[Fyre4ce]

Got this in my email today. Don't know if it's true, but it's damn funny! (Edited to pass through UBB filter.)

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American
University.

In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to
the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story
is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of the English students:
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

----------------------------------------------------------------

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile
was out of the question.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris
to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within
two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on
course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh
no I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon
novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

Asshole.

----------------------------------------------------------

B!tch.

----------------------------------------------------------

Wanker.

----------------------------------------------------------

Slut.

----------------------------------------------------------

Get f*cked.

----------------------------------------------------------

Eat sh!t.

----------------------------------------------------------

F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

Go drink some tea - whore...


EDIT: missed a bad word.

[ 04-18-2002: Message edited by: Fyre4ce ]

[cheerios]

wow...

[cheerios]

DAMN DOUBLE POSTS! IT'S ALL FLOOD CONTROLS FAULT, TOO! grumble brumble...

[ 04-18-2002: Message edited by: cheerios ]

[phantomdragonz]

cool, we did that in class one day, but I was sick so i never did it. they where better written though.

P.D.

[UNTeMac]

Sounds like Carl was the real jerk here but they both could've tried a little harder to have fun with it. Funny post

[Phanguye]

that is hilarious

[Cipher13]

LMAO. Now THAT is funny!

[Archangel]

Every time Gary's section started I loled. BUWHAHAHAHA!

[sek929]

Hahaha, oh man I needed to read that this morning.....

[Fyre4ce]

This is the funniest thing I've read in a while.