Welcome to the MacNN Forums.

Superchicken · May 6, 2005, 12:09 PM

Yah... you know that whole... asking a girl out... and getting... shot down... painfully... nicely but... no...

How do you deal... I think I'm going to go listen to some very loud very very loud music right now... and my day was going really well... ...

OldManMac · May 6, 2005, 12:11 PM

I drink.

I hired a hooker the other night, and she told me, "not on the first date."

I went to an Egyptian restaurant, and the belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

I handle it okay; besides, it's getting rougher at my age. I get tired just holding up the magazine.

Randman · May 6, 2005, 12:19 PM

Go and read the one about the idiot wanting revenge because the married chick he was seeing dumped him for some other guy.

But seriously, rejection is part of life. And for every conquest, there's going to be a couple of rejects no matter who you are. Take it as constructive criticism, work at reducing your negatives and move on.

Superchicken · May 6, 2005, 12:27 PM

Gahh... actually no I should have known better... I've liked her since like... September only I didn't say anything cause she was going away for school soon and liked another guy. So I was like OK whatever, then she comes back, we hung out I found out that she had liked another guy at school and that she'd just realized he wasn't who God wanted for her... and... so I was like, OK... and I should have known better... but I figured, you know timing will never be right so just go for it...
LIFE SUCKS!

The conversation went something along the lines of:
Me: Hey I've been thinking
Her: That must have hurt
Me: Yah it did, anyway so I was thinking, I was thinking of going on a date, but I don't have anyone to go with... wanna join me?
Her: ... ... ... ... long awkward pause
Me: (Holy Crap I'm an idiot)
Her: No... ... ... I'm flattered but... It's just... no... It's not you, it's me...

WHO THE HECK SAYS IT"S NOT YOU IT"S ME! GAHHHH!
LIfe's a bitch and I'm her whipping boy!

sek929 · May 6, 2005, 12:32 PM

Jack Daniels + Mudvayne, heh.

My problem is I always pick the ones with boyfriends. They always seem semi-interested to, dammit.

BlueSky · May 6, 2005, 12:32 PM

Me: Want to go out on a date?
Her: No way.
Me: I suppose a BJ would be out of the question...?

historylme · May 6, 2005, 12:34 PM

Get used to it. I used to purposely go asking girls out, talking to any and all. My friend and I had some rules to this: no getting shut down on an empty stomach or before 11am. It's a number's game, one turns you down, move on. Rejection only hurts if you let it... or at first. Once you get used to it, you move to the next one rather quickly.

Superchicken · May 6, 2005, 12:34 PM

OK... well I can see I'm on a mildly different page than you guys... I'm gona go lay down and listen to some music...

Randman · May 6, 2005, 12:36 PM

No wonder you got turned down. That was horrible.

If she's a close friend, joke about it. If not, get her something small but thoughtful, a CD, an iTMS gift card, a book, something that doesn't make you seem like a total dweeb but don't over do it. Tell her you hope the two of you can stay friends and that you hope you didn't embarrass her by putting her on the spot.
Take control but don't be pushy. Apologize (but don't grovel) even if it's her fault.

If anything, judge her second reaction. Work on being friends if you can. Maybe it'll develop, maybe it won't. But if anything, she'll tell her friends how you did a standup thing and that's her boosting your rep.

Romance is a game. Gotta play by the rules and have fun, even if sometimes you get rejected cold and hard.

turtle777 · May 6, 2005, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by Superchicken

The conversation went something along the lines of:
Me: Hey I've been thinking
Her: That must have hurt

Should have stopped right there. Did you expect to get anything serious out of that conversation that day with that first response ?

-t

historylme · May 6, 2005, 12:41 PM

I forgot to add, if you can have drinks and a good time... don't ask for a date, kiss or to hang out more, just go for the kiss (when the time it right). Don't let them think whether it's right or wrong, let them feel that they had a good time with you. The impulse is much better than rationalizing whether they want to go on a date with you.

I hate to generalize, but women are alot more rational than guys. They can rationalized themselves out of anything.

Skip Breakfast · May 6, 2005, 01:18 PM

How do I handle it? I find another one. One person saying "no" is not representing what anybody else would say.

ort888 · May 6, 2005, 01:32 PM

How do I deal with rejection?

Honesty is the best way. Just tell the girls: "Look, I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I don't want to go out with you right now. If you really want, I can get your number and see if I can work in a date with in... say, I dunno, June-ish? We'll have to see. I have a lot of other commitments."

E's Lil Theorem · May 6, 2005, 01:39 PM

When I was a kid, I did not have an easy life, so I've learned to deal with pain. It does not, however, mean I seek it or, *gasp*, enjoy it. And, rejections can be very painful. So, how do I deal with it? Well, I spent the better part of teens trying to figure out the type of femmes that I'm attracted to and that are also attracted to me. I learned some stuff the hard way, but it's made life just a tad easier as I haven't been rejected in 10,000 years.

Anyway, this does have at least one drawback for me though: I do encounter some "what ifs" along the way, but not enough to make me change my ways.

I think deep inside you knew what the outcome would be even before you asked, but you had that itch. So, my advice is learn to control that itch. I know some folks here will say, "Go for it every time!" Hey, that works for some folks, but not all of us.

"What a fool is the lover that never tells."

What a bigger fool is the lover that tells knowing there's nothing there.

historylme · 02:19 PM

I agree with you E, but I also feel that Chicken did the right thing by eliminating all doubt. Now he knows. He didn't sit watching the game, he went to the plate and swung... hey he missed but at least he played.

I also do what you suggested, and keeping with the analogy, I know the types of pitches I am more likely to hit, and hence I swing for the fence, but sometimes it's fun to try to hit balls with a different swing.

I say, eliminate all possibility so you don't live in doubt or remorse.

edit. Speaking of such. E, there's a party in the Oakland hills tomorrow night, thrown by a household of wild women (it's a funraiser for a school) and it will be a "Pimp" party, so you know there will be some ladies that will love to contribute to your site. PM for the details, it will be a blast.

E's Lil Theorem · May 6, 2005, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by history1me

I agree with you E, but I also feel that Chicken did the right thing by eliminating all doubt. Now he knows. He didn't sit watching the game, he went to the plate and swung... hey he missed but at least he played.

You're right, he needs to learn on his own and what better way than this?

Originally Posted by history1me

I also do what you suggested, and keeping with the analogy, I know the types of pitches I am more likely to hit, and hence I swing for the fence, but sometimes it's fun to try to hit balls with a different swing.

I say, eliminate all possibility so you don't live in doubt or remorse.

Hah, I have a friend that's a bit like me in this regard, but give that boy some alki and he starts swinging everywhere

Originally Posted by history1me

edit. Speaking of such. E, there's a party in the Oakland hills tomorrow night, thrown by a household of wild women (it's a funraiser for a school) and it will be a "Pimp" party, so you know there will be some ladies that will love to contribute to your site. PM for the details, it will be a blast.

W00t! PM sent

brapper · May 6, 2005, 02:46 PM

what a sad thread...hahaha

wdlove · May 6, 2005, 02:52 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your rejection Superchicken. It's not easy. Just a part of the growth process.

Captain Obvious · May 6, 2005, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by Superchicken

The conversation went something along the lines of:
Me: Hey I've been thinking
Her: That must have hurt
Me: Yah it did, anyway so I was thinking, I was thinking of going on a date, but I don't have anyone to go with... wanna join me?
Her: ... ... ... ... long awkward pause
Me: (Holy Crap I'm an idiot)
Her: No... ... ... I'm flattered but... It's just... no... It's not you, it's me...

WHO THE HECK SAYS IT"S NOT YOU IT"S ME! GAHHHH!
LIfe's a bitch and I'm her whipping boy!

You need a better approach. Call it game or whatever the hell else you want but you need to be more charming than that. You know the conversations you�ve had with her better than we do but that one was not flirtatious in the least. You should have read the situation better to know if it was a good idea to ask her out then.
You went after a girl you�ve been pining after for months. The fact that she showed no interest in that time didn�t bode well for your chances of getting a yes. For her you needed to ease into your big move and use a situation where you were already together to get some. Learn to flirt, ramp up physical contact, look for signs of reciprocity and if she is responsive then you have your foot in the door and you go with the momentum. Blurting it out clumsily caught her off guard while she was looking at you as a non-option and there was only one place for that to go.

With a girl you don�t know well or just met it�s not hard to ask them out. I honestly think that if they find a guy remotely attractive he stands a better than 50% chance of getting a date out of asking a girl out.

If they aren�t attracted to you or if they find you sketchy you are pretty much going to get rejected a lot.

greenamp · May 6, 2005, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by Randman

No wonder you got turned down. That was horrible.

If she's a close friend, joke about it. If not, get her something small but thoughtful, a CD, an iTMS gift card, a book, something that doesn't make you seem like a total dweeb but don't over do it. Tell her you hope the two of you can stay friends and that you hope you didn't embarrass her by putting her on the spot.
Take control but don't be pushy. Apologize (but don't grovel) even if it's her fault.

If anything, judge her second reaction. Work on being friends if you can. Maybe it'll develop, maybe it won't. But if anything, she'll tell her friends how you did a standup thing and that's her boosting your rep.

Romance is a game. Gotta play by the rules and have fun, even if sometimes you get rejected cold and hard.

historylme · May 6, 2005, 03:28 PM

Randman and the Cap are giving some good advice...

Eriamjh · May 6, 2005, 03:30 PM

Next!

Superchicken · May 6, 2005, 06:11 PM

For the record we were flirting a lot yesterday... thing is though she was getting over another guy... the timing was bad... as for my method... it was actually "cute" so don't rag on that... if the she had wanted to go out I can garnet you she would have thought it was great. Her whole family is goofy. Her dad's the type that says to her mom "You've got nice legs... they go all the way down to the floor."
So it was actually a pretty good one. That said, I was hoping for a bit more romantic yesterday night when we were sitting on her roof but... anyway longer story... sigh...
Girls are way to much work... I think SWG might have the right idea

E's Lil Theorem · May 6, 2005, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by Superchicken

..... sigh...
Girls are way to much work... I think SWG might have the right idea

Quit sticking your head out of the closet and come out of it already!

Captain Obvious · May 6, 2005, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by Superchicken

For the record we were flirting a lot yesterday... thing is though she was getting over another guy... the timing was bad... as for my method... it was actually "cute" so don't rag on that... if the she had wanted to go out I can garnet you she would have thought it was great.

Clearly it wasn't that "cute" since you went down like a shot goose.
If you want to keep at it more power to you. If she says no again though the excuses you are making are really more like delusions.

storer · May 6, 2005, 06:44 PM

Hrmn. I'm in a shitty mood with a similar situation at the moment.
This chick I liked went to Sweden on exchange.
When she got there she dumped this dude and I thought I had a chance.
But she decided she only dumped him to try and stop the "pain" of being away from.
And now they are back together.
Even worse, he's my best mate...
Oh well. Other fish in teh sea.

Abit667 · May 6, 2005, 06:54 PM

Hey man, I got owned this week too. All week I had been hanging out with a girl, she was really cool, really wanted to ask her out. Well I didn't even have to do anything, she other dude showed up while we were hanging out and she ended up doing him that night. I felt great walking in on that after I thought it really would have worked out. Oh well, that'll happen I guess.

Also asked another girl out not too long ago and got the typical "omg...I...well I dunno i just can't..it's not that there's anything wrong with you....blah blah blah".

I just listen to music and try not to go nuts and act like a depressed retard.

historylme · May 6, 2005, 07:03 PM

Ouch!

Superchicken · May 6, 2005, 07:17 PM

Well I don't think I'll walk in on her "doing another dude." But it is frustrating... I'm about to go off in about fifteen minutes to our Chruch's youth group event (we're both sponsors) I imagine this could be awkward... sigh...

Chuckit · May 6, 2005, 07:21 PM

I move the **** on. Seriously, it's not like you'd been with her for 40 years and then she died. You asked her if she wanted to do something, she replied that she didn't. There's no need to be dramatic about it. If you like hanging out with her, hang out with her. Just enjoy what you have. Drama is overrated.

storer · May 6, 2005, 07:24 PM

Adolescent drama doesn't have to make sense. It's just dramatic because it can be.

bstone · May 6, 2005, 07:26 PM

Same here. Went on a few dates with this really great girl. She even says, "I'm totally charmed by you."

Week goes by and she doesn't respond to my phone calls, emails or text messages. I finally write her and say, "I need you to let me know what's up."

She calls me and after a brief conversation says she wants to hang out with me, but not "in that way". Ugggg....

When girls say, "It's not you. It's me." TRANSLATION: "I don't like you."

MindFad · May 6, 2005, 07:27 PM

Beer and porno. The order is up to you.

storer · May 6, 2005, 07:36 PM

I think they need to figure out a hormone removal operation for women. I think it would make our lives a lot easier.

starman · May 6, 2005, 08:20 PM

http://www.visit4info.com/details.cf...74&type=coolad

nonhuman · May 6, 2005, 08:23 PM

Originally Posted by storer

I think they need to figure out a hormone removal operation for women. I think it would make our lives a lot easier.

Then they'd never want to have sex...

storer · May 6, 2005, 08:31 PM

Haha, true... well... don't take all of them out... just some. I think. Perhaps emotion or bitchiness removal.

rozwado1 · May 6, 2005, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by Superchicken

The conversation went something along the lines of:
Me: Hey I've been thinking
Her: That must have hurt
Me: Yah it did, anyway so I was thinking, I was thinking of going on a date, but I don't have anyone to go with... wanna join me?
Her: ... ... ... ... long awkward pause
Me: (Holy Crap I'm an idiot)
Her: No... ... ... I'm flattered but... It's just... no... It's not you, it's me...

You set yourself up to get shot down. Don't put a girl on the spot to accept a 'date' - in your situation it's too formal. Take babysteps from friends stage to see if a girl is worth pursuing. If she likes you, she'll want to hang out - if not, forget about it. When you're hanging out, joke about dating and stuff, and maybe she'll come around. Most girls like humor, so it's always a good route. If she still isn't interested after she knows you better, look elsewhere but keep her around (bc you're friends, remember?)

edit: I gotta start reading the threads before I post. I'm on the same page as Obvious.

ender2002 · May 6, 2005, 09:00 PM

- say "you wanna hang out / go out tonight" not "i want to go on a date. will you go. on this date. with me. as a date." - keep it casual

cure for rejection:
alcohol
cigarettes
yo la tengo

storer · 09:05 PM

^^ Yeh I agree. It was way to formal, SuperChicken. Oh well, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

It was very smart though. "Cute" if you like.

ghporter · May 6, 2005, 10:17 PM

I have studiously tried to avoid rejection throughout my life. This has not been terribly easy, and has never been very successful, but it gave me a goal to aim for.

I spent my high school days being "sweet," which as a teenage boy is horrible! Sweet guys dont' get dates, but they do get to hear about what jerks other guys are. This is helpful for the girl in that she can vent and feel better, and you've helped her with that, but it still doesn't get you dates. I didn't have many dates in high school, as you can tell.

When I met my wife, I was almost 20 and feeling both pretty sure of myself and insecure at the same time. I was inbetween schools and feeling good about that, but I was also very lonely. As it turns out, we lived in the same dorm building. She made first contact, and we talked, but I was very careful to be noncommittal. That didn't last for long, because I wanted to get to know her better, so when she invited me to breakfast at a time when I was typically just getting out of bed, I took her up on it. Yes, it did take me a long time to figure out that she was interested in me to begin with, but that's what the whole insecurity thing is about.

Superchicken · May 7, 2005, 12:34 AM

See the problem is I'm a really good FRIEND, and I've had girls become friends with me and then they don't want to risk the friendship by going out... so I figured I'd try and skip that junks... in general... I think... life just sucks... and there's not much drama... actually we saw each-other tonight, and she we joked around a bit with some of the kids, then when they walked away she said, "about today, can I just explain..." and she said what I kinda already knew only she said that basically this guy if her parents had approved they'd probably have been engaged and I was like... ahhh... so she said she still wanted to hang out and stuff but nothing more right now...
So I've just decided OK the balls in her court I'm not gona try and do anything more cause it's not worth loosing a friend especially if now there is no chance. So we'll wait and see but I'm not going to wait for her...

ASIMO · May 7, 2005, 01:00 AM

Originally Posted by ender2002

- say "you wanna hang out / go out tonight" not "i want to go on a date. will you go. on this date. with me. as a date." - keep it casual

cure for rejection:
...
yo la tengo

Interesting. They also are great for kiss and make up...sex.

Chuckit · May 7, 2005, 01:11 AM

Originally Posted by storer

Adolescent drama doesn't have to make sense. It's just dramatic because it can be.

Are you calling me adolescent!?!

phantomdragonz · May 7, 2005, 01:22 AM

Originally Posted by Superchicken

So I've just decided OK the balls in her court I'm not gona try and do anything more cause it's not worth loosing a friend especially if now there is no chance.

the ball might bein her court, but I would not totally throw it in the back court.

I was talking to a co-worker today (20yrs old) and she really liked this guy, and he had not called her or anything for awile. anyways, there were three of us standing there, and we were all like, send him a text message and invite him to your party! (that she was having later in the week) well I talk to her later and she never called the dude wuth the excuse "I am not going to waste my time"

so that put a whole new perspective on my life, girls are retarted and guys need to step up to the plate.

And GHporter, I am exactly like you... I feel your pain man.

give her some time, get a feel for it, be persistant, but be aware if your persistance is totally unwanted...

good luck

Zach

maxintosh · May 7, 2005, 01:39 AM

Drama sucks but sometimes it's impossible to escape. However the bulk of it should be gotten out in high school, then just move the f*** on.

God high school sucked.

storer · May 7, 2005, 02:07 AM

^^ Did you think it sucked when you were there?

I just thought: the best solution to rejection, is acception.

maxintosh · May 7, 2005, 02:11 AM

Originally Posted by storer

^^ Did you think it sucked when you were there?

I just thought: the best solution to rejection, is acception.

Yes but being in college certainly gives you a better perspective on its suckatude.

storer · May 7, 2005, 02:22 AM

Hrmn well I know it sucks now. Can't wait to get out of the place. God some teenagers are so immature!

Cipher13 · May 7, 2005, 03:20 AM

You win some, you lose some. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only one who loses more than they win.

Keep at it, and you'll become desensitised to it eventually; and that's when things will start to turn around.