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Happy New Year! What’s in stock for you in 2023? SUMMARIZE 2023. 2024 PLANS?
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Happy New Year, y’all!
I hope you have had nice holidays and a good start into 2023. I thought I’d ask around to see how 2022 went for you and what your plans are for 2023.
As for us, 2022 wasn’t a great year, I had to deal with the fallout of 2021 (most notably the loss of my mom and disintegration of large parts of my family as for some inexplicable reasons disagreements and bad blood between my parents and other relatives was transferred to us even though my siblings and I did not get involved). On the plus side, my bond to my kids is growing stronger. And fitness-wise, I think I have ever been as in good a shape as last year.
A lot of difficult decisions lie ahead for 2023: my contract at my uni expires at the end of March and I might have to leave academia, which was my vocation since I was about 8 or 9 years old. And we will probably have to move continents again. I really try hard to see the positives, but it isn’t easy. Still, I feel like I can finally kick into gear. A job in the industry would give my family finally some long-term financial stability. We could finally settle down someplace.
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Clinically Insane
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Most of that is a huge drag, but that’s great to hear about the kids!
I think I mentioned in a different thread my dad got sick during the summer, like, I was about to sign a DNR sick. He miraculously recovered, but it was by far the most awful stretch of my life.
The silver lining is we both realized we need to spend more time together, and I’ve been aiming (and more or less succeeding) to see him a few days a week.
The project I’ve been working on is over, which was bittersweet in many ways, but I’m excited about the next project, which is arty, subversive TikToks we want to release on a weekly schedule.
As a palate cleanser though, our violinist’s day job is a middle school music teacher, and she’s running this year’s musical theater show, Bugsy Malone. I’m doing the lighting and stage design, the latter which I’ve never done before, so I’m excited to, well… make a crapload of mistakes and learn from them.
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Originally Posted by subego
I think I mentioned in a different thread my dad got sick during the summer, like, I was about to sign a DNR sick. He miraculously recovered, but it was by far the most awful stretch of my life.
The silver lining is we both realized we need to spend more time together, and I’ve been aiming (and more or less succeeding) to see him a few days a week.
That’s why you have been watching TV with him all this time! I think this is a genius idea. I don’t want to presume, but men of our dad’s generation aren’t usually brought up to talk a lot and keep in touch with their friends. My dad’s world (close to 77) has contracted significantly over the years. When my mom died, she was the glue of the family, he was like a turtle on its back, unable to move. He hasn’t kept in touch with his family and friends, and never calls himself. Your dad is lucky to have you, and I am glad you can spend time with him.
Originally Posted by subego
As a palate cleanser though, our violinist’s day job is a middle school music teacher, and she’s running this year’s musical theater show, Bugsy Malone. I’m doing the lighting and stage design, the latter which I’ve never done before, so I’m excited to, well… make a crapload of mistakes and learn from them.
I really like that. I don’t know if this is a job or you volunteer (perhaps somewhere in between?), but getting yourself out of your comfort zone is a great thing to do for yourself. I might start coaching this year: I’m active on a cycling-related forum, and someone reached out to me out of the blue, asking to be coached. Nothing has been decided yet, but I’ll talk to him this week and see whether we can come to an agreement.
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Clinically Insane
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Oreo, that sounds like major shifts that are going to keep you involved for a while yet!
subego, I really wish I'd had the chance to spend more time with my dad. I miss him a lot.
As for my year:
After having released two albums this past year (one of which, Ina Tramp's "Human Culture", I co-produced and co-wrote with my wife, the other "Nathan Johnston and the Angels of Libra", I co-wrote and did nearly all the keyboards for), there's three vinyl/digital releases slated for the next few months:
The Drawbars "One Finger Only" — my Hammond trio's debut album, recorded in January of 2020 (!) will finally be officially released on Feb 17 on CD, vinyl, and digital portals.
Our second album is already recorded and will be mixed as time and budget permit.
The Angels of Libra's second album, "Revelations", has been pressed and will be out in March.
We're currently working on the third, and we have a grant for a fourth one, a soul album featuring Maiiah, so we'll have to write and record that one by late spring, before the grant expires.
While all that is going on, my temporary studio location (where I moved with what I had left after water damage and a building explosion that destroyed all the vintage gear that was in storage) is finally being torn down, so I'll need new digs within the next six weeks or so.
I'll also be touring for five weeks as Mac operator for a major band, which means I won't be able to do the release tour for the Angels of Libra. Which sucks, but it's a hella good reason, and I have a good sub.
An in between all that, I still feel like my playing has become stagnant, so I'll be taking jazz piano lessons to up my chops a bit and give me the feeling of progress…
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My wife and I are already scheduled for a couple of wonderful trips. In a couple of weeks, we're traveling to the Big Bend area of Texas, and literally visiting Big Bend National Park. A side trip will take us to the McDonald Observatory outside Fort Davis, Texas for a "star party". We're totally stoked about it.
In the fall, we're going on a cruise from either Seattle or Vancouver through the Alaskan Inside Passage. It's another really great trip to look forward to.
My wife and I are settling into a more "us centered" life. We've really begun to embrace the part of "retirement" that is "we've worked our tails off for decades, and now it's time to start living for ourselves". It was a little scary at first, but now it's becoming obvious that it's both appropriate and necessary.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
After having released two albums this past year (one of which, Ina Tramp's "Human Culture", I co-produced and co-wrote with my wife, the other "Nathan Johnston and the Angels of Libra", I co-wrote and did nearly all the keyboards for), there's three vinyl/digital releases slated for the next few months:
Congratulations!
If releasing albums is anything like releasing a book, then I can definitely sympathize. I was overjoyed and proud when my second book was finally released this year. (It took way longer than expected and there were lots of small trials and tribulations along the way. From what you wrote about The Drawbars album, it sounds similar in the music industry.)
Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
While all that is going on, my temporary studio location (where I moved with what I had left after water damage and a building explosion that destroyed all the vintage gear that was in storage) is finally being torn down, so I'll need new digs within the next six weeks or so.
That sounds like a GAU (that’s a German abbreviation for worst anticipated accident). Did that break your heart?
Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
An in between all that, I still feel like my playing has become stagnant, so I'll be taking jazz piano lessons to up my chops a bit and give me the feeling of progress…
Sounds like fun.
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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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Originally Posted by ghporter
My wife and I are settling into a more "us centered" life. We've really begun to embrace the part of "retirement" that is "we've worked our tails off for decades, and now it's time to start living for ourselves". It was a little scary at first, but now it's becoming obvious that it's both appropriate and necessary.
Word. I’m just at the beginning of my parenting voyage, and while I love it, being a parent really means you put your own interests second of those of your kids. Doing something nice for my spouse usually involves me taking care of the kids for a few hours. Dates are rare. Tomorrow we will have a daytime date.
After two+ decades, you did your job and you deserve to focus more on each other.
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Originally Posted by OreoCookie
... He hasn’t kept in touch with his family and friends, and never calls himself.
I get the intended meaning, but as written - don't do this. Or email yourself, or send yourself gifts via a delivery service.
If you're lonely, just talk to your plants. So long as they don't answer back, it's all OK. If they start talking back, and tell you who to kill, update us for advice.
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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
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Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
(where I moved with what I had left after water damage and a building explosion that destroyed all the vintage gear that was in storage)
![EEK!](https://forums.macnn.com/images/smilies/oldschool/eek.gif) Yikes! That's like a nightmare scenario.
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Clinically Insane
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Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot
subego, I really wish I'd had the chance to spend more time with my dad. I miss him a lot.
Originally Posted by OreoCookie
That’s why you have been watching TV with him all this time! I think this is a genius idea. I don’t want to presume, but men of our dad’s generation aren’t usually brought up to talk a lot and keep in touch with their friends. My dad’s world (close to 77) has contracted significantly over the years. When my mom died, she was the glue of the family, he was like a turtle on its back, unable to move. He hasn’t kept in touch with his family and friends, and never calls himself. Your dad is lucky to have you, and I am glad you can spend time with him.
Thank you. You are very kind.
I feel extraordinarily lucky to have him, and likewise extraordinarily lucky to have been served a warning rather than a regret.
He’s 74, and while the circumstances are different, the results are similar. His best friend and business partner, who was 10 years younger, suddenly and unexpectedly died in 2019. He was extroverted and gregarious, with a mile-high list of friends, whereas my dad is introverted and somewhat withdrawn. He’s close to his circle of friends, but it’s always been a small circle. Their differences dovetailed well, and his death effectively tore away half my dad’s life. He’s basically got one close friend left… who’s had a stroke, long-haul COVID, and appears to be pre-dementia.
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Originally Posted by OreoCookie
I really like that. I don’t know if this is a job or you volunteer (perhaps somewhere in between?), but getting yourself out of your comfort zone is a great thing to do for yourself. I might start coaching this year: I’m active on a cycling-related forum, and someone reached out to me out of the blue, asking to be coached. Nothing has been decided yet, but I’ll talk to him this week and see whether we can come to an agreement.
I guess it’s in between. It’s a very, very modestly paid gig, actually two of them, but I’m donating it back to the materials budget.
The coaching sounds awesome, as does the sudden recognition for the effort!
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The only for-sure thing for me in ‘23 will be moving onto Medicare. Big old-guy excitement! After that...eh. I just kind of go along with whatever my wife/family/friends decide, anyway.
I think I’d like to be quieter this year.
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Thought I’d resurrect this thread and let everyone report in on what happened.
My stage design project was an absolute disaster, ruined months of my life, and gave me PTSD.
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But did you learn something?
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Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
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Get them before they get you?
Peace through superior firepower?
Extra deck screws for the win?
Duck tape helps people keep secrets?
He who arrives first, can lock the doors on everyone else.
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Middle School Musical Theater is a cutthroat world, man.
At least your subversive tiktoks are going well.
I never posted in this last year, but 2022 wasn't bad, and 2023 seemed innocuous.
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My 2023 was pretty much involved in being a patient. I am not patient in general, and I don’t make a good one either. To put a nice big cherry on top of that, the reason for all that patient time was that something I, my wife, my surgeon and all the consulting docs thought was taken care of two years ago.
2024 starts out with me being demonstrably healthy, and the things we had to cancel or put off last year are scheduled and pretty much already set up for this year.
Except for so many healthcare companies assuming I don’t know that my next birthday is “special” (65) and flooding my mailbox with notices to that effect, my wife and I are both doing wonderfully well, and so is our son. It’s going to be a great year.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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‘23 was not my best year. My own personal headspace turmoil aside, world events really took a big mental toll on me, far more than usual. For the first time in my long-ish life, I feel like things are genuinely on the precipice of going disastrously sideways, and far too many of my fellow humans seem perfectly ok with it.
I’ve also been dealing with a handful of minor-ish health concerns that none of the docs I’ve seen seem to be able to figure-out. They just kind-of shrug and suggest a different specialist. They aren’t life-threatening problems or anything, but they affect my sleep and daily life. So, every night’s a crap-shoot whether I get 8 hours or 2 hours of sleep, if any at all. It’s been very draining.
I guess this is just to say I don’t see ‘24 being an improvement in any way. So, I’ll just hide in a corner and pray that extinction-event asteroid shows-up soon.
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2023 was exhausting, started badly but ended on several high notes. 2024 will be financially tight, but worth it in the long run.
One year ago I was close to being without a job: my work contract would expire at the end of March and I was unable to extend it. Typical BS in academia. So I had to start looking for jobs in the industry in earnest. Looking for jobs in the industry was much better than in academia, although I still had quite a few mixed experiences here. Some interviews went great, but I was not selected for a follow-up. Other interviews went meh, but I was selected for the second round. In the end, I got a job at a great company. You likely haven't heart of them, but our customers are all semiconductor manufacturers, fabs, lots of sensor manufacturers, display manufacturers, etc. They have 70+ % marketshare in some niches. While their foreign subsidiaries are often located in hip districts (e. g. Korea's Silicon Valley), they HQ is in the middle of nowhere in Austria. Both interviews went great, they were they only company to see promise in me. Whereas other companies probably didn't know what to do with me (overqualified, not the best fit in the short term). My family moved from Japan to rural Austria in July. Moving continents with kids is exhausting. The last week in Japan was predictably hard. (My wife and I took shifts cleaning our old apartment through the night.) After 4 months without a job, I was starting work again — finally (April–August 2023).
Literally the day we arrived in Austria I got news from a German university that they would like to offer me a tenured job. Woot! I had interviewed in October 2022, and they told me they'd need 6 months to make a decision. Ugh. When I touched bases with them in April, they told me I was ranked #2 or #3 on the list. So I originally thought that was my best shot and I did well.
The same week my wife told me she thought she was pregnant. Turns out, she was right. We are now expecting our third child. (I have always wanted three kids.) Now we will have to organize another move and manage a financial tight spot. We have just started saving up money again. But the job would solve a huge problem looming in the far future: retirement. The problem of working in academia all over the world is that I haven't paid in a retirement fund consistently for long enough to get anything worthwhile back. Professors at German universities are state employees and for some weird reason retirement of state employees is calculated based on their last salary before retirement (instead of how much they have cumulatively paid into the state retirement fund).
Once I get settled, I'd like to work on my mental health. I am still struggling with my family falling apart after my mom's death in 2021.
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Many congratulations are in order!
How far away is your dad from your new home? Also, In-laws and others you know okay after the quake?
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Oreo, I certainly wish you well with all of this. A move…from one side of the globe to the other…that’s a really big stressor by itself. Add kids to that move, even outside typical school months, makes it an order of magnitude harder. And a “surprise!” from your wife, well it’s like you’ve scored the superfecta of stressors. Bad or good, too much stress is really hard on a person.
Without asking anything too personal, if it’s possible to figure out how your mom kept the family from falling apart, it may help you handle it. I can see a couple of possibilities: either her personality was so strong that everybody “played nice” and got along, or everybody was so focused on your mom’s health and health problems that they ignored being ticked at each other until after she died. Either of these provides a picture of why things seemed to “suddenly” fall apart, and may help you deal with your own response to her death, and let other family members react their own ways. The basic idea here is to break this emotional problem down into its essential parts. How much of the “family falling apart” bothers you for what reason or reasons, and how does that interact with how you feel about losing your mother.
Don’t think you can “get over” her loss. That’s not how it works. You learn how to cherish their memory and go on with your life. Mourning is hard, and it’s an ongoing process. The problem is that so many different cultures act like one [i]can[/] get over that kind of loss, and instead of going through the grief process, people bottle it up, and that changes the way they think, react, and live. I have a suspicion that this is part of the issue with your family.
These ideas are not only me not being able to stop being an occupational therapist and try to help people, but also from my own experiences - really from about September of 2022 until quite recently. Not about losing parents, or about family relationships falling apart, but about dealing with how my health issues affected me mentally. Particularly after being rear-ended at 40MPH in August 2022, and feeling both victimized and ‘unable to succeed’ because of the physical issues from the accident. Stating that 2023 was about being a patient was both about physical recovery and emotional recovery. I got great help, had great support from my wonderful wife, and worked hard at getting better.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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Originally Posted by ghporter
Oreo, I certainly wish you well with all of this. A move…from one side of the globe to the other…that’s a really big stressor by itself. Add kids to that move, even outside typical school months, makes it an order of magnitude harder. And a “surprise!” from your wife, well it’s like you’ve scored the superfecta of stressors. Bad or good, too much stress is really hard on a person.
Yeah, and we are glad that none of our kids are in school yet. But our oldest will turn 6 very soon, and our move is just in time. But still, starting from zero again with little-to-no furniture, no appliances, no car, etc. is quite hard and expensive.
Originally Posted by ghporter
Without asking anything too personal, if it’s possible to figure out how your mom kept the family from falling apart, it may help you handle it. I can see a couple of possibilities: either her personality was so strong that everybody “played nice” and got along, or everybody was so focused on your mom’s health and health problems that they ignored being ticked at each other until after she died. Either of these provides a picture of why things seemed to “suddenly” fall apart, and may help you deal with your own response to her death, and let other family members react their own ways.
Hmmm, that's a very insightful question. My mom was usually quite non-confrontational on important things, but she was short-tempered with small things. She was weird to categorize, she wasn't your typical people pleaser, but that was an aspect of her personality. Also my dad and my brother usually prefer to bury stuff they don't want to deal with. E. g. it turned out that she hadn't processed her twin brother's suicide properly. When she was cleaning out my grandmother's attic, she found the receipt of her brother's funeral (that my parents fully paid for and her parents = my grandparents and her brother = my uncle did not contribute to). Suddenly, she started thinking about all of that again in her old childhood home …
My sister used to be like that, she'd bury her feelings. Fortunately, years of therapy taught her how to deal with her needs and wants better. I really like and respect that about her. Makes me want to go to therapy, too. I would have, had I had the time for it.
Originally Posted by ghporter
The basic idea here is to break this emotional problem down into its essential parts. How much of the “family falling apart” bothers you for what reason or reasons, and how does that interact with how you feel about losing your mother.
Part of the issue is that everything happened in quick succession, and it was quite a shock to my system.
My siblings and I had a big falling out with my dad after my mom died. Funnily enough, I don't feel much anger towards him anymore. Our relationship has cooled down, but I am comfortable with the distance we have now and have emotional energy again to be more compassionate towards him. I'm not fully sure why.
To lack of contact with my brother is what hurts the most at the moment. After a visit in October 2022 where we had very positive and cordial interactions, he suddenly went no contact and texted me out of the blue why I hadn't apologized yet. He has been dealing with untreated depression for at least 2 decades. As a result I have been thinking about our childhood a lot. Of course, there were things that I regret and our relationship when we were kids was not good. On the other hand, talking to friends, I don't think our relationship as children was out of the norm. (I hope that makes sense.) And I don't agree with his perception of the later years where I did invest a lot of time and effort to repair and improve our relationship. It is tricky, I don't know to what extent it is his depression talking, whether and to what degree our relationship was normal, etc. His relationship to our sister is also complicated even though they were very close during childhood. I feel as if he hasn't processed his childhood at all.
Originally Posted by ghporter
Don’t think you can “get over” her loss. That’s not how it works. You learn how to cherish their memory and go on with your life. Mourning is hard, and it’s an ongoing process. The problem is that so many different cultures act like one [i]can[/] get over that kind of loss, and instead of going through the grief process, people bottle it up, and that changes the way they think, react, and live. I have a suspicion that this is part of the issue with your family.
Yeah, it is just as Biden said in one of his speeches, the ratio of the number of bad days to the number of good days becomes smaller with time. Every once in a while, I'm reminded that my mom isn't here anymore. E. g. last week my wife asked me “How did your mom handle this when you were a kid?” and all I could say is that I didn't know and the only person who did know was my mom …
Originally Posted by ghporter
These ideas are not only me not being able to stop being an occupational therapist and try to help people, but also from my own experiences - really from about September of 2022 until quite recently. Not about losing parents, or about family relationships falling apart, but about dealing with how my health issues affected me mentally. Particularly after being rear-ended at 40MPH in August 2022, and feeling both victimized and ‘unable to succeed’ because of the physical issues from the accident. Stating that 2023 was about being a patient was both about physical recovery and emotional recovery. I got great help, had great support from my wonderful wife, and worked hard at getting better.
My dad is grappling with his physical decline. As is common, he is refusing certain help and preventative measures until well past they are necessary (e. g. a walker). On the plus side, he found a new girlfriend and their relationship is very curious. They are both widowed and the way the love they feel for their old partners coexists with theirs is quite interesting. She is a really kind soul and we got on great.
The day I met her, the first thing she said was “We are not a couple or anything.” (“Don't think of pink elephants.” …) I'm very happy, because I feel they give each other some quality of life their kids would be unable to give them. They are in their late 70s and early 80s, so why wait for anything?
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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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Originally Posted by subego
Many congratulations are in order!
Thanks!
The year started on a low note and ended on a high note. I feel super lucky that I will give up one great job for another great job.
Originally Posted by subego
How far away is your dad from your new home? Also, In-laws and others you know okay after the quake?
Yeah, my in-laws live in Nagasaki (for the most part), but a cycling buddy of mine was affected. Thanks for asking! ![Smilie](https://forums.macnn.com/images/smilies/oldschool/smile.gif)
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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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Oreo, the biggest challenge is to not let “everything happening so fast” control how you think or how you feel. You are in charge of you, not events. So take a minute now and then to look at what’s going on, what you’re dealing with and so on, and decide what you need to pay attention to NOW; something you can do anything about right now should be higher on the list than something big that you can’t do anything about for a while. This approach was positively freeing to me.
But also realizing that one cannot change how someone else thinks, behaves, feels, etc., is critically important. Just as you must choose to think, act, and feel the way you do in any given situation, others in your life are responsible for how they think, act, and feel. This rather simple-sounding idea gave me a tool to let go of a lot of things that kept me from moving on in my life. It’s sort of related to the idea of writing letters to people who have hurt you in the past, then burning them. This lets you let go of the hurt, the anger, and so on. Both approaches helped me; first the letters to process the contexts and situations involved, then really integrating the simple fact that those other people, not I, were responsible for what they said and did.
One somewhat related point: writing down what bothers you about X gives you more control of how you feel about X. It also helps you see connections and trends. Maybe you were miffed that Person A said something that was insensitive, and later you noticed that Person T said something flippant…did you connect the two events and feel upset with T? Should you have? The worst part of emotions is that they tend to wash over each other and change our perceptions of individual events. By actively sorting things out with a clear head you can undo some of the washing over and deal with the emotions themselves, not their side effects.
And it sounds like I just gave you a lot of therapy homework, but this stuff is actually best done in bits and pieces. Start by organizing what new crazinesses you have on your plate. Prioritizing what you freak out about is amazingly helpful!
But rather than just taking my word for it, talk to someone with both the credentials and license to help you where you are. To me, the absolutely worst thing about how emotional health is so poorly managed (in every society) is that it’s treated as if it’s exactly the same thing as schizophrenia or some weird mania. Treating anxiety and depression actually helps avoid more serious mental health problems.
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Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
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I’m going to try and get 30 days of snowboarding in this year if possible. And I’m going to ride the shit out of my new mountain bike. Can’t wait.
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Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
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I went skiing monday. Just a half day, just at our smallish local mountain, but it felt good to get back on skiis after a) last year my knees hurt so much it was scary to ski, and b) breaking my arm this summer I am scared to fall again. Well my knees are much better (thx cortisone) and my wrist did ok even with the tiny fall I had on the last run thru the snowmaker gauntlet. New snow is like cement.
Ready for more.
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