[Doofy]

So, the question: Can a friendship survive a serious intelligence mismatch? Or it it always bound for failure? Is it too much of a culture clash?

[Mithras]

As you yourself said, this sounds like less of an IQ mismatch than an interpersonal-skills mismatch. You don't owe the guy more than you'll enjoy giving, and it sounds like he's just not your type.

[Peter]

doofy we should meet
can we meet?

[Peter]

in fact can i have a summer job? :>

[Railroader]

I am "friendly" to a number of very low IQ people, but I fear that among my circle or friends that I am the lower IQ guy. This is the result of decades of my father telling me to surround myself with people smarter than myself.

Actually, they may not be smarter than me, but they are either more motivated or talented than I am certain interests.

I do "mentor" a few younger guys, but they are not quite friends. But to truly look at my circle of inner friends, none of them is a major "IQ mismatch".

[Mastrap]

To answer your original question: No, I don't think so.

[Doofy]

I tried to simplify but the situation is probably a little more complex.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Peter 

in fact can i have a summer job? :>

We'll see how things develop. Got a driving licence?

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

To take it to extremes, can a neurosurgeon hang out with a McJob holder - a McJob holder who wants to be a neurosurgeon?

I think it's not the knowledge mismatch so much as the fact that he has a completely unrealistic self-image. People who are that unfamiliar with themselves will almost always find ways to make asses of themselves, whether they're interested in your specialty or something else. I've known lots of people who were interested in what I do and had way less experience, but they were fun to talk to because they were just honest about it.

[Face Ache]

Sounds like your friend is bringing nothing to the table.

[finboy]

Originally Posted by Face Ache 

Sounds like your friend is bringing nothing to the table.

Exactly. Sounds like he annoys you without adding anything.

Don't feel bad, it happens to lots of folks.

[centerchannel68]

Hrm... I knew some annoying people like that. People where you'd be having a good conversation, then they'd show up, and you'd just inwardly sorta squint and feel embarassed for this guy, and embarassed that he's coming up to you. Anyway, just use the cold shoulder. Say your always too busy to do that with him, or on the phone, say you're getting another call, and in person, just sorta go 'uh huh... yep... ' and never really say anything interesting whatsoever. Eventually they'll go away, and find someone else to bug.

[IceEnclosure]

I'm quite familiar with these situations. I tend to tell them exactly what's on my mind, early.

There's a guy at my work, and when I arrive he'll just be dyin' to start telling me something:

Him: So man, ....

Me: Hey, dude. Let's do this. Let's just NOT TALK to each other alll day, eh? That'll be awesome!

Him: Oh..

[zro]

A friendship certainly can.

An "obnoxious baby brother" relationship probably can't.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by centerchannel68 

Anyway, just use the cold shoulder. Say your always too busy to do that with him, or on the phone, say you're getting another call, and in person, just sorta go 'uh huh... yep... ' and never really say anything interesting whatsoever. Eventually they'll go away, and find someone else to bug.

Easy solution to this coming up - I'm moving 120 miles away. I just don't give him my new phone number or address.

[Doofy]

Thanks for the replies everyone - you've made me feel less bad about "dumping" this guy.

[Peter]

yus
no clue who you are, what you do or where you are, but i love meeting strangers.
groom me big boy.
Kidding, but would be cool to meet.

[willed]

Sounds like the problem isn't that he's stupid, but that he's a bit of a dick and a complete loser... Which is a shame and all, but a friendship is supposed to be a two-way thing. If it's charity work you're looking for, volunteer for Oxfam or something!

Some of my best and most trustworthy friends aren't the most academic of people, but they're some of the most fun people I know, so in answer to your original question, I think yes, but like the earlier poster said, both people have got to bring something to the table in a friendship.

[Oisín]

Since I'm actually a nice guy in real life

Ah, I see: this is a joke thread, right?


No, seriously; could it be that you have somehow happened to come across Gilderoy Lockhart?

[Dakar²]

Can you have a friendship with someone with a low IQ? Sure.

Can you have a friendship with someone who's root being seems to irk you? Nope.

[DeathToWindows]

I'm with Dakar on this... this guy doesn't sound dangerously stupid, just a complete waste of time to deal with. If you want to be rid of him, cut him off at the knees.

[wallinbl]

Does he work for Dell tech support? That conversation looks a lot like the responses you get from them.

[Jawbone54]

I have a small circle of really close friends. We've always had this one friend who is much...different...than the rest of us, I suppose you could say. Not particularly dumb, just socially awkward and very, very jealous when anyone else gets something that he doesn't have. The friendship has lasted for many years because we figured out when to invite him and when not to.

If he drives you that crazy all the time, I don't see how you can still socialize with him. You can probably even do it by gradually cutting him off (ignoring phone calls and such).

This all reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry "breaks up" with the friend that he only started hanging out with as a kid because he had a ping pong table.

[ort888]

Dump his ass.

I've had a few people like that in my life. It's always hard to get rid of them. It can be tough, because people like that tend to latch on like a barnacle.

It's really hard when they are family, and live nearby, since you can never really dump them.

[macintologist]

One of my closest friends and currently my college roomate is a really odd guy. He has strange demeanors, not very good table manners, has a funny voice and can be a little socially awkward. Last year me and other friends would make fun of him a lot and talk behind his back. He would latch onto us, we couldn't go to the cafeteria without him finding us first and going with us.

However what I realized over the course of last year is that he has a heart of gold, what I mean is he is extremely nice, gentle, trustworthy, and extremely intelligent etc. He may be weird, but you just have to look past his awkward features and you'll see a great person. Now he's my roomate and he's great because he is 100% trustworthy and very neat and a quiet sleeper who can fall asleep even with all my lights on when I have to stay up late and work on something.

My aunt told me that in her 60+ years of living, she's learned that it is the odd people that are the best. The straight-shooting, straight-talking, charming types may have a good outward appearance but once you dig a little deeper you see an ugly soul.

[Eriamjh]

Can you have a friendship with someone who's root being seems to irk you? Nope.

Agreed. It's not that the guy doesn't know as much as you do, it's that he's annoying you. We have several of those here at work. We learn to avoid them. It's not about friendship.

I have a friend who like to talk. A lot. He repeats his stories over and over. Because he also works on cars (particularly mine), we get along. I learned when to tune him out.

On the other hand, I also work with someone who likes to talk. A lot. He won't shut up. He has ears like a hawk and will pop into your conversation with someone else. He talks about anything as if he's trying to find something in common with you. Mention you have a fish and he'll talk about his fish. Or fishing. Or thinking about fishing. Or about watching fishing on TV. Or about a fish on the Discovery channel. Etc. You get it. Everyone avoids him.

So decide what you want to do. It is possible to drive the conversation to a point. If you can't, learn to avoid it. You don't have to piss him off or hurt his feelings.

[sek929]

This guy reminds me of my friend Evan.

He's a real sweatheart, but a complete dood guy.

The type that would rather drink beers and act like a fool with guys than take ten seconds to actually impress a girl (not a virgin, but just barely).

I don't see him very often but I act very civil to him and, in certain areas, I've emulated his behavior and silly sayings (much to my eventual chagrin).

He would certainly f**k anyone up who layed a hand on me and that kind of loyalty shouldn't be betrayed (IMO) However, I would certainly distance myself from him in more than a few situations, so maybe I'm the ass.

I say if he makes you laugh (genuinely) at least once in a while and you don't feel like strangling him to often keep him as a friend.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Eriamjh 

You don't have to piss him off or hurt his feelings.

At this point it's either hurt his feelings or carry on being dragged down by having him around.

[Dakar²]

His pain or yours, make your choice.

[Doofy]

I'm done with it. If that makes me an asshole, then so be it.

[Dakar²]

Uh, the last point most certainly doesn't make you an asshole. A mooch is a mooch.

[centerchannel68]

Eriam... sounds like he's just being friendly. What's so annoying about him? I like to pop in conversations and bring up similar subjects all the time, only because I'm interested in getting to know lots of people. In real life, I really do get along with almost anybody quite well... at least from my perspective. I'm sure I bug the crap out of some people, but oh well, screw them.

[andi*pandi]

It sounds like it's not so much the intelligence thing, but the fact that he's a poser hanger-on mooch. Yike. You don't ask friends to buy you stuff. Perhaps the main intelligence problem is that he's talking out his ass trying to impress you, and doesn't realize it's having the opposite effect.

[Lateralus]

Ah... Doofy, you're hilarious.

And thanks for saving me from having to post a similar thread.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Lateralus 

Ah... Doofy, you're hilarious.

Originally Posted by Lateralus 

And thanks for saving me from having to post a similar thread.

Oh no no no, you don't get away with it that easily. C'mon, spill.

[ort888]

What is a "deadarm"?

[Dakar²]

When someone punches you in the upper arm in hopes making it tingle.

[ort888]

Screw that. If someone punched me when I was driving I would pull over and tell them to get the F out of my car.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Dakar² 

When someone punches you in the upper arm in hopes making it tingle.

Or numb. Hence, "dead arm".

Most folks grow out of such actions by the time they hit puberty.

[Lateralus]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Oh no no no, you don't get away with it that easily. C'mon, spill.

Alright.

*Cracks knuckles*

I think when people befriend others in high school and decide that they're worth staying friends with after graduation, they expect that that person will grow and evolve at similar rate of speed.

Wrong.

I have been friends with this Robert guy since around 10th grade. After graduation we lost contact but ran into each other a year or so later. After which, we became consistently good friends.

But the reason we became friends in the first place was because he was fun to hang out with. And that was that. If I ever decided that I wanted to have a serious conversation with him (science, religion, politics, technology... etc) it became a lecture, not a conversation. But 'fun to hang out with' only lasts up to a certain age. At which point, you start expecting more out of the people you call your friends.

It eventually got to the point where a little brother/big brother situation developed. Even by his own admission.

Now, that's not so bad on its own. It's everything else that makes being friends hard.

Admittedly, I'm still young myself. But I do have goals. And I consider myself pretty responsible for my age.

I am thriving on my own. I own my car. I have money in the bank. I'm investing in the stock market. Contributing to a 401k. I read books. I watch the news. I have a good career job. I'm thinking about my future, basically. Nothing to be cocky about. But enough for me to know that I am officially an adult.

My friend, on the otherhand; Lives with his parents, has no posessions, doesn't have a car, doesn't have a drivers license, can't drive, has no money, squanders any money he comes into (including every pay check), doesn't watch the news, and doesn't read. He also recently got fired from Wal-Mart for stealing. He now works at Subway, and had to go through a temp agency to get hired. All this from a guy in his 20's.

The reason he lives with his parents is because he got evicted from his first apartment because him and his roomie were dicking off with the rent money.

The reason he has no car is because (even though he doesn't know how to drive and has no license) he bought a used, piece of **** Mitsubishi 3000GT for a few grand, which his father loaned him. It blew a piston the third day he had it. And I warned him vehemently beforehand not to buy it.

The reason he bought the car in the first place was to impress his other friends whom he hangs out with regularly; street racers.

I don't know how somebody who can't make a proper lane change or turn onto a different street without sweat beading concentration manages to have a 'car story', but he does.

Now, I have tried to bestow some wisdom and responsibility on the guy. I've been through a lot in my relatively short life and I've learned from every bit of it. But no matter what good advice I give the guy, he discards it. And his situation is as bad or worse than it's ever been from month to month and year to year.

I've tried to cut him off but he harasses me by calling every day, several times per day, until I pick up the phone. And when I do, he vomits a sob story on me of all the things that have gone wrong since we last spoke. So I give him the benefit of the doubt and we hang out lightly again.

But then I decide I'm sick of it and the phone calls start again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

[Wiskedjak]

Doesn't sound to me like there's much of a friendship there to begin with.

[Dakar²]

You just need to learn to ignore phone calls.

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

Keeps asking me if he can have stuff. I literally can't talk about any material object in any context without him saying "will you buy me one?". Again, WTF?

I have no idea why you'd put up with that for any length of time. That's just insulting.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

I have no idea why you'd put up with that for any length of time.

'Coz I'm a big soft pussie, basically.

[Dakar²]

Well, pretend he's one of us, then.

[Doofy]

[osiris]

My first reaction is - I would've dumped this guy a long time ago.

But I don't fully understand your situation. Why the hell would he ask you to buy him stuff?
Is it remotely possible he's leaching off of you because you typically do give in to such requests?

It sounds like you are an incredibly nice guy in the real world, perhaps asserting yourself a bit more and sticking to your guns might do you some good.

[osiris]

Originally Posted by Dakar² 

Well, pretend he's one of us, then.

[kmkkid]

I have many friends who are "dumb as a rock", but at the end of the day, sometimes they are the nicest people.

I mean I was actually smarter than these people when I was all sketched out. That's not saying much at all

Don't base friendships on IQ, but rather base it on what type of person they are inside (caring? kindhearted? etc.)


Just to go into detail about one such friend, since yours sounds about the same:

He's constantly sending me songs he 'writes' via MSN, and thinks we should put a band together... He doesn't play an instrument, he doesn't sing, and his songs consist of nonsensical ramblings of the 'bitches' and 'whores' he has dated. Nevermind the lack of any proper grammar, or spelling. Plus he thinks it's Rap. Mind you a lot of rap these days is pretty dammed close to what he tries to write I've told him on numerous occasions I hate rap. Ugh.

Then he rambles on about how he's going to start 20 some odd businesses in which he has absolutely no expertise in, how he's going to get his license, get custody of his 3 kids by various women, how he's going to get a smart girl, despite the fact all he ever finds are losers.... Oh and here's the kicker: He's been on welfare for the last 5 years that I've had to listen to all this BS.

So, as you can see, I'm still friends with him, because he's generally a nice guy. If I can deal with this one, your friendship should be a breeze to keep.

[nerd]

Originally Posted by macintologist 

My aunt told me that in her 60+ years of living, she's learned that it is the odd people that are the best. The straight-shooting, straight-talking, charming types may have a good outward appearance but once you dig a little deeper you see an ugly soul.

I really believe in this one. Every close friend of mine start off with a bad first or second impression of the person. After I got to know them it turned out great.

As far as your annoying friend I can somewhat relate. My coworker, AKA IT guy, is annoying that same way and I have no way of getting away from him unless I quit my job. I just give him the cold shoulder a lot and he'll leave me alone for a few days. I've thought about being blunt and tell him he annoys me but I still have to work with him.