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memory-minus · Sep 11, 2006, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by what_the_heck

Why not say anything ?

Are you too chicken ? The friendship has gone to heck anyways, you might as well tell them. Otherwise, they might continue and treat others the same way.

At least, say something so it makes you feel better.

Actually, right now I'm not so much angry as I am just sad at the fact that they act so sophisticated with their expensive wine and fancy dinners, but lack the most basic social graces. I just don't think it will register with them.

turtle777 · Sep 11, 2006, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by memory-minus

I just don't think it will register with them.

Who cares. It for sure won't if you keep your mouth shut.

If tou tell them, there is at least a slim chance that your friend wakes up and sees the farked upness of their ways. And if she doesn't, ah well. It's not like you just THEN lost a good friend when you were speaking up.

-t

KeriVit · Sep 11, 2006, 03:31 PM

Perhaps sharing it here and getting all the feedback has helped stir this up in you even more. Just try to let it go and know better next time. Remember, not everyone is like that.

turtle777 · Sep 11, 2006, 03:36 PM

I really hate this "Shut up and get over it" mentality.

What's the point ? Darn Political Correctness ? Being a wuss ?

-t

SirCastor · Sep 11, 2006, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by what_the_heck

I really hate this "Shut up and get over it" mentality.

What's the point ? Darn Political Correctness ? Being a wuss ?

-t

It's not so much "shut up and take it" as it is "be the bigger person". There's enough anger, frustration, resentment, sadness, and vengence in the world as it is. We certainly don't need any more.

Monique · Sep 11, 2006, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by what_the_heck

I really hate this "Shut up and get over it" mentality.

What's the point ? Darn Political Correctness ? Being a wuss ?

-t

I agree with you. If he tells them something so he can feel better, he should do it. But, if he intend to change their ways; he is loosing his time. People as selfish as that, do not change; he is certainly not the first victim of those rats.

He is a nice guy and has been taken advantage of by moochers.

Of course he should not shut up and take; anyway by talking to us about it, it certainly calmed him down.

Cody Dawg · Sep 11, 2006, 03:47 PM

If you won't say anything, memory-minus, PM me their telephone number and I'll let them know - nicely - what asses they are. I'll do it anonymously. And it WILL be anonymously because you don't know my name or anything else about me!

I did exactly as I said I would at brunch. I didn't reach for or even acknowledge the check. Friend's husband picked it up, examined it, and we all got up and headed towards the door. At this particular restaurant, you pay at a cashier on your way out. Our share of the bill was $25. When we got to the register, he said "Can we split this, please?" So I got out my wallet.

All I can say is this:

A$$HOLES THROUGH AND THROUGH.

OreoCookie · Sep 11, 2006, 04:18 PM

You should say something for your own sake. The problem with bottling up these things is that they can blow up in your face (actually, you blow up).

So get it out of your system, it's a good way to vent frustration, disappointment and anger. Plus, it gives her (you don't seem to be friends with him anyway) a chance to realize her mistake. If she doesn't, then at least you know that you don't have to try again any time soon. Perhaps it's `him' (I'm just speculating here), so he doesn't like you and she's too chicken to say anything. Who doesn't have a friend whose boyfriend/girlfriend/partner dislikes you?

KeriVit · Sep 11, 2006, 04:22 PM

I'm not against saying anything to them. I just wanted memory-minus to feel better. But if they are still, by all means, let em have it- especially after opening that wine!

OreoCookie · Sep 11, 2006, 04:27 PM

Yeah, they're not even smart about it …

Monique · Sep 11, 2006, 04:39 PM

Just open the wine, pour it down the sink and tell them:

This is where our friendship just ended in the drain because of your conduct, it is clear that you are not friends.

1st you invite us to go out and when I tell you we do not have the money right now to go at an expensive restaurant you do not have the descency to pay for us.

When we went to the restaurant for an inexpensive brunch again you do not pick up the check.

And when you give us the wine, you tell me that it is because it does not fit in your suitcase that instead of throwing it out you prefer to give it to us.

Especially when we went to all the trouble to make sure you were comfortable, you ate nice breakfasts (that I cook for you after I got up early to make), you do not thank us in any way.

It shows you do not have any social grace, you are cheap and that you took advantage of us. So good bye do not come back or call us. We will not be calling you.

RAILhead · Sep 11, 2006, 04:39 PM

Aw man, I should have thought to tell you to take a dump in their luggage before they left. That would have ruled. PWN3D BY TEH POOPZ.

Cody Dawg · Sep 11, 2006, 04:47 PM

I've got the best idea yet:

SEND THE FREELOADERS A BILL

OreoCookie · Sep 11, 2006, 05:15 PM

Never put wine down the drain unless it's bad!

Trying to hurt them doesn't help you feel better. Telling them what needs to be said does.

Dakar · Sep 11, 2006, 05:34 PM

Good lord. Never invite them over again, and if they invite themselves, merely tell them you need them to stay in a hotel.

They'll figure it out.

(BTW: The entire wine thing is a huge joke. They're so dumb they don't even know how to make themselves look good).

Nodnarb · Sep 11, 2006, 05:49 PM

I still think Cody had it right when she said print out this thread and either email it to them or hand it to them as they leave. They'll take the next step.

turtle777 · Sep 11, 2006, 09:58 PM

Yeah, send them a bill, with this thread attached as supporting document.

And sue them for emotional cruelty

-t

Cody Dawg · Sep 12, 2006, 08:11 AM

Face it: Right now the "friendship" is ruined over the fact that they are obtuse. It doesn't matter if they were dense because they're ignorant or just bad-mannered: The outcome is the same.

The way I see it, the only way to salvage any sort friendship is to let them know how you feel in a letter or email.

If you truly had a friendship they'll be truly apologetic at the very least and mortified at the most.

If you did not have a friendship then they'll be hateful and mean in response.

The point is that friends do not go stay with friends and use them as a bed and breakfast without any regard for their feelings, expense, and most of all, the imposition - at least not without being gracious enough to include the host in a dinner or making sure that the host is properly and fully thanked in some capacity because the fact is that it is a financial and physical inconvenience to have guests - even when they are wanted. I would never stay with a friend without taking them to dinner, brunch, giving them a card with a gift certificate, or even leaving cash behind with a note of thanks because I care and/or love my friends and do not want them to be put out - not in the least - by my visiting them.

Again, this is not all about them not picking up the tab for a dinner or a brunch. That is the least of it. This is about you feeling inconvenienced from picking them up at the airport when you had other things to do, them coming in at late hours, and them behaving in ways that were exclusive of yourself.

Basically, when you think about it, they used your home as a place to sleep at, period. It was not about coming into town to spend time doing something with you and your partner on a social level and they could obviously care less that you spent gas money and money in general in making sure that the house had food and drink in it and that you had to spend money even at the end in going to brunch with them.

You are short on cash for good reasons right now and their staying with you was a cost that made their visit a hardship. When you consider how they acted - even if it was unintentional - not only was their visit to you a financial hardship but also an emotional hardship.

If not printing out this thread, print out this particular post of mine and give it to them in a letter expressing your disappointment and why.

If they are decent people they'll immediately call you and try to make amends. If they are not then they won't. Either way you win because right now your friendship is seriously endangered.

- - e r i k - - · Sep 12, 2006, 08:18 AM

Oh your God. I agree with Cody (apart from the silly printing-out-idea). What's the world coming to?

Cody Dawg · Sep 12, 2006, 08:22 AM

No, I think that him printing out my post and including it in a letter highlights exactly what OTHER people think besides himself.

They did not behave well.

He doesn't want to reduce himself to a level beneath his normal decent self with silly revenge antics but wants to instead be upfront and lucid and clear about how he feels wronged.

No matter how we look at this issue, his friends were extremely selfish and inconsiderate.