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The horrible offensive joke thread (Page 2)
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Banned
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA USA
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Originally posted by rampant:
this thread pwns.
You're going to have to knock the insanity level up a few notches, and get banned.
Then you'll be up where my threads are. 
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: permanent resident of the Land of the Easily Aroused
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Hey, I've been banned from MacAddict, can that count as about .5 of a ban here?
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: North Hollywood, CA
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Sorry if this one isn't funny... It's hard to translate a sentence from ASL to English. BTW, I'm not a racist or anything.
Why do black people have white palms?
Because they bended on the floor and God painted them from the back.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: New York City
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Originally posted by rampant:
Hey, I've been banned from MacAddict, can that count as about .5 of a ban here?
Maybe .2 or something...The mods at MAF are complete fascists.
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: permanent resident of the Land of the Easily Aroused
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You said it. The cunts banned me for saying "goddamn" even though it isn't even censored. 
A macNN forum administrator has been quoted on IRC saying "Mac Addict's forum sucks anyways" 
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Miami
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Why can't Steve Wonder read?
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Because he's black!
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Cape Cod, MA
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin', you already told her twice...
A man goes to his doctor's and says, "Doc, I've just been raped by an Elephant!". The stunned doctor replies, "What makes you say that?".
"Well," says the man holding his hands about a foot or so apart, "my arsehole feels this big!". "Bend over, and let me have a look." asks the doctor.
The guy bends over and sure enough, his arsehole is about ten inches across. "But I thought that elephants only had a long, thin penis?" states the doctor. "Yeah, I know," says the agitated man, "but it fingered me first!"
What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
They're right, we do taste like chicken!
Another use for used tampons?
Teabags for cannibals.
What do you call that useless piece of skin that hangs off a man's
penis?
A woman.
What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobain's mind when he
shot himself?
The roof of his mouth.
Thats all I can think of right now...
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: New York City
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At a gynecology convention in Paris, France a French OBGYN and a Brittish OBGYN are shooting the sh�t and eventually the conversation winds around to some of the more memorable patients they had had.
The French doctor related this, "Ze other day, I had a woman come in for a checkup and she had a clitorus like a melon!"
The Brittish doctor replied, "That's bloody absurd! How could she walk?!?!?"
"Oh you English...always thinking about size! I was refering to the flavor!"
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: permanent resident of the Land of the Easily Aroused
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Originally posted by sek929:
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin', you already told her twice...
A man goes to his doctor's and says, "Doc, I've just been raped by an Elephant!". The stunned doctor replies, "What makes you say that?".
"Well," says the man holding his hands about a foot or so apart, "my arsehole feels this big!". "Bend over, and let me have a look." asks the doctor.
The guy bends over and sure enough, his arsehole is about ten inches across. "But I thought that elephants only had a long, thin penis?" states the doctor. "Yeah, I know," says the agitated man, "but it fingered me first!"
What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
They're right, we do taste like chicken!
Another use for used tampons?
Teabags for cannibals.
What do you call that useless piece of skin that hangs off a man's
penis?
A woman.
What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobain's mind when he
shot himself?
The roof of his mouth.
Thats all I can think of right now...
NICE ONE BROTHA!!!
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Denton, TX
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice.
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A man is having a terrible time with hemrroids and his wife finally convinces him to see a doctor. The doctor prescribes a suppository treatment that is to be given once a day for a week starting today. The man braces himself and the doctor administers the first treatment.
Back at home on the next day, the man asks his wife to help him with the treatment so she puts one hand on his shoulder and the man immediately says "Sh!t"
"What? I haven't done anything yet?" she says. The man replies, "I know but I just realized the doctor had BOTH hands on my shoulders."
--
Two second graders, a black one and a white one get in a fight...who wins?
The black one cuz he's 23.
(Sorry for any offense, only jokes)
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"This show is filmed before a live studio audience as soon as someone removes that dead guy!" - Stephen Colbert
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Mac Enthusiast
Join Date: Oct 2002
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o.k. here goes...
a groom and his beautiful bride check into a 5 star hotel. Early the next morning, the bellboy see the man dressed in fishing clothes leaving the hotel. The groom finally comes back late at night. The next morning the groom does the same thing. When the groom comes back to the hotel later that evening the bellboy stops his and says "excuse me, but arent you on your honeymoon?" the groom replies "yes i am" the bellboys looking perplexed asks why he isnt in the hotel room f**king the hell out of his gorgeous wife. the groom replies "she has V.D. " the bellboy says, "well what about anal? the groom replies, "she has diarrhea" the bellboy says, "how about blowjobs" the groom replies "she has piarea" (gum disease) the bell boy says
"then what the hell did you marry her for???!!" the groom replies
"well, she has worms too, and i love to fish!"
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"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds"...Albert Einstein
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: usa
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ohh boy,, NAACP aint liking this one
Q: what's the most confusing day in harlem?
A: fathers day....
and of course, i cant forget the feminists...
Q: how long does it take for a woman to have an orgasm?
A: WHO CARES!!!
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"The only time that man gets to actually leave a physical mark upon this earth is in death, and even then, it is only a gravestone proclaiming his demise"
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: usa
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a woman goes to a gynecologist for the first time and when she puts her feet in the stirrups and moves down to the doctor, she hears him gasp with surpise.
she immediately asks him what is the matter
he replies that there is nothing wrong with her, and that she has the biggest vagina he has ever seen.
after she leaves the doctors office, she goes home but cannot forget what the doctor said.
finally she has to look for herself and she takes a mirror and places it on the bedroom floor and strips naked and walks over and straddles the mirror. while she is looking down at her vagina, her husband comes into the room. he looks at her and asks what she is doing. she is embarrased to tell the truth and says "just doing my exercises"
the husband says "o.k. but just be careful of that big hole in the floor"
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"The only time that man gets to actually leave a physical mark upon this earth is in death, and even then, it is only a gravestone proclaiming his demise"
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: usa
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Offline
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a busload of nuns goes over a cliff and they all die
when they go up to heaven, they are stood before st. peter and the pearly gates of heaven.
st peter says to the nuns
"you can come into heaven if you are pure. and if any part of you has ever touched a mans penis, you must first dip it in this fountain of holy water"
so slowly the nuns go up to the fountain. the first nun dips her hand in the fountain and then proceeds into heaven.
all of a sudden in the back of the line st peter sees 2 nuns shoving each other. he walks over to them and asks what the problem is.
the first nun replies
"i'm not going to gargle with that water, after she dips her ass in it!!"
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"The only time that man gets to actually leave a physical mark upon this earth is in death, and even then, it is only a gravestone proclaiming his demise"
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2002
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Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they aren't going to work in the future either.
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Why does Mike Tyson always cry while having sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: NYC*Crooklyn
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Originally posted by suprz:
a woman goes to a gynecologist.......
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Mac Elite
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Nowhereland
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just read the whole thread...never felt so dirty in my life.
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_______void_______
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: USA at the moment
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What's the worst bit about fcuking bald pussy?
Having to put the diaper back on.
Yeah, well, you asked for offensive 
PS Happy Christmas
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Miami
Status:
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One fag and a bunch of nigger jokes...
Whats the difference between a faggot and a microwave?
- A microwave won't brown your meat.
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What is the difference between a nigger and dog sh*t?
- Dog sh*t eventually will stop stinking and turn white!
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How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed?
- Put velcro on the ceiling
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Why do white people go to black people's garage sales?
- To get their stuff back
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What do black kids get for Christmas?
- Your bike
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What's green and pink and purple and orange?
- A nigger dressed for church
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How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
- Ever try taking a rib from a nigger?
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Dedicated MacNNer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Baghdad, chillin' with Chirac and Schr�der over cocktails with Saddam.
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a take on the Star Trek joke...
Why aren't there any Arabs on Star Trek?
Because it takes place in the future.
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Worry not, appeasement-loving infidels! Chirac & Schr�der defend the Butcher of Baghdad.
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: permanent resident of the Land of the Easily Aroused
Status:
Offline
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Can we please refrain from posting racist jokes? Stay away from races, please.
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Administrator  Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Land of the Easily Amused
Status:
Offline
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Originally posted by rampant:
Can we please refrain from posting racist jokes? Stay away from races, please.
think it's a little late for that.
here's one:
why'd the thread cross the road?
it had nowhere else to go.
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