[storer]

Right, just having a bit of a vent here. I have just come back from the start of a weekend with my dad. I slept there friday night. This is the second time I have stayed with him since he left my mother. I was meant to stay tonight, too. Lets go back to the start:
6 months ago, he left my mother for no specific reason (read further and you might be suspicios of why).
He works with her, and harasses her daily.
He now has a girlfriend, who is 26.
He is 41.
He and gf have rented a small house.
I stayed at this house.
The girlfriend hasn't spoken to me before today other than to say hi.
I get into an argument with my dad today because he expects us to just sit around and watch tv all day while we are there.
we have to ask to eat something
we have to ask to listen to music
we have to ask to breathe.
anyway, we get into a blue because myself and lil sis are bored.
its gets really fired up and we argue about stuff that is 6 months old.
suddenly, out of nowhere, girlfriend appears.
she tells me:
THIS IS MY HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY GOES. YOU DON'T KNOW ME! LEAVE!
i spoke a few words back but nothing significant. i wasn't prepared for that and said nothing so i freaked and father took me home under her orders.
ok, now here is why i am angry. this argument had nothing to do with her, (Janelle is the womans name) and she came in and started to attack me with words as if I had said something derogatory about her to her face. (i did say i hate you, but that was while we were arguing) She is the town bycicle so i could have said something if i wanted. What really pissed me off is the way she had me removed and looked at me like I was a disease and ... grrr!!! I and everyone else think she is a whore, but i wasn't going to say that to her face because she was foaming at the mouth.
Now, I am being demanded an apology of. I tell you what!!! I did nothing wrong. So I am pissed off.

[/Rant]

Give me your thoughts on what i did and how i should deal with this situation.

[MilkmanDan]

Wow, that really does suck man. Any way you can get out of having to go there?

[ambush]

she is the town bicycle - what?

don't give her any excuses.

[euchomai]

Originally posted by ambush:
she is the town bicycle - what?

you know, every one gets to ride...

[ambush]

I see... ride her. hmm.

WTF... tell ur father u want a serious 1 on 1 conversation and explain him!

[the_glassman]

It isn't anything a nice swift donkey punch can't clear up!

[Xeo]

First of all, you're acting like a crazy person because you're angry and frustrated. Calm down, think about the situation, and then future posts can be a little clearer.

That said, she was wrong for treating you like that and kicking you out. That's just not right for her to be so brazen as to kick her boyfriend's kids out of the house. If I were the dad, she would be kicked to the curb for such an act. I could yell and scream at my kids, but a girlfriend who's never even spoken to my kids couldn't even look cross eyed at them (assuming they aren't stepping all over her at the time).

So anyway, arguing with your dad, especially after something like a divorce, is pretty common. You should work at a relationship with him because this is a perfect opportunity for you guys to split apart and not speak for years to come. Try not to let that happen. You're obviously upset with him over leaving your mom. Maybe you should have a conversation with her about it. Does she still love him or does she think the divorce was a good idea too? That can make a big difference to know how both parents think. Lastly, seek professional help. A counselor is definitely worth seeing after such a life changing even takes place with you having no control over it. This can manifest itself later in life if you don't come to grips with it now.

To summarize, 1) Communication with both parents, 2) Therapy, 3) Pay no attention to the new girl.

[storer]

mmmm, crazy person has left and i am settled down a bit. I have had a long conversation with my father. I can't even remember what the argument started over (i know, its pretty common) but anyway...
he said to me that he would talk to Janelle about her behaviour and say that i wasn't happy (i know, he sounds like talking to a child, but those were his words!). She says that she just got angry... oh well, i sort of said that i wouldn't go back until she either apologised both written and spoken (i was still angry then). Nothing else has been said. I feel a little worried because i left my little sister with him and the dragon lady, which is bad cos he plays in a band and is going out tonight.

I was really angry before, because I hate being intimidated more than anything (its happened enough in my life) and she was really good at jumping in and suprising me with it. Normally I would have stood over her and told her where to go, and i feel bad for not standing up for myself.

[OreoCookie]

Talk to your dad about it -- if he doesn't till his gf to treat you with respect, then it won't work out one way or the other.

There's always a reason for a divorce, but no matter what you do, don't try to pick sides, because you are still the child of both, your mother and your father.

[phoenixboy70]

Originally posted by storer:
Normally I would have stood over her and told her where to go, and i feel bad for not standing up for myself.

lesson learned my friend. next time, bitch slap her really hard and tell her where she can take her cheap 5 � piece of a55.

[storer]

Originally posted by phoenixboy70:
lesson learned my friend. next time, bitch slap her really hard and tell her where she can take her cheap 5 � piece of a55.

Thanks for the advice

[nredman]

Originally posted by storer:

Give me your thoughts on what i did and how i should deal with this situation.

Don't hang out with her or your dad until he pulls his head out of his ass, which he will in time. If you think you can sit down with this chick and explain that your family is going thru a rough time and it would help if she wasn't such a bitch that would be great Your dad is obviously thinking with the wrong head (imho) right now so if you feel like you can't tell him how you feel then just ignore him until he dumps her. that probably isn't good advice but best of luck with your situation.

[nredman]

Originally posted by Xeo:
First of all, you're acting like a crazy person because you're angry and frustrated. Calm down, think about the situation, and then future posts can be a little clearer.

That said, she was wrong for treating you like that and kicking you out. That's just not right for her to be so brazen as to kick her boyfriend's kids out of the house. If I were the dad, she would be kicked to the curb for such an act. I could yell and scream at my kids, but a girlfriend who's never even spoken to my kids couldn't even look cross eyed at them (assuming they aren't stepping all over her at the time).

So anyway, arguing with your dad, especially after something like a divorce, is pretty common. You should work at a relationship with him because this is a perfect opportunity for you guys to split apart and not speak for years to come. Try not to let that happen. You're obviously upset with him over leaving your mom. Maybe you should have a conversation with her about it. Does she still love him or does she think the divorce was a good idea too? That can make a big difference to know how both parents think. Lastly, seek professional help. A counselor is definitely worth seeing after such a life changing even takes place with you having no control over it. This can manifest itself later in life if you don't come to grips with it now.

To summarize, 1) Communication with both parents, 2) Therapy, 3) Pay no attention to the new girl.

good advice, i change my answer to the above

[nredman]

Originally posted by the_glassman:
It isn't anything a nice swift donkey punch can't clear up!

*LOL*

[DeathToWindows]

village bicycle = no tact or manners

talk to your dad... see if he can deal with this bipedal hairball. otherwise, keep the bitch at bay with a 10ft stick.

[Randman]

Be an adult about it, even if you aren't one, and the adults are acting like asses.
Explain to your father, who's probably having a mid-life crisis, that you aren't going to be hurt by his actions, and his actions include being with someone who hurt you. Tell him that if you can't be treated with respect. then you have no wish to be around him or the poorly mannered friends he's choosing to be with. Don't be emotional or make threats. Just be honest and upfront about it.

[wolfen]

It's sad (but not unusual) that your father has a lot of growing up to do. This may not be a good time for you to hang around together much. Let him know you are available to go out and do stuff with, but let him have his space to learn what a fkup he is.

Maybe in time, with your patient parenting and love, he'll see what is important in life.

[Spliffdaddy]

Originally posted by Randman:
Be an adult about it, even if you aren't one, and the adults are acting like asses.
Explain to your father, who's probably having a mid-life crisis, that you aren't going to be hurt by his actions, and his actions include being with someone who hurt you. Tell him that if you can't be treated with respect. then you have no wish to be around him or the poorly mannered friends he's choosing to be with. Don't be emotional or make threats. Just be honest and upfront about it.

Having a younger girlfriend does not automatically mean you're having a mid-life crisis (whatever the definition of that is). Twenty-something year old women do not suddenly become less attractive when you're 40. You'll see what I mean.

OK, storer, here's the reality of the situation...

I'm roughly the same age as your father, so my opinion is more than a guess. Your father is acting like a complete tool. Yes, that's right. Print this out and show it to him. There's no excuse for being an idiot at age 40.

Of course you're angry. You damn well should be. I can't even think of a circumstance that would piss anybody off more than the one you're in. Your father is being extremely selfish. Earning and keeping your respect should be his primary focus - not his girlfriend.

If your father has a history of being an idiot, then there's probably not much hope of turning things around. If this is an unusual lapse in judgement on his part, maybe you should dismiss it as temporary insanity. People make mistakes. There's no getting around that fact.

I predict that your father's girlfriend will always be a problem for you and a hindrance in your relationship with your father. You're a threat to her dominance, after all. You're family - she isn't. You have the upper hand in her mind. You might also represent some sort of 'evil offspring' of her arch enemy, your mother. Use this to your advantage. She knows you're going to 'report back' every detail to your mother. You're a spy, and you're evil, and you're family. OMG, she's gotta hate your ass. You disrupt her daily routine of lounging around the house in her nightgown, watching TV, and sipping on the gin bottle.

[DeathToWindows]

bad sign when the CHILD has to do the PARENTING

[RAILhead]

Storer -- how old are you? How old is your sister? Do you *have* to go over there at all?

Maury

[wdlove]

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. The separation of parents is a difficult thing. Have you had a chance to discuss this with your mother? I hope that your sister is OK.

[storer]

Originally posted by RAILhead:
Storer -- how old are you? How old is your sister? Do you *have* to go over there at all?
Maury

I am 14, sister is 12. I can try to avoid it, and i think that if i refuse to go, i don't have to. In the past if i have said no to going, my father hasn't really cared.

Having a younger girlfriend does not automatically mean you're having a mid-life crisis (whatever the definition of that is). Twenty-something year old women do not suddenly become less attractive when you're 40. You'll see what I mean.

It is most likely that this is what is happening. He plays in a band called Spank The Turtle. He wears my clothes, and the same "accessories" that I would. He takes language mannerisms from me that he thinks are "fully sick." Most likely mid life crisis.

In answer to someone elses question that i can't find in the thread, here is a bit of background on what happened.
About 4-5 months ago, on Monday 12th May (date is stuck in head), my mum me and little sister came home from school to find a big yellow envelope with "Mums Name" written on it. On the way home we had seen dad's purple Xr6 drive by, but we thought nothing of it. We ignored it for about 5 minutes because that sort of envelope often turned up in the house for business reasons. We opened it and read the note enclosed which said... well I won't go into it. Basically, i''ve left you but there is no-one else. For about 2 days, he then did a vanishing act. Turned off his mobile and drove 80kms out of town to stay in a motel. This automatically freaked us out, because he took the shotguns that we have. It was only luck that on the second day, my lil sis tried to ring him while his phone was on checking the messages. (We had been ringing every half hour, boy that phone bill was huge) It's all very hard, because after many long discussion with him, he still hasn't been able to tell me or my mother why he left at all. Just that he "has problems with" her. And honestly, he hasn't said any more than that. So obviously, my mum doesn't think its a good thing.

[TheBadgerHunter]

Not much I can really say except try to work through it. Don't hold a grudge and don't sacrifice a relationship unless you absolutely have to.

Be happy, it could be a lot more ****ed up. At that age my life was considerably more ****ed up, although I won't go into that here.

[Randman]

Originally posted by Spliffdaddy:
Having a younger girlfriend does not automatically mean you're having a mid-life crisis (whatever the definition of that is). Twenty-something year old women do not suddenly become less attractive when you're 40. You'll see what I mean.

I'm closer to 40 than 30 dude, and while I agree with you mostly about the age thingie, when a married man separates from his wife and treats his kids poorly for the benefit of a chippie, one could make the assumption that it's a mid-life crisis. Or at the very least, an FU to the wife unit.
And regardless of that, it was poor sport to let the kids be treated wrongly. The posters who said the old man should have kicked the chick to the curb for the outburst on the kids was right on. Thinking with the little head doesn't always mean clarity of thought.

[MilkmanDan]

Hmm... I think he needs some serious hits from the 'reality stick.'