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Starting a religion: need your help
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
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Hello,
I'm thinking of starting up my own One True Religion (although I'm thinking of going with something like "1TrueReligion" for marketing purposes), and I'm wanting some advice...
1) What should we believe in?
2) How many holidays can we get away with taking, and when should they be?
3) Would you be interested in joining my religion? The more people we have, the easier time we'd probably have with creating new holidays
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2004
Status:
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Can we have enchanted hookers instead of angels?
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__________________________________________________
My stupid iPhone game: Nesen Probe, it's rather old, annoying and pointless, but it's free.
Was free. Now it's gone. Never to be seen again.
Off to join its brother and sister apps that could not
keep up with the ever updating iOS. RIP Nesen Probe.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: May 2007
Status:
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Let's just make bokononism real.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
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Originally Posted by adamfishercox 
Let's just make bokononism real.
Hmmmm... If we did that perhaps we could get an endorsement from Stephen Colbert?
Unfortunately, he's Catholic.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: May 2007
Status:
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I dunno, if we made him a minor deity, perhaps he would endorse us. I mean, all Ben and Jerry's had to do was make an ice cream flavor and he was all over them.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
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Hmmmm... well, it would certain attract many members here, I'm sure. I'm down with making bokonism real! It can be used to explain whatever you want, hence its beauty.
Maybe we could even make a central belief having the vacation days we want to have?
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Colorado
Status:
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1) The all-powerful hamstor® god.
2) Christmas should become hammas, except that sounds like a terrorist organization.
3) Yes.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
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How about some marketing? Mabye something that starts with "is your religion too restrictive and inconvenient?" We need a logo...
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Colorado
Status:
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Use this picture for advertising. People would throw away their lives for that cute hamster.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: May 2007
Status:
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that guy looks like he's on steroids...
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Colorado
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No. He's on the prayers and offerings of his followers.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: The Rock
Status:
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I've already started a religion. It's called The Church of Sincerity.
The First Commandment is: as long as you're sincere. There is only one Commandment. Actually, that's pretty much the only guiding light for the religion, which in retrospect was somewhat of a mistake. At the time we had hoped such simplicity would make it easy to attract Believers. Given that all the successful religions thrive on innumerable rules and complex shades of ambiguity, it's readily apparent such a tactic was woefully misguided. We've failed to grab much of a foothold.
greg
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Mankind's only chance is to harness the power of stupid.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2004
Status:
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Originally Posted by besson3c
We need a logo...
Man, it would be hard to top that one the Christians have.
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My stupid iPhone game: Nesen Probe, it's rather old, annoying and pointless, but it's free.
Was free. Now it's gone. Never to be seen again.
Off to join its brother and sister apps that could not
keep up with the ever updating iOS. RIP Nesen Probe.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
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Is it okay to be insincere if for comical reasons? I believe in comical reasons.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
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Originally Posted by design219
Man, it would be hard to top that one the Christians have.
What if we turned the crucifix on its side and colored it something? We would have to make sure it doesn't look like an X though, or else we might have our asses sued by the alphabet.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: USA
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by besson3c
Hello,
I'm thinking of starting up my own One True Religion (although I'm thinking of going with something like "1TrueReligion" for marketing purposes), and I'm wanting some advice...
1) What should we believe in?
2) How many holidays can we get away with taking, and when should they be?
3) Would you be interested in joining my religion? The more people we have, the easier time we'd probably have with creating new holidays
1. Hawt chicks.
2. Every Friday off, as well as every second Wednesday.
3. I'll have to approve the chicks first.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Don't you already have a religion RAILhead? Would you be willing to switch?
I ask, because if you were you would make an awesome endorser...
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: USA
Status:
Offline
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YEs, I do -- but I can always make room for hawt chicks.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: 46 & 2
Status:
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I belong to several religions, but I can always make room for one more. Especially if it's centered around hawt chicks.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Isle of Manhattan
Status:
Offline
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This hawt chick thing should be in the current realm - unlike those other religions where they promise you cake & cookies but only after you die.
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"Faster, faster! 'Till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death." - HST
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Should Santa Claus be one of our gods? If not him, maybe Wilfred Brimley?
Old people always make good gods.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Isle of Manhattan
Status:
Offline
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Santa is a great choice.
btw Wilfred Brimley is already a god - but he needs insulin, and people seem to forget that sometimes.
How about Hugh Hefner - he's gotta be a god?
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"Faster, faster! 'Till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death." - HST
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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I don't think that there is a limit as to how many gods we can have, so whomever you want to make a god is fine with me if it will increase our membership.
Do you think we should charge for our religion like Scientology does? It might be worth it to some to get all of those vacations we will be offering...
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: planning a comeback !
Status:
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I demand Rhino Poop as hosts.
-t
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2004
Status:
Offline
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How about Jessica Alba? Can she be one of our gods? I already worship her.
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__________________________________________________
My stupid iPhone game: Nesen Probe, it's rather old, annoying and pointless, but it's free.
Was free. Now it's gone. Never to be seen again.
Off to join its brother and sister apps that could not
keep up with the ever updating iOS. RIP Nesen Probe.
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Los Angeles
Status:
Offline
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I propose we have "guest" deities....since everyone here is into "hawt girls" - these said girls can rotate being the deity of the month (with matching calendars)...but just for all the women in this religion, a "surprise" male guest deity would be wise (hint hint: George Clooney, Matthew Fox).
As for "holidays" - we should consider EVERY OTHER HOLIDAY that currently exists, and then add our own. That way we can take days off along with our coworkers who believe in "other" religions, plus more days off for the ones we only celebrate. There aren't enough reasons in the world not to go to work or to throw a big celebration of some sort. 
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Feb 2002
Status:
Offline
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A couple of religious guidelines:
A. Make everything as paradoxical as possible
B. Make sure you can reinterpret whatever message you preach so it offends nobody and makes sense to everybody.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: May 2007
Status:
Offline
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Hello, my name is Adam, and I'll be your deity this evening. May I start you off with a little prayer, or would you like to hear our specials?
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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If we ever form a church, I don't want it to have pews... Pews are uncomfortable, and the name reminds people of something that smells.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Mar 2002
Status:
Offline
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Hmmm, the hamster reminded me of Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.
By the way, the answer is 42.
I forgot what the question was.
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: retired
Status:
Offline
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Don't we have to sacrifice somebody first?
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Does anybody know where you officially register a religion once it is ready to be adopted?
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: retired
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by besson3c
Who is that guy?
You must have faith in him and not ask who or why?
Well OK, he's not The Lone Ranger.
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: retired
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by besson3c
Does anybody know where you officially register a religion once it is ready to be adopted?
You have to write a bunch of legends first and put it all in a book before you can even be considered.
I'd say get a bunch of people and feed them mushrooms. It seems to help if they are all shepherds or old old people and give them pads and pencils.
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Calgary
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by besson3c
What if we turned the crucifix on its side and colored it something? We would have to make sure it doesn't look like an X though, or else we might have our asses sued by the alphabet.
What if it was on its side and partly chewed by the hamster?
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
Status:
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Originally Posted by besson3c
If not him, maybe Wilfred Brimley?
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Status:
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The Besson Church of the Seven Day Use of Ointment.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Toronto
Status:
Offline
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I've already started worshipping Gluskap. Can he be one of your gods too? Syncretism makes for good neighbors.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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We need some switchers. Does anybody know somebody that might want to switch away from their religion, and could anybody get John Hodgeman to swing us a favor?
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Posting Junkie
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Status:
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Senior User
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Manch-Vegas, NH
Status:
Offline
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I'd love to join in your new religion but I'm already a devote Pastafarian, for I have been touched (appropriately) by his noodly appendage.
Might I suggest you consider becoming an offshoot of my religion, since we have stripper factories and a beer volcanos in heaven. RAmen
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What, me worry?
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2004
Status:
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Do you dress like a pirate?
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__________________________________________________
My stupid iPhone game: Nesen Probe, it's rather old, annoying and pointless, but it's free.
Was free. Now it's gone. Never to be seen again.
Off to join its brother and sister apps that could not
keep up with the ever updating iOS. RIP Nesen Probe.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Isle of Manhattan
Status:
Offline
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Speaking of clothing - we should all wear hats.
Something that conveys that solemn look you want in a religion.
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"Faster, faster! 'Till the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death." - HST
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Mac Enthusiast
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Philadelphia
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by osiris
Speaking of clothing - we should all wear hats.
Something that conveys that solemn look you want in a religion.
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Mac Enthusiast
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Portland, Oregon
Status:
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Originally Posted by Sourbook
I truly love you for posting that picture. Such a classic movie!!
Jeffe, would you say that I have, a plethora of piñatas?
OH SI, SENOR EL GUAPO!!
Jeffe...do you know what a plethora is?
Well, no El Guapo, I do not.
mwahahahahah
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24" iMac 2.16GHz c2d ~ 3G ram ~ 250G ~ Superdrive ~ Pure Sexiness
15" Powerbook G4 ~ 1.5GHz ~ 1.5G ram ~ 160G ~ Combo
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: May 2001
Status:
Offline
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Dude,
I've already trademark "One True Religion".
Suckers.
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Bush Tax Cuts == Job Killer
June 2001: 132,047,000 employed
June 2003: 129,839,000 employed
2.21 million jobs were LOST after 2 years of Bush Tax Cuts.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: 46 & 2
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by osiris
This hawt chick thing should be in the current realm - unlike those other religions where they promise you cake & cookies but only after you die.
Follow Crowley, you get cake & cookies now and when you die.
Uncle Al will save us all, no doubt.
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"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2004
Status:
Offline
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If use MacNN lounge forum for our services, and we are each in our homes or businesses, car we get some tax relief on our places of worship?
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__________________________________________________
My stupid iPhone game: Nesen Probe, it's rather old, annoying and pointless, but it's free.
Was free. Now it's gone. Never to be seen again.
Off to join its brother and sister apps that could not
keep up with the ever updating iOS. RIP Nesen Probe.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: /OV DRK 142006
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by iM@k
I'd love to join in your new religion but I'm already a devote Pastafarian, for I have been touched (appropriately) by his noodly appendage.
Might I suggest you consider becoming an offshoot of my religion, since we have stripper factories and a beer volcanos in heaven. RAmen
i haven't been a good pastafarian, but when did we get stripper factories and beer volcanos? i was happy with just a midget, some trees, a lake, and a mountain.
now you've got me more excited than a 20 yr old provo boy at a junior high mountain dew party
B3c, just model yoirself after the mormons and scientologists. stick with it long enough and the stupid people will come to you. resort to poisoned koolaid as needed
and incorporate Alba, Portman, Knightley, and others with the bokonon foot rubbing...solely with me if possible.
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