius for the religious aspect so much. I see the Church more as... genetic stuntmen." - St. Joe Riley

"I'm afraid I just got no use at all for any god that's little enough to fit inside of some old PILL." - Nenslo 1990

"They'll take away my 'Frappy when they pry it out of my cold dead fingers." - Rev. Ivan Stang

"ANYTHING THAT MAKES IT HARDER TO PEE IS ANTISLACK." - Sternodox

"Without 'Frop I would go mad with ambition. I would beat my wife and kids. I believe in Salvation through 'Frop. If I 'Frop, it is so that others may live." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

"I can handle it - I know when to quit. - FASTER, NHEE GHEE, MORE REEFERS!!!" - Billy Samuels

"There'll be no smoking in the gas chamber." - Jimi Hendrix

"I never leave until I bleed 'em out of house and Launch Pad." - Anonymous note (could be Cleve)

"FREE THE DOBBSTOWN 2.71828!!!" - Batrix

"I think I'll just lie here and try to dream some more about the Planet of the Beautiful Blind Women." - an anonymous lonely SubGenius boy with his dick in his hand

"SubGenius is the link between revolution and evolution." - Batrix

(With pictures of confederate flag and US flag):
My Pride Squirts White Stuff - What Does Yours Do?

[davesimondotcom]

Originally posted by zigzag:
"When you come to the fork in the road, take it." Yogi Berra

"I never said half the things I said." Yogi Berra

Copied and pasted from the great Yogi's site:

"It Ain't Over til it's Over"

"Never answer an anonymous letter"

"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four"

"It's deja vu all over again"

"When you come to a fork in the road....Take it"

"I didn't really say everything I said"

"You can observe a lot by watching "

When asked what time is was......" you mean now?"

At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1947 "I want to thank you for making this day necessary"

"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be"

Yogi on the 1969 NY Mets....."overwhelming underdogs"

"If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them"

On why NY lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh "We made to many wrong mistakes"

"The future ain't what it used to be "

"It gets late early out here"

What a guy...

[malvolio]

More favorite Yogi-isms:
"Nobody goes there any more, it's too crowded."
(After an extra-inning game) "That was a real cliff-dweller."

[voodoo]

Who is Yogi Berra?

[mrfrost]

The only quotes I can remember are Red Dwarf ones so here ya go :

"Lister: What does it feel like?
Rimmer: Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans."

"Rimmer : Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with."

"Rimmer : Um, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is "What are we going to call ourselves?" um, and I think it comes down to a choice between `The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is `The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Um, one drawback with that... the abbreviation is `CLITORIS'."

"Holly : We have three realistic alternatives: (1) Sit here and get blown up, (2) Stand here and get blown up, (3) Jump up and down, shout at me for not being able to think of anything, then get blown up."

"rimmer : I just want to say: over the years, I have come to regard you as ... people I met."

"Rimmer : Step up to Red Alert!
Kryten : Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb."

Originally posted by voodoo:
Who is Yogi Berra?

Baseball star.

[Funny Bugga]

Originally posted by hayesk:
Baseball star.

So he is in no way connected with Yogi Bear then? Outside of the US, no one has heard of him.

[malvolio]

Yogi Berra:


Yogi Bear:


The cartoon character was named after the former baseball player/manager.

[Peter]

windows is good

Is that weird enough?

[bradoesch]

I forget where I found this. It's about Anna Kornikova, and I think it was from fark.com.

I'd crawl through a mile of broken glass just to throw a rock at the laundry truck carrying her pantines to the cleaners.

Pathetic, I crawl silently home...