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MacNN Dark Secrets: Your Emotional Trauma
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lexapro
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May 6, 2009, 12:37 AM
 
What is your emotional trauma? Meaning, one major event in your life which has significantly harmed you.

I'll start:

I was young and in love. My partner led me on for 2 years. In the end she married a man she barely knew. I've never been the same since. It's worse when I dream of her, which I do much too often. I wrote her a few years ago to tell her just how much she hurt me. She apologized but I will never forgive her. I have never been the same since.

And, please, let's keep it serious.
( Last edited by lexapro; May 6, 2009 at 10:12 AM. )
     
AKcrab
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May 6, 2009, 12:57 AM
 
My dad disowned me (via a letter in the mail) when I quit college.

He's never offered an apology, and it hurts me to this day.
     
ort888
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May 6, 2009, 01:24 AM
 
When I was a few days old I was circumcised. To this day whenever someone comes at my wiener with a knife I experience terrible fear.

My sig is 1 pixel too big.
     
Oisín
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May 6, 2009, 04:48 AM
 
I don’t think I have one.

I suppose watching your mother expire when you’re five years old would, logically, be fairly traumatic; but since I was so young, I don’t know how I’d have turned out if it hadn’t happened, so I don’t know if it’s really significantly harmed me.
     
Maflynn
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May 6, 2009, 07:08 AM
 
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Tiresias
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May 6, 2009, 09:28 AM
 
When I was thirteen, I had a friend whose parents were both devout Christians. One day, while we were playing in the garden, he told me that if I cursed the Holy Ghost God would never forgive me. When I refused to believe him, he took me inside and found his mother who not only confirmed what her son had told me but quoted a verse from the Bible. I don't remember which one, but perhaps it was Mark 3:29: "Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven, but is guilty of an eternal sin."

The next few moments are very clear in my mind. My friend looked at me with satisfaction. His mother was arranging flowers in a vase. And suddenly, in that sunny kitchen, I was overcome with terror: I already felt the dark words hatching in my soul. To smother them, I began to praise the Holy Ghost in my thoughts. I rode home on my bicycle, muttering feverish praise, begging God to believe that I meant it, and to believe that I did not mean the words which were trying to surface through the praise; words, or shadows of words, which had, in the subvocal darkness of my mind, now transformed from simple curses into a variety of horribly graphic and disgusting execrations. At home, I sat in front of the television, still muttering praise, but slowly beginning to forget. Coyote's Acme parachute malfunctioned; I watched him plummet to earth, punching a coyote-shaped hole in the ground from out of which he raised a white rag of surrender. My lips stopped moving and for a moment my mind went blank. In another moment I remembered, but it was too late. During that brief interval of inattention, I heard the words spoken, I spoke them in thought, in a hurried, gasping tone suggestive of a broken confession.

For the record, I'm now agnostic.
     
Atheist
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May 6, 2009, 09:48 AM
 
I suppose watching my mother die a slow and protracted death from cancer of the course of 8 years has affected me. A certain amount of joy was leached from my heart that will never return.
     
smacintush
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May 6, 2009, 11:44 AM
 
I don't know if there was ONE event that was so traumatizing, but there have been a lot of things that are pretty ****ed up.

My memories up to six years old are pretty good, but then my cousin started staying with us after school while his mom worked. He made me have sex with him. Frequently. Under my mom's nose.

My mom got into an abusive relationship that lasted for years. I remember her being take away in an ambulance after being hit in the head so hard she couldn't speak clearly. That kind of thing happened a little too frequently. I remember watching this man run into the bedroom to start a fight, only to be ignored by my drunk mom. So he comes out and goes to the kitchen and finds a knife, takes it in the bedroom, holds his arm up in my mom's face, raises the knife and comes down hard with it onto his own arm. He cut the inside of his forearm to the bone just for attention. This was the BEGINNING of a relationship that lasted for several years in earnest and lingered on for quite a bit longer, and eventually led to my brother leaving home at 16, my sister leaving at 14. When I was about 15 I asked here why she had let that go one for so long she replied; "Well, I'll be honest, he's a really good f*ck." Gee mom, that's JUST that answer I was looking for.

My mom was a lifelong drunk. When I was a teenager, there was a procession of one-night stands, and near-death drunk-driving incidents. I couldn't tell you how many times I found her passed out at the kitchen table or on the couch…NUDE. I did laugh though the one time she fell down a full flight of stairs and kept her lit cigarette intact.

People who know me are generally pretty shocked at the crap I lived through and lived around when I was growing up. Somehow I turned out very different than I should have.
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dcmacdaddy
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May 6, 2009, 12:11 PM
 
I was one of those kids in the 1980s who was sexually abused by a Catholic priest. It only happened once--It being forcible sodomy--but it was enough to mess me up for a good dozen years afterward. Having two ultra-religious parents made things more difficult as I didn't feel I could tell anyone, so I didn't. I finally snapped shortly after my 21st birthday and was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital for "being a danger to myself". I can still vividly remember being in the psychiatric hospital and calling my Dad--who I was living with at the time while going to school full-time and working full-time--and hearing my step-mother arguing with him in the background to come talk to me on the phone. When we talked about it later in person the very first words out of his mouth were "So that's why you don't like going to church". My Mom was somewhat helpful while I was hospitalised and afterward but later I found out she had told her best friend--and the woman who introduced the priest to our family--that she didn't think it really happened. (The best friend defended the priest and probably does still to this day.) My Mom never actually said she thought I made up the story but she wanted to believe her best friend more than me.

Anyway, it was a pretty sh*tty experience but with years of therapy, medication, and distance from my parents I am OK with how I turned out. It definitely made me a stronger person in terms of my sense of self-identity and self-direction but I think I could have achieved the same level of personal growth and development through other, less-trying struggles.


And before anyone decides this incident is the reason why I am a non-believer, I'll let you know I was expressing doubts about religion as early as 8 or 9 and stopped going to church at 12 because I didn't like the idea of "some guy up there on the altar telling us what to do". The fact that when I was 12 my Dad left my Mom to be with another woman gave me some nice argumentative ammunition whenever the topic of church attendance came up. (Especially considering my Dad is a super-hardcore Catholic, attending daily mass for over five decades, fasting twice a week, and going on religious pilgrimages. And he is now on wife number three and will likely have a fourth wife before he dies.) I have always been a bit contrary and my attitude towards organised religion is little different to my attitude towards big government or big business.
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brassplayersrock²
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May 6, 2009, 01:38 PM
 
Watching my grandma pass away after a few months of fighting the strain her body took after brain cancer removal surgery.
     
subego
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May 6, 2009, 01:46 PM
 
Wow. smac, dc...

I can't think of anything to say other than holy ****ing ****.
     
Salty
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May 6, 2009, 03:07 PM
 
Learning you're gay when you're a pretty conservative Christian is pretty traumatic... telling the people you care about and having the reactions range from hateful to supportive to apathetic is pretty dang stressful. After the first person I told flipped out I went broaderline catatonic for a few days... which really sucked cause it was just before exams. I managed to fail a class that I got all Bs on the assignments I'd handed in.

That and being suicidal in grade 8 because of absolutely insane bullying. (I'm gonna be honest and say while I understand teachers have it tough sometimes, there's a few at that school who should have flat out lost their jobs.)
     
lyanma
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May 6, 2009, 03:10 PM
 
Lexapro, i really do think you should visit a psychologist, when things like that happen it is very difficult for a person to move on. I have a friend that has gone through something similar and is now visiting her psychologist and things are getting much better.

I completely understand what you went through smacintush.
and dcmacdaddy, your story proves that silence kills.
Very traumatic stories, really.

I don't have the courage to post the traumas of my life. -.-
     
SSharon
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May 6, 2009, 03:36 PM
 
When I was 18 I volunteered on the ambulances in Israel. On my last day of work I responded to a suicide bombing in which 8 people were killed.

No amount of pictures, training, or anything else could have prepared me mentally for the realization that the killing of innocent civilians is done by other humans. I don't want to get political at all here, the reason behind the terrorist act is irrelevant.

This was years ago, but I know I will never forget the images of burnt flesh on the pavement and the conversations I had with the survivors. How does an 18 year old in another country that had only been an EMT for 4 months tell someone that the person they were sitting next to 5 minutes before on the bus didn't make it?

Aside from not sleeping for a week after this happened it has had other lasting effects. I think I value life more now than before, but at the same time I am more cynical about our ability to rehabilitate violent criminals and terrorists to be more productive members of our society.
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lexapro  (op)
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May 6, 2009, 03:42 PM
 
lyanma, I do see a psychologist. Have been for a few years. I also take Lexapro (the anti-depressant) which has significantly helped- a lot. The only real side effects are sexual ones- no libido. To tell the truth after being so horribly treated by this girl I really don't want to engage in something which can damage me like that again. I don't think I'd make it.

The worst part of my story- after my former partner became engaged but before she married she came in town for a mutual friend's wedding. She asked me to drive her to the airport at 5am, and I did. While helping her with her bags when we got there she looked at me and said, "Lexapro, I am not supposed to marry Jeff. I am supposed to marry you. I love you." This is with the diamond engagement ring on her finger from her fiance! At that moment my soul died.

I acknowledge God exists. I just will be forever angry with God for letting me lead the rest of my life angry and dark all because of one person. I opened myself fully, completely and in a way I could never have thought possible. For two years. Only to have my heart ripped out and utterly destroyed.

I will never, ever forgive her.

Therapy helps. My psychologist and psychiatrists are great. But it will never restore me to whole.
     
Oisín
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May 6, 2009, 05:23 PM
 
Originally Posted by subego View Post
Wow. smac, dc...

I can't think of anything to say other than holy ****ing ****.
What he said, because there are no words. Those are truly some horrific traumas, and I can’t even imagine what living through them must be like.

I have this strange urge to be all teenager-ish and do the whole (((((virtual hug))))) thing, but this is (mostly) a relatively grown-up place, so instead I’ll just say how impressed I am that you’ve both lived through sh*t like this and ended up being the (as far as I can tell) relatively normal people you are. Kudos.
     
Shaddim
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May 6, 2009, 05:55 PM
 
lexapro, I almost never give advice on important matters, it goes against my philosophy. With close friends I'll listen and make suggestions on occasion, but seldom say, "you should do this". Being an eclectic sort of guy, I tend to agree with LaYey on a couple points:

- Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
- Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

Most view me as a cynical bastard, big surprise. One of the things I've learned is that people live in a constant state of change. I suppose this strongly impacts my views on relationships, and I always assume the worst, while trying not to show it. So, I tend to let go when any type of relationship becomes too strained or distant. I try to live in the moment with what I have, because it'll likely be gone all too soon.

A wise Taoist told me something that changed my life (long before it became some feel-good new age mantra). She said,

"People are brought together for a purpose, but that purpose is almost never permanent. We know others for; reasons, seasons, or a lifetime. Most of the time we only know someone for a reason, it is short-lived and we may never see them again. Other times, a friendship or love interest will last years, but forces will drive them apart. Lifelong friends are very rare, and some may never have any at all."

So, I suppose what I'm saying is, let go. Don't hold tightly to anyone, and expect that it will end, because everything does. I've told about past experiences on this forum, and really don't feel like posting them again, but believe what I say. You'll be happier.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
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Jawbone54
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May 6, 2009, 06:26 PM
 
I didn't expect quite so much honest participation. I really feel for a lot of you guys in here. This Lounge is harboring a lot of pain.
     
Face Ache
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May 6, 2009, 07:28 PM
 
I had a violent alcoholic father. The first time I remember him beating me up I was five. Ex-boxer vs five year old. Hardly seems fair, does it? From around the age of thirteen I started sleeping with a knife under my pillow in case of a late night drunken attack. After my father learned of it (my mother discovered the knife and told him) he left me alone, but my mother and sister would still cop it if I wasn't around.

Eventually he beat my mother up bad enough for her to leave. She moved interstate with her new boyfriend a few months later. My sister went into a foster home and I lived on the streets. Got beaten up until I learned how to fight. Been kicked unconscious by a gang. Been attacked by 6 blokes with nun-chukkas (knife wins!). Been at the pointy ends of guns. And a crossbow. Been in a knife fight. Had more scraps than I care to remember.

There's a brief overview. Individual events have been kinda traumatic in their own ways, but on the whole a reasonably stressful upbringing.

By 19 I was working as a surgical instrument technician in a children's hospital and, seeing kids die, you realise there are worse things than unfortunate childhoods.
     
lexapro  (op)
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May 7, 2009, 12:02 AM
 
To some extent I think this is very therapeutic. I am not saying these forums should suddenly take the place of standard therapy but it does help to share.
     
Tiresias
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May 7, 2009, 12:53 AM
 
There are some very courageous stories in this thread.

I just believed I was going to Hell, but some of you have already been there.
     
osiris
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May 7, 2009, 09:22 AM
 
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
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Tiresias
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May 7, 2009, 09:39 AM
 


Dr Evil?
     
residentEvil
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May 7, 2009, 09:47 AM
 
i'm still waiting for the 4th movie before buying the current 3. love guru surely made him realize his "one trick pony" is better suited as austin
     
osiris
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May 7, 2009, 09:47 AM
 
Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post


Dr Evil?
Yeah - a little humor for the emotionally torn. I feel for some of the posts here.
"Faster, faster! 'Till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death." - HST
     
Salty
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May 7, 2009, 10:22 AM
 
Originally Posted by SSharon View Post
When I was 18 I volunteered on the ambulances in Israel. On my last day of work I responded to a suicide bombing in which 8 people were killed.

No amount of pictures, training, or anything else could have prepared me mentally for the realization that the killing of innocent civilians is done by other humans. I don't want to get political at all here, the reason behind the terrorist act is irrelevant.

This was years ago, but I know I will never forget the images of burnt flesh on the pavement and the conversations I had with the survivors. How does an 18 year old in another country that had only been an EMT for 4 months tell someone that the person they were sitting next to 5 minutes before on the bus didn't make it?

Aside from not sleeping for a week after this happened it has had other lasting effects. I think I value life more now than before, but at the same time I am more cynical about our ability to rehabilitate violent criminals and terrorists to be more productive members of our society.
That's nuts... and yah I can understand how you'd be a bit more jaded about rehabilitating people... to be honest sometimes I think some people are just cruel. For anyone to learn to live better they need to be able to admit they were wrong... most of the time people can't do this when they're simply having a debate.
     
dcmacdaddy
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May 7, 2009, 03:50 PM
 
Originally Posted by Face Ache View Post
I had a violent alcoholic father. The first time I remember him beating me up I was five. Ex-boxer vs five year old. Hardly seems fair, does it? From around the age of thirteen I started sleeping with a knife under my pillow in case of a late night drunken attack. After my father learned of it (my mother discovered the knife and told him) he left me alone, but my mother and sister would still cop it if I wasn't around.

Eventually he beat my mother up bad enough for her to leave. She moved interstate with her new boyfriend a few months later. My sister went into a foster home and I lived on the streets. Got beaten up until I learned how to fight. Been kicked unconscious by a gang. Been attacked by 6 blokes with nun-chukkas (knife wins!). Been at the pointy ends of guns. And a crossbow. Been in a knife fight. Had more scraps than I care to remember.

There's a brief overview. Individual events have been kinda traumatic in their own ways, but on the whole a reasonably stressful upbringing.

By 19 I was working as a surgical instrument technician in a children's hospital and, seeing kids die, you realise there are worse things than unfortunate childhoods.
You make an excellent point with your last sentence. I think for all of us in here, our troubles, however terrible they may be, occurred in well-developed nations with access to resources to help us overcome them. Imagine being a victim of childhood sexual abuse in a less-developed country where essential concerns like access to food, clear water, and safe shelter are not assumed; Let alone access to mental health care providers and their potentially life-saving medicines.
One should never stop striving for clarity of thought and precision of expression.
I would prefer my humanity sullied with the tarnish of science rather than the gloss of religion.
     
Salty
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May 7, 2009, 03:56 PM
 
Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy View Post
You make an excellent point with your last sentence. I think for all of us in here, our troubles, however terrible they may be, occurred in well-developed nations with access to resources to help us overcome them. Imagine being a victim of childhood sexual abuse in a less-developed country where essential concerns like access to food, clear water, and safe shelter are not assumed; Let alone access to mental health care providers and their potentially life-saving medicines.
Or access to the healing glow of our Macs...
     
dcmacdaddy
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May 7, 2009, 03:57 PM
 
Originally Posted by Salty View Post
Or access to the healing glow of our Macs...
You're an idiot.
One should never stop striving for clarity of thought and precision of expression.
I would prefer my humanity sullied with the tarnish of science rather than the gloss of religion.
     
Laminar
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May 7, 2009, 04:06 PM
 
Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy View Post
You're an idiot.
Hey, at least he didn't somehow work gay sex into his reply.
     
Big Mac
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May 7, 2009, 04:29 PM
 
Originally Posted by lexapro View Post
I acknowledge God exists. I just will be forever angry with God for letting me lead the rest of my life angry and dark all because of one person.
I don't mean to come off in an insensitive fashion, but no girl who chose someone else over you is worth the amount of anger and hurt you feel. Yes, unrequited love sucks. Most guys have experienced it. If you had been meant for each other, things would have worked out differently, right? Why would you want to hold on to that negativity forever? There are plenty of fish in the sea.
( Last edited by Big Mac; May 7, 2009 at 04:36 PM. )

"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." TJ
     
dcmacdaddy
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May 7, 2009, 04:47 PM
 
Originally Posted by Big Mac View Post
I don't mean to come off in an insensitive fashion, but no girl who chose someone else over you is worth the amount of anger and hurt you feel. Yes, unrequited love sucks. Most guys have experienced it. If you had been meant for each other, things would have worked out differently, right? Why would you want to hold on to that negativity forever? There are plenty of fish in the sea.
This is a very good point. In fact, if you are a typical male you will probably get your heart broken a couple more times in your life. I don't want to belittle the pain you felt then, and still feel now, but if you don't find a way to deal constructively with that emotional pain you will never be able to have another relationship like that with a woman.


Also, I would add that being angry at God for what another person did to you is not the most spiritually appropriate response. Most Christian sects* accept the notion of Free Will and as such, God is not responsible for allowing your pain to occur. That does not mean you are responsible for bringing the pain on yourself but rather, your Free Will allows you to choose how you will respond to this action of another person. And right now, your chosen response seems to be detrimental for you in terms of how you will approach relationships with women in the future.

*Theologically speaking, you can only be angry at God for what someone else does to you if you are a strict believer in Calvinist pre-determination.
( Last edited by dcmacdaddy; May 7, 2009 at 05:07 PM. Reason: incorrect use of en dash.)
One should never stop striving for clarity of thought and precision of expression.
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kylef
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May 7, 2009, 05:05 PM
 
Originally Posted by lexapro View Post
To some extent I think this is very therapeutic.
I agree wholeheartedly. Over the past while, I have felt that my life hasn't been going the way it should. From inappropriate feelings to being completely run-down, this thread has made me realize that there are people much worse off than me. I can barely handle what I have on my plate, but to see what some of you guys/girls have gone/are going through - it really has helped. Obviously, it hasn't taken anything away but I can now relate to people who are worse off .. and that just puts it all into perspective for me.
     
Laminar
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May 7, 2009, 05:08 PM
 
Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy View Post
That does not mean you are responsible for bringing the pain on yourself but rather, your Free Will allows you to choose how you will respond to this action of another person. And right now, your chosen response seems to be detrimental for you in terms of how you will approach relationships with women in the future.
I agree with this - I went through the same situation with a girl dumping me for another guy. I just remind myself that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies of it.
     
Spheric Harlot
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May 7, 2009, 05:21 PM
 
Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies of it.
That's pretty good.
     
lexapro  (op)
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May 7, 2009, 05:25 PM
 
Originally Posted by Big Mac View Post
I don't mean to come off in an insensitive fashion, but no girl who chose someone else over you is worth the amount of anger and hurt you feel. Yes, unrequited love sucks. Most guys have experienced it. If you had been meant for each other, things would have worked out differently, right? Why would you want to hold on to that negativity forever? There are plenty of fish in the sea.
The love wasn't unrequited. It was returned. She just chose someone else. That would have been fine, however she professed her love and desire to marry at 5am, at the airport, while wearing her diamond engagement ring.

Just thinking about it makes me begin to cry.
     
Big Mac
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May 7, 2009, 05:35 PM
 
Time to move on, Lex. Do what the pros do.

Seriously, though. Events in our lives often don't play out the way we want them to. That's life. I'm sure you're aware of the Serenity Prayer.

"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." TJ
     
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May 7, 2009, 08:34 PM
 
Originally Posted by Big Mac View Post
Time to move on, Lex. Do what the pros do.

Seriously, though. Events in our lives often don't play out the way we want them to. That's life. I'm sure you're aware of the Serenity Prayer.
I will admit I am somewhat guarded about "moving on". It doesn't really work that way. When the one person you have ever loved and could imagine spending the rest of your life with treats you so very horribly it's just something you never fully recover from.
     
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May 7, 2009, 09:33 PM
 
Originally Posted by dcmacdaddy View Post
*Theologically speaking, you can only be angry at God for what someone else does to you if you are a strict believer in Calvinist pre-determination.
Actually, even then you should be thankful.

James 1:2-4 ESV
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
     
Spheric Harlot
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May 7, 2009, 10:21 PM
 
Originally Posted by lexapro View Post
I will admit I am somewhat guarded about "moving on". It doesn't really work that way. When the one person you have ever loved and could imagine spending the rest of your life with treats you so very horribly it's just something you never fully recover from.
Yes, you do, if you're lucky and give yourself time.

I did when I found a person I couldn't just imagine doing that with, but where we both just "knew" this was it.
     
Hg2491
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May 7, 2009, 11:40 PM
 
Hmm. I think my story is not as heart touching as many here, but here it goes.

My dad doesn't love me. I haven't seen him for almost two years now. It started wrong form the beginning to be honest. My mom was the other woman, although my dad's marriage at the time (and now) is pretty ****ed up. Logically, my dad didn't want an off-marriage child so he suggested my mom to take care of it. My mom had to choose between him and me and I'm guessing how that ended.

I met him when I was 5. I still remember seeing his white car pull over my driveway and me thinking it was someone else. We went to McDonald's I think. He had the courage to show up with one of his ladies, although it would have been extremely awkward since, like him, I was extremely shy. That was the first and only time I went out with him. From them I would see him once a month and so. He hasn't been an active figure in my life but I try to keep in touch.

His wife, and mother to three of my siblings, knows I exist but doesn't like the idea of my dad spending time with me. Because of her my siblings don't know I even exist. I found them on Facebook about a year ago and added them. They seem nice people! I once saw them at the mall and it was so cool. We have a couple of friends in common but I don't know if I should meet them as friends.

Besides being tight on love, my dad has also being tight on money. He has paid my school tuition since the day we met, but has failed to cover other areas of my life like health and clothing. I would understand him if he didn't have money but he has a Ferrari and a couple of other luxury cars, so I'm pretty sure he can. What pisses me off sometimes is that my brothers have everything you could think of and I have to struggle to even get back and forth school. Both of my brothers have cars, one being a BWM. Go figure how unfair it is.

I would really like for him to snap some random day and see how willing I've always been to have a relationship with him. This has affected me greatly because for a long period of time I wasn't able to make friends with guys and used to be a social outcast. Over the years I've tried to change that about me and I have. I have become really close to two male friends and can now talk normally to people, although at first it was really awkward for me because I didn't know the limits of friendship.

Like I said, my story is not that sad, but I think is a hell of a story.
     
Face Ache
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May 8, 2009, 02:25 AM
 
^That would be weird. Make sure you get in his will.

I've been told I have a half-brother out there somewhere, but I'm not sure if that's true. Haven't spoken to my old man in over 18 years to ask him. The last time I saw my father was about seven years ago when I found myself walking past him in a shopping mall. I said "Fancy seeing you here" but he kept walking, which suited me fine.

I believe he's either dead or he's left the country now.
     
Hg2491
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May 8, 2009, 06:05 AM
 
In my country, regardless of being an off-marriage child, you get an equal part of the inheritance. But it's more than money than I'm seeking here. Maybe I'm a fool for expecting him to answer back as a father.

Aren't you curious to know who you half-brother is? I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I think everyone has, at some level, daddy issues; which makes me think how good of a father I'll become.
     
shifuimam
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May 8, 2009, 08:15 AM
 
Um...

Finding out a girl spread a lie about me in eighth grade, which resulted in the entire junior high hating me for the rest of the year. It certainly was traumatic then.

Finally finding a boy who was actually attracted to me, only to have him unceremoniously ditch me two weeks later for someone else. The entire senior class knew about it, too.

Having my mom accuse me of incest.

Suing my dad for $11,000 to force him to acknowledge I'm his daughter and to make up uphold my parents' divorce agreement.

Having a guy stop me in the middle of horrible, laughably bad sex to inform me that he was thinking about his ex-girlfriend while we were boning, and sex with me made him realize he wanted to marry her.

Oddly enough, if I had to repeat any of these incidents, I would. They've made me who I am today.

The one incident I never want to repeat, however:

Getting a barium enema (lower GI) in fifth grade. Without any sedation. That was probably the singular most traumatic experience of my childhood.
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Big Mac
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May 8, 2009, 09:43 AM
 
This thread is quite depressing. Now I more readily realize why there are so many atheists or agnostics around here. (Not that I think those who are atheists are only so because of traumas suffered, but suffering usually doesn't help bolster faith. . .)
( Last edited by Big Mac; May 8, 2009 at 10:12 AM. )

"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." TJ
     
SSharon
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May 8, 2009, 11:44 AM
 
Originally Posted by Big Mac View Post
This thread is quite depressing. Now I more readily realize why there are so many atheists or agnostics around here. (Not that I think those who are atheists are only so because of traumas suffered, but suffering usually doesn't help bolster faith. . .)
I know what you mean. It is sad that many of the members here have had such horrible experiences in their childhood largely because of their fathers. If anything, we can all see that we aren't alone even in our most traumatic of experiences.

For the record though I am considered very religious by most people. And in case my parents happen to come across this post let me say that I love them both and they are awesome parents. We may not all have perfect parents, but I'm sure we all have something good in our lives. Great friends, spouse, job, or something. Also, consider this a reminder that mother's day is coming up fast.
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Salty
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May 8, 2009, 12:34 PM
 
I'm pretty sure the only reason I ended up with any faith in God is because dying (drowning in our back yard pool) is my earliest childhood memory. I didn't mention it because it wasn't traumatic, it was really cool.

I should mention having to resign from the Church I planted because I had nothing more to give hurt like hell emotionally.
     
smacintush
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May 8, 2009, 02:23 PM
 
Originally Posted by Big Mac View Post
This thread is quite depressing. Now I more readily realize why there are so many atheists or agnostics around here. (Not that I think those who are atheists are only so because of traumas suffered, but suffering usually doesn't help bolster faith. . .)
Can't bolster what you never had…even as a very young child I believed more strongly in Santa Clause than I did in any god. I used to lie about believing in god because I was afraid of what people would think of me.

You may have somewhat of a point though. There hasn't been anything in my life, good or bad, that pointed me toward a faith in a god. My mom, though she is a believer, only ever proved to me that when it comes to god, the bible, or religion in general she doesn't know WTF she is talking about.
Being in debt and celebrating a lower deficit is like being on a diet and celebrating the fact you gained two pounds this week instead of five.
     
Big Mac
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May 8, 2009, 03:11 PM
 
Originally Posted by SSharon View Post
I know what you mean. It is sad that many of the members here have had such horrible experiences in their childhood largely because of their fathers. If anything, we can all see that we aren't alone even in our most traumatic of experiences.
Yeah, parents have immense impacts on the lives of their children. It's something to definitely take into strong consideration before bringing children into the world. I think there may be more daddy issues expressed here because the Forums are predominately male. I'm not discounting the effect of mothers on sons, but there's an extra dynamic between fathers and sons as well as mothers and daughters.

I wasn't going to mention it, but I think I may be an exception of sorts to the experiences stated in this thread. I too had a life altering family tragedy that I won't delve into in detail. In the aftermath, I could have easily stayed on the more secular path I was raised on especially due to the seeming unfairness of what befell us, but instead I went toward greater faith and religiosity. I'm pretty sure I would have ended up with increased faith without having gone through that adverse experience because of the basis I have for my belief, but either way I understand that my experience is comparatively unusual (and certainly out of the norm compared to the experiences in this thread). It is comforting on some level to know that I am not alone in having experienced tragedy, although I don't enjoy hearing about the suffering of other good people. Many innocent people have it far worse than almost any of us, but that doesn't negate what we've gone through. (And btw, I wasn't the first to inject religion into this thread.)
( Last edited by Big Mac; May 8, 2009 at 03:33 PM. )

"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." TJ
     
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May 8, 2009, 03:14 PM
 
Man, we can bring religion into anything.
     
 
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