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PB2K · Jun 26, 2009, 10:31 AM

i think he married too soon, so now one of the couple wants to live like a single, party and stuff. Reading the whole 4 x a4 paper story there is no way he will get her back because they estranged from one another (unless she comes back by herself) question is if he's still interested after that period of time. I think he should move on too.

downinflames68 · Jun 26, 2009, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by torsoboy

Same old Rob. It's not about YOU... that is why you are in your situation. You still sound self-centered and arrogant in your posts. Even with your "I'm so much better now" lip-service.

How am I being self centered? I don't even know what I want for sure.

You ruined it for yourself. Gaming, drinking, sleeping in your car, hanging our with "friends" instead of your wife? You can blame her all you want, but from what you have written here, you did it to yourself. It doesn't matter what semester of school you were in, she was sick of your crap, and so she left.

Huh? Gaming/drinking? I drank at school while working into the wee hours of the night, but I don't go out to bars all the time. Sleeping in my car was necessary. I really don't think you understand the workload I was put under here, at all. I did hang with my friends a lot, because I figured I wouldn't see most of them again for the rest of my life. I thought I would have the rest of my life to hang with Kristin, so I wanted to make some connections with my friends that would benefit me in the future.

OreoCookie · Jun 26, 2009, 12:30 PM

Why don't we get back on topic?
Otherwise I have a feeling this thread will make a turn for the worse. There is no need to make things personal here.

Person Man · Jun 26, 2009, 01:08 PM

If Shif and Rob keep going on like they are, things will get really ugly, really quick, and this thread will end up locked and Rob will end up banned again. I suggest that both of them drop the argument. Shif's not going to convince Rob and Rob's not going to convince Shif. But that's okay.

And to those that are pointing out that "the old Rob" is still there, well, you're right. It takes time for people to change. The "old version" of us doesn't go away overnight, as much as we'd like them to, or as much as we'd like to believe.

Rob has shown us that he is willing to change, and in some aspects he has changed. Other aspects he is still struggling with. Please don't take advantage of that.

turtle777 · Jun 26, 2009, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by Person Man

Rob has shown us that he is willing to change, and in some aspects he has changed. Other aspects he is still struggling with. Please don't take advantage of that.

-t

Phileas · Jun 26, 2009, 02:09 PM

The second I figured out that girls are just as horny as guys was the second my - then teen - life turned for the better. If you're a guy and you can't get laid you're doing things wrong.

downinflames68 · Jun 26, 2009, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

Time might rock, but my money's still on the yoga teacher nailing her. I'd make book on it.

Hey yoga teacher is a chick, btw.

downinflames68 · Jun 26, 2009, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by Phileas

The second I figured out that girls are just as horny as guys was the second my - then teen - life turned for the better. If you're a guy and you can't get laid you're doing things wrong.

Completely untrue. Secondly, the chicks that are horny generally shoot for *********s. I suppose if you were willing to abandon all standards, dress like a douche, and bang stupid chicks, you'd have a point.

ShortcutToMoncton · Jun 26, 2009, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

Hey yoga teacher is a chick, btw.

You've walked right into Doofy's trap

Doofy · Jun 26, 2009, 03:20 PM

Originally Posted by Phileas

The second I figured out that girls are just as horny as guys was the second my - then teen - life turned for the better. If you're a guy and you can't get laid you're doing things wrong.

^
The truth.

Doofy · Jun 26, 2009, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by ShortcutToMoncton

You've walked right into Doofy's trap

Heh. Remember way back on page one when I mentioned a homie who's been through the same thing? His Mrs was being nailed by a girlie. And her hubby. One in front, one in back. Strange things these yoga/neupagan/airhead classes.

downinflames68 · Jun 26, 2009, 03:33 PM

I hate you.

Doofy · Jun 26, 2009, 03:35 PM

No you don't.

Railroader · Jun 26, 2009, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by ShortcutToMoncton

You've walked right into Doofy's trap

shifuimam · Jun 26, 2009, 03:44 PM

I always think that's from an early TNG episode.

Sad, I know.

Laminar · Jun 26, 2009, 04:01 PM

ThinkInsane · Jun 26, 2009, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by Person Man

If Shif and Rob keep going on like they are, things will get really ugly, really quick, and this thread will end up locked and Rob will end up banned again. I suggest that both of them drop the argument. Shif's not going to convince Rob and Rob's not going to convince Shif. But that's okay.

And to those that are pointing out that "the old Rob" is still there, well, you're right. It takes time for people to change. The "old version" of us doesn't go away overnight, as much as we'd like them to, or as much as we'd like to believe.

Rob has shown us that he is willing to change, and in some aspects he has changed. Other aspects he is still struggling with. Please don't take advantage of that.

What he said. Well stated. The above post will henceforth be treated as policy in regards to this thread. Thank you and carry on.

Captain Obvious · Jun 26, 2009, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

Hey yoga teacher is a chick, btw.

Her teacher's name wouldn't be Kathy by chance would it? MWK isn't that big a place and as far as people who teach yoga I assume the pool is even smaller.

downinflames68 · Jun 26, 2009, 05:40 PM

I have no idea.

ShortcutToMoncton · Jun 27, 2009, 02:29 AM

Originally Posted by shifuimam

I know that assertive women are really scary...fortunately, there are those who find such an attitude to be attractive.

Nonsense. I've only seriously dated assertive and intelligent "career women" in my adult life.

You seem to have confused "assertive" with "annoying." One is attractive. The other is not.

greg

Spheric Harlot · Jun 27, 2009, 03:18 AM

There's the assertiveness of knowing where you stand.

There's the assertiveness of overcompensated insecurity.

reader50 · Jun 27, 2009, 04:53 AM

I've zapped a bunch of OT bickering & insults. Lets stay reasonably on topic, which isn't who can insult another the most skillfully. That should go in a separate thread.

Phileas · Jun 28, 2009, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

Completely untrue. Secondly, the chicks that are horny generally shoot for *********s. I suppose if you were willing to abandon all standards, dress like a douche, and bang stupid chicks, you'd have a point.

That attitude might have something to do with your current problems. As per usual, you're all about the black and white. I don't think you understand the grays, and subtleties. You've come to a conclusion and then you stick with it.

Most girls want sex just as much as guys - some girls I know want it more. That doesn't meant that they hump anything with a penis. What it does mean is that if you're funny and interesting and charming, chance are they would give you the time of day.

Macfreak7 · Jun 28, 2009, 03:28 PM

Posting here after ages, and sorry to read this. Just want to reassert one thing that doofy said.

Originally Posted by Doofy

*snip*

Don't be beating yourself up - she knew who you were when she married you. She also agreed to the school thing. This is not you - it's her.

Also, stop all this crap about you lacking "character and integrity". That's BS mate. if you didn't have character, nobody posting in this thread would know who the heck you were.

Oftentimes, unfortunately (or fortunately in some cases), when you marry/date someone you love, you tend to influence them and their personality to the extent of turning them into a very different person from the person you initially fell in love with, which then undermines the very reason that made you want to marry them. I'm guessing that's what happened here as she's changed into someone different either to gain your attention, or to find some kind of justification for her decision to marry you, which over the years for her seemed to have become the incorrect decision.

Part of me says I hope you manage to get her back, but then again looking at the bigger picture i.e. LIFE, I'd say - just let go, nothing is forever anyway. You're still young and even though 7.5 years is a good chunk of your life so far, it will only be 10% of your life (considering you'll live to be at least 75!). So get your ass up, go live in India or something for awhile if you feel like you need to find your zen (kinda like SJobs?). Give it some time. You'll be fine eventually.

All the best.

downinflames68 · Jun 28, 2009, 10:23 PM

Well, that was a disaster. I met her today for the first time in 1.5 months... listened.. used empthatic listening... told her what I'd discovered about me, which was a lot, and told her that I am not trying to stop her from divorcing me, but I do want to be with her. Nothing I said made any difference. Oh, and she said "I didn't think I'd be ready to date right away but I was surprised!"

I'm trying to be a better person lately, but I really hope she gets hit by a bus.

AKcrab · Jun 28, 2009, 10:25 PM

It's not about you Rob. She's made up her mind. Doesn't matter what you do at this point.

ShortcutToMoncton · Jun 28, 2009, 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

Oh, and she said "I didn't think I'd be ready to date right away but I was surprised!"

I'm trying to be a better person lately, but I really hope she gets hit by a bus.

I just choked on my beer.

Great stuff! **** it, man. Go bowling or something.

greg

Phileas · Jun 28, 2009, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by AKcrab

It's not about you Rob.

That's a lesson Rob has yet to learn, by the looks of it. He went to see her, and what does he do? Tells her all about himself, how he has changed, how he is trying hard. He hasn't learned a damn thing.

turtle777 · Jun 28, 2009, 11:14 PM

Rob, let her go.

Who knows, maybe she'll come back, maybe not. But as long as you are trying to get her back, she will pull away even more.

-t

Captain Obvious · Jun 28, 2009, 11:20 PM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

I'm trying to be a better person lately, but I really hope she gets hit by a bus.

Wait a second....
Didn't you support her while she was in school and/or cover part of her tuition? No prenup and you both have loans or debt of some type?

Oh, you want to talk to an attorney before you sign anything else.

downinflames68 · Jun 29, 2009, 12:33 AM

Originally Posted by Phileas

That's a lesson Rob has yet to learn, by the looks of it. He went to see her, and what does he do? Tells her all about himself, how he has changed, how he is trying hard. He hasn't learned a damn thing.

Uh, no. I listened to her talk about her trip to Ireland for over an hour, and what she's been doing lately. I actually didn't say anything about myself for about 1.5 hours, then spend 30 minutes talking to her. So if there's anything to be learned here, it's that you shouldn't make ASSumptions about me, when you don't even know me.

downinflames68 · Jun 29, 2009, 12:37 AM

Originally Posted by turtle777

Rob, let her go.

Who knows, maybe she'll come back, maybe not. But as long as you are trying to get her back, she will pull away even more.

-t

Dude, I'm beyond done. Today was an effort to try to save something I knew she didn't want to save... but I had to make that effort because I feel too many people just GIVE UP on marriage, and they realize years later they made a mistake. Well, I didn't give up. I'm not the one who quit, and I'm not the one who went back on all the promises we made to each other.

She is the one who initiated this, she is the one who went back on her word. I feel like I had to do it, out of respect for everything we'd ever had taht was good... and because I really didn't want a failed marriage.

The good news is I'm now free to move anywhere.

downinflames68 · Jun 29, 2009, 12:39 AM

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

Wait a second....
Didn't you support her while she was in school and/or cover part of her tuition? No prenup and you both have loans or debt of some type?

Oh, you want to talk to an attorney before you sign anything else.

I paid for her food/housing. No prenup, we don't own much, and we both have loans. My loans are higher, so I got more stuff. 89 Prelude, 95 Audi S6, Boat, Tools, Dishes, 24" iMac... she got... furniture. And a powerbook. But smaller loans. I think it's fair. >shrug<

- - e r i k - - · Jun 29, 2009, 01:38 AM

I think too many people just don't give up quick enough, thus prolonging the pain.

I've learnt my lessons…

turtle777 · Jun 29, 2009, 01:49 AM

Originally Posted by - - e r i k - -

I think too many people just don't give up quick enough, thus prolonging the pain.

I've learnt my lessons…

That's because those who don't give up and work it out don't post threads at 'NN.

But hey...

-t

Spheric Harlot · Jun 29, 2009, 02:38 AM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

Uh, no. I listened to her talk about her trip to Ireland for over an hour, and what she's been doing lately. I actually didn't say anything about myself for about 1.5 hours, then spend 30 minutes talking to her.

I hope you billed her for your time.

(Phileas is right.)

Oh, and don't try to meet her. Just. Not. A. Good. Idea.

Shaddim · Jun 29, 2009, 03:13 AM

Fine, don't take my advice.

It's like a scab, if you pick at it it'll never heal.

Doofy · Jun 29, 2009, 04:14 AM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

listened.. used empthatic listening...

Dude. You shame your gender.

Originally Posted by downinflames68

Oh, and she said "I didn't think I'd be ready to date right away but I was surprised!"

Told ya.
Chances are, she'd already started dating this whoever it is before you broke up. You know, those long nights at college (while the cat's away, the mice will play).

Oh well. At least you've got your confirmation and can now go sort yourself out without wondering "what if?".

Phileas · Jun 29, 2009, 04:56 AM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

She is the one who initiated this, she is the one who went back on her word. I feel like I had to do it, out of respect for everything we'd ever had taht was good... and because I really didn't want a failed marriage.

No Rob. You are the one who treated her like furniture. You are the one who put her way down on your list of priorities. You are the one who laughed at her when she started discovering who she was, or wanted to be. You are the one who filled the apartment with your stuff, crowding her out. And before you tell me I don't know you, these are all things you told us.

You are as responsible for this marriage breakup as she is, more so by the looks of it. If you walk away from this thinking that "well, it was her fault that it didn't work out" then you've got another failed marriage right in front of you.

brassplayersrock² · Jun 29, 2009, 05:06 AM

Originally Posted by Phileas

No Rob. You are the one who treated her like furniture. You are the one who put her way down on your list of priorities. You are the one who laughed at her when she started discovering who she was, or wanted to be. You are the one who filled the apartment with your stuff, crowding her out. And before you tell me I don't know you, these are all things you told us.

You are as responsible for this marriage breakup as she is, more so by the looks of it. If you walk away from this thinking that "well, it was her fault that it didn't work out" then you've got another failed marriage right in front of you.

Thain Esh Kelch · Jun 29, 2009, 08:04 AM

I would ditch her, if I were you. From the OP, it sounds as if you really don't match (I know how it is to be a science kind of guy, with a girl who is into all kinds of alternative things.. It doesn't work out, nomatter how hard you try)... And if your wife isn't even in top-5 in your life, well, I'm pretty sure that she is not the person you want to live the rest of your life with....

Sorry. But that is my take.

Spheric Harlot · Jun 29, 2009, 09:54 AM

You can use things and love people, or you can love things and use people. It's your choice.

—John Marks

Doofy · Jun 29, 2009, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot

You can use things and love people, or you can love things and use people. It's your choice.

—John Marks

Or you can be less Marksian and love both.

turtle777 · Jun 29, 2009, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Doofy

Or you can be less Marksian and love both.

Or, you can love things, and also use them.

-t

Doofy · Jun 29, 2009, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by turtle777

Or, you can love things, and also use them.

...Just don't get caught with your pants down when vacuuming.

turtle777 · Jun 29, 2009, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by Doofy

...Just don't get caught with your pants down when vacuuming.

I use Roombas.

Works well for turtles

-t

Sealobo · Jun 30, 2009, 02:48 PM

I got left behind once. It kinda motivated me. After all these years, i guess she digs me now. Nothing beats a great comeback.

downinflames68 · Jun 30, 2009, 05:28 PM

Motivated you to do what exactly? My career is just starting off, and going good. I'm working on becoming a better person. So.. just keep on keepin' on? I guess. I just can't believe it's over. We were literally best friends... I cannot believe she didn't wait until AFTER school was over. That's what I don't get. I understand all of my mistakes a bit better now, therefore I understand her desire to get a divorce. I get that.

But I don't get the timing. If you were with someone for years, and they were in the middle of their last semster, working on their final project like crazy, why would you try to dump them then, when they have the least chance of trying to work things out? Why wouldn't you wait an extra month, even if you were miserable, to see what happens? I didn't treat her badly, I just wasn't AROUND. I started accepting her voodoo science stuff about 1 year ago, and came to the conclusion that if she feels it helps her, I would support it. I supported her yoga classes, and I supported her desire to become a yoga instructor.

And sorry Doofy, I asked some of her friends, and this guy development is very recent.

Laminar · Jun 30, 2009, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

But I don't get the timing. If you were with someone for years, and they were in the middle of their last semster, working on their final project like crazy, why would you try to dump them then, when they have the least chance of trying to work things out? Why wouldn't you wait an extra month, even if you were miserable, to see what happens? I didn't treat her badly, I just wasn't AROUND.

It appears that at some point, she decided to start caring about herself, because she didn't think you were. When she reached that point, it didn't matter to her how her actions affected you, just like you didn't care how your actions affected her.

Doofy · Jun 30, 2009, 05:48 PM

Originally Posted by downinflames68

But I don't get the timing. If you were with someone for years, and they were in the middle of their last semster, working on their final project like crazy, why would you try to dump them then, when they have the least chance of trying to work things out? Why wouldn't you wait an extra month, even if you were miserable, to see what happens?

And sorry Doofy, I asked some of her friends, and this guy development is very recent.

I tell ya dude, this new guy is the reason for the timing. Her mates ain't gonna tell you what's what, especially if you can use that info against her in divorce proceedings.