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What is the worst joke you have ever heard?
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HamSandwich
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An eye and a foot are in deep conversation.
Says the eye: I'll have to walk.
Says the foot: Show me.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: midwest
Status:
Offline
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Two guys walk into a bar, third one ducks.
it makes your bad joke much worse if you laugh after telling it.
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ebuddy
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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What did the guru say to the hotdog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him, and pitch to the rhino.
Related: man with three balls cannot walk.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Standing on the shoulders of giants
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by subego
What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him, and pitch to the rhino.
That only works in basball friendly countries.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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What do those people think about during sex?
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HamSandwich
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Gosh, had been away for a while and trying to catch up with everything... Doing my best... Getting there at a point.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: UKland
Status:
Offline
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Man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre.
So the barman gave him one.
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This space for Hire! Reasonable rates. Reach an audience of literally dozens!
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by subego
What did the guru say to the hotdog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
I feel like I just saw a video of someone trying to tell that joke to the Dalai Lama...who was it?
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: 46 & 2
Status:
Offline
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That whole "dots, not feathers" thing for identifying "Indians", it always makes me groan a little.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Status:
Offline
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45/47
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Fresh-Faced Recruit
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: The Highlands, Scotland
Status:
Offline
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(
Last edited by mooblie; May 21, 2014 at 01:48 PM.
)
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Martin in the Scottish Highlands
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: The back of the room
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Chongo
The Aristocrats
Seriously. Might've been funny the first telling, but by now no. Not even worth it.
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Ham Sandwich
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Alright not really a joke, but it's funny:
Apple Pulls Top Free iOS App 'Weed Firm' from App Store - Mac Rumors
The quote from the developer at Manitoba Games actually me bent over laughing:
We guess the problem was that the game was just too good and got to number one in All Categories, since there are certainly a great number of weed based apps still available, as well as games promoting other so-called 'illegal activities' such as shooting people, crashing cars and throwing birds at buildings.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: 46 & 2
Status:
Offline
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You can get GTA but not "Weed Firm", seriously?
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Ham Sandwich
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Apparently "throwing birds at buildings" is a crime of comparable injustice to crashing cars and shooting people :o
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Status:
Offline
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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
The Hide & Go Seek champion of 1964!
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If you have Ghosts, you have Everything!
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: 888500128, C3, 2nd soft.
Status:
Offline
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Two peanuts were walking down the street.
Then, one was assaulted.
Peanut.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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Fly never fluck again!
That's just the punch line, the joke is too long, and also kinda racist.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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A man seeks out a hermit who supposedly holds the secret of true happiness. He has to ford dangerous rivers, and climb many mountains to get there.
When he finally arrives he asks the hermit for his secret.
The hermit replies "the true secret to happiness is never to argue. Never to disagree."
The man says "it can't be that simple."
The hermit says "okay, it's not".
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Your Anus
Status:
Offline
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Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
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My sig is 1 pixel too big.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Ort888: if a burglar or rapist tried to break into your home and there happened to be a porcupine around, I would throw the porcupine at that guy, using it is a handy weapon.
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Status:
Offline
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3 porcupines and the Olsen twins walk into a bar...
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If you have Ghosts, you have Everything!
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
Then, one was assaulted.
Peanut.
my critique
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If you have Ghosts, you have Everything!
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: The back of the room
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
Two peanuts were walking down the street.
Then, one was assaulted.
Peanut.
Geek version:
Two passwords were walking down the street. One was a salted.
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Status:
Offline
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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
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If you have Ghosts, you have Everything!
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Status:
Offline
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The only 3 survivors of a shipwreck manage to swim to a desert island. There's an American, a Dutch and a Chinese. The American says:
-Listen up Fellas, I took some survival courses, so just do what I say and everything will be fine. I will take care of the food, you - pointing at the Dutch - will take care of the wood, and you - pointing at the Chinese - will take care of the supplies.
As agreed, they meet at the same place one hour later. The American is carrying some fish and a few squirrels. The Dutch is balancing a big pile of firewood. The Chinese, however is nowhere to be seen. They look around, search the place, nothing.
"Poor soul" they think "He must have fallen victim to some wild animal.
Then one of the bushes starts to shake and the Chinese jumps out grinning:
"SUH-PLIIIIIEEEEZZ"
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If you have Ghosts, you have Everything!
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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Here's another one where you only get the punch line, which are the names of streets in Chicago.
Paulina, Melvina, and Lunt.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Rochester, NY
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: 888500128, C3, 2nd soft.
Status:
Offline
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A stick.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2004
Status:
Offline
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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware?
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__________________________________________________
My stupid iPhone game: Nesen Probe, it's rather old, annoying and pointless, but it's free.
Was free. Now it's gone. Never to be seen again.
Off to join its brother and sister apps that could not
keep up with the ever updating iOS. RIP Nesen Probe.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status:
Offline
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OH SHIT YOU'RE BACK. allcaps
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Forum Rules
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