[Demonhood]

Yeah, but it's new and fun and simple.
And you're....complicated. Which is to say there is history and feelings and blah blah blah.

[PB2K]

Why do roses have thorns !

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

why the hell should she be salty if I'm seeing anybody...

No threads about members

-t

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

She claims I'm just not ready to date anybody else.... yet she's talking to me 3 hours a night for the past 3 nights, talking about our feelings for each other, and how upset she is but also how much she misses me.

WTF.

She started seeing him less than a week after wanting me to come over! Her current relationship is a textbook definition of "rebound".

Stop. Talking. To. Her. Find other things to do, like organize your cigar label collection. You're not giving her a chance to miss you, all you're doing is allowing yourself to be her emotional Tampax. It's typical, she strings you along to make herself feel better.

[imitchellg5]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

She claims I'm just not ready to date anybody else.... yet she's talking to me 3 hours a night for the past 3 nights, talking about our feelings for each other, and how upset she is but also how much she misses me.

She's figuring out emotions and reasoning with what's happened. You were a major part of her life and you broke that off. It might take a while.

[knifecarrier2]

Yeah. Things are totally up in the air. I think she kinda realized how stupid it was to get into a relationship with someone right when we were working on things, because now she's having second thoughts. I've done plenty of stupid shit too, so .. whatevs. "The Universe Tends to Unfold as it Should" -H&K

[knifecarrier2]

****. This is so hard. I'm trying to stay positive... but I'm pretty lonely without her. She wants to meet up on the 15th to hang out... whichi s a good sign... but it's also really far away. I know she's confused and doesn't want to **** up something decent to give me a chance... but at the same time how can I even have a chance if she isn't willing to do that? Maybe I'm completely ****ed. Which sucks... because then I just ruined the best thing that happened to me because of past baggage and bullshit. All I know is that if things do work out I'm not going to let her go. Ever.

[Face Ache]

Ever?!

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

... I just got sick of the ups and downs, constant bickering, etc. It just wore me down to the point where I didn't care...

... and they all lived happily ever after.

As Neil Sedaka once said, "Breaking up is hard to do".

Although just before that he said, "Da dooby down dooby doo down down, kama kama down dooby doo down down, kama kama down dooby doo down down." so he may not exactly be an oracle of love.

[knifecarrier2]

Yeah, but most of the constant bickering and fighting was because I wasn't appreciating her. Now that I do I have a feeling things would be a lot smoother... if that ever happens.

[abbaZaba]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

Stop. Talking. To. Her. Find other things to do, like organize your cigar label collection. You're not giving her a chance to miss you, all you're doing is allowing yourself to be her emotional Tampax. It's typical, she strings you along to make herself feel better.

this is the advice you need to heed more than any other. it doesn't matter how torn up inside you are, the more you contact her the more she knows she owns you.

for all those time you think you "won" those bickerings and arguments, this is her plan for re-winning

[knifecarrier2]

I guess. I think I've made my case, now it's time to just pull away and let her figure it out.

[ebuddy]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

That's what's so ****ed. Whenever we talk she seems like if this dude wasn't around, we could date. I know she still cares about me. But the fact she chooses to keep ****ing him over even giving me a chance... just... what the **** kind of person would I be to consider this? I am trying so hard to make her happy, but ultimately could I even respect myself for choosing someone who did that to me? I don't know. ****. This whole situation is screwed. Time to get drunk and find some random broads, even though I have no interest in them whatsoever. God dammit.

See, IMO this is part of the problem right here. If you were to get her back, the above are the thoughts that will derail the second attempt. She's not going to just dump the new guy for you because maybe she doesn't want to hurt the new prospect of something with potential vs... who knows what? Know what I'm sayin'?

• You loved her.
• But left her anyway.
• She found someone else.
• Now you want her back.
• Then you don't.
• Then you do.
• But maybe not.

You're likely a good egg knifecarrier2, but I gotta tell ya man; if I were a friend of hers in light of all this I'd tell her to run for her life.

[ebuddy]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

I guess. I think I've made my case, now it's time to just pull away and let her figure it out.

There ya go my friend. You'll be fine.

[Waragainstsleep]

Of course there is also the chance she is keeping you around as a safety net in case she needs one.

[imitchellg5]

Originally Posted by Waragainstsleep 

Of course there is also the chance she is keeping you around as a safety net in case she needs one.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. If Rob is supportive of her no matter what she does, she'll respect him a lot.

[besson3c]

I think it's time to up the ante to a barbershop quartet, and some homemade romantic poetry.

[knifecarrier2]

Originally Posted by ebuddy 

See, IMO this is part of the problem right here. If you were to get her back, the above are the thoughts that will derail the second attempt. She's not going to just dump the new guy for you because maybe she doesn't want to hurt the new prospect of something with potential vs... who knows what? Know what I'm sayin'?

• You loved her.
• But left her anyway.
• She found someone else.
• Now you want her back.
• Then you don't.
• Then you do.
• But maybe not.

You're likely a good egg knifecarrier2, but I gotta tell ya man; if I were a friend of hers in light of all this I'd tell her to run for her life.

I can see that, and I understand why you'd say that. But let me change it to be more accurate:

• I was with her but I was afraid to get hurt, afraid to commit, and afraid to put her high on my list of priorities. I didn't try very hard.
• I left her because I was sick of fighting (mainly about being afraid to commit, of trusting people, and prioritizing her)
• I started to realize I'm a complete ****ing moron and being afraid is causing the problem that we're fighting about
• She found someone else, 5 days after wanting me to come over to her place (WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Now I want her back because I realized what I'm losing.
• I still want her back but I'm frustrated that she isn't giving me a chance and is instead still dating some guy
• Then I still do because ultimately I don't care because I love her, and I understand why she went out with someone else.
• But maybe not because I've been trying for a month, talking for hours at a time, and nothing is different so I'm getting really worn out and thinking I should just give up. I miss her a lot but I can't stay in love with someone who's dating someone else, that just makes me a chump.

[knifecarrier2]

Originally Posted by imitchellg5 

That's not necessarily a bad thing. If Rob is supportive of her no matter what she does, she'll respect him a lot.

I'd like to earn her respect... but how can I be friends/respect someone who is dating someone else? It's driving me nuts. When I'm alone and not doing anything, it's all I can think about. I'm going insane. I wish I could travel back in time a month or two and kick my own ass. : brick:

[Waragainstsleep]

Originally Posted by imitchellg5 

That's not necessarily a bad thing. If Rob is supportive of her no matter what she does, she'll respect him a lot.

Its not a good thing. Being someone's backup plan? No way. There is a good chance she is stringing him along until she feels secure enough in her new relationship to let go entirely. She'll either come running back soon or she'll just fade away. So to speak. Unless I'm wrong, but I've seen this done.

[knifecarrier2]

Nothing is working. Still talk late into the night... but she's refusing to budge. The only person I can control is me. She isn't stringing me along, but I'm sick of waiting to figure out what the hell is going on.

I feel like giving up but it's such bullshit. I'm working on becoming a better me, I'm willing to try to fix everything, and I don't think it's a waste of time. She says she'd like it if things worked out between us, but she isn't doing anything. I don't understand...

[turtle777]

You gotta let her go, let it die.

She might come back or not, you can't know. But there's no way this will work if you stay attached like you are now.

-t

[Waragainstsleep]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

Nothing is working. Still talk late into the night... but she's refusing to budge. The only person I can control is me. She isn't stringing me along, but I'm sick of waiting to figure out what the hell is going on.

I feel like giving up but it's such bullshit. I'm working on becoming a better me, I'm willing to try to fix everything, and I don't think it's a waste of time. She says she'd like it if things worked out between us, but she isn't doing anything. I don't understand...

The fact she is talking to you late at night says she is stringing you along. Not that you care, but do you imagine her new boyfriend would be thrilled to know she is spending hours on the phone to her ex late at night?

[knifecarrier2]

She claims she tells him. Which I find ****ed up. I dont get her at all though. Guy is not that cool. He does shitty depressing grunge art (omg I downloaded the industrial grunge brush pack for photoshop) and codes HTML. He doesn't have a dog. He is quiet and not that funny. He doesn't go skiing. He doesn't play disc golf. He doesn't shoot pool. He doesn't go mountain biking. Lame job. He doesn't have a boat. He drives a shitty 4 door automatic piece of shit car, he probably can't even drive stick. Dude is ****ing lame.

This would be much easier for me to understand if the guy was really cool, or really hot, or really successful, and I know I have shit I need to work on, but I'm ****ing awesome. Whatever.

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

She claims she tells him. Which I find ****ed up. I dont get her at all though. Guy is not that cool. He does shitty depressing grunge art (omg I downloaded the industrial grunge brush pack for photoshop) and codes HTML. He doesn't have a dog. He is quiet and not that funny. He doesn't go skiing. He doesn't play disc golf. He doesn't shoot pool. He doesn't go mountain biking. Lame job. He doesn't have a boat. He drives a shitty 4 door automatic piece of liquor stash. So I can car, he probably can't even drive stick. Dude is ****ing lame.

This would be much easier for me to understand if the guy was really cool, or really hot, or really successful, and I know I have liquor stash. So I can I need to work on, but I'm ****ing awesome. Whatever.

Rob,

Not to be mean, but all of this really reinforces my theory of you having insecurity issues if you really think that the guy's car or lack of a boat or several of these other things really matters. Your value, worth, and appeal is not at all tethered to the stuff you own, the job you have, or several of these other things you have listed.

I'm not defending the guy, but really, I think you need to be focusing your energies on improving yourself rather than consuming your energies with this relationship which at this point frankly sounds train-wrecky.

It could be that after you get your shit together (which I'm sure you will) you guys have an awesome relationship and get married and die old together, but until then even if she came back to you and ripped all her clothes off and begged you to take her back the relationship is not going to be fulfilling until you get her shit together, and until she gets hers together. It sounds like she has her issues too.

When I say that you need to get your shit together I don't mean to sound mean, but you are clearly traumatized, and have every reason to not have your shit together. I wouldn't if I were you, I don't think anybody would.

[besson3c]

BTW, Rob, I have this cool MacNN censor that changes my words, so if you got an email notification for this thread with "liquor stash. So I can" where "shit" should be, that's why.

[knifecarrier2]

Originally Posted by besson3c 

Rob,

Not to be mean, but all of this really reinforces my theory of you having insecurity issues if you really think that the guy's car or lack of a boat or several of these other things really matters. Your value, worth, and appeal is not at all tethered to the stuff you own, the job you have, or several of these other things you have listed.

I'm not defending the guy, but really, I think you need to be focusing your energies on improving yourself rather than consuming your energies with this relationship which at this point frankly sounds train-wrecky.

It could be that after you get your shit together (which I'm sure you will) you guys have an awesome relationship and get married and die old together, but until then even if she came back to you and ripped all her clothes off and begged you to take her back the relationship is not going to be fulfilling until you get her shit together, and until she gets hers together. It sounds like she has her issues too.

When I say that you need to get your shit together I don't mean to sound mean, but you are clearly traumatized, and have every reason to not have your shit together. I wouldn't if I were you, I don't think anybody would.

No doubt. But I'm working on myself, unlike her. I'm reading books about communication (NVC yo!) and I started going to therapy. I'm also trying to improve who I am as a person, both in relationships/bonds as well as physically. I don't think anybody ever has their shit fully together, but at least I'm tackling the problem instead of jumping into the next vagina that comes hopping along.

What I don't understand is what the **** she sees in him. They don't seem to have many common interests or activities besides "watching movies" and "going to shows". She loves animals, cars, and doing things outside, he has none of these things.

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

No doubt. But I'm working on myself, unlike her. I'm reading books about communication (NVC yo!) and I started going to therapy. I'm also trying to improve who I am as a person, both in relationships/bonds as well as physically. I don't think anybody ever has their bribe fully together, but at least I'm tackling the problem instead of jumping into the next vagina that comes hopping along.

Good for you! I'm sure you could be jumping into vaginas if you wanted to too

What I don't understand is what the **** she sees in him. They don't seem to have many common interests or activities besides "watching movies" and "going to shows". She loves animals, cars, and doing things outside, he has none of these things.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't.

There could be a solid connection there, there could be absolutely nothing, but all bets are off when her head is in the wrong place, there are just too many variables that cannot be accounted for. This could be therapy for her, an experiment, a way to avoid having to deal with the failings of your relationship, entertainment, something to make her feel more secure about herself (which is likely), or just about any other goddamn thing.

You can't control the process she is going through to sort her stuff out, you can only control your own stuff. This may sound cliché and trite, but just about everybody I know of who is in an awesome relationship did not find their soulmate when they were messed up and desperate for companionship, they found it at an absolutely random time in an absolutely random place when their life was pretty secure and going relatively well.

You have to tell yourself "who cares?" cause speculating about this is pointless. She probably doesn't know what she is doing herself, so there is very little chance that you'll figure it out, and even if you did it would be useless information anyway.

I'm sure there are exceptions, but if you decided to just focus on your own stuff, build your life back up, and came back here and reported that you were going to marry some awesome chick you've been in an awesome relationship with for a long time with your life in a better place I wouldn't be at all surprised.

[Spheric Harlot]

What others do or do not do to improve themselves and their lives should be of no concern to you.

This is actually the time (the first time) to focus on yourself and deal with your own crap.

[Shaddim]

Until you've left behind the desires that consume you, you'll never know what it's like to be yourself and to be free. Let go, work on yourself, take the time for introspection and discovery. In time, maybe in only a couple years, you'll begin to see that your life and everything around you is what you've made, for good or ill. Then you'll understand how to build something better and permanent, and you'll be ready to include someone else. Change takes time, and until you realize that, this is all a cycle you will continue to repeat.

[Waragainstsleep]

Maybe she wants someone less cool than she is in the hope he won't think "I'm too cool for this relationship" and dump her.

[BadKosh]

Even IF she comes back, it's never the same. Move on.

[Tiresias]

With Annie gone
Whose eyes to compare
With the morning sun?
Not that I did compare,
But I do compare
Now that she's gone.

[andi*pandi]

She has found the anti-Cash.

[The Final Dakar]

Originally Posted by andi*pandi 

She has found the anti-Cash.

Credit?

[knifecarrier2]

I met some other girl. She's pretty awesome... she's gorgeous... interesting... intelligent. She likes me. I'm working on myself and my issues... but at the same time I have this huge hole in my life right now. I'm not sure if I should go out with her or not... because yeah, obviously I'm still hurting about all this shit. And a new person might just be a distraction from the pain or dealing with things... but how long are you supposed to wait?

Obviously I think a mere 5 days after sending pictures of your tits/dick is a bad move... but it's been a month of me trying without any progress.

I feel like I need to give up and move on... but does moving on = replace someone? And ultimately... if I'd rather things just work out with the original girl.... should I bother meeting someone? Perhaps they will change my mind. I have no idea.

[sek929]

Are you sure you're not just glorifying your EX now that you can't have her?

Maybe she picked this new 'boring' guy simply because he is boring. Maybe all the intensity of your personality burned her out, or she wants to try a slice of pie of a different flavor to see if she liked the original pie to begin with....Mmmm pie.

At any rate I think you should try it with this new bird, what's the worse that could happen? The best case scenario is that it makes your EX jealous and she comes flocking back to you, and you simply end an early-on relationship that didn't go very far. You could also end up liking the new one even better and forgetting about everything you thought was so awesome about the old one.

Either way, I think you are too impulsive...of course this is coming from a person who has a problem being the exact opposite, so what the hell do I know? Humans are f**ked up creatures man.

[andi*pandi]

Originally Posted by The Final Dakar 

Credit?

No, Czech.

[Spheric Harlot]

Czech Mate.

Hm.

[Face Ache]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

I met some other girl... ... intelligent. She likes me.

Not too intelligent then.

(kidding )

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

Obviously I think a mere 5 days after sending pictures of your tits/dick is a bad move...

If you're sending pics of your tits to people, maybe you should work on your pecs before working on your mind.

As far as the ex is concerned, you strung her along before ditching her. Now she's got you on a string. God only knows her intentions.

I'd date the new girl. Let the ex know you're breaking contact because it wouldn't be fair on the New Hotness to still be emotionally engaged with the ex (unlike what she's doing).

She'll come running back. Then make them wrestle. Take video. Post it here.

[knifecarrier2]

She's ****ing gorgeous though.

**** I'm an idiot. If I got her back I'd never let her go again.

[knifecarrier2]

Originally Posted by sek929 

Are you sure you're not just glorifying your EX now that you can't have her?

Yes. I wanted her back even when I thought I could have her... like I said... I thought that flirting/boob pics/plans to see each other were a sure bet. Then other dude came into the picture. I wanted her back way before he even appeared, but once he did I tried like 1000%. To no avail. Maybe things will change?

[besson3c]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

She's ****ing gorgeous though.

Are you dressed up as Mr. Miyagi?

If I was dating him I'd never let him go.

[Waragainstsleep]

Originally Posted by Face Ache 

Then make them wrestle.

In gravy.

[ebuddy]

Originally Posted by besson3c 

Are you dressed up as Mr. Miyagi?

I don't know man, it looks to me like her eyes are too close together... pet-peeve. Plus, it appears she's approaching your neck for the bite which probably explains why you're feeling drained.

[Spheric Harlot]

Originally Posted by knifecarrier2 

She's ****ing gorgeous though.

**** I'm an idiot. If I got her back I'd never let her go again.

You're wearing the bandanna upside down.

[Waragainstsleep]

I gather you like boats. Perhaps this will cheer you up a bit:

John Shuttleworth Yacht Designs Ltd.

[Tiresias]

Oh to be in Calvino's mythical city of Isadora, where the foreigner hesitating between two women always encounters a third.

[knifecarrier2]

She says she loves me. She says she misses me. She says she doesn't know what she wants. She says she "probably" shouldn't be in a relationship right now, with that other guy. But she still is.

What the ****.

[imitchellg5]

Patience.

[knifecarrier2]

It's hard to be "patient" when she's with someone else. If she was single I could wait a really long time, but to me, it seems like everyday she continues on her current course, the less likely she is to change directions.