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My trip to Wal-Mart
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Status:
Offline
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TRIP TO WAL-MART
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack -- he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: planning a comeback !
Status:
Offline
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Classic.
-t
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Minnesota
Status:
Offline
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This has got to be the best post here in a long time. You made my day.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Isle of Manhattan
Status:
Offline
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I gather we have different tolerances for humor.
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"Faster, faster! 'Till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death." - HST
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The New Posts Button
Status:
Offline
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I second the motion from the man from Frantic Oblivion, and yield the rest of my time to him.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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That's not all you yield to him.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The New Posts Button
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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I'm very content with my own genitalia, thank you!
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Isle of Manhattan
Status:
Offline
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"Faster, faster! 'Till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death." - HST
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The New Posts Button
Status:
Offline
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moar liek Im sure ur teh only 1
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Baninated
Join Date: Mar 2008
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Chicago, Bang! Bang!
Status:
Offline
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This isn't really my kind of humor, but despite that, I'm quite taken aback with how effectively the payoff is constructed.
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NYC
Status:
Offline
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Hilarious!
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: The Intertube
Status:
Offline
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a stupid question deserves a stupid answer... lol~
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Suffolk, VA
Status:
Offline
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I could just some smart ass response followed by Here's Your Sign.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Aug 2003
Status:
Offline
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An old joke (all over the net), but a classic!
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Dec 2000
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by osiris
I gather we have different tolerances for humor.
Originally Posted by Dakar V
I second the motion from the man from Frantic Oblivion, and yield the rest of my time to him.
Originally Posted by besson3c
That's not all you yield to him.
Originally Posted by Dakar V
Don't be jealous.
Originally Posted by besson3c
I'm very content with my own genitalia, thank you!
Originally Posted by osiris
I'm sure you are.
Originally Posted by Dakar V
moar liek Im sure ur teh only 1
The OP's joke wasn't funny, but this is?
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status:
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Originally Posted by CharlesS
The OP's joke wasn't funny, but this is?
I don't think anyone quoted actually thought it was funny. Well, maybe one of them did, but that one doesn't count.
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Dedicated MacNNer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sto Dgo, DR
Status:
Offline
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2001
Status:
Offline
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Macite,
The woman asked such a silly question because she found you attractive and wanted to jump your bones. You should have played along.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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I think CollinG3G4 means that she wanted to have sex with Macite...
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NYC
Status:
Offline
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: BFE
Status:
Offline
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I actually LOLed.
Out Loud.
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I'm a bird. I am the 1% (of pets).
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Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: San Antonio TX USA
Status:
Online
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"Do I have a dog? Nope! I'm looking at scaring away all the neighborhood cats!" Followed by "Here's your sign." Classic, Macite, truly classic.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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Senior User
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NY
Status:
Offline
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Baltimore
Status:
Offline
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Really, people? Really?! Wow, the bar has really been lowered on MacNN.
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Forum Rules
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You may not post new threads
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