[macintologist]

Hello. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and we are in love with each other. We're sophmores in college this fall and I'd like to ask my fellow MacNNers about what they did at this point in their lives.

How did you and your girl/boyfriend decide what to do after college. For example, did you have to end up choosing an amazing career job far from each other, or did you try to make things work out and work in the same city and live together even if the career was not as exciting. How did you figure out what to do and which to prioritize, your career or living and working in the same city as the person you possibly wanted to marry?

[nonhuman]

If you're rising sophomores, why are you even worrying about it? You've got 3 years to figure it all out. Anything could happen in 3 years.

Edit:
Oh, any none of my college girlfriends lasted more than 6 months. I am, however, about to move in with my current girlfriend whom I met two years after graduating.

[ElSkirtMan]

If she's really worth it, you'll figure something out. If not, well... you won't.

That said I am a romantic, and I'm all for working stuff out.

[GSixZero]

I agree... lots happens between sophomore (wise fool) year and graduation, and I wouldn't worry about planning anything yet.

Most college relationships come and go because people grow and change a lot in college. Have a good time, don't get her pregnant, and see how things go. You can cross the after-graduation bridge when you get to it.

[IceEnclosure]

I was dating a girl in college, and she was heading off to FIT in NYC.. we agreed to end that part of our relationship because this was her career after all, and we were just dating-sorta thing.

A couple of years later, while in my bed naked, she told me (as she wept) that she wished she had brought me along or not gone there in the first place. hmmph.

so I ****ed her again.

: \

[JoshuaZ]

Yeah, none of my college relationships lasted much more than 6 months either. I actually broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year to go to Japan, because she didn`t want to.

Lets all not forget the fun that is long distance, or how horrible it was to watch many friends in college with their `boyfriend/ girlfriend` back home that freshman year. Or how none of them lasted.

You have to figure out what you want out of life. If the two of you have similar goals, go for it. But honestly man, you`ve got several more years to figure it out. Or to have everything go up in smoke. Stop worrying.

[hadocon]

Love is fake. Our parents lied to us. Get rich instead and live forever. You can still have "relations" with females without having to spend all your time with them - they have goals and dreams too. let them reach them on their own. They don't need us. It's better if everyone follows their dreams - even if that means having different partners throughout their lives.
I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but mark my words. Love ain't real. it's often just a burden.

Within months of becoming "emotionally unavailable" (meaning that I make it known to all suiters that I have no intent on being serious - don't worry, I'm not a player or rude or a jerk) I have met more people both socially and professionally and my career prospects are looking better than ever. Especially becasue of one particular social link - if I was not playing EU I would have not been able to work with this person because she is a gorgeous runway model in Germany - My hormones would not have let me even comprehend her beyond a sex object, even though she is really quite adept, savvy and courageous.

I give you a 20% chance of staying with her beyond the end of school. That's just life.

[KeriVit]

Planning 3 years in advance seems a bit "pre". I changed my mind so many times in that 3 years, regarding EVERYTHING, it's silly to plan now. Just play make-believe and the 2 of you can make a dream future and see what happens to that dream over the next few years. It may be beautiful.

[Peter]

" My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and we are in love with each other"

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by KeriVit

Planning 3 years in advance seems a bit "pre". I changed my mind so many times in that 3 years, regarding EVERYTHING, it's silly to plan now. Just play make-believe and the 2 of you can make a dream future and see what happens to that dream over the next few years. It may be beautiful.

Or you may get married and be one of the 50% of Americans who get divorced. Maybe a prenup would be a good idea of either of you is worth anything.

[Ghoser777]

Dated same girl from junior year in high school up till second semester senior year of college during student teaching... really should have taking my parents advice and dated around in college =/

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by Ghoser777

Dated same girl from junior year in high school up till second semester senior year during student teaching... really should have taking my parents advice and dated around in college =/

Sadly I did date around in college... and yet was still disapointed when I hit the real world and realized how tough it was to find like minded people your own age. Sigh...

Plus I`m in a country where I find the bulk of the female population annoying. I should have taught in France...

[d4nth3m4n]

Originally Posted by IceEnclosure

I was dating a girl in college, and she was heading off to FIT in NYC.. we agreed to end that part of our relationship because this was her career after all, and we were just dating-sorta thing.

A couple of years later, while in my bed naked, she told me (as she wept) that she wished she had brought me along or not gone there in the first place. hmmph.

so I ****ed her again.

: \

i did that, except mine went to antioch. now she's a lesbian.

[goMac]

Originally Posted by nonhuman

If you're rising sophomores, why are you even worrying about it? You've got 3 years to figure it all out. Anything could happen in 3 years.

I'm in a similar situation. We've been dating almost 2 years, started dating Freshman year of college. I wouldn't consider marriage until college is over at least.

As for dating other girls, meh, I dated decently in high school so I guess I don't have that wishing for other girls thing. The way I see if, I should date whoever makes me happiest. That person, even with other girls I've met while we've been dating, has been my girlfriend. I'm not staying with her just to feel committed to someone. I'm staying with her because she is a much better match for me than anyone else, and that's something I really value in my life. So far, no one else has fit me better.

It's always been hard talking abut careers with each other, because it always involves discussing where one of us is going to live. We're very fortunate that the place I want to work after college is in her home town, and was someplace I wanted to work before I met her. She also wants to go back to her home town eventually. But she has other places she might want to go for a few years after college. And you know what? If she comes to me after college and says she wants to go to London for a few years, I'd probably go with her. It's not like living a few years in someplace cool would be a waste of my life. If she told me she wanted to go to India or something, I might not go with her, but generally we both agree on cool places to live. I have to consider that my plans aren't set in stone either, and maybe I should let her show me new places too. In return, she'll spend some time where I want to go. And you know, maybe we'll still disagree on where we'd want to go after college. But then we're not really working well together. But in generally, we both share a lot in tastes.

[blackstar]

dont plan ahead, all girls are slu**

[Mac Bird]

Originally Posted by macintologist

We're sophmores in college this fall and I'd like to ask my fellow MacNNers about what they did at this point in their lives.

We finished school and got married.

Originally Posted by macintologist

How did you and your girl/boyfriend decide what to do after college...or did you try to make things work out and work in the same city and live together even if the career was not as exciting.

I was working full-time, so she got a job not in her field in the same city.

Originally Posted by macintologist

How did you figure out what to do and which to prioritize, your career or living and working in the same city?

Finances. We wanted a house, family, nice standard of living and nest egg; we lived frugally and saved like a biatch. Because these things cost money we lived as we were still in college (read: soup and sandwiches) and squirrelled away as much as possible.

It was a sacrifice on her part to choose the career she now has. Fast forward ten years to now. After we both finish our MBA she's looking to finally get into the field she loves. I quit my job and moved with her promotion to a different part of the country. It's now my turn to change careers (or at least industries); I'm looking for work and caring for our son. It's not what we planned, but it works out...as love should.

/end sappy narrative

[production_coordinator]

1) You do have time... don't worry about it now. You have a long time to ensure that this is what you both want.

2) You need to make your own decision. Whatever feels right to you... probably is. Most people make BIG!!!mistakes by gauging their lives to the lives of those around them. It's not a race... and in the end, you don't have anything to prove.

3) Talk to HER about it... and not the MacNN crew

[Gossamer]

OP: I know how you feel, I've got a girlfriend of almost eleven months, are we're going to be juniors this year. She's going to have four more years of vet school after we get our bachelors so it's most likely I'll find a job somewhere in this area. Finances are definitely a big one, especially for college students. I know people that waited until graduation to get married, and I know people that are getting married while still in college. I think it would be hard to be married in college, but it might be just as hard to wait those couple more years to get married.

Or you may get married and be one of the 50% of Americans who get divorced. Maybe a prenup would be a good idea of either of you is worth anything.

This is an incorrect statistic. It's based on a figure taken in the 70s when the number of marriages in that year was only twice the number of divorces, so it's really really off. If you can find a more recent survey that verifies that number though, I'll believe.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by Peter

" My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and we are in love with each other"

Agreed.

Though I have known couples that got married six months after they met because it was absolutely clear to both of them that this was the proverbial "it". At least one couple really is.


The other thing:

*If* it actually turns out to be serious, you'll know what to do. You won't be asking questions, let alone people on some internet forum who aren't your two best friends in the world.


I wish you all the best.

[Y3a]

Originally Posted by hadocon

Love is fake. Our parents lied to us. Get rich instead and live forever.
I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but mark my words. Love ain't real. it's often just a burden.

WRONG! Love is hard to find, and finding someone who is your soulmate does take time and the shallow, self centered types don't have the capacity to expend the time. It requires patience, and a realistic approach to life.

Many have unrealistic expectations of relationships. Those are the ones to avoid! Are they absorbed with their appearance? do they want 'toys' all the time. are they wastful? are they users? are they horrid at managing their money? is their place a pig pen? do they drink or do drugs? do they move from place to place often? Do they switch majors often? Do they have nasty habits? Are they 'loaners' or other types of nutcase? Stay away. Much is due to immaturity that seems so popular these days.

Find someone who you enjoy being yourself with. Do the same stuff. Can you really live 24-7 with someone for a year? if you argue lots, thats a red flag too.

[ism]

Originally Posted by blackstar

dont plan ahead, all girls are slu**

Not true! My wife isn't a slut





...wish she was, but she's not.

[starman]

Dude, you're in college. You could split up tomorrow. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's WAY too early to worry about this crap.

By this time I think I was on my 5th college girlfriend.

[kaze0]

Dude, marry her. You gotta lock that down. I'm surprised she survived freshman year.

[scaught]

Originally Posted by d4nth3m4n

i did that, except mine went to antioch. now she's a lesbian.

who?

i've been to antioch once to see some show. weird ****ing town. weird ****ing college. drive for an hour through farmland ohio, only to arrive and see womenfolk walking around hand in hand, coffee shops, and vegan diners.

i got there, and a friend of mine who was going to school there gave me a brief on the situation. it went something like this. "there are people in costume all over the place, its just how it is. the bathrooms, although marked with signs denoting gender, don't actually mean much here. if you're peeing and see a girl in the mens room, don't be alarmed"

[scaught]

Originally Posted by kaze0

Dude, marry her. You gotta lock that down. I'm surprised she survived freshman year.

this is the worst advice in this thread, and maybe the entirety of macnn.

[Gossamer]

Originally Posted by scaught

this is the worst advice in this thread, and maybe the entirety of macnn.

Ouch...not disagreeing though.

Originally Posted by scaught

who?

i've been to antioch once to see some show. weird ****ing town. weird ****ing college. drive for an hour through farmland ohio, only to arrive and see womenfolk walking around hand in hand, coffee shops, and vegan diners.

i got there, and a friend of mine who was going to school there gave me a brief on the situation. it went something like this. "there are people in costume all over the place, its just how it is. the bathrooms, although marked with signs denoting gender, don't actually mean much here. if you're peeing and see a girl in the mens room, don't be alarmed"

Packing now. Thanks for the travel advice!!

[kaze0]

Dude, think of it this way. You got a chicky, if you dont lock that down it could fall down a grate. So you lock it down early. Divorces early in life are the least financially destructive. You can't go wrong by popping the question!

[analogika]

Or, you could just shoot her and save yourself the trouble.

[Gossamer]

Originally Posted by kaze0

Dude, think of it this way. You got a chicky, if you dont lock that down it could fall down a grate. So you lock it down early. Divorces early in life are the least financially destructive. You can't go wrong by popping the question!

Or make sure she's the one so you don't have to go through a divorce at all.

[kaze0]

Originally Posted by Gossamer

Or make sure she's the one so you don't have to go through a divorce at all.

dude, u make no cents

[Mac Bird]

Just wanted to add a few other comments:

1. Complete your degree
2. If one of you get a good job in your field right out of college, go there first. That's a rare find and a good start in life.
3. Know what your life goals are. Are they compatible?
4. Discuss financial information. VERY important.
5. Cohabitate if possible. (I could discuss further but don't want to be flamed)
6. Enjoy life while in college. Enjoy time together as much as possible before entering the "real world"!!!

[scaught]

Originally Posted by kaze0

Dude, think of it this way. You got a chicky, if you dont lock that down it could fall down a grate. So you lock it down early. Divorces early in life are the least financially destructive. You can't go wrong by popping the question!

oh boy. i really doubt ive ever asked this of another poster because i consider it to be offensive, but how old are you?

[bstone]

Originally Posted by Peter

" My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and we are in love with each other"

Hi, Peter!!!!

[n8236]

From my experience, once work goes well, the relationship usually starts to hang by a thread and when it goes up in smoke, u better be asking for a promotion.

I would say work and career is the bigget obstacle you two will face. People tend to get very career oriented starting your age if not soon. And because of that age and career ambition, the grasp of relationships somehow start to passively lose some traction.

Your relationship is still young and have much to endure.

I came off a 3 year relationship and due to different career paths, me and my gf had to be apart half way around the world. Everyday I still hope we can somehow get back together, but our different life goals and ambitions inhibit that possibiliy, for now.

I suggest you take life as it comes. Your career in a couple years will be vital and you will have to make hard choices (ie. a top grad school or company out of the state hires you).

[Peter]

Originally Posted by bstone

Hi, Peter!!!!

Whoa bstone ventured out of #MacNN and the Politcal Lounge


/me hugs bstone

[markybigred]

Originally Posted by goMac

As for dating other girls, meh, I dated decently in high school so I guess I don't have that wishing for other girls thing. The way I see if, I should date whoever makes me happiest. That person, even with other girls I've met while we've been dating, has been my girlfriend. I'm not staying with her just to feel committed to someone. I'm staying with her because she is a much better match for me than anyone else, and that's something I really value in my life. So far, no one else has fit me better.

I agree and disagree with this. Of course you should date whoever makes you happiest. But while you are in a relationship with a girl, you will meet a LOT less girls. So you view of "other girls" is extremely limited to say the least. For instance, instead of going to the bars with buddies (to meet girls) one night out of each weekend, you would stay in with the girlfriend.

Also, why stay with someone just because she is "a much better match than anyone else." You should stay with someone because you love them and care for them. I hope this is the case, you just didn't say it here.

Oh and this is hilarious:

Originally Posted by ism

Not true! My wife isn't a slut





...wish she was, but she's not.

[molala]

Live in the present, be happy that you are together and won't need to make relocation decisions for a couple of years, enjoy your youth and being in love. You will know what to do when the time comes, whether the relationship is worth the sacrifices that need to be made.

After university in '93, I moved to the US for graduate school leaving a boyfriend behind but somehow he was just worth the distance (didn't even have email then and phone calls were much more expensive). If he had said "stay" I would have found it very hard to relocate, but he thought I should go. We had the funniest phone calls and letters. He eventually followed me to the States and eventually eventually it didn't work out. But I remember how happy we were, how it was the right decision many years ago to stay together despite everyone thinking it was crazy and despite the breakup years later. You never know what is going to happen in the future, but you know the most important things to you at present and those you just hang on to.

[Stradlater]

People seem to get carried away in romance threads.

Simply wait a few years. Figure it out then if it's an issue.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by macintologist

Hello. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and we are in love with each other. We're sophmores in college this fall and I'd like to ask my fellow MacNNers about what they did at this point in their lives.

How did you and your girl/boyfriend decide what to do after college. For example, did you have to end up choosing an amazing career job far from each other, or did you try to make things work out and work in the same city and live together even if the career was not as exciting. How did you figure out what to do and which to prioritize, your career or living and working in the same city as the person you possibly wanted to marry?

Since you've got a few years to go before you have to make the choice, relax.

However, stick this under your hat for later: Work is just work. Are you really going to trade in the love of your life for the opportunity to get a new car every three years instead of every six?

[goMac]

Originally Posted by markybigred

I agree and disagree with this. Of course you should date whoever makes you happiest. But while you are in a relationship with a girl, you will meet a LOT less girls. So you view of "other girls" is extremely limited to say the least. For instance, instead of going to the bars with buddies (to meet girls) one night out of each weekend, you would stay in with the girlfriend.

Also, why stay with someone just because she is "a much better match than anyone else." You should stay with someone because you love them and care for them. I hope this is the case, you just didn't say it here.

My girlfriend doesn't have a problem with me dating other people. We're long distance, so I end up spending a lot of time with other girls, and they still don't pull me that often. Seeing other girls sounds like a great idea in a collect them all guy way at first, but they just aren't the same and I just don't ever feel like I want to take things anywhere with other girls.

[wataru]

I dated a girl from the beginning of freshman year through the end of sophomore year. We broke up because we were both going abroad for junior year.

The whole relationship was a big mistake. You shouldn't waste your college years in a relationship. Go out and play the field.

Then again, maybe you shouldn't listen to me as I haven't gotten laid in over a year.

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by wataru

I dated a girl from the beginning of freshman year through the end of sophomore year. We broke up because we were both going abroad for junior year.

The whole relationship was a big mistake. You shouldn't waste your college years in a relationship. Go out and play the field.

Then again, maybe you shouldn't listen to me as I haven't gotten laid in over a year.

Clearly its because you live in the twin cities. Minnesota is no place to meet the ladies. You should head somewhere else... possibily somewhere in Asia... hmmm... I wonder where they need silly foreigners who speak English and who are also from Minnesota....

[Ghoser777]

Is it just me, or do there seem to be more single women around when you're dating than when you yourself are single?

[JoshuaZ]

I think you just notice them more. That or God hates you for touching yourself at night.

[E's Lil Theorem]

I had a girlfriend at the end of my college career. After I graduated, I stayed working in the same area and she had another semester to go. We stayed together until she moved across the country to start med school. For a while I thought we should have given the long distance a try, but now I'm sure things worked out for the best. If our paths cross again later in life, great; if not, we had a great time together.

Originally Posted by IceEnclosure

I was dating a girl in college, and she was heading off to FIT in NYC.. we agreed to end that part of our relationship because this was her career after all, and we were just dating-sorta thing.

A couple of years later, while in my bed naked, she told me (as she wept) that she wished she had brought me along or not gone there in the first place. hmmph.

so I ****ed her again.

: \

Good times.

[wataru]

Originally Posted by JoshuaZ

Clearly its because you live in the twin cities. Minnesota is no place to meet the ladies. You should head somewhere else... possibily somewhere in Asia... hmmm... I wonder where they need silly foreigners who speak English and who are also from Minnesota....

I'm way ahead of you.

Although I didn't get laid my junior year in Japan either.

[Ghoser777]

Originally Posted by JoshuaZ

I think you just notice them more. That or God hates you for touching yourself at night.

Perhaps... or (and this is a theory given by one of my female friends), when women see a guy that has a girlfriend, they automatically see the guy as being more desirable and hang around them more i.e. there's something about him she likes... I wonder what it is (and if it's worth having...).

Just a theory.

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by wataru

I'm way ahead of you.

Although I didn't get laid my junior year in Japan either.

Oddly I didn't get any the semester in college I was in Japan either...

Hmmmm..... I guess minnesota treated me much better than I ever gave it credit for...

I miss blonds... or girls that don't call everything かわいい！！！！

[Kr0nos]

Originally Posted by hadocon

Love is fake. Our parents lied to us. Get rich instead and live forever. You can still have "relations" with females without having to spend all your time with them - they have goals and dreams too. let them reach them on their own. They don't need us. It's better if everyone follows their dreams - even if that means having different partners throughout their lives.
I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but mark my words. Love ain't real. it's often just a burden.

How true (these days). Most people aren't even emotionally in-tuned enough to experience anything like 'love' anymore. You've gotta role with the times and make sure you stay focussed on your own goals in life.

Most of my college 'dates' didn't last longer than 3-4 weeks (eventhough back then, I was still a 'hopeless romantic' and pretty much oblivious to what really goes on in relationships (especially in regards to how women think).

I did have one relationship that lasted a year (almost 2, on and off), and I was soooooo sure we'd get married, settle down (I was 21 back then)…today I thank the heavens this never happened.

All the fun things, experiences and people I would have missed out on…

Love is a very 'real' emotion, but it usually doesn't last very long, and once a relationship becomes routine (and it always does, no matter how hard anyone tries to keep it 'fresh'), it's basically just a matter of how well you deal with monotony.

Of course this 'monotony' really spells 'stability' should you want to raise kids etc. But that's a whole different story.

Anyways, best of luck to you, macintologist.

And make sure you graduate from college and get a well paying job - or else your relationship will be a short lived one (believe me, I've seen this happen too many times (not to me though ).