[macintologist]

You know those people that never smile, have an impossible awkward social tic, don't know when to stop talking to you, get in the way all the time, have absolutely no people skills etc. How do you deal with them? Do you engage them or let them rot in their own black hole of weirdness?

[Atheist]

I ignore them... it's not worth the effort.

[rickey939]

You just described my manager....

Weird.

[BlueSky]

I make them my best friend, thereby assuring myself exemption for the day they show up with an AK-47.

[macintologist]

Originally Posted by Atheist 

I ignore them... it's not worth the effort.

Easier said than done if this is a person who thinks they are your friend

[mattyb]

Originally Posted by macintologist 

You know those people that never smile, have an impossible awkward social tic, don't know when to stop talking to you, get in the way all the time, have absolutely no people skills etc. How do you deal with them? Do you engage them or let them rot in their own black hole of weirdness?

How do you know that YOU'RE not the weird one?

[scaught]

Originally Posted by BlueSky 

I make them my best friend, thereby assuring myself exemption for the day they show up with an AK-47.

"thanks for the candy"

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by macintologist 

You know those people that never smile, have an impossible awkward social tic, don't know when to stop talking to you, get in the way all the time, have absolutely no people skills etc. How do you deal with them? Do you engage them or let them rot in their own black hole of weirdness?

I'd like to think I ignore them. But then I'm a total pansy and don't tell them to go forth when I should do - instead I try to educate them in the ways of cool, but it always fails. I should know better but I don't.

Once they think you're their friend it's almost impossible to lose them, short of changing your name and moving country.

[shifuimam]

I'm nice sometimes, because I'm a freak myself and know what it's like to be completely ignored by people.

My brother, on the other hand, is exactly like what macintologist described. I avoid him (pretty easy most of the time, since he lives in another state now) and try not to talk to him at family gatherings. Thanksgiving dinner should be interesting - I'll either ignore him, laugh at him, or lose it and go off on him.

It's a catch-22 when you're dealing with socially unacceptable types, if you ask me. You can torture yourself and be friends with them, or you can completely ignore them - which is no better, since it's impossible to develop social skills when nobody will allow you to socialize with them.

A lot people have serious social problems because they are incredibly uncomfortable in casual, social situations. When their problems end up making a social situation actively hostile, they'll never really be able to break out of their hole. It can be pretty oppressive.

You can be social with someone without becoming their BFF - it might have more of a positive impact than you'll ever realize.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by mattyb 

How do you know that YOU'RE not the weird one?

Heh.

People call me weird. It's mostly because I don't go with the flow and do what the rest of the flock are doing. I can deal - I'd rather be weird than have a proper job, a mortgage and a regular night at the bingo hall.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

BFF

What is this?

[shifuimam]

Haha - best friend forever.

The flip side is that if you're nice to someone simply out of pity, they're going to figure it out. It sucks when someone is nice to you out of obligation or pity.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

Haha - best friend forever.

Ahh. Been wondering what that meant. Seen it cropping up in Paris Hilton-related news recently.

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

The flip side is that if you're nice to someone simply out of pity, they're going to figure it out. It sucks when someone is nice to you out of obligation or pity.

Great. Sounds like a free pass to be a complete bastard all the time (since I pity all the foos!).

[sdilley14]

Originally Posted by macintologist 

let them rot in their own black hole of weirdness?

Hahaha, aaaah, I like that.

It depends on the situation. I usually try to avoid eye contact. I sort of handle it the way Jim handles Michael on The Office. I keep a sort of smug, half-ass smile on my face and let them continue on with their weirdness. I try to humor them as much as I can, let them talk without really giving much response, but I try not to talk down to them or degrade them either. I'll indulge them in their weirdness as much as I can until it makes me feel a little uncomfortable or I have to exert some amount of effort, then I disengage.

[Big Mac]

This thread reminds me of the class reject at our junior high. His name was Bob, and he was universally despised. I wonder what happened to him.

[Chuckit]

I used to try to be nice and pretend like I don't notice that they're completely obnoxious, but I've come to realize that just doesn't do anything for anyone. So now I tell them, "Dude, you're strange and off-putting. Cut it out."

Hopefully they take the hint. Some do and become tolerable people. If it doesn't work, at least they aren't under the mistaken impression that I want to hang out all the time.

[sek929]

You have to out-weird them, it's the only way they'll leave you alone forever.

My g/f was getting followed around by some weird dude at a party so eventually she decided to put on a show. He said "Your hair is really pretty," to which she replied (in a VERY enthusiastic voice) " Thanks! I take pride in my appearance!"

He didn't bother her for the rest of the night, I thought it was f**kin hilarious.

[brassplayersrock²]

you call them a freak

[shifuimam]

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

I used to try to be nice and pretend like I don't notice that they're completely obnoxious, but I've come to realize that just doesn't do anything for anyone. So now I tell them, "Dude, you're strange and off-putting. Cut it out."

Hopefully they take the hint. Some do and become tolerable people. If it doesn't work, at least they aren't under the mistaken impression that I want to hang out all the time.

It is kind of a lose-lose, isn't it?

If you're nice to a freak, they think that their behavior is okay, and it reinforces poor social skills. If you tell them they're off putting, it has a tendency to destroy them - freaks usually have very, very low self-esteem. Either way, nobody wins.

Maybe ignoring them is the most neutral course of action, after all.

[macintologist]

You worst is when the coworker is weird, you can't avoid them, you're forced to work with them in order to pay the bills. God dammit!!!

[shifuimam]

Tell us how you really feel.

Actually, a freaky coworker was one of the less critical reasons why I quit my last job. He was unbelievably bizarre and actually managed to make me feel a little dirty a few times.

He ended up getting fired last week.

[besson3c]

How did he make you feel dirty?

[IceEnclosure]

I'm pretty weird. A good weird though I think. If I encounter a bad weirdo, I can outweird them and send them off. I'm also slightly mean and excel at rudeness. I have a sharp tongue and a dirty wit.

Take that, weirdo!

[sdilley14]

Originally Posted by IceEnclosure 

I'm pretty weird. A good weird though I think. If I encounter a bad weirdo, I can outweird them and send them off. I'm also slightly mean and excel at rudeness. I have a sharp tongue and a dirty wit.

Take that, weirdo!

I'm pretty much exactly the same way. My weirdness is 99% intentional though and I can turn it off and on when I need to. I'm weird by choice and I do it because its fun. And I also have a certain way of being very straightforward and sharply honest (to the point of being rude sometimes). Again, that's something I have total control over and I do it to either put off weird/annoying people or just to see what type of reaction I get out of normal people.

[Chuckit]

I think anybody who spends their free time on a Mac forum is probably a little weird. But I'm not weird in a way that makes people want to put a bullet in their heads to get away from me, and that makes a difference.

[Cipher13]

Monosyllabic responses to start with, progressing rather quickly to mere facial gestures, before completely ignoring them.

[The Crook]

This is a tough question.

If you complain to HR or a supervisor, you may risk getting a reputation as a whiner, someone who isn't a team player, or someone who can't get along with others. OTOH, if a weird person is seriously affecting your work, it can ruin advancement opportunities or even get you fired.

So I think the first thing someone should do is to talk to the weird person privately. You'll have to iron out those details yourself, as different people require different approaches. If that doesn't work, then the person needs to do some sort of mental calculus to determine how much the weird person is affecting your work and how receptive HR or a supervisor is to complaints.

[Chuckit]

If it's somebody at your work, you won't be the only one who's noticed. If you are, maybe the problem is with you.

[Snow-i]

the worst is the drunken dude who's lost all notion of social rules and guidelines.

Alot of guys find my girlfriend to be very attractive. Most take the hint that she's taken/uninterested and either look for friendship and/or back off completely. We're both seniors in undergrad and though we don't drink like we used to but we still go out three or four times a month (to a party or a bar and much more for more dinner and trips and whatnot). In my experience the very worst situation is the drunk at the party who's looking for a good night. Now, I'm very understanding of guys who go to bars and parties to hook up. I was one of them for quite awhile. Hell some of my friends now i met because they hit on my girlfriend at a bar (respectfully) and we started chatting. But once the alcohol gets too much for them to handle, they lose all sense of social guidelines and either aggressive or weird behavior can come out.

Dealing with those that don't get the hint can be tricky though. I usually try to base my actions on what i perceive the party in question's intentions. For the ones that just don't get it i usually sternly but friendily let it be known that neither she nor i will allow the behavior. If they don't get it...we usually relocate to another part of the bar or party. The best thing to do is always make them a friend...they'll move on to more fruitful endeavors, and no one is hurt or upset. The ones that are too drunk to let "no" get in their way though....i get real nasty real fast. I let it be known that any more shenanigans would lead to a fight and 9 times out of 10 in those rare situations they'll back down....for the tenth i'll get real loud so that either bouncers or friends at the party will step in. I don't want to fight but sometimes if someone wants one the best thing to do is bluff a fight knowing you have friends nearby that won't let anything happen (though this could potentially lead to a fight if you don't do it right and/or get in a bad situation). Leaving is also an option if she really doesn't feel safe or i perceive too much of a threat.

Usually...if you stay calm and don't lose your head...many potential conflicts can be averted and a good time still had...just gauging someone else's intentions and behaviors is crucial though...you've gotta always remember that you don't know them or whats going on in their life that could lead to certain behaviors...so try to work with them first and then take more drastic action if you feel like it can't be avoided.

[red rocket]

Originally Posted by macintologist

You know those people that never smile,

Some people don’t smile. Doesn’t bother me.

have an impossible awkward social tic,

I probably have some of those. Who’s to say what’s awkward or impossible? If someone finds another’s idiosyncracies hard to deal with, maybe it’s they who have the problem.

don't know when to stop talking to you,

I walk off in the middle of the monologue.

get in the way all the time,

I ask them if they’re trying to come on to me. Usually gets rid of them.

have absolutely no people skills etc.

Scientists, artists, hackers, some of the most interesting people haven’t got any people skills. Personally, I find extroverts a bit annoying.

[Maflynn]

I've been known to be awkward in some social situations and like 99% of humanity, I can be a little weird at times as well I'm generally polite to everyone regardless if their a little weird and treat everyone with respect - does it matter if they don't have certain social graces that you deem important?

I'm not perfect so I'm not about to look down on someone's faults

[mattyb]

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

I think anybody who spends their free time on a Mac forum is probably a little weird.

Exactly. Thats why I make sure that I'm at work and have loads of stuff overdue before visiting the Lounge.

Knew that I wasn't wierd.

[Eug]

I was talking to a friend one day when The Weird Guy walked up to her and said: "You know what? You're a nice person. Some people call you a bitch and obnoxious, but I think they're wrong."

Then he walked away.

I was quite amused. My friend wasn't though.

EDIT:

So what did I do to deal with that person? I didn't do anything. And I was glad for that one interaction, because it injected a nice dose of amusement into my day.

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by red rocket 

Scientists, artists, hackers, some of the most interesting people haven’t got any people skills.

I've met many scientists, artists and hackers who I'm not sure I'd classify as interesting. They were kind of bores. Engaging in pseudointellectual pursuits doesn't make you an interesting person. But besides that, interesting and tolerable to be around don't necessarily go together. Black holes are interesting, but I wouldn't like to hang out with them. They suck.

(Ouch! Inaccurate physics pun!)

[Eug]

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

Black holes are interesting, but I wouldn't like to hang out with them. They suck.

Eliot Spitzer approves of this joke.

[shifuimam]

Originally Posted by red rocket 

Scientists, artists, hackers, some of the most interesting people haven’t got any people skills. Personally, I find extroverts a bit annoying.

I'll have to echo Chuckit and disagree here.

Incredibly intelligent people can be really, really, really annoying in social situations. Because they're generally surrounded by other brilliant people in their job or school lives, such people have an extremely difficult time handling conversation with people who they believe are intellectually beneath them.

My brother is really effing smart. 1600 SAT, got a BS in Math from RHIT, got a Master's in Math from UKY, and is now getting his doctorate in Computational Fluid Dynamics. Needless to say, he's extremely academically gifted. Unfortunately, he's also a complete tool. He's incapable of having a conversation with anyone without giving in to the urge to one-up everyone around him in order to prove his intellectual superiority in a variety of subjects.

You can be smart and have at least enough social ability to not make people want to punch you in the face every time you open your mouth.

[Eug]

Sounds like he's an ass. To be specific, a smartass. ; )

[Railroader]

Sounds like insecurity, as well as assery, to me.

[lpkmckenna]

I have a relative who can be very weird, because of autism and ODD. It took some time to figure out that I need to treat him like everyone else. If he rambles, try to change the subject. If he won't leave you alone, excuse yourself for some reason. If he's rude, tell him he's outta line. Just don't expect him to change, because he won't.

[macintologist]

Originally Posted by lpkmckenna 

I have a relative who can be very weird, because of autism and ODD. It took some time to figure out that I need to treat him like everyone else. If he rambles, try to change the subject. If he won't leave you alone, excuse yourself for some reason. If he's rude, tell him he's outta line. Just don't expect him to change, because he won't.

People fundamentally never change. Even when a kid is 10 years old and acts a certain way you can be pretty sure that kid will grow up a certain way too and will never change.

[Maflynn]

I've known plenty of extremely smart people, scientists, and such and many of them are down right odd. It seems that they're incredibly smart but have no clue about social circumstances and how to act in social settings. I'm sure there are plenty of geniuses that are quite sociable, but I've seen too many extremely smart people to think its more then a fluke that they're missing some sort of socializing gene

[Cipher13]

You've gotta break it down more than that.

I work with scientists every day, and you won't find a group of more socially apt, easy-going, intelligent people.

But then, we're not theoretical physics Ph. Ds

[red rocket]

Originally Posted by Chuckit

[B]esides that, interesting and tolerable to be around don't necessarily go together.

That was kind of my point. ‘Tolerable to be around’ is highly subjective and probably shouldn’t be used as a criterion for assessing others when they may have other qualities that compensate for lack of social skills.

The way I approach it is, ‘Okay, this person seems pretty intense/insane/anti-social to me, ergo there must be something radically different about my psychological makeup that prevents me from interfacing with her properly.’

Originally Posted by shifuimam

Incredibly intelligent people can be really, really, really annoying in social situations. Because they're generally surrounded by other brilliant people in their job or school lives, such people have an extremely difficult time handling conversation with people who they believe are intellectually beneath them.

[…]

You can be smart and have at least enough social ability to not make people want to punch you in the face every time you open your mouth.

I’m not sure ‘believing’ you’re intellectually superior has much to do with it. It seems to me that when you’re constantly operating on a thought-intensive, high-density information processing level, small talk with people who don’t can be extremely tedious and frustrating.

Take the people that you or I may rightfully consider intellectually inferior, say people who are primarily interested in soap operas, Big Brother, gossip and such. The instance you mention art films, psychology or quantum physics in their presence, you have ruined your chances of being accepted into the group, there just is no common ground.

Now, imagine what the real brainiacs are up against in ordinary society.

[ebuddy]

Originally Posted by lpkmckenna 

I have a relative who can be very weird, because of autism and ODD. It took some time to figure out that I need to treat him like everyone else. If he rambles, try to change the subject. If he won't leave you alone, excuse yourself for some reason. If he's rude, tell him he's outta line. Just don't expect him to change, because he won't.

Ahh, the ol' "I have a relative who..." bit.

Completely agree here and I'd add more to something you kind of touched on already; you never know why someone is "weird". I've been caught making assumptions about people only to find out they've got some serious things going on. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to get caught up in the middle of it, but it is good to keep things in perspective and at least try to be cordial. There's almost always a diplomatic way out.

Come to think of it, I have a full Star Wars chess set of figurines on my desk and everyone's nice to me.

[dcmacdaddy]

Originally Posted by ebuddy 

Completely agree here and I'd add more to something you kind of touched on already; you never know why someone is "weird". I've been caught making assumptions about people only to find out they've got some serious things going on. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to get caught up in the middle of it, but it is good to keep things in perspective and at least try to be cordial. There's almost always a diplomatic way out.

Come to think of it, I have a full Star Wars chess set of figurines on my desk and everyone's nice to me.

Oooh, you're definitely a weirdo with that on your desk.


I think I would agree with your point most of all out of all the responses posted so far. I don't try and look at the actions of the weirdo so much as try and understand the possible causes of it. That helps me to be a bit more compassionate towards them than I normally would be. (I am not normally the friendliest, approachable person so I figure if someone is taking the effort to reach out to me in some fashion I owe them the courtesy of being understanding and polite, if not amiable.)

This attitude of cordiality does not apply though to people who are "weird" in a violent or confrontational manner. Then I either escape the area or get violent myself.

[Laminar]

Originally Posted by ebuddy 

Ahh, the ol' "I have a relative who..." bit.

Completely agree here and I'd add more to something you kind of touched on already; you never know why someone is "weird". I've been caught making assumptions about people only to find out they've got some serious things going on. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to get caught up in the middle of it, but it is good to keep things in perspective and at least try to be cordial. There's almost always a diplomatic way out.

Come to think of it, I have a full Star Wars chess set of figurines on my desk and everyone's nice to me.

When I first started reading this thread I had a particular person in mind that met the "weirdo" criteria. I ended up talking to him for a while this last weekend and found out that within the last year his parents got divorced, his uncle died, he moved to a new school district and is having trouble making friends there. It kind of puts some perspective on things.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by red rocket 

I’m not sure ‘believing’ you’re intellectually superior has much to do with it. It seems to me that when you’re constantly operating on a thought-intensive, high-density information processing level, small talk with people who don’t can be extremely tedious and frustrating.

Take the people that you or I may rightfully consider intellectually inferior, say people who are primarily interested in soap operas, Big Brother, gossip and such. The instance you mention art films, psychology or quantum physics in their presence, you have ruined your chances of being accepted into the group, there just is no common ground.

Now, imagine what the real brainiacs are up against in ordinary society.

I agree with this (shock horror, I agree with rocket!).
I find it incredibly boring that the only things the proles tend to talk about in the pub is what was on TV last night, how their team did in the last game, or how drunk they all got the week before.

I don't believe it's limited to intelligence differences though. It also encompasses class (actual class, not the artificial political construct) and lifestyle.

[Laminar]

Have you ever thought that the proles might not want to hear you blather on about what a badass you are? Maybe you're boring to them? Are your hobbies and interests inherently better because they're more expensive or more interesting to you?

[Eug]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

I find it incredibly boring that the only things the proles tend to talk about in the pub is what was on TV last night, how their team did in the last game, or how drunk they all got the week before.

I don't believe it's limited to intelligence differences though. It also encompasses class (actual class, not the artificial political construct) and lifestyle.

Well, I happen to find people that actually use words like "proles" in actual conversation often quite boring too.

I also happen to know some very well-educated people who happen to like talking about sports a lot too. I don't share that interest, just like they don't share my interest in Mac hardware.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Laminar 

Have you ever thought that the proles might not want to hear you blather on about what a badass you are?

You mean awesome, not badass.

Originally Posted by Laminar 

Maybe you're boring to them? Are your hobbies and interested inherently better because they're more expensive or more interesting to you?

Originally Posted by Eug 

I also happen to know some very well-educated people who happen to like talking about sports a lot too. I don't share that interest, just like they don't share my interest in Mac hardware.

Originally Posted by Doofy 

I don't believe it's limited to intelligence differences though. It also encompasses class (actual class, not the artificial political construct) and lifestyle.